| Fan Fiction |
by Chandra
How it had been an accident. He never meant to rape her sister. Ron wanted to tell Tavia how much he loved her. Yet her heart never belonged to him. She had broken his heart by marrying Raymond. Did he think for a second she’d give a damn how despairing and dejected he felt when he had learned that the child in her belly was Raymond’s.
Suddenly, Ron became aware of the sound of the horn of the car. The truck was honking at Tavia but she made no attempt to get out of its way. In that moment, it hit Ron like a fist in his solar plexus. Tavia wanted to die.
At the forefront of his mind, Ron wanted to scream. He ran toward Tavia and screamed her name. But she seemed lost in her own world. He had a sick feeling at the pit of his stomach. The sound of the horn seemed to have woken every nerve in his body. He jolted himself in front of the truck and pushed Tavia out of the way.
There was a screech of the brakes. Something hit him hard and for a moment he felt like he was flying in the air. Then, he fell flat on the ground. His head was spinning, but his heart was oddly light, relieved that Tavia was safe. He could feel the wetness on the back of his head. It must be blood, he thought.
He could hear the shout of someone’s voice. Before him, Tavia scampered forward, her eyes full of shock and terror. She seemed to have woken out of her state of confusion.
She sat there on the street, pulling him into an embrace. Ron thought he was in a sort of dreams, her hand on his face, her face against his shoulder.
Tavia took his face between her hands and looked at Ron. For the first time Ron saw how thin her face, now lined and drawn. And there were great shadows beneath her eyes.
It was his fault. If only he had the courage to confess to Tavia that it was him who made Rain pregnant. It was himself, the bastard, who was too cowardice to admit his crime. Instead of disclosing his sickening act, he had let Tavia believe all this time that it was Bosco who impregnated Rain. Perhaps, that was why she married Raymond, thinking Bosco betray her.
Ron could not shake the image of Tavia’s sad brown eyes, her smooth hand on his cheek as she looked down at him. Her voice had sunk low, so low, that it was like a whisper. “Don’t leave me, Ron. Please, I beg you.”
She cried. For him. She had never cried for him. He wanted to wipe away those tears. He didn’t want to leave her either. She had finally said those words he had always wanted to hear. Ron closed his eyes, he could feel his heart almost stopped beating; his hands were cold beneath her hands.
Tears stung Tavy’s eyes and regret sliced her middle like glass. What had she done to him? And, oh, God, how could this happen to her? Why must God resent her so?
“I’m so sorry,” Tavia whispered, “so terribly, terribly sorry.”
He did not answer. His hand was icy cold. Tavia kissed the back of it, and then the fingers, one by one, hoping they would tremble, shake, as long as it was moving.
“You don’t deserve to die,” She sobbed. “It should have been me.”
“I love you, Ron.” The words repeated themselves over and over again. “I love you, please don’t leave me.”
There were the only sounds then, ticking of her watch, and the voice of the truck driver who apologized nonstop as he took out his cell-phone and dialed the emergency number.
When people suffer a great shock, like death, Tavia believed they don’t feel it just at first. She knew how it felt because she had experienced it countless of times. She was suffering at the moment.
Tavia knelt there by Ron’s side, she was holding him, and her hands shook his shoulders. Tavia was aware of no feeling at all, no pain and no fear, there was no terror in her heart.
Tavia was seized with a sudden desire to laugh, to cry, to do both. Now Tavia had a pain, too, at the pit of her stomach. She wished that none of this had happened; that she was in a dream, and she would wake up, and would realize that all it was a nightmare.
She sat there on the street, unmoved and detached, thinking of one thing only, repeating a phrase over and over again. “Ron’s dead because of me.”
It was hard for Tavia to accept the fact that this same time last night she had a miscarriage. It was like an old forgotten nightmare, something remembered months afterwards with refusal and disbelief.
Tavia began to laugh, the laugh of the psycho, high-pitched, forced and foolish. Despite her lunacy, her heart was like a stone, heavy, numb.
And they had to come of course, those black spots in front her eyes, dancing, flickering, stabbing the hazy air, and it was hot, so hot, with all those people, all those faces, the crowd gathering themselves around her, but none of them came forward to help and all the time the ground coming up to meet her.
