Fan Fiction |
by manggang_hilaw
***
Lei arrived 30 minutes before 3PM. He’d changed his mind about meeting her several times since she called that morning. But here he was, even though part of him wished to be anywhere else but.
This was their secret place. He hadn’t been here in three years. He wondered if it had changed much.
It had been her sanctuary at first. He could still remember the first time she took him here. Ah Si, Mei Zhou and Ximen had been so noisy and had kept on asking him to join them in play at the Dao Ming estates. He didn’t want to so he’d cried until they couldn’t stand it anymore and left him alone. He stopped crying as soon as they were gone and had sat all alone, doing what he loved to do, which had been to withdraw into his own mind and just let his thoughts wander. The three thought that he must have gotten tired of his own company and came back. When they saw him all quiet, they’d tried to talk to him but he hadn’t felt like talking so he ignored them and just continued staring into space. Then they’d called him autistic in their frustration. He hadn’t understood. But she did. He’d asked her what it meant and she had gotten quite angry when she found out why he’d asked. She’d given the three solid whacks on the head and told them never to call him that again. He smiled at the memory.
Then she’d brought him here. She told him it was her favorite place in the world and that no one had been there with her before. When he’d asked why she’d brought him there, she smiled and told him he was special. And it had become their special place from then on.
“Lei.” Jing called him from behind.
He turned around and didn’t say anything. He just looked at her in expectation.
Jing’s steps faltered but she braced herself mentally and continued walking towards him. “You’re early.”
“So are you.” He finally spoke.
She didn’t answer and just continued walking, going past him towards the arbor. Their secret place was actually a small garden behind an abandoned cottage located at the property adjacent to the Dao Ming estates. The area had been badly neglected with overgrown grasses and weeds all around but their garden had somehow flourished despite it. It wasn’t really a garden, it was more like a small patch of land where wildflowers grew and it had been hidden from view by an arbor of vines that had grown over. Jing had discovered it accidentally when she’d wandered off the Dao Ming estate when she was only 10 years old.
When she’d finally reached the arbor, she felt around for that open space where they used to squeeze in. It was still there. She quickly went through to the other side.
Lei just looked at her at first and then followed her to the other side. The sight that met his eyes surprised him. When they’d gone here the last time, three years ago, it had been pitiful. Although the wildflowers were still all around, weeds and grasses had nearly obscured them. But now the grasses and weeds seemed to have been cut, leaving only the profusion of flowers to be seen and admired.
“Someone else has been here.” He observed.
Jing nodded. He didn’t have to know that she’d come back after they’d been here the last time to clean up and had kept on coming back to do so every three months for the last three years.
“Why?” Lei went straight to the point.
“Because.” was all she answered as she took in the beauty of the place.
“Jing…” Lei began but she cut him off.
“Stop.” she closed her eyes then continued, “Let me…”
Lei just stood there, not looking at her but focusing instead on the flowers in front of them.
“I’m leaving tomorrow at 6 in the evening.”
Lei felt something give inside of him at her words. Somehow, he knew that there was something different about this particular leave-taking.
“I see.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever come back.” She continued.
“And you want me to wish you well?” he couldn’t understand this feeling of disquiet inside him at the thought of her leaving.
She breathed deeply and turned to face him. “Lei, look at me.” she commanded him.
Although he didn’t want to, he found himself turning to do as she bid.
“I know I hurt you a lot when I didn’t show up at the church in Barcelona. I know I hurt you when I made it seem that I had chosen my career over you…over us. And for that I’m sorry. I think you know how sorry I am, more for myself than for you.” she gave a humorless laugh at that and continued, “because the truth is I loved you then. More than I could have comprehended before. And I still love you now.” She could feel her eyes start to water.
Lei didn’t react to her words. He just continued staring into her eyes.
“I’m not telling you this so you’ll feel sorry for me. And I’m not telling you this to make you feel guilty, or to make you love me again. I’m telling you this because it’s the truth and because I thought you deserved to know.” Her voice remained strong although the tears that had threatened had now started to fall.
“Stop.” Lei couldn’t stand it anymore.
“No…please, let me finish.” Jing begged, holding his arms to prevent him from leaving. “I asked you here today for a reason. I hope you hear me out first before you decide to leave.”
Lei didn’t want to hear what she wanted to say but he couldn’t make himself move either. So he just stood there, looking at her blankly, wanting to withdraw mentally if not physically.
“I know you don’t love me anymore and I know I’ve forfeited the right to ask anything more from you. But I’m going to ask anyway.” Jing’s hold on her control was nearly spent in trying to maintain eye contact with him. “Could you give me tonight? Just this night to relive the past and to do all the things that we used to do as a couple.” Her voice finally broke.
“Stop it.” Lei had to stop her from saying anything more.
“No…please, please Lei…I’m begging you.” she pleaded to him. “If you want me to kneel before you I will…just please…” she added as her knees had started to bend.
Lei stopped her from kneeling completely and took her in his arms. She had started to sob and he wrapped his arms around her in comfort. He wanted to tell her he still loved her because he still did. He just wasn’t sure if it was enough because Lin also held part of his heart.
Jing was past caring about the consequences of her actions. She didn’t care about her pride. All she wanted was to make some memories to tide her over until she finally finds it in herself to forget him.
Lei pushed her away from him slightly so he could look at her once more and tried to explain. “Jing, I do still love you…” he began.
Jing’s heart gave a little leap at this but then realized there was more.
“But I don’t know if it’s enough. I don’t know if it’s enough for us to get back together again.”
“Is it still Shan Cai?” she asked painfully.
He shook his head. “And it’s not Xiao You either.”
She looked at him in confusion.
“It’s someone else…”
“Why aren’t you together?” she asked although it hurt to do so. She wasn’t sure she could bear for him to tell her about that person.
“Because I had been a fool and let her go without fighting…” he knew he was hurting her but he had to make her understand.
“And now?”
“She’s back and I need to know how I feel about that first…”
Jing didn’t answer for a long while. She had no idea what more to say.
“I understand…” she finally said. Because she did.
“Jing…” he began again.
“Stop.” she whispered and put her fingers on his lips. “You don’t need to say anything more.”
He took her hand off his lips and took her other hand to bring them together to his chest. Then he bent down to kiss her knuckles. “I’m sorry…”
She took her hands back and put them on either side of his face and raised it so he could look at her. “Don’t be…” she whispered just before she stood on her tiptoes to give him a kiss.
It was a soft, gentle press of lips upon lips.
She drew back and then asked once again,
“Can you just give me tonight then?”
***
A/N: I know this chapter sucked! I’m so sorry…I had it all planned out in my head but I just had a hard time making it come out…I can’t explain it, but sometimes it just happens like that. I hope though that what did come out won’t cause some of you (particularly Lei-Jing fans) to come at me with knives drawn…*sigh*
p.s. I’m sorry also if I took some liberties with the Lei-Jing-F3 relationship as kids…as well as other events in their ‘history.’ Also, I do not mean to denigrate people with autism in this chapter by making the 3 call Lei autistic. If I offended anyone please please please accept my apologies.
As usual, I’m not claiming ownership of MG and its characters. No infringement on the rights of these characters are intended.