| Fan Fiction |
by SUPERMINNIE`성민
“I'm sorry Yunho, everything's just not going as what I was expecting,” Jaejoong complained and massaged the bridge of his nose, squinting his eyes as he carefully recruited the words on the paper. “There, I hope it'll turn out good.”
Yunho's flashing smile came in few seconds, wondering how deep Jaejoong's love was towards SeoYeon. Well, at least he knew that someone who would take care of SeoYeon was no other man, but his best friend; someone he could put his trust on. Yunho's heart was at ease; finally, he didn't have to worry about her anymore.
“Let me see it,” Yunho took the paper from Jaejoong, smiling lavishly in approval. “As I said before, this is good.”
“We can start singing it now!”
-
“Jaejoong, aren't you going to head back home? It's late.” Yunho rubbed his eyes, followed by a long yawn. His eyelids were getting heavier, almost covering his tired, dull eyes. He glanced over his shoulder to see if Jaejoong was done with the song recording.
“I'm coming, just few more minutes. I need to do something!”
-
“Jaejoong, you can do it. Just few more Jaejoong, just few more,” Yunho squeezed Jaejoong's hand tightly as the pool of tears blurred his vision. His hands were almost numb and his legs were exhausted. He could do nothing at that moment; he was too weak to pull Jaejoong up.
“Yunho.. I don't think it's working. My right leg is sore, Yunho,” Jaejoong tried to stay calm but it was to no avail when he saw blood running quickly down to his foot. His navy green trouser was completely drenched in mud and blood while his face was dirtied by his own sweat. “Yunho, listen to me please. If I couldn't make it, promise me that you would. Promise me that you will continue everything without me, Jung Yunho. Promise me that you'll show SeoYeon the song.”
“Promise me, Jung Yunho.”
“I promise.”
-
No, why must it be like this? Jaejoong, do you know how painful it is to be in this condition? In the recording room, I would always imagine your face that never failed to lift up my mood. Your fingers that are slowly playing the piano keys and your worried expression when you're struggling to finish something. They're all playing right in front of me, wanting me to deny that you're not gone yet.
At least, your soul is here.
Last week, when we were cleaning the recording room, a stack of paper made its way to flying sheets of papers. The wind was blowing gently, yet it was able to move my heart. I saw you standing outside, thinking wisely that it was my imagination. Still, it looked so real with your eyes that glimmered brightly corresponding to the exalts of diamonds and your lips that were moving; ought to tell me something.
What was it, Kim Jaejoong? Are you resting in peace?
Please do, because I don't want to think that you're hurt in another world. I would break down instantly and will forget myself for a moment. When I was young, I told you that I will pray for you to be happy. Because it was the only thing I can give to you, my prayers for Kim Jaejoong. Right now, I don't know whether god is hearing this or not, but please let Kim Jaejoong be happy.
Please, dear god...
I flipped through the papers, until it reached the last page. I closed the book and brought it closer to my chest, was I being too selfish or just too dumb? Why didn't I try my best to save him? Why did I let him go?
And now I feel so useless.. And guilty.
I jabbed the buttons on my phone and waited for the rings to be answered, “Yeobosaeyo? Ah, SeoYeon-ssi.. I have something to show you.”
-
Yunho smiled seeing the cassette tape that Jaejoong used to put the song in. It brought so much memories to him, knowing how old-fashioned Jaejoong was but nonetheless, he was romantic in a way.
In front of him was SeoYeon. He bowed lightly to her before proceeding to play the cassette. SeoYeon had the questioned look on her face, but later it turned to a deep, stained expression when the song started.
[Play song: http://www.imeem.com/people/2b_F-e/music/0rjkRc2S/jaejoong-yunho-tvxq-hero-ft1-uknow-may-i-love-you/]
May I love you?
SeoYeon kept diverting her view to Yunho, she knew that the song was not sang alone by Jaejoong but with Yunho too. She stared at him and held his hands tightly, “Yunho, are you okay?”
Yunho nodded with his eyes shut.
If only SeoYeon knew..
If only SeoYeon knew that his tears were slowly running down to his cheeks. If only she could feel how hard it was to listen to a song with his best friend's last message on it. It was painful, truly painful. Especially when you knew that your best friend won't be coming back; just because you failed to save him.
But after the song ended, Jaejoong's voice cracked the silence. The song wasn't only dedicated to SeoYeon, it was for Yunho too. Jaejoong's lively voice was recorded in the tape, filling the whole room with melancholy aura...
