| Fan Fiction |
by babyblue
Appearances (Poster/Font/Background/) 6/10
Your poster is plain but I guess simple is the best? Yeah, I like simple but I think you can add something more attractive on the poster. I like the quote on your poster but I think you should change ‘ur’ to your as I think it looks neater. Background was just white but it at least suits the font.
Forewords 7/10
You did detail the characters but you didn’t say anything about being a jerk. I think it can be more interesting if you add something that is related to the word, ‘jerk’. About the point of view of the fictional girl, Kwon Sue-min, though the word format is not really good, you explained about the girl really well. I think the words would look better if you capitalize the first letter of the sentence.
The Pace 7/10
I think the pace was going too fast. The scene where Youngbae kissed Sue-min in chapter 3 was way too fast. They didn’t have much communication with each other and he kissed her just like that? I think it would be better if you create scenes like letting them to have more quarrels and more time to chat with one another before they have their kiss. Other than that, I think the story is flowing just okay.
Creativity and Originality 5/10
Scenes like in the story are very common but I can still enjoy it a little. Why not try to write a scene that is a bit different like what are stories like? Maybe you can try not to write like YoungBae being the hero and save Sue-min. You can try the other way round by other methods, right? Anyways, you can still improve more.
Writing Style 7/10
Your writing style isn’t as good as I expected but I can still accept the way you type. It’s kind of hard to read the words when you seldom leave a line in a few sentences. Sometimes my eyes will read the first sentence and then suddenly go to the third sentences. Maybe you can leave spaces so that it’s neater and easier to read.
Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary 8/15
I can spot a lot of grammar and spelling errors in the chapters and sometimes, I even find some sentences really weird when I read the whole sentence.
"He then motion me, to him, I mouth a thank you to him and he just walk off rudely. What the hell is wrong with him? I was just saying sorry and he just responds so rudely."
Didn’t she mouth a thank you to him? Why suddenly you said she was just saying sorry? Is that a grammar error or a spelling error or you even type it wrongly?
Characters' Description 7/10
Though you stated down the characters name, you didn’t briefly write anything about them except for Sue-min’s point of view, which only allows me to know about her only. You should write something about what’s the story is going to be like or at least write about Youngbae more as I had no idea what kind of person he is going to be like other than knowing he might be the ‘jerk’ in the story.
Overall Enjoyment 12/15
Yes, I admit the plot is bit too common but overall, I think I still enjoyed the story. Maybe if you can change your writing style into a neater way and add some new fresh scenes whereby not really common, I might be able to give you a higher marks. Basically, the only problem which caused you to lose a few marks was because of your grammars. I can see your grammar isn’t as bad as I thought but just that you need to check every word clearly to reduce the errors. Hope you are glad with the results!
Total 66/100