| Fan Fiction |
by juliada3
Title: 4/5
I like your title, but it's not capitalized correctly. The "it" shouldn't be capitalized.
Appearance: 5/10
Your poster and background are great. But you should have included Xiao Gui. Some of the text is kind of hard to read, too.
Forewords: 4/10
I think you could have added more to your forewords than what you have now.
Character Description: 4/10
I guess your character descriptions were okay. They were, however, boring.
Originality & Plot: 8/15
Your plot is cliche here and there. On the other hand, you do have some funny parts.
Writing Style: 5/15
I dislike your use of script and dialogue crammed together. If you wrote in all dialogue, you'd have more of a chance to use description and it'd show more skill in your writing.
Flow: 6/15
The flow was okay. I think the story's a bit childish though.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
You don't have any major problems. Although I suggest you use more descriptive words.
Overall Story Enjoyment: 1/10
I've read too many stories with the same idea and feeling. I find these stories quite childish and slightly boring.
Sub-Total: 50/100
Bonus: 1/5
If you don't work hard to think of twists and more excitement, you'll run into a writer's block and you'll end up ending your story all speedy and messily (just because you want the story to end so you can start anew) just like many other first-time writers I've seen before. So work hard with a lot of improvements!
Total: 51/100
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Author's Note:
I didn't think I did that bad. I feel really bad about my story now... I decided to change the format of my story. So hopefully my next review will be better. Thanks for all your support!