Then before she fainted, out of the queer mist around her, a truck-driver’s voice was clear and strong. “Can somebody hurry the paramedics? What is taking them so long?”
A hundred images came to her mind, things unseen, things known, and things forgotten. They were jumbled together in a senseless pattern. The dusk had turned to darkness.
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The hot, humiliating tears kept pushing like fire behind her eyes, so she flopped down on the floor and made no attempt to stop them.
“I should have known in the first place that you never loved me. You never did. It was my sister whom you love all this time. What you had for me was pity.”
“You broke my heart, Rain. You betrayed me.” His bald statement shook her.
“I understand now,” Rain quietly confessed. “It was my deception that made you change your heart.”
Raymond ran a splayed hand through his hair. “Look, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you.”
He shook his head. “I’m sorry. Can we just please – forget about this. I’m married,” he paused, and then continued. "I’m in love with your sister.”
The warning had come too late. Rain realized. He never understood her true feelings. He had held her heart in his hands. But Rain should have known. She saw his love for her sister in every fleeting expression that crossed his dark face, in the fear that shifted like shadows behind the pain in his eyes as he sometimes glanced toward the doorway, expecting Tavia to enter the room.
“I once loved you, but the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with is Tavia. Even if you’re back in my life, you won’t take her place in my heart. No one else can.”
Watching him, Rain’s insides twisted and ached, for this was not the same man she’d fallen in love with. What else had she expected? He’d said himself that no one would ever take Tavia’s place.
And now that it was over, now that he had virtually acknowledged who he loved and she had the satisfaction of knowing where his heart truly belonged. They would go on with their lives. Their separate lives. Rain looked down at the floor, couldn’t stop the tears. She didn’t want to show her weakness and cry in front of him.
Raymond scowled, his expression shaded with the slightest bit of pity as he read her thoughts. “Don’t blame me. You cheated on me first. I should be thankful to you. I was surprised at your confession about your deceitfulness on my wedding that day.”
There was something horrible in the sudden torrent of his words, something horrible and furious. Tears blinded hers eyes. His cruelty and coldness were like daggers stabbing her lonely heart. And then her humiliation burned hotter as she remembered all the times he had declared his love for her, all the wanton ways he had touched her and the passionate way he kissed her.
What a pitifully shallow creature she was, falling in love with a make-believe prince. Rain deserved the hurt she was feeling. She had earned it. Yet even her pain was impure, if such a thing could be. It was anger, not shame that filled the burning emptiness created by his betrayal.
Rain regretted it. She was the one to blame for Raymond’s sudden change of heart. He had believed her words, hurt by her dishonesty and her disloyalty. He accepted her infidelity as true because the evidence was obvious. She was pregnant. But he never knew. He would never understand the torment and anguish she had woken up every morning, becoming conscious of the doom of her fate. She had no choice but to lie to him. What else could she do?
She could not answer him. Rain could only stare back at Raymond, at his dark tortured eyes, and his pale drawn face. It was too late. He didn’t love her anymore. She gazed at him for a long time. In the amber lamplight of the room, his straight, glossy hair, his eyes of the purest brown, his face so elegant and fine masked his true character. What an idiot she had been to equate physical perfection with goodness and believed his love for her was true and everlasting.
Raymond diverted his attention to entrance of the room. He stared back at Rain for a moment, not breathing as he realized his statement hurt her. But the absence of Tavia nagged his heart because she seemed to have gone a very long time. He took a glance at his watch.
"Rain?" Raymond repeated, didn’t want to intrude her, but must do so.
Rain wiped the tears away as she scanned the tiny bedroom again, but knew it was empty. Silence fell between them – an awful, pain-filled silence. She wished she knew the right words to say, but her thoughts remained impossibly tangled. She did not want him to feel pitiful toward her.
His voice grated like sandpaper as he said. “Can you check the women’s bathroom? I’m worried about Tavia. "
Raymond was a full six feet away, and looking a tad impatient. Rain stood up and wheeled away from him, her eyes wide. She had forgotten about Tavia. What if…? Her heart raced with panic as Rain immediately opened the door without looking back for Raymond’s reaction.
