| Fan Fiction |
by Jowyn
Title 7/10: The title is a little bit complicated. Your story is more of a serious, matured plot that contradicts with the title. When you say first kiss, it remind us of our younger years. I think it doesn't suit for a career woman at her age having the first kiss. When the readers click your fanfic, they would have thought it's a teen story.
Forewords 8/10: You went straight to the point which revealed the whole story though the question part is good, letting the readers wonder how's it going to be. You described the characters simply. Try to add some traits to let the readers know more about the characters.
Plot 18/20: Falling in love with a married man is quite typical. Though falling in love with your best friend's man is quite unusual. A tearjerking story. My heart hurts for Ella while I'm reading this. But in the end, a happy ending. I don't like Selina and Calvin's set up. Being in the same work place with your love one, hence, your husband, is awkward. Though it's only my opinion.
Grammar/Spelling/Transitions 15/20: There are some grammatical errors but I will not elaborate it. Try to re-read your story before posting it. No spelling mistakes which is good. But the words used are understandable and easy to read. You wrote the story a little bit slow. The first six chapters happened in one day which is kinda boring. For example, the first chapter, you should write the details when Chun and Ella started to fall in love instead of putting it on a flashback.
Originality 8/10: I didn't find it original. It's obvious that Chun and Ella love each other though they try to suppressed their feelings for the sake of their love ones which turn out to be Hebe, Chun's wife and Ella's best friend. And the characters are in the same environment. All of them known each other and been working in the same place. A little bit twist would spice up the story I pressumed.
Choice of Words/Idioms/Quotes 9/10: The way you described their personalities and how they interacts with their job is good. The words you chose is very professional like you've been working in a media company. Or have you? There's quite a few catchy phrases although the readers might forget it once the story is finished. Try adding some unforgettable quotes.
Details/Settings/Characterization 7/10: You wrote the details well. The settings, you described the place they travelled but the place where they are staying and the workplace isn't described that much. You should pay attention to that. Individually, they have distinguished characters which is great. You know who is the good and nevertheless there are no bad characters in it.
Enjoyable 10/10: I was soaking in tears when I'm reading it. Though I seldom read Chunella fanfic, I really enjoyed it.
Overall Score: 82/100
*I'm sorry if your score is a little bit low. But I do enjoy your story a lot. Hope my criticisms help you to improve in your future fanfics. Thanks!
Posted by afhilangie at 11:04 PM
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A/N: Thank you so much to Afhilangie for the review.
31 January 2010
5:25pm (Malaysia)