| Fan Fiction |
by Joesline
I would be all ready, living with him in our apartment and have our kid running about the house. Calling him Daddy and calling me Mummy. She will be the cutest girl I will adore. She will hop around when she sees her Daddy coming back from work, she will be pulling the ends of my night gown to listen a bedtime story from me.
I can imagine everything that we will have and I couldn't see myself around without him. He's this guy I had waited. I can't imagine anymore how much I had loved the guy before. Everything is about him now but... I didn't expect my love would have a sudden turn about.
The worst nightmare of my life I would call. My tears rumbling inside the eyes as I gulped down my saliva down the throat, fist were clenching tightly for courage. I could imagine myself falling off if I didn't watch my expression. My heartbeat raced with time, it was faster as a fact fall apart on me.
"I'm.. married." His eyes looked down on the floor before finding them back onto my face.
He watched carefully as I could sense his worries and fear that I will stand up and walk away from him. But, he was wrong. I couldn't figure myself away neither could I stop myself from lying to the heart that was breaking apart.
"I knew it." Chuckled and laughing away, hiding carefully the broken heart that was for me to know.
He looked down again, showing me the message that his wife had wrote most recent.
The words knocked me hard on my head, I gasped for air. Trying my best to look fine like I was just reading any other normal message. The lights and the atmosphere were grabbing me off from my perseverance as I felt the tears rumbling and fighting inside my eyes, they were asking me to let them go. Letting them roll down my cheeks like the evidence of my broken heart that was crying inside as well. 'No, I have to be fine.' I lied again to be strong with the fact I was facing.
It was killing me inside, I could figure out a knife that stab me right in my heart physically would be the only method that can cure the pain inside.
"I have two sons." He continued another fact.
Yeah, two facts. Two facts that was hard for me to accept. At that point of time, my disappointment plunged me down to the ground. My head turned away from him. I looked at the far spot ahead, couldn't deny the tears that were fighting for their rights.
Finally, tears rolled down the cheeks. One was hard to accept and two was worst.
"Oh." I replied. I didn't know what to say or what to cover my sadness. My hope was vanished; my dreams were shattered into pieces.
Do you love your wife?
Will you leave her for me?
Should I ask all this?
Maybe I should leave you?
"It takes a lot of courage for me to bring this up to you." He continued before letting out a fading sigh.
My heart shattered into pieces. I felt the fading shivering down my legs, as I couldn't find the courage to pluck off and run away from him. My feelings were here, clear and strong for him. They were undeniable to be foreseen. They couldn't return to zero and acted like nothing of this had never happen. My heart couldn't found the rewind button and love another man all over again.
I recalled his words, 'Don’t love me even I love you.'
I finally understand his meanings but... it's too late to know now. I love him with my whole heart and I couldn't even find any regrets to love him. How am I supposed to do that I am stuck inside this situation?
'Just break up with him, you can do it. You had done this many times before.' My head is speaking for that broken heart.
No, I can't. I shook off the idea to leave him but I couldn't hold him forever like I wanted, getting married or have kids. I can't but... why? Why is this happening at this stage? Why would I know it now? Why I didn't even want to regret knowing him or loving him?
"Tell me... t-that.. this is not real..." My words broken into pieces as I heard my shivering tone, the tears that were gulped down for the fear and disappointment.
"I'm sorry." He apologized.
I broke into tears as I shivered. I bent down to my legs while my face found the right space and hid away from him. My tears rolled down continuously as they accompanied with crying voice. 'God, grant me death now.'
I found no determined to live on, I found no reasons to walk on with time passes by. There is nothing left for me.
I silently prayed hard. For the third time in my life that I asked for something I wanted so much.
If you hear my prayers then you will understand my pain and suffering. You would know my tears are the evidence of my broken heart but you would see my love for him still could be seen here, clear and not fading even a single bit. You would see my disappointment and hopes that had tarnished into thin air and you would see me stopping at this moment, not knowing what to do. I don’t want you to help me forget him but I want you and hope for your help in this situation I would ask for. I want him here for me, please... help me.
My eyes shut tightly for prayers to be heard.
Save me...
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© JOESLINE Creation ` 09JUNo9