Fan Fiction |
by Jenny Tran
‘Dear Jeff,
Another day at work. The usual orphan, lost her parents at the age of four, boyfriend left her, doesn’t have a job or a place to stay, living on the streets with the rats. So what else is new? Its always interesting at the suicidal department isn’t it? It’s a wonder I haven’t turned suicidal from working there so long. 6 years already, wow, how time flies when you’re having fun huh? Okay, enough with the sarcasm. My new patient’s name is Tracy, I’ve always liked that name you know. But she was such a mess when she walked into my tiny office, I swear, I’ll get a little sofa one day. Hey, its not easy working for the government and not charging anyone. But I guess it was always my dream to work for free! Okay, enough with the complaining. On with her story….Well, she walked into my office Monday…
*******flashback********
“Dr. Chan?” a feeble voice called out to her from the door.
“Yes?” Virginia looked up from her desk and found a thin girl at around the age of 27 but she could have been younger, the strain on her face took years out of her. She looked like a victim of a violent beating, dark circles under her eyes, her hair was a total mess and her clothes were too baggy.
“The receptionist told me to come in and see you.”
Virginia could barely hear her words but it wasn’t incoherent. She gave the girl a welcoming smile and pointed to one of the chairs across from her “Of course, have a seat. Now what can I help you with?” she got up and closed the door of her little office and took her seat across from the girl. She had a gift of making people feel comfortable in any situation, maybe that’s why she became a psychiatrist.
“I…I…” the girl stuttered for a little bit “I don’t know how to start.” She mumbled.
Virginia gave a shrug “Okay, how about I ask you?” the girl quickly nodded “What’s your name?”
“Tracy.”
“Got a last name or did you forget that too?” she teased.
Tracy giggled before muffling the word “Wong.”
“Ah, Tracy Wong. I’ve always liked that name Tracy but my parents ended up calling me Virginia.” She wrinkled her nose “Such an ugly name, don’t you think?”
Tracy shook her head solemnly “No, not at all. Its very beautiful.” She said honestly.
“Well, thank you. But enough about this subject, let me ask you. Why are you here? I mean, what makes you think that you need help from me?”
She looked down at her hands and twirled them “I don’t want to live anymore.”
Virginia reached over and pulled her chin up with her warm fingers “Rule number one, look at me in the eye. I won’t bite.” She smiled and nodded her head “Most of the people that come in here say that they don’t want to live anymore. What’s your reason?” she got straight to the point.
Tracy’s eyes began to wander and Virginia cleared her throat bringing her back to her eyes “Well, you know when life isn’t going your way, you try to push it aside and just say to yourself ‘Its not that bad’? Well, what do you do when everything in life goes wrong? I don’t exaggerate when I say EVERYTHING.” Virginia tilted her head thoughtfully as she listened intently. “My parents died when I was five, leaving me an orphan, my grandmother wanted to adopt me and the paper work was working out fine when suddenly she died of a heart attack. I tried to look on the bright side when they sent me to an orphanage. Year after year I witnessed all the kids around me being adopted. When I turned 16, I wanted to end my life. But this great couple came along and they decided to adopt me. The lady I soon called mother loved me like her own child, the man was a noble and decent man, who soon died of a car crash. I watched my adopted mother go through turmoil of losing her husband. Soon after a year, she couldn’t handle the loneliness so she remarried. She was hasty to meet the man, maybe that’s why he turned out to be a sexual molester. I lost my virginity to him at the age of 18.” Tracy took a few seconds to wipe her tears and took a deep breath and continued, it was the first time she ever repeated her story to anyone. “He was a greedy man, always taking advantage of me while he can. My adopted mother was in denial, she wouldn’t hear of any such things about her husband. Even when he harassed me in front of her, she would turn her head and walk out of the room. After I found two side jobs as a waitress, I got out of that house and tried to start my whole life again. It went fine until I started dating this guy named Joe. He was the sweetest guy but I guess fate didn’t want me to love. He too died of a car crash, I was beyond devastated. The only guy that respected me died. I have no hope to live, no use to live and so I gave up. Quit those jobs and then moved my self out on the streets.” Her tears were streaming down her face by now.
Virginia’s heard of sadder stories but for some reason this one seemed to reach out to her, maybe because she was an orphan herself. She reached over the corner of her desk where she kept the box of tissues and pulled out a few for Tracy “How long have you been living on the streets?”
Tracy managed to give a weak smile “Too long. Years, I presume.”
Virginia nodded “You don’t have any friends?” the girl shook her head “No other relatives from your birth parents?” Again, she shook her head sadly “Where were you born?” her question threw the girl off guard.
“Why do you ask?” Tracy looked curious forgetting about her tear stained eyes.
“You’re telling me about your life story, your tragic incidents and heartwrenching losses and you won’t tell me where you live?” Virginia had a way with words always able to make anyone answer her questions.
Tracy lowered her eyes and hid her feeble smile “Sa Tin.” She answered.
Virginia grinned “Now that wasn’t so bad was it?” her warm voice soothing. “What has stopped you from taking your own life?” she asked the question that made her so curious.
She pulled up her sleeves and showed Virginia her wrists. There were at least 10 different slashes across the wrists on each hand. It gave Virginia chills just thinking about the pain this girl must have gone through. She held back the urge to gasp and shake the girl from the thought of doing trying to slash her wrists again. “As you can see, none of these attempts worked. I think the doctors in Yan Sum hospital are tired of seeing me in there. They eventually referred me to a psychiatrist in the hospital, but after talking to that doctor I wanted more than anything to kill myself. After a year of mind therapy, I was controlled, or so they thought. I ended up in the hospital again and eventually, Dr. Lau recommended me here. He said that you were one of the best around.”
