| Fan Fiction |
by etoile
Puzzled, I made tracks towards the cherry blossom trees. It wasn’t like Junsu to be so secretive and curt. On hindsight, deep down I had a sense of dread, but couldn’t put my finger on it. I guess that somehow I knew that something was going to happen.
He was already there when I arrived, at the little hut between the cherry blossom trees, hands stuck deep in his pockets, his Graduation robes draped over the railings. “Oppa!” I ran towards him as he smiled and held his arms wide to give me a hug. “Ya, I missed my Hoshi so much today.”
“Oppa, what was so urgent that you had to tell me in person?”
Junsu’s face fell. He held me close and kissed my forehead gently. “Hoshi, I should have told my parents about us sooner. I just want you to hear me out, and don’t say anything until I’ve finished, OK?”
I nodded, resolutely. Junsu was being all cloak-and-dagger about things and I was just being dragged deeper and deeper into the mire of ignorance.
“Today, at Graduation, my parents told me. They told me that my dad is being posted to America, and our family is going to be relocated there.” America? What a faraway place. What were we going to do if we were so far apart? Junsu furrowed his brow, the setting sun lending a warm glow to his face.
“I asked if I could stay behind and complete University here, but they refused. Hoshi – they want me to meet a girl in America whom they’ve chosen for me to marry.”
I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. My heartbeat started racing. Maybe somewhere inside my spirit had been telling me that things had to come to a head sooner or later, and I just had been too headstrong to heed the warnings. Now, I was going to end up getting hurt.
“That can’t be true. Junsu, you can’t be leaving me… to go marry someone else?” I stepped away from him and saw him standing there, his eyes pleading with me not to let him go.
“Calm down Hoshi. I asked you to hear me out right? All I have to do is go and meet her, then tell my parents that I don’t like her. This doesn’t mean that you and I have to end!” His face was hopeful, his hands stretched out towards me to hold me again, but I couldn’t bring myself to.
“Yes it does Junsu! Don’t you realise, that even if you say that you don’t like this girl, there’ll be another, and another, until they find you someone? And what if you end up really liking that someone-“
“I won’t like that someone!” His eyes were starting to well up now. “Because you know and I know that the only person I want is you!”
My heart felt like it was about to burst when I heard that. In my mind, we were meant for each other, but how was it ever going to work – me in Seoul, him in America, and the constant danger that his parents would force feed marriage down his throat? My mind was a jumble and nothing seemed to make sense. All I could think about was the fact that for Junsu and I, our days were certainly numbered. Tears fell thick and fast as the despair set in and I felt a pain in my heart, as if it really was breaking.
I was about to lose my first love.
He knelt down in front of me, looking up with those soulful eyes that now had rivulets of tears running from them. “Hoshi, you mean the world to me. I couldn’t do without you, why can’t you understand that? There’s nothing I want more than to spend my days with you, and if you want me to tell my parents now, I will.
“Junsu, how are you ever going to oppose your parents? They’ll never take no for an answer.” Our tear-stained faces mirrored each other, but I couldn’t see any way out of our predicament. “I don’t think it’s going to work out between us Junsu, and it really scares me.”
“It scares me too. But we can make it work, I know it. Please don’t let us go. I can’t… I can’t lose you Hoshi.”
He remained on his knees, holding me close as tears ran incessantly down my face. His smell, his touch, everything meant so much to me. There was no way I could let any memory go. Yet here I was, living out my worst nightmare.
I wanted to be brave and say that together, we could face anything, but something in me just held back. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. I was too young and too focused on my own pain that I forgot to believe that love could conquer all and love lifts us up where we belong, just like all the clichés say. Because I wanted to play it straight and was too cowardly to tell our parents about our relationship and run the risk of facing their wrath, I was going to let Junsu slip through my fingers.
Maybe I would have said yes, that I wanted to be with him and wanted to love him, if he had asked me one more time, but he didn’t. Junsu never asked me to be with him one more time. Sometimes in life you only get one shot at making things work, and I had single-handedly ruined the chance that I been given. He finally got up and walked to the other end of the room, staring blankly out the window. I remained where I was, frozen, unable to speak. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Junsu, the Kim Junsu I loved, stood in the sunlight and held my hand for the very last time.
“Promise me you won’t hate me.”
“I can’t promise anything of the sort.”
He smiled, and caressed my cheek, the way he used to do so long ago. “My Hoshi. If you can’t promise me that, then promise me this. Kiss me one last time, and I’ll be complete.”
As the sun went down on the embers of our love, we kissed, sharing the last moments that we had together. Just looking at him made a lump rise in my throat again, and I had to look away.
“Hoshiko Nakamura, we may never see each other again, but I will always love you. You broke my heart with your decision but mended it with your kiss. I love you right from your head down to the tips of your toes, and whenever you wake up, I want you to know that no matter where I am I’ll be thinking of you.”
He turned round, took his robes off the railings, and took his first step away from me. Looking back over his shoulder, his silhouette framed by the setting sun, he said those poignant last words.
“All I ask is that you think of me too.”
With that, he headed off into the sunset, and was lost to me. Forever.
~*~
A/N: Finally the secret is out. It's still raining here in London, so bring me some sunshine by letting me know what you think! Love you all~