| Fan Fiction |
by Luna
Jaejoong leaned his body against the wall behind him. He closed his eyes.
“Hyung,” Changmin tapped his shoulders. “Are you okay?”
No, he was really not okay. You left him, and came into another man’s arms. But he didn’t want other people to know about his feeling. He would keep it by him self. So he opened his eyes. He tried to show Changmin that he was okay so he smiled. But the smile was bitter and forced, so obvious that made Changmin could feel the hurt Jaejoong feels.
“I’m okay,” Jaejoong patted the maknae’s shoulders. “Let’s go to Yunho’s room,” Jaejoong walked first. Changmin stared at Jaejoong’s back before followed him. *Hyung, why do you keep doing this while you hurting like this? You’re such a stupid, hyung…* Changmin shook his head.
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You walked in and saw that Yunho had sitting on his bed while munching an orange and he was talking to the manager. He turned his attention to you when you came.
“Baby, where have you been?” Yunho asked with concern in his eyes. “Junsu said that he didn’t see you outside the room,”
“I… went to the toilet,” you gave him a fake smile. He returned your smile as he believed your words. *Great. Look at his smile, _____... he’s believe in you. It seems that you start to be a good fucking liar.” you cursed your self inside. You really hate your self.
The manager stood from the bed and turned his head everywhere.
“Where are Jaejoong and Changmin? I don’t see them anywhere,”
The door suddenly opened.
“We’re here,” Jaejoong walked through the door followed by Changmin. He had a bright smile on his face. Actually, a fake bright smile.
“Yunho! How are you?” Jaejoong approached Yunho. Confused of Jaejoong’s sudden changed mood, Yunho lit his brows. But he decided not to think it as a matter.
“I think I’m really getting better, Jaejoong. Thanks,” Yunho flashed his smile to Jaejoong.
“Hyung, when he can go home?” Jaejoong turned his head to talk with the manager but unfortunately, his eyes were meeting with yours. Jaejoong became silent.
1 second…
2 seconds…
3 seconds…
“Ehm,” the manager coughed. He tried to break the ice. “Sure he can go home now. The fans are making a huge smoking mass down there. They are waiting for you to come down. So we must quick unless all of you want to make a fan meeting with hundred fans of yours,” he took out his phone from is suit’s pocket and talking with someone before closed it again after a moment.
“Okay. Yunho, you’ll sit on that wheel chair. We’ll leave from the back door. Come on, boys,” the manager commanded.
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“Ah~ it’s so nice to come home,” Yunho spread his arms in front of the door. He inhaled deeply. He had missed the smell of their apartment although he only left it in 5 days. Yunho was always like that. You looked up to him and smiled. Suddenly, Jaejoong popped out from inside.
“Yunho, hurry up! Come in!” Jaejoong with his over-acting, waved his hand and ran inside. Yunho stared with his strangeness in his eyes.
“Maybe he’s just too happy to have you home again. Oppa, let’s come in,” you reassured Yunho. He just nodded for what you’ve said. You grabbed the handle on his wheel chair but he grabbed your hand first.
“Let me walk,”
He tried to stand up. He frowned, as he tried to hold back the pain that he felt at his back. His legs were shaking first but he controlled it soon. You held your hand to prevent him from falling.
Everyone had gathering in the living room. Jaejoong, Yoochun, Junsu, Changmin, and also the manager. You led Yunho to sit on the comfy couch while Changmin and the manager on another couch and the other sat, lying their feet on the floor.
“Oh, wait a minute. I got something for you,” Jaejoong suddenly stood up. He actually was going to run to the kitchen but blame his clumsiness, on the contrary, he fell over you.
Everyone turned their head and gasped, holding their breath.
Your eyes went bigger so as Jaejoong. His body pressed against yours. There’s no distance between both of you except some inches between your nose that preventing both of your lips to touch each other’s. You could even see your self reflected on Jaejoong’s dark orbs. You could feel that your heart thumped fast, beat in sync with the man on top on you. You felt that your face was getting warmer… Heart thumped faster… until—
“Uh…” Jaejoong stood up. His face was red like hell. He saw that everyone was eyeing him as they wanted to hear some explanation. Jaejoong tried to avoid the leader’s eyes that boring his deep. “I’ll go to the kitchen,” with that, Jaejong walked fast to the kitchen. He rested his arms on the kitchen’s table. He knew what feeling was this. His heart slowly returned to normal and he could catch his breath again. Jaejoong shook his head as he wanted to shove away the several seconds moment that had just happened a while ago from his mind. Gave up, he walked to the fridge and took out a cake that he had made yesterday special for their band’s leader. He gave courage to himself to return to living room.