Virginia smiled “He’s being very kind with his words.”
Tracy shook her head “No no, I think he’s right. I feel very comfortable talking to you. I’ve never told anyone this story, not even Joe and after meeting you for five minutes, I find myself pouring my heart out to you. Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet. Im not sure if I’ve helped you at all. But its always nice to hear that you were honest with your words.” Suddenly her forehead wrinkled “But I am curious about one thing.” Tracy nodded, indicating for her to ask “Out of all the unsuccessful attempts, have you ever thought that you weren’t meant to die? I mean, it looks like from the slashes on your wrists that it was over 10 times, death has cheated you that much. Why are you still trying to leave this earth?”
Tracy shrugged her shoulders “I’ve never thought of it that way. I just think God’s teasing me, he wants me to stay on this living hell.”
Virginia shook her head “No dear, he doesn’t want to torture you, I think he wants you to prove to people out there that when life is down, you should pick yourself up and keep on moving. When you give up, he will push you back up until you learn to do it yourself. God will take you when you’re ready to leave.”
Tracy seemed to be sinking in the words “Is that in the bible?”
Virginia smiled warmly “According to the book of Dr. Chan maybe, in the bible? I’ve never read it myself. This belief comes from my own thoughts. It gives you a peace of mind knowing and believing what you want to believe. I try to think of the bright side to every down side.” She leaned in closer and took Tracy’s cold, thin hands in hers “If you look closer, you’ll find it.” She gave her hand a tight squeeze and let go “Okay, I think you did very well today and as much as I want to continue our session, I have to eat.”
“Oh, Im sorry. I didn’t mean to take that time away from you…” she got up.
Virginia looked solemn as she shook her head “Its never a waste of time.” Her words were firm and very soothing to the ear.
“Thank you.” Tracy said sincerely. She’s never met anyone like her, she gave her heart into her work. “Considering this is a Social Center, Im surprised to have found such an excellent Dr. here. I feel much better.” She began to leave.
“So, will I see you again?” it was a double meaning question.
Tracy understood what she meant “Maybe.” She couldn’t guarantee anything.
Virginia nodded “Fair enough.” She believed that you have to let a person heal on their own and her job was to lead them into the right direction. This theory seemed to work really well since none of her patients have ever committed suicide after talking to her. She had a lot of faith that Tracy wouldn’t either. “I’ll see you next week for an update. That is if you want to come in. I don’t mind a phone call either. And if you don’t want to do either, write me a letter.” She reached for her business card at the corner of her desk and handed it to Tracy.
“Thank you very much.” She smiled for the first time, showing a row of perfect teeth. She bid her good night and walked out of the office.
*******end of flashback********
‘So there, Jeff, my new client. Its just been a few days, but I am getting a little worried about her. Usually, my patients call within two days telling me how well they are doing, but I have not heard from her yet. Anyways, enough of the worrywart, thanks for listening and I’ll keep you tuned for the next few episodes of Ginny’s life as a Shrink.’
Virginia folded up the book and tucked it away deep in her drawers of her room. She lived in a three bedroom house with a roommate. It was the house that was left to her by her parents when they died together on a train ride in CA. It was their fifth year anniversary, they originally left Virginia with her aunt who later left her in the orphanage because she didn’t want to raise her.
Her roommate was a crack up, he was a full blown gay guy that kept her on her toes. He was as nosy as ever and she always asked herself why she didn’t kick him out of the house. “Honey, Im home!” she heard his voice calling out to her.
She quickly left her room and closed it shut, indicating for him not to enter it. “What’s for dinner, Freddie baby?” she asked.
He was dragging along the floor 5 bags of groceries “A little help please?” his voice cracking.
She laughed and reached for the lightest bag and took it to the counter in the huge kitchen. “Hey, you’re forgetting that you’re a man.”
He brought the rest of the bags into the kitchen “How many times do I have to ask you not to call me that M-A-N word??” his hands on his hips as he scolded her.
She shook her head “How many times do I have to remind you that you are living here rent free?” she asked in reply.
He chuckled with a hand covering his mouth “Must I remind you that YOU were the one that invited me into your home because you were quote on quote ‘lonely’?” She scowled at his response and turned back to the groceries and began unpacking them. “Hey, you never did answer my question.”
She giggled “You have too many questions, dear.”
“Why did you ask me to move in? I know I made it clear that I was gay, I mean, you did meet me in a gay bar. Anyways, what were you doing in there? With your looks and brain, you would have easily married a prince charming.” His questions were never ending.
“I knew I should have told you about the rules before moving in here. You’ve lived here for over a year now and you still want to know everything about me?” she put the peanut butter in the fridge.
“Of course, that’s what girlfriends do.” He waved to her with a manicured hand “No, the peanut butter stays outside until its open.” She gave him a stern look before retrieving it and placing it in the cupboard. “What would you do without me?” he said with a sigh.
She smiled “I’d be a starving, long haired, dirty psychiatrist.”
They burst out laughing, knowing that it was true since he did all the cooking, he was the one that cut her hair since he was a full time hair stylist at the local mall not to mention the fact that he always told her how bad she smelled making her shower almost twice a day. She wasn’t self conscious about anything but her hygiene.