Fan Fiction |
by JEA
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“Why?” Ximen’s voice was low and intense. He lifted his head and the harshness of Ximen’s expression jarred Xiao You out of the dreamy euphoria she’d been experiencing. “Dammit tell me why Xiao You.”
“I love you,” Xiao You said simply. “I always have. I always will.”
There was a fleeting expression of shock on Ximen’s face. “So you offer your body as some sort of sentimental offering?” Ximen rolled away and got off the bed. Xiao You’s body was warm and glowing with loving, her lips soft and swollen. Something hot and wanting leaped into Ximen’s eyes.
“Cover up.” Ximen said jerkly. “The party’s over.”
Xiao You had known what Ximen’s reaction would be. But foreknowledge didn’t make his rejection more bearable. Xiao You obediently pulled the sheet over herself.
Ximen strode toward the bathroom, glancing over his shoulders with a menacing frown.
“You didn’t answer me.”
“No, it wasn’t a sentimental offering.” Xiao You’s eyes met his with clear honesty. “I tricked you.”
Ximen soft exclamation was followed by a violent curse as he went into the bathroom. He was back in a minute wearing a black robe.
Ximen sat down beside Xiao You and gripped her shoulders.
“Talk.” Ximen said calmly.
“What do you want me to say?” Xiao You asked.
“You might start with Jason Halliwell”
“Jason is my student guide in college, starting out in a new school is hard, but starting it in another country is harder, his a Chinese descent so he was the one assigned by the school, we became friends up to now.” Xiao You casually said.
“And what about Chris Fowler?” Ximen asked a bit irritated.
“Chris is one of the first guests in my show, we developed camaraderie, and we’ve learned that we have something in common like badminton, that’s just about it. We are friends.”
“And Pendleton?” Ximen’s lips tightened. “Don’t tell me he was also assigned as your guide by the network you work for, be careful of your answer Xiao You because in case you forgot he is leaving in with YOU?” Ximen’s voice has venom in it that made Xiao You cringe.
Xiao You shook her head. “Sean is first and foremost my boss. I’m his---”
“You’re his what?” Ximen angrily asked.
“Will you let me finish Ximen. You won’t get anything if you keep on talking.” Xiao You said. “Sean treats me as his protégé, when I first started in the network, he took me under his wing, and I’m grateful for that, he treats me like a sister he never had and….”
“And what? You are testing my patience Xiao You.” Ximen said seriously.
“And he agreed to be part of the set up.” Xiao You hastily said.
“Oh yes the set up” The words were bit out. “Lets talk about the set up. How long has this been brewing in your brain?” Ximen asked.
“About two years ago.” Xiao You answered. “When I saw your picture in a business magazine, you were smiling as you were holding your award for being the business man of the year. Did you know that your smile never reached your eyes?” Xiao You asked but didn’t wait for Ximen’s answer.
“It wasn’t that easy.” Xiao You smiled a little sadly. “I think the most difficult part was the waiting. There were many things to consider before I could even think of beginning.”
“I don’t like being lied to.” Ximen stare angrily at Xiao You.
“I know that.” Xiao You moistened her lips nervously. “But I couldn’t think of any other way.”
“Any other way than pretending to be one step above a whore? Well let me congratulate you Xiao You, you played the role exceedingly well.” Ximen said sarcastically.
Ximen knows what he just said to Xiao You was harsh; he is just having a hard time absorbing all this revelation she told him. He was shocked but he can’t deny that behind all of the emotions he was feeling right now, there is happiness and relief. He was damn too happy to know that he was the first man in Xiao You’s life and he vowed that he would be the last. Relief because he had proven that what he thinks about her is not true and that after all Xiao You still loves him. But then again there is also fear … fear that he would hurt her again, that his love will not be enough to spare both of them of heartache, he can’t take away the insecurity that he is feeling … and because of that fear, he was afraid to reveal his true feeling to Xiao You, he have to protect both of them.
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Xiao You flinched with what Ximen said.
“I did what I had to do. The only way I could be sure you’d take me to bed was … if I was … experienced, because that’s the only type of women you let into your life.” Xiao You shrugged. “I thought if I sounded like one and act like one, it would make you feel safer.”
“Safer?” Ximen’s tone was disbelieving.
Xiao You lifted her chin. “Safer,” she repeated distinctly. “You are afraid of me Ximen you always have been.”
“And why is that Xiao You?” Ximen curiously asked.
“Because you care for me.” Xiao You’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Maybe you even loved me. And that’s why your scared Ximen. It was too strong, wasn’t it? You wouldn’t let yourself love any women. You use them but you won’t let yourself love them.” Xiao You stated.
