| Fan Fiction |
by Chandra
“… poor thing… poor girl… you just found your mother, and now she’s gone. You have to be strong… have to be brave…”
Tavia was beside Rain at the funeral, but all the sympathies seemed to target at Rain. Rain stood straight, in an outfit that was not as black and as the darkness in her heart, and she did not cry, because she was past tears.
The music washed over the coffin like waves in a burial at sea. Tavia’s tears would not stop. She felt they never would, because they would never be able to clean away the terrible sorrow that was consuming a part of her soul.
In Tavia’s twenty years of living, nothing had prepared her to look into the face of death. Not her education, not her upbringing, not her experiences, not in her life.
The choir sang so beautifully. There was so much regret. Nothing inside but emptiness. She had lost her mother, and she would never recover, not ever, all her long, guiltily, miserable life.
Yet Rain would have to learn to go on, as one learned to go on after the death of a loved one. As for Tavia, for all the grief deep in her heart, had learned to go on without Ruby.
~~::~~
~~~ ~~~
~~~~()~~~~
The eastern sky brightened as dawn colored the horizon with muted pastels. Rain could see the front drive from her window as well as the contemptible front lawn. Quiet, empty, nothing more than the spring breeze stirring at this time of day.
Rain and her father had bought a home residence with the help of Bosco. As the sun had risen, Jimmy had already left the house. Rain knew where her father had gone. Every morning, he would wake up early and visit her mother.
She sat still in the kitchen as she waited for Bosco for a lift to the hospital. Ever since the funeral, Rain had seen and was still seeing the psychiatrist. Although Rain had somewhat moved on with Ruby’s death, Rain couldn’t still cope with the recent reality. Moreover, she wasn’t used to everything she had now, living with her father in a new environment. Most importantly, a being was living inside her stomach.
Suddenly, the sound of the doorbell echoed throughout the house, disrupted Rain’s thoughts. With much pain, Rain struggled to stand up and sauntered slowly toward the main entrance. When she opened the door, she was astounded to find the man in front of her.
Rain was utterly wordless as she stared at him. The last time Rain had seen him was the day her father had assaulted him. Unfortunately, Rain had to intervene because Jimmy had nearly killed him. Afterward, Jimmy had warned Ron not to bother Rain again. Her father had threatened to put Ron in jail if he continued to disturb her.
And during these months, Rain was relieved that Ron hadn’t pestered her because she didn’t want to go to court and testify against Ron for raping her. It was embarrassment that Rain couldn’t take. She couldn’t face the pity on people’s faces. She can endure the sorrow and loneliness herself, but not the shame and sympathy.
Seeing Ron again, the nightmare was still haunting her even if she was awake. Rain ignored his presence for it was no use to tell him to go away. But she wasn’t sure his reason for coming to see her. Not surely of her pregnancy, she thought silently.
Feeling nauseous, Rain turned around and was ready herself to vomit. Luckily, the garbage was nearby and she drowned her face in it. It was like a routine for her. Bosco had told her that it was morning sickness and every pregnant woman does that.
On the other hand, Ron jumped to his feet when he saw Rain hold onto the chair for support while her face was near the trashcan. The adrenaline rushed through him.
“Are you feeling okay?” Both his voice and his face registered his alarm. But Rain held up a hand and waved it, dismissing his concern with the strangest expression Ron had ever seen on her face. Before, Rain had given him a disgusting look. This time, she had an expression of hatred.
All of a sudden, Rain scooped a vase, drew back her arm, and hurled it at Ron. The vase hit him on the shoulder, quite hard, bounced off, and crashed to the floor. There, it exploded into a thousand fragments.
The lad smiled then, as if relieved by what Rain had done. Rain looked annoyed, wondering if he thought the action made her feel better, because her loathing for him was still present and visible.
___
The grave seemed peaceful, and it felt right to be here. And the grave was a monument; it marked her mother’s existence. Tavia was glad that something she did because it had been a long time Tavia hadn’t visited her mother’s tomb. A single tear rolled over her cheek, and she made no attempt to stop it.
“Mom, it’s been so hard without you these few months.”
She had been Ruby’s daughter; but in the end, she had failed her mother miserably. Tavia had spent five months of her life resenting her mother’s death, was angry at Ruby for leaving her, guilty because she had not been a good daughter when Ruby had been alive.
Yet three months after the funeral, Tavia had instantly married to the man she had never loved. Her belly had gotten bigger and rounder and the bump was obviously shown. Not wanting to humiliate her father any further, Tavia’d agreed to the wedding. Since the day of her mother’s death, Alec had said nothing to her. It seemed as if he was mute, he became quiet and unspeaking.
Nonetheless, deep down, Tavia knew that her father had never let go of Ruby. Although Alec had acted tough and appeared to be strong, he’d suffered more than Tavia did. But she was thankful for her father’s perseverance and strength. He’d taken care of Ruby’s memorial service, dealt with his own daughter’s wedding.
Tavia had fulfilled her mother’s promise by marrying to Raymond Lam. Moreover, she’d pleased her father as she decided to walk down the aisle before everybody will know that she was pregnant. Still, those weren’t the reasons Tavia married the jerk who’d knocked her up.
The man she had dearly loved was the one who’d impregnated her sister. Tavia supposed that once she wedded to Raymond, Bosco would be a responsible person and marry Rain. Yet five hours ago, she had learned that Bosco wasn’t the father of Rain’s child. It was Ron.
At first, her brain was still scrambled by shock until it was beginning to work again. At first she was perplexed how her sister and Ron had met and wondered what their relationship was. However, she didn't want to probe Rain unless her sister wanted to share her love problem with Tavia.
