| Fan Fiction |
by Joesline
I wanted to compare of her and me but I couldn't. It was too hard for me to accept the fact that he's married and now that whatever had become a fact was never a choice for me to turn back.
There is no way I could turn back or even walk away from him. For that very moment, I knew I love him too much.
My fingers typed the words on the search button, browsing the rules and procedures that were needed to get married at Las Vegas. Eyes freeze at the words appearing on the screen for very long moments. My heart was breaking further; eyes were dreaded of what I was seeing.
No, he can't get married again.
No, he can't marry me when he's married.
No, we can't be together.
Disappointment filled me much, I didn't have the courage to look forward of what future holds for me. It was a dead end in front of us and there is nothing I can do. Prayers wasn't answered, I'm still fighting for a losing battle.
I texted him in this partition I was settling down for work. My head was dizzyingly, I had a fading breathing difficulties and that little bit of pain pinning onto my chest. It was more or less due to the lack of sleep last night. I crunched onto my chest, experiencing the pain. Experiencing emotional torments from the words that I sent out.
[Let's be good friends, it's impossible between the two of us. I hope you and your wife in bliss.]
My legs brought me up from my seat; I dashed across the office, trying my utmost best to avoid eyes that might notice my difference today. Hands figured the lock of the door as I camped myself in the cubicle. I collapsed into tears, into crying, into torments of not able having him by my side.
'Stand up. You can do it.' I talked to myself, trying my best to console my broken heart.
After sweeping off my thoughts, I tried to look perfectly fine. Opening the door again, my breathing started getting onto me. I couldn't breathe as I felt my chest experiencing tense and pain. Shutting my eyes as I grabbed for a support at the side. My legs were weak, they were having a hard time walking back to the office.
"Are you okay?" My colleague stood beside me, realizing my pale complexion.
As usual, I shook my head and tried my best to smile at her. Nothing was better than a concern now.
He had not been replying my messages ever since I initiated the break up. It was lonely and cold to be without his news. I kept my smile ahead as my colleague followed me back to my seat.
Head spinning, palpitation and breathing difficulties.
Grabbing of my cushion, I tried my best to stay conscious. However, it was not making anything better. The crowds started to grew as they realized my condition. I wondered how I actually looked like in their eyes. Tears dropped down from my eyes, as the chest pain was getting worst. I had a flash of my mind that I might be gone at the age of 21, at this moment of my life.
'Maybe it would be better... But I don't want.' Dilemma occurred. At the verge of death, humans instinct to fight for a chance to live on that I was fighting hard for everything I was losing...
"She needs an ambulance..."
"She need the inhaler, where's hers?"
"When is the ambulance coming?"
"Any medical oil?"
Voices heard and they seem mixed up. I'm not sure of my surrounding; I felt my mind sinking into an unconscious state. My tears didn't stop flowing. I was not in the right condition. I felt like a warrior losing a battle but was still fighting so hard for nothing.
I am tired.
I shut my eyes, listening to the ambulance staff that was asking me to breath in and out of the right manner.
In... Out. In... Out. In... Out.
My tears were dried as I looked up at the ceiling of the ambulance. They had called the ambulance for me as then I didn't know what exactly had happened but soon I was inside the ambulance being checked thoroughly before I would reach the hospital. I followed the steps, fighting my way though death.
I am not going to lose my life even I am going to lose him.
'I can do it.' I convinced myself, once again.
The bed was cold; the place was crowded with many kinds of patients. They were all kind of ages with all kind of illness. Doctors and nurses were busy attending patients from beds to beds. Everyone was busy taking care of themselves. I was there, witnessing how vulnerable that life could be. At that moment, I was enlightened. I saw my torments insignificant.
But I still love him.
I figured for my phone to text him. Finally after hours, he replied me back. My lips rose at the ends as I felt the tears rumbling inside my eyes.
He does not want to lose me.
[Dear, please don't leave me again. I felt so cold, knowing that you wanted to leave me.]
Sniffing badly as I found the comfort from his words. My eyes rested on the bed, as the doctor and nurses poke needle in my wrist and making the necessary arrangement for my hospitalization.
I'm staying in the hospital for a night; to have a thorough check up for the abnormal palpitation I was experiencing. The bed is still lonely and cold but it was easier to face it with the words he texted me. At least, I found my courage back. He gave me courage and returned me the comfort I was hoping for but I didn't dare to look at the future or even decide what I should do.
For now, I just want to rest my over-working body and mind.
To think about it tomorrow and let the decision comes after the sun would rise upon us...
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© JOESLINE Creation ` 12JUNo9