__
When Rain left the room, Bosco appeared in a few minutes later. Bosco swiftly advanced toward the Raymond, his eyes never leaving the man’s face.
“Where is Tavia?” He said, looking around the room. His eyes instantly blazed in anger at the comprehension. His face was ashen white.
Raymond stood still, not answering him.
“Where the hell is she? What did you do to her?” Bosco grabbed the man’s collar.
“Damn you and your father. Rick Lam thought that I would fall for his devious scheme. I knew it the moment he saw me. The poor man wants his son and his daughter-in-law to be together again. As long as I’m here, I won’t let it happen.” Bosco spoke with irritation.
Bosco’s voice was aggressive, outraged, his face was grey. His eyes looked large and they were ringed with shadows. They seemed very dark against the pallor of his face. Raymond ignored the man’s lunatic behavior. Bosco turned around in time to find Rain beside the door. Her face was an expression of fearfulness.
Rain could not move at the sight of the two men. She went on standing there at the doorway, her hand on the door handle.
“I can’t find her anywhere.” Rain said, terrified at Bosco’s eyes. She had heard what he said and his voice had raged with fury at Raymond.
There was a long silence. They went on staring at each other. Nobody moved in the room. Rain swallowed, her hand moved to her throat.
“The nurse said they saw her in the lobby.”
It revolted her, even though she suspected what was going to happen. Bosco had gone very white. Raymond stared at her heatedly, as though he had understood.
If only they would not stare at Rain like that with dark, knowing faces. Raymond’s face was a mask, his scowl was not his own. The eyes were not the eyes of the man she loved, the man she knew. They looked through her and beyond her, cold, expressionless, to some place of pain and torture she could not enter, to some private, inward hell she could not share.
If only somebody would say something.
Finally, Bosco spoke. “I must find her.”
However, Rain did not recognize his voice at all. It was still and quiet, icy cold, not a voice she knew, either.
Rain could not speak; she went on staring at Bosco. His eyes were the only living things in the white mask of his face. Suddenly, Raymond pulled Bosco out of his grasp and exited the room and ran blindly through the archway to the corridors beyond. Rain caught a glimpse of the astonished face of Bosco who immediately chased after Raymond. He brushed past her, and she was stumbling against the wall.
__
When Rain finally caught up, she saw Bosco and Raymond arguing and fighting. They were standing at the gate of the hospital.
Rain felt the turning of tears but refused to shed them before these men as she watched them in silence. She drew a steadying breath.
Bosco had rejected her feelings for he already had a childhood sweetheart, who was her sister. Ron had raped her because he was drunk and imagined her as Tavia. Raymond had declared that no one would replace Tavia in his heart, not even Rain. .
It was not her who watched them at all, not someone with feelings, made of flesh and blood, but a dummy stick of a person in her head, a prop who wore a frown screwed to its face. She wanted to live without feelings. Because her heart was wounded. Because none of them cared for her, what she had gone through.
Tears did fill her eyes then as she understood the reason they fought. All for Tavia
“Raymond, I’ve warned you. Stay away from Tavia. Let her go. Or else I’ll make you pay for what you did to her!”
“What are you doing to do then if I don’t? Tavia is my wife. She’s mine!”
“I will kill you.”
When Raymond turned around, Bosco sucker punched him. Bosco was already mad. He had abused Tavia and yet the man declared her to be his wife. That cinched it. Bosco didn’t think. He just swung. Bosco must have caught him off balance because the blow knocked Raymond off his feet. All of a sudden, Rain pushed herself forward. Raymond then tumbled on Rain, causing her to fall. As she did so, her waist was struck on a parking curb.
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Chandra
07.05.08
A Preview for Upcoming Chapters
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Bosco felt like a fish, his jaw pumping as he tried to wrap his mouth around the right words. “The doctor said you’re paralyzed.”
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She looked at him, her eyes hopeless and sorrowful. “It hurts knowing that your heart doesn’t belong to me anymore. It hurts because I still love you despite how cruel you have treated me.”
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Sorry for the long wait and a short chapter. Darn, it’s getting harder and harder to write these chapters, especially toward the end. Apologize for mistakes.