“Yunho-ah, here, I made something for you,” Jaejoong placed the cake on the table. Yunho moved his body forward.
“You made this cake for me?” he said in unbelievable expression.
“Of course,” Jaejoong smiled.
“Gomaweo, Jaejoong,” Yunho thanked Jaejoong with a real sincerity in his almond-like eyes. The feel that made Jaejoong knew that his relationship with Yunho was still alright.
Yunho cheerfully grabbed the knife and tried to cut the cake. But Yunho was still Yunho, he destroyed the beautiful cake even when he not finish to cut it yet. You smiled at Yunho’s action. He pouted to see his not again-beautiful cake. Gently, you took the knife from Yunho’s hand.
“Let me cut it for you,”
Yunho gladly handed it to you. You cut it into seven pieces. The first, you gave it to Yunho, then nervously-to Jaejoong, the manager, Junsu, Changmin and Yoochun.
“Jal mokkesumnida!” Changmin happily said and clasped his hands.
You surprised when you first ate the cake. The taste… was somewhat so familiar. It was sweet, but not too sweet. And the texture was so soft. It spread cinnamon aroma every time you lowered your head to smell it. This taste had awoken something memorable for you. But what was that? Oh. You just remembered. This taste was the same with Jaejoong’s umma’s cake made. The cake that she often make for you and Jaejoong when child. Yours and Jaejoong’s favourite.
“How is it?” Jaejoong asked.
“Delicious as always, hyung,” Changmin said with mouth filled. Jaejoong flashed a smile. A true one, since they came home.
“Thanks,”
Everyone buried them shelves on the couch as they’re so full. The manager even fell asleep. They’re chatting with each other. Tried to enjoy the situation that they seldom feeling these days.
“Oppa, I guess I’ll go home now,” you turned your head. Yunho turned to you and pouted.
“Why so hurry?”
“I must taking care the restaurant,”
Yunho threw his gaze to the floor as he thinking about it.
“Okay then,” his eyes turned to you. “Be careful. And don’t forget to call me when you arrive,” Yunho pecked your cheeks. You felt your cheeks getting red from it. “Aigoo~ my beautiful baby girl,” he pinched your nose lovingly.
“Yacks- so cheesy,” Changmin threw his gaze away. Jaejoong only looked down to the floor. Felt an anger burning inside him.
“Oppa-deul, I’ll go home now,” you stood up.
“Sorry, I can’t send you home, baby,” Yunho looked disappointed and gave you a final hug.
“It’s okay,” you waved your hand. Yoochun hugged you tightly and whispered something about to be careful. You did several goodbyes before left.
Times passed, everyone left to their own room. Except Jaejoong who still cleaned the mess they’ve made and Yunho. Jaejoong eyed Yunho nervously and saw Yunho approached him.
“Jaejoong, I need to talk,” Yunho sounded firm. He gestured Jaejoong to follow him to his room. Jaejoong sighed, he didn’t have the idea about the thing Yunho wanted to talk about but he decided to find it him self as he followed Yunho entered the room.
Jaejoong closed the door behind him and found Yunho’s back facing him as he stared out the large window.
“Jaejoong, I’m sorry,” Yunho murmured. “I’m sorry for making you so difficult,” Yunho turned his back. Now, Jaejoong could see his face. A huge regret obviously written on Yunho’s face. “I know I shouldn’t did all the things but I just couldn’t help my self,”
Yunho sat on his king size bed. Jaejoong followed to sit beside him.
“In the past few days, actually, I never mad at you. Not at all. I didn’t even want to see your face just because… it’s so hurt for me. So hurt that I didn’t know what I was going to do if I saw or talk with you like usual. Maybe I could kill you, or better kill myself,”
Yunho chuckled at himself when he threw his ironic joke. But from what Jaejoong felt it’s full of sadness and pain. Ironic, wasn’t it?
“Jaejoong do you know how I feel when first time I know that you love her?” Yunho asked but Jaejoong said nothing. “I was hurt, and angry with myself. Why could I this stupid to realize it sooner. I wanted to tear myself into parts,” Yunho sadly said. Jaejoong felt a knife stabbed on his heart. To hear Yunho said this… it’s so heartbreaking.
“And when I know that she loves you too… I didn’t expect that the feel was more hurt than ever. Hurt me so much like hell. I want you to know, Jaejoong, after I knew that, I’ve tried to forget her. The best that I could. Please… believe me Jaejoong, I’ve tried…” now Yunho sounded like so much apologizing, almost like-begging.
“But harder I try, the harder for me to forget. I saw her everywhere and smelled her everywhere. At one moment, I even could hear her laugh ringing on my ear. Crazy, wasn’t I?”
