| Fan Fiction |
by <3 Jae
It was hard for us to keep contact with each other; he had his band to do, which had a tour around the country. I didn’t really mind because it was something that he enjoyed doing and if he was happy with it; then I’m happy because he’s happy.
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Hi~
Your name is Sae Bomi right? You appeared all over the newspapers labeled as HERO’s ex and current girlfriend. I’m not going to yell at you, in case you were prepared to throw this letter away. I believe that you will be a great girlfriend for HERO. I mean, you have the looks and everything, especially the heart and love. He’s really lucky that he found someone like you instead of those really crazy and obsessed fans. I saw the protest that was outside your mansion and I thought the fans were a bit…overreacting. I also saw the message that you gave the fans and I agreed with it as well. Just to let you know that not everyone is against your relationship with HERO. I think it’s really sweet and most of my friends do as well.
Anonymous
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Most letters were like this; simple and non-threatening. However, within a group of sane fangirls, there’s always some that are extremely insane.
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Freakin’ hell. How could you steal my husband like that?! My future husband?! I swear, if I ever lay my hands on your neck, you’ll breathe your last breath in my hands, because you stealing my husband is completely unacceptable. I love JaeJoong and JaeJoong loves me so if you even hold his hands, I’ll track you down and kill you.
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Scary; yes I know. If I ever meet those fans, I could really get killed. In the days that I didn’t get to see JaeJoong, I usually sat at home because now, if I went outside, I would risk getting slaughtered by any lingering fans around my house. Instead, my routine was basically the same around the house just like any other day, except there were more phone calls made. I knew JaeJoong’s schedule so I never called him at an inconvenient time. Instead, I called him whenever he had a break and usually he would tell me about what happened between the time I hung up and the time he picked up the next phone call.
“Bomi!”
“JaeJoong! How was your day?”
It was nighttime and JaeJoong was back at his hotel room where the other members were either having a shower or going downstairs to play in the indoor soccer room. JaeJoong had the urge to call me and he did.
“OK; you know…we had practice right, and then Yunho grabbed my wrist before I tripped and it felt like that scene from Dangerous Love. You’ve watched the Banjun dramas right?”
“Jaeho moment…OH YEA! Yea I have!”
“Did…did you just say Jaeho moment?”
“…No…”
“Yes you did…”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Yes you did…”
“NO I DIDN’T!”
“JUST ADMIT IT! YOU DID!”
“JUST ADMIT IT! YOU LIKE YUNHO!”
Woops…me and my big mouth.
“What…?”
“NOTHING!”
“Just move on.”
Hehe. That means you really like Yunho.
“How was your day then?”
“It was normal; I stayed cooped up inside the house in case your crazy fans get to me.”
“I’m sorry for putting you through that.”
“Don’t worry! I mean, being your girlfriend has got to have the hard parts…”
“Yea; like avoiding crazy fangirls.”
“Precisely.”
We went on chatting for a couple of hours before JaeJoong had to go to sleep and rest for the next day. The call ended with both of us saying “Saranghamnida”.
That night, I laid in bed staring at the ceiling and floods of thoughts poured into my head, mostly memories of the past when we were back in high school and that graduation day which separated us for a couple of years before we were finally reunited through the work of JaeJoong.
“JaeJoong ah…”
I felt slightly empty without him beside me, even though I was his girlfriend, I wasn’t physically next to him and that left a small hole in my heart.
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It’s been two months since we’ve been together but the rules of SM prevented me from meeting with JaeJoong often. I’ve been feeling quite down on the phone lately and same with him. He asked me if I was suffering because I was confined to my house because of him and his crazy fangirls. I said of course not but I don’t think he believed me. For the first time, he went off the phone without saying Saranghamnida…instead, he said Mianhamnida and hung up.
It’s been the fifth time I tried to call him today. He never replied. I never heard from him or heard anything about him, until when I turned on the television. Immediately I wished that I hadn’t.
“Kim JaeJoong, lead singer of DBSK, the Korean boyband, has been found dead in his hotel apartment this early morning. The bathtub had been filled with his blood, over pouring into the drains. He seemed to have slit both his wrists before collapsing over the bathtub basin. The cause of this suicide is unknown but experts believe that this has something to do with his girlfriend, Sae Bomi, who has been slightly depressed for a couple of weeks. The couple seemed to be depressed over the fact that they couldn’t have a proper relationship, sources say. Kim JaeJoong was also depressed about how he contracted Bomi’s social life into nothing when he became her boyfriend. The boyband is deeply in despair and refused to speak to the media about this. They have been inside their hotel apartment since the dead body of Kim JaeJoong was found.”
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“JaeJoong…”
I couldn’t believe it. JaeJoong committed suicide and it was all because of me. All because of me; how could I have been so stupid!? I should’ve known this relationship wouldn’t work out. I should’ve known that we could never have a proper relationship like normal couples. Why was I so stupid?!
Why was my life so unfair?
Why was JaeJoong’s life so unfair?
Big puddles formed at my feet; puddles of tears filled with sadness, hatred of myself and guilt. I hated myself. I was me who made JaeJoong commit suicide. I was an idiot. Life was unfair; I realise that now. Human beings weren’t born to have a perfect life. We live; we die; it was as simple as that. Our journey through this world was filled with pain. My life; nothing but pain, sorrow and hatred, hatred from the fans; my parents had died when I was young, my brother hated me and everyone else thinks I’m the one who broke DBSK up by getting JaeJoong to commit suicide.
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It's the same cases everyday...a place that produces an endless amount of deaths...did compassion disappear from this land?
I won't see it anymore. I won't hear of the crashing reality.
Don't calculate everything by its worth...people are an important existence.
Tears of blood are falling again because of our dulled hearts.
What will motivate me now?
Like the things that once filled our worlds with beauty,
The dreams we had for the future died.
No one can take it.
There are no tears to shed.
I can't take the pain that is penetrating deeply through my bones.
You got the power! You have the power to make things right.
Don't waste, and light the talks that concern humanity.
I don't know why I hate this moment.
People are not saying it's boring...Why you tell me lies..
Look at the eyes of the ones you love.
Don't you see their happiness?
Tell them that this world is full of valuable things.
What do I do? I am standing silently in front of the things that people have thrown away. This is not right.
What do I do? I'm diseased...I can't bear to just stand still and watch this happen.
We don't want it anymore...
I believe that you can change it,
Even in the darkness, all the way to the end of the sword
Show us the pain of your broken hearts
So that I can help you...show me the road.
Like the things that fill this world with beauty
We have to make it so that we will treasure this place.
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The world we knew won’t come back; the time we’ve lost, we can’t get back and the life we had will never be ours again.