Though Rain had seemed to struggle confiding the matter with Tavia, her sister had divulged to Tavia that Bosco only considered Rain as a sister and nothing more. At this moment, Tavia began to despise herself for misunderstanding Bosco’s intention.
__
The thick green grass was clipped and neat. Rows of bronze plaques were as orderly stretched along with flower-laden vases in the immaculate cemetery. This was the only place he wanted to be on Earth. At this place, he could revive those innocent and younger days he had spent with Ruby.
The sun had disappeared behind a large cloud, and a chill had returned to the air. It was time to go yet Jimmy couldn’t drag himself away from Ruby’s grave. At her funeral several months ago, he had tried his best not to show any sign of weakness and vulnerability. He had not cried since then.
But now standing in front of her coffin, Jimmy couldn’t control his feelings anymore. He sobbed his heart out for Ruby was no longer with him. She had left him so many things behind: Their daughter, Rain. His broken heart. Their memories.
He could never forget the moment they’d last shared before Ruby was gone. Jimmy had let go of his self-respect and pride as he had begged Alec to give him one final minute with Ruby. Surprisingly, the man had tolerated Jimmy’s request.
````
```
``
`
They sat peacefully on the rooftops of the hospital while watching the fallen dusk. Jimmy’s strong arms encompassed Ruby as he sat next to her, his big body warming her. Vivid and bright reddish, like the tips of a hundred torches barely beginning to brighten the horizon, the first glimmer of evening twilight lit the Hong Kong sky.
“No matter how many times I see this, it never ceases to take my breath away.” Ruby weakly told him.
“Rube, do you remember how you’ve always wanted to watch the sunset and how much you love the sight of it?”
Her eyes glinted with tears as she looked up at him.
“I didn’t forget Jimmy. I always remember your promise. We will be together no matter what, even if we are old, we would still watch the sun setting.”
He looked down at her with desperation and grief etched on his face.
“I love you. You know that, don’t you? I love you so much, Ruby.” A tear squeezed from his eye and he trembled on the edge of his future, fearing of losing her at any second.
“But,” she said, “I have to go.” Her tears ran free and his arms tightened around her.
She reached up and touched his cheek. She felt him release her. He was too proud to argue, too strong to beg. He would let her go, as once before he had let her go, but this time, he knew for surely that she won’t ever come back to him again nor would he ever find her presence on Earth.
“You’re the reason I live for.” he said.
She nodded in his arms, trying to smile through the tears.
“It’s so unfair.,” he said, shaking his head. “So unfair.”
'
''
'''
''''
___
Welcome home, Tavia said under her breath as she stared at the quietly gloomy atmosphere. Welcome to the miserable house. The house was given to both her and Raymond from her parents-in-law after the wedding.
Pushing some plastic hangers off the corner of the futon, she let her knees fall out from under her. Her legs were tired from standing almost three hours before her mother’s tomb. Her hands felt clammy. Her head felt woozy. She rested it between her knees and attempted some deep, steady breaths. The big tummy made it harder for Tavia to walk, especially bending down.
All around her, the night was silent. The door to the main living room was opened and she had felt no air traveling in. The wind must have died with the sunset.
Outside, the sun was setting on a cloudy summer day.
It was a widely known but scarcely admitted the fact that it was easier to cry in the dark, and Tavia didn’t have the strength to carry herself and the baby inside her stomach over to the light switch on the wall.
“Is everything alright?” Raymond asked as he entered the living room.
Tavia stopped sobbing and turned. She looked drawn, suddenly pale.
She walked across the room to the door slowly, deliberately, as if all her movements were carefully planned. That was the second moment that Raymond felt the alarm tremor in the pit of his stomach. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong with his legitimate wife.
“I’m leaving you,” Tavia said, her face grim.
“What do you mean?” asked Raymond. Quite literally, he hadn’t a clue what she meant.
“It’s over. I can’t live with you anymore. I’m leaving.” She spat out the words like grape seed.
Tavia had turned around now, and stood facing him. Raymond sank very slowly to the couch. There was numbness now. It crept down from his head, climbed up from his toes. He sat quite still.
“Why? If you want a separation now, why did you agree to get married in the first place?” Raymond said softly.
His fists were clenched. She didn’t look like she was joking. He had never seen Tavia more deadly serious before.
“Raymond, don’t you get it?” She asked bitterly.
“I married you because I thought that Bosco was the father of Rain's baby. How could I be so stupid to think that we could work out this marriage if we stay together for the child’s sake? But all these months, I’ve been living in a hell.” The way she said, it was brutal.
Tavia didn’t look pleased or furious. She looked somehow wary, as if there was a part of her that questioned the wisdom of what she was doing.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” said Raymond. He spoke loudly.
Anger had arrived. “You said your vow in front both of our parents because you thought Bosco impregnated Rain? What about me, Tavia? Haven’t you thought of me? I had to let go of the one I love to marry you. I was forced into this marriage too. And you're not the only one who suffers in this house."
Tavia hadn’t smelled his alcohol scent until he came closer. He probably came from the bar after work. She was uncertain if she should make her announcement later when Raymond was sober and not drunk as he was right now.
However, Tavia couldn’t bear the idea of living with Raymond anymore. She had believed that if she put her effort into making this marriage work, eventually, resentment won’t be harbored between her and Raymond. Yet the notion of going through the motions of everyday life with the pretense that things were normal and acceptable frightened Tavia. Nothing was normal for her. Nothing.
“I want a divorce. I can’t stand seeing your face any longer.” Tavia threw a last disgusting look at Raymond before she stormed out of the house that was once belonged to them.
===============================================================
Chandra
03/16/08