'SeoYeon-ssi...' that was the first word muttered by Jaejoong, 'I have something to tell you and Yunho....'
-
I am sure you are aware of my feeling towards you, and you even agreed to be my girlfriend. I knew that this is wrong from the start, especially when the person whom I love was the person who stole Yunho's heart, back years ago. I tried to rejoice myself, thinking that things that happened in the past, should stay in the past. However, it made me feel like I am such a heartless person.
A person who never considered about his best friend's feeling. A person worth dying with guilts.
I'm sorry Yunho. Right when you nodded and accepted my favor to sing that song together, I realized that I haven't given you anything at all. So I decided to pick you over SeoYeon. When my breath was stifled, I wished that we both would be best friend forever, for eternity. Kang SeoYeon may be the girl I love full-heartedly, but Jung Yunho is my best friend.
Yunho, I told you once that we can't have more than one best friend and you disagreed. You said everyone can be our best friend. It's true that we can get friends who care for us easily, but never a friend that costs a life for your living. Only one will stay and tell everything sincerely, the good and the bad. Only one will remember you until the day he dies, and I want to be that person. Remember Yunho, I want to be your best friend.
As for SeoYeon, I appreciate the times we've spent together although sometimes we were awkward around each other. I know that you're more comfortable around Yunho, and not me. You may not notice this but I learned how to give up things which never belonged to me. For example, you, Kang SeoYeon. This song was made especially for you, because I want to have the permission to love you for once.
May I love you?
I believe that Yunho is more qualified to love you, and I wish you would reply his love back. He will be the one protecting you, SeoYeon. Through thick and thin, he'll always be there to protect you. Yunho, please take care of SeoYeon, just like how I wanted to protect her.
This song..
This message..
This feeling..
This guilt..
This mistake..
I hope you will forgive me, Yunho. And SeoYeon, please allow me to love you for the last time before I join the army. Thank you.
-
Yunho couldn't help it but fell on his knees and sobbed uncontrollably. SeoYeon covered her mouth in bewilderment as she conducted a confused feeling for Yunho and Jaejoong.
He wondered when did Jaejoong record the message. He question was answered when the background sound came alive..
'Jaejoong, aren't you going to get back home? It's late.'
'I'm coming, just few more minutes. I need to do something!'
So that was it?
-
Yunho stopped in front of Jaejoong's grave. He caressed the tombstone carefully and brushed the dust away. Something amazing happened that day... Yunho had no more tears, he didn't cry in front of Jaejoong's grave. Instead, he came with a warm smile.
Jaejoong? How are you? You must be surprised because I am not crying right now. Maybe because my tears went dry, and there's no more left. Or maybe because they were flushed away after so many years of crying over you. Oh, by the way, I am doing fine here as well as SeoYeon. Just like how you wanted us to be.
I'm sorry Jaejoong that I couldn't be together with SeoYeon and be the one to cherish her for a lifetime. I can only protect her from any harm and treat her nicely, but I don't think I will be able to accept her love. I'm sorry.
I will always be Kang SeoYeon's guardian, to replace your place but I can never be the man who deserves her love. It will always be you, Kim Jaejoong. No matter where you are right now, I know you are watching over us. So please understand my decision. You love her more than I did, and you should know that.
You're right, Kim Jaejoong.. Friends come and go, but only one will stay forever.
I used to think that I am stupid for not being able to save you, but when I think about it again... We can't always be a hero.
We will sometime lose as we humans make mistakes. So that's why we can't be successful in the hold of being a hero.
Life is filled with regrets and I lived that life once. I am here to promise you that such thing won't happen again as you will always be my best friend. In life, or death... You still have the best place in my heart, as a faithful best friend.
The one and only.
Be happy, Kim Jaejoong. I promise I will be too.
-
The end
-
Note: I think it turned NKSJAHDKJSW cause I seriously don't know what am I writing and the plot went in and out of my idea =_____=. Yeah, I've experienced the feeling of being left by a best friend once, but I didn't lose her to god. I lose her to a man.
She picked the man over me, but it's okay. Cause there will always be someone who really cares for you :) eventhough he/she might not tell you. I've always tried not to hurt the friends I have in present. But someone told me, “you can't always be a hero.”
And that's true.
No matter how hard you try.. you will lose someday. Because we are not made to be heroes, we are only humans.
And to the person who said that to me, thank you. You know who you are :)
I hope you will enjoy this story ^^
-