Ximen knows what Xiao You just said was true. He was scared of her … he was scared of what he was feeling for her … he don’t know what love is until Xiao You came and that scares the hell out of him ‘coz he didn’t know that he was capable of loving someone.
Ximen’s face was expressionless when he looked at Xiao You.
“If you know that, then aren’t you a bit of a fool to let yourself be used by such a ruthless womanizer?” Ximen asked.
“Perhaps.” Xiao You’s eyes glistened with tears. “But I didn’t have any choice. I love you.”
“Stop saying that!” Ximen said with soft violence and stood up away from her. “You don’t love me. You developed some sort of fixation on me and never got over it. You were just young then Xiao You, naïve and innocent.” Ximen tried to explain but deep down inside him, he didn’t mean it, he just wanted to test Xiao You.
“No Ximen, I know the difference between love and infatuation,” Xiao You said. “I’ve always known it. Its you who’s wearing the blinders.” Xiao You drew a deep breath. “Its time you took them off. We have wasted too many years already. We are not getting any younger Ximen.”
Lord, how her words really hits him. Call it cowardice or not, he still can’t find the guts to tell her how he feels. He doesn’t even understand himself. Ximen took an impulsive step forward. “Xiao You ….” he stopped.
Ximen stood infront of her with different emotions fighting for supremacy within him … exasperation, confusion and tenderness. Xiao You had always been able to call forth effortlessly, then Ximen’s expression clouded.
“No. I’m not wearing blinders Xiao You, if you want to play the woman of the world, get some other man to pay for your favors.” Ximen said.
‘Oh God. Why did I tell her that?’ Ximen thought to himself.
“I do want to be your woman.” Xiao You said softly. “And your friend, and the mother of your child. I want to be everything to you. And I don’t want to sell, only to give Ximen.”
Ximen let out a sigh of relief; he then ran one hand distractedly through his hair and seated at the side of the bed.
“Damm it Xiao You, I’ll hurt you, you know I’ll hurt you. You know me”
“Maybe” Xiao You shrugged. “But if I’m hurt, it maybe worth it.”
”Go away Xiao You,” there was a note of pleading in the command. “For some reason I find the idea of hurting you distasteful.” Ximen said as he turns his back to Xiao You.
Xiao You silently smiled to herself, after hearing that from Ximen. She knows that behind the pretense his been wearing all the time, Ximen cared about her. She just don’t know what’s holding him back from telling her but whatever it is, she’s going to find a way.
“That’s because you care about me Ximen and I find that very promising.” Xiao You said smiling sweetly at Ximen.
Ximen looked down at Xiao You and touch her.
“Yes I care about you Xiao You.” he huskily said. “But I don’t know if I can be worthy of your love and if … ”
“Ssshhh …” Xiao You put her fingers on Ximen’s lips. “No more if’s or buts, I understand Ximen. Let’s take each day one at a time and see what will happen.”
“Then so be it … but I’ve warned you Xiao You, so don’t expect anything else … and yes we will take each day one at a time.” Ximen said still holding Xiao You’s face.
“I don’t expect anything at all.” Xiao You’s eyes were enormous as she gazed wistfully at him. “I just want to be with you, I want be part of your life, that will be enough for me.” Xiao You smiled mistily. “I can only hope.”
“God! What am I going to do with you?” Ximen said smiling.
Love me. Only love me. Xiao You silently thought to herself.
“You are really a strong-willed woman like your best friend, you don’t easily give-up on something as long as you set your mind on it, I just hope that you would not also give up on me Xiao You.” Ximen softly whispers.
“I won’t Ximen.” Xiao You replied. “Never …” Xiao You added. “I promise.”
Ximen was overwhelmed by Xiao You’s answer. And his keeping her promise incase she forgot. But for now he needs to stay away from her, she was so close to him, that all he wanted he wanted to do was to make love to her again! And he didn’t have that much control.
“I think you should go to your room now, I can tell you’re already, exhausted.” Ximen said.
“Alright.” Xiao You said softly. “I’ll leave at once.”
Xiao You swing her feet to the floor flinching a little as she felt a tingle of soreness between her thighs.
Ximen muttered a low, explicit curse beneath his breath. “Oh for heavens sake lie down again Xiao You.”
“You are sure?” Xiao You asked uncertainly. “I could.”
“Just lie down.” Ximen commanded.
“All right.” Xiao You curled up contentedly in the big bed again, happy with the through. “If you change your mind, just tell me.”
