| Fan Fiction |
by SeventhStar
Title - 7/10
It was a little strange, but I give you credit for being unique with it.
Poster/Background - 4/10
I gave two marks for the poster and two marks for the background. The poster wasn't exactly very well done, but it did reflect the plot and mood of your story pretty well. Also, try not to have such long quotes on your poster, not many people spend a lot of time reading it. Another thing, the font color of your title doesn't match with everything else - just thought I'd let you know. lol.
Foreword - 6/10
You lost marks due to many grammatical errors. However, it told me bits and pieces of the story without giving it completely away, which is good.
Cast Used - 5/5
CE for life! <3
Storyline - 14/20
It's quite unique. I liked how you used first-person for your story. I actually prefer writing stories in first person. Anyway, your plot was pretty well thought up, so good job.
Originality - 11/15
Some parts of your story were quite cliché, as in the part about being hurt once before and not trusting anyone because of it. The giving up on love thing is used quite often in many stories. However, the whole race car/engineer stuff is quite new, I don't really read stories like these but I'm glad because it was a nice change from the usual angsty stuff I go for.
Writing Style - 5/5
I don't really have much to say for this section, for it's the same for the other reviews I've given you.
Spelling/Grammar - 6/10
Grammar is the one thing that you need to work on. Your spelling is great, but you need to work on building sentences and making sure that they make sense. For example, in your foreword you wrote, "I've been feeling about betrayal once..." This sentence is awkward and doesn't really flow or make sense. Perhaps you could have gone with, "I've felt betrayal once..." or "I've been betrayed once..." If you're not already using one, you should consider using a word processor. I usually use Microsoft Word or Word Perfect. These programs catch grammar mistakes right away, and sometimes they even give you suggestions as to how to fix them. If that's not helping, get someone to edit your work for you, someone who's grammar you know is better than yours.
Overall Enjoyment Factor - 8/15
I did enjoy your story because it was rather unique and very different from the usual genres I read. However, your grammatical errors and those three dots that you use all the time ("...") were enough to make me cringe. Actually, the three dots were used the most in your foreword. Still, try not to use those too often. Once in a while is fine and I understand that you're trying to indicate a pause, but it's not necessary to do that after every sentence.
Total - 66/100
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Thanks dearie, Grammar... I knew I will lose many points because of it. No one want to be my beta reader *cry* ha ha. But it's okay.... I have solution. I will spend special time after my job training to learn about grammar. I really have to do that. I thought better if I learn it by my self. Thanks once again.... what else huh? lol.... Good luck with the new layout in your site ^^
P.S. Oh yeah about dots after my sentence. I realized it. I will try to reduce it in future (see... lol) Thanks dearie ^^