| Fan Fiction |
by afhilangie
Thank you dotninja!
###########################################################
Title: 5/5
Good title! It gets across what the main focus of your story is about and it works really well :D
Poster/Background: 4/5
I like your background...it gets across that this is a pretty serious story. Also, I like how all the main characters are on the poster so that people can associate names with faces (: Props to the designer! :D
Forewords/Introduction: 7/10
I feel like you could have introduced the characters better than just a name with a small description...also, I would've liked to see a summary of the story there as well as a potential rating.
Plot: 12/15
Your plot was really original--good job :D I've never read anything like it and this was a good fic to read (: The only thing, though, was that I found the fic to be a little predictable, and that detracted a little from the plot.
Flow: 8/10
Your flow was a little too fast, but other than that, I found that you could change from one event to another pretty fluently.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
You changed tenses a lot, there were places where you would forget a space between a period and the next sentense or between a comma and the next word, and sometimes you would just accidentally leave off a letter or have one uneccesarily capitalized. For instance, about the first one, you would have something like, "When the tiny car passed by, she stopped to catch her breath, her fear is still there, her legs trembling, her heart still pounding." There, you switched from past to present in the same sentence. For the second. For the third item, you would have something like, "...GuiGUi asked, wiping her hands on the long white apron her dad made her wear," or, "as she walked into her firs-period English class and headed to her seat in the back row."
Characterization: 8/10
Your characters were pretty developed and they all had their distinct traits, which is good :D Hooray!
Originality: 10/10
I haven't read a plot like this...ever...and you wrote this really well :D
Writing Style: 7/10
Your writing style seems to fit you well, and though you sometimes used short sentences, you were able to get your point across. Congrats (:
Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
This is a good story :D I read it about five times and got goosebumps every time...especially the ending. I found that it was ingenious.
Bonus: 3/5
Your ending! Whoah, I'm still spazzing out about it :D Did I mention that I really liked your ending? 'Cause I did :D
Total Score: 78/100