“Be sure of it,” Ximen said dryly. He untied the belt of the robe and took it off, moved to the other side of the bed and slipped beneath the sheet. “Go to sleep.”
“I will.” Xiao You was almost asleep already. The physical and emotional release she’d experienced were having an almost narcotic effect on her. “Thank you for letting me stay” she murmured.
Ximen lay there on his back, separated from her by the width of the large bed. “Did I hurt you?” he asked jerkily.
“What?” Xiao You tried to struggle up out of the cocoon that was wrapping her in the silken fibers of sleep. “No, not very much.”
“Well, I might have,” Ximen said harshly. “It would have been entirely your own fault, you realize, I’m not a gentleman but I don’t enjoy hurting women. If you’d had any sense, you would have told -” Ximen broke off. His tirade was falling on deaf ears. He could tell by Xiao You’s deep even breathing that she was asleep.
“Damn!” Xiao You was peaceful asleep, leaving him in this aching void of frustration. He just had her but he was … he drew along, shuddering breath and closed his eyes. He couldn’t think about it. He had always had control over his emotions. He would just have to practice that control now.
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Ximen was infinitely careful as he slid into her. First Xiao You was empty and then she was full of his hardness. From the deepest reaches of sleep Xiao You was conscious of his gentleness. How beautiful it was, Xiao You thought dreamily not like before, when it had been hard and fast and breathlessly exciting. This was slow and lazy and sweetfully fulfilling. Xiao You tried to open her eyes. “Ximen….”
“Shhhh…. I didn’t mean to do this; I lay there half at night fighting it. But I can’t help myself.” Ximen confessed.
“Its all right,” Xiao You’s word were slightly slurred. “I like it.”
Ximen chuckled “I’m glad one of us approve.” He bent down and kissed one eyelid and then the other.
Xiao You could hear the heaviness of Ximen’s breathing above her and feel the tension building in him. She tried to help but Ximen prevented her from moving.
“No. I’m trying to hold on to what control I have left. I don’t want to hurt you. I shouldn’t be doing this again tonight.” Ximen confessed.
“You should be doing whatever you want to do.” Xiao You whispered. “I’ll always want you Ximen.”
Ximen went still. “Will you?” he bent forward to kiss the veins at her temple. “I think the only thing you want right now is to sleep.” With a flurry of powerful thrusts, he gained a fiery release from the tension that had tormented him for the past hours. Then he was gone, shifting off, but not away from her this time. He pulled Xiao You closer, cradling her against his shoulder so that her hair fell on his chest in a silken brown veil. Ximen felt the coldness of the ring between them and he slowly pull it out and let it rest on his chest, holding it. Gradually his breathing grew steady and his heartbeat slowed.
“Did I help?” Xiao You asked sleepily.
“Yes.” Ximen answered.
“Then that’s all that’s important.” Xiao You gave his shoulder a drowsy kiss. “Good night Ximen.”
Ximen didn’t answer for a moment and when he did his voice was tender. “Good night Xiao You.”
Ximen wasn’t sure if Xiao You had heard him. She was asleep again. He found it impossible to follow suit, but he found himself charged with a mysterious tension that had nothing to do with desire. Tenderness, he had never felt such tenderness before, that emotion was more dangerous. He would have to take care to guard himself and Xiao You from hurt. He wasn’t aware that his arm tightened around her in protection.
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Ximen was still holding her in his arms when Xiao You opened her eyes the next morning. The gray light of pre-dawn was filtering through the windows showing Ximen’s face so close to her own. She lay there in blissful contentment for a little while, just letting the wonderful intimacy of the moment seep into her. How many times in the last six years had she daydreamed about Ximen holding her like this?
He looked so tired. Dark shadows were painted beneath his eyes and his cheeks were hollow. At the moment he looks older than his age. When he was awake he was filled with energy and strength that she had never been aware he could be as vulnerable as this. She felt a rush of tenderness that flowed into every part of her. She had loved him so long yet she had never felt this maternal protectiveness before. She dropped a light kiss on his cheek and reluctantly slid out of his embrace. She was pulled back and realized that Ximen is holding the ring. She gently pulled the ring out of his hands.
Xiao You tucked the sheet carefully around Ximen’s shoulders and moved swiftly to the door. She mustn’t push too hard. She had given Ximen enough to digest.
Poor Ximen, he wouldn’t like the disruption that she was about to make in his life. Well, that was just too bad. It was all for his own good and it was up to her to prove it to him. But for now she’d back off and give him breathing room.
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A/N: hope this chap make-up for the long wait...