Jaejoong threw his eyes to his side. Not even could to see the fragile Yunho again or heard him talking like this. Jaejoong really wanted to cover his ears from Yunho’s heartbreaking words. *Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop--*
“And know, I had decided,” Yunho continued. “Maybe this is not the best I’ve ever made, but I know that I won’t regret this,” Yunho shifted his body to get a full attention from Jaejoong. He stared Jaejoong meaningly.
“Jaejoong, I’ll fight for her,”
Jaejoong’s eyes got bigger.
“I will not giving up,” Yunho continued.
That’s it. Enough. Jaejoong quickly stood up and rushed to the door. He grabbed the door knob. When he just about to pull it open, Yunho called his name.
“Jaejoong-ah,”
Jaejoong froze at his motion. Waiting Yunho to continue his word even though Jaejoong knew it would be just another hurt.
“I’m sorry,”
Jaejoong shut the door. The war has been declared.
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My heart is still struggling to return to that long night
The promise I made that early morning has become a lie and I can't go back
Our shadows are starting to move back to those days
You know that I'm still waiting for you
Another day Another night
But our future is going nowhere
Now Living without your love
I can still picture your shaking shoulder
For now, my destiny is sad …
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Yunho closed at the shutting door. He sighed then walked to the closet. He took a black little book and put it on the desk. He grabbed a pen and started writing:
‘August, 6th
Jaejoong-ah, I know everything that I said had hurt you so much. Your eyes… tell me everything. That’s hurt me too, don’t you know that?
Jaejoong-ah, mianhae.’
Yunho put the pen and closed the book. He couldn’t write anything. There’s too much that words couldn’t describe. He buried his face in his hands. He still didn’t know whether he had the right chose. Love or friendship? He had decided.
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I want to forget your eyes, your tears, and sighs
Each day I take off the ring I cannot let go, still hiding my feelings
My mind wants to shout, to send one last message
You know that My hearts beating for you
Another way Another lie
I believed in fate innocently
But Living without your love
We had to go back, but I still wanted to hold your hand
My destiny is fading with memories…
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Jaejoong slammed the door and leaned against it. He closed his eyes. This pain… was too much to bear. His body was trembling and his legs were shaking. He fell to the floor. Yunho had told his choice. What was he going to do? Jaejoong had no idea. That’s true, long time ago, he decided to give up on you, to step off from the battle. But now, when the time was came, was he ready for it? Deep inside his heart, Jaejoong knew. He wasn’t ready. For now or then, he was never ready.
Jaejoong opened the drawer and took out an old photo. The one that he always brought everywhere he goes. The one that made Changmin knew. Jaejoong traced his finger on your face in the picture. He bitterly smiled. Now, you gave up. Was he supposed to give up on your love too? But he was already tired. Tired of always been hurt, tired of this silent love… Jaejoong brought the photo to his chest. He pressed it to his chest and hugged it tightly, as much as he wanted to hug the real you, not only the photo. Jaejoong again closed his eyes. Imaginary tears running down to his beautiful face…
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Together, we can overcome winds, waves, and clouds
If it can happen, give me one more chance
I want spread my wing and fly over time
Another you Another me
Would we have the same feelings if we were born again?
So Living without you near
Meeting you in my dreams is enough, it's enough for me
Let it take away the pain...
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PRAANG!
The glass slid down from your grab and fell down to the floor. Glasses shattered everywhere. Suddenly, you felt something bad was going on. You didn’t know what was it, but it really made you felt really bad. It even felt hurt. You bent your knees as you were going to collect the shatters. But accidentally, one of the shatter scratched your finger. You moaned silently as you pressed your wound because it’s dripping a lot of bloods. You realized that you were crying. *Crying… why am I crying?* you didn’t know which pain that made you cry, whether it’s on your wound or your heart. You looked up, and found your self searching for Jaejoong’s existence. Hoped his delicate hands would take care of you, protect you from any harm, like always, like the last time in the kitchen. But you saw nothing. Just unimportant things surrounded you. Still no Jaejoong. You felt your heart was falling into pieces. Even though you didn’t know why, but it felt really hurt and the strange was, you could only thinking about Jaejoong. *Oppa, why am I crying like this?* you shed more tears.
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Another day Another night
We're both walking on our own paths
Now Living without your love
I can still picture your shaking eyelids
For now, my destiny is sad…
My destiny-TVXQ
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Thanks for all my readers that faithfully reading this fic..
Aahh~ winglin is sucks lately…
And I only added one chapter… sorry!
But don’t make this as your reason for you to not comment me okay?
I really need to know if I did good or not and I wouldn’t know if you not tell me.
Okay, everyone, keep reading my fic and I’ll keep working hard! =D
Love,
Luna