| Fan Fiction |
by lilies_009
Acceptance
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[Jae’s POV]
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I shook in pain reading every entry that Sandy wrote in the pink book that I gave her. I can’t believe she wrote everything in details, I didn’t know that she love me that much for her to sacrifice like that..
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I was still reading the entries and I realized that she had given so much. I wanted to finish reading everything when Yunho came in to the room with his shoulders hanging down like he’s carrying the whole world, while I could hear the girls wailing from the outside as the guys hushed them to calm down.
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I took a deep breath for I know Yunho will only bring some more bad news.
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“Jae, the doctor said that he’ll give us till morning with her. The 10% chance for Sandy even went down to 8% I’m sorry but we need to let her go”
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I gulp down my saliva as my heart sank almost feeling it dropping on the floor. Closing my eyes I could feel my chest tightening like I was having a heart attack… till this very minute, I was still hoping that her percentage of survival will go up.
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“till morning? How can they decide to kill her like that in a short time? What if I want her to fight more? What if she wakes up next week or next month or next year?” I shook in pain as I pulled Yunho’s collar forcing him to face me.
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“Jae….. There are no brain activities anymore, if it wasn’t for the medicine that is being injected to her, her heart would’ve already stopped beating… if it wasn’t for the respiratory machines she would’ve stop breathing already!”
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“I don’t care! I’ll pay for everything… just… just don’t let them take away the machines… I…. I’ll wait for her to wake up!...There’s still 8% right? TELL ME! 8% is still a good chance right?? I WONT LET HER GO!... even if it’s only 1%.. I won’t Yunho!”
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I was in denial… I cried as I fell on the floor begging Yunho to understand everything that I was saying… To help me convince the doctor to let Sandy live even if it means having those damn machine forever.
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“Jae…” I can see Yunho crying as well as our friends and Sandy’s parents came in from outside of the room. They were all crying but I bet all their pains did not even match what I am feeling right now.
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I helped myself to stand up, didn’t bother to wipe away the tears that was causing my vision to blur. I took the seat right into the side of Sandy’s bed, took her hand, kissed it and rested it on my cheeks…
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“I want to spend the whole night here… Alone!” I said coldly, not even looking at them. I know they understand. I could see them nodding their head as I took a glance at them. They walked out of the room silently.
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“Baby… tell me what to do… please…I’m begging you.. tell me…. “
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I spent a few hours just staring at her beaten face, another few hours crying and a few more were spent on blaming myself for everything.
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I rested my head on her bed still uttering words of encouragement for her to fight and wake up. I fished out the little pink fluffy book and started to carefully mend the last few pages that were torn apart. It took me a while to bring everything together… being careful to not further destroy it as my tears kept pouring out of me.
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Opening the last page I saw her beautiful hand writing again
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10th September 09
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10:00 am
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Joongie,
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I heard you are back in the city. DaeLi told me you guys were out for lunch? I wish I could be there too and enjoy the food with our friends. What can you say about my girls being with your boys? They all look good together right?
I’m so glad Changmin and Grace are together now. I heard that she’s 5 months pregnant? I’m so happy for them… and I wish the baby good life… I know Changmin and Grace will be good parents.
Ohh… Junsu and Emily finally get back together? Well LheiYa actually told me that it was Junsu who begged Emily to forgive him… I’m glad that they were able to forgive each other.... I know they’re really happy now. That duck butt, I hope he’ll take Emily to the dolphin show and not go there alone.
And that Park Yoochun! LheiYa told me that he’s still snooping around girls? I hope he’ll stop though. didn’t he know that LheiYa loves him so much that she’s even dumb enough to accept his player’s ass? I hope LheiYa will stop torturing Chunnie with her sarcastic intelligent remarks. I know that she’s just too damn afraid to lose him…. If not then why does she keep threatening him with I’ll-go-out-and-date-other-boys-too-if-you-keep-flirting-around-you-jerk!?? It’s because she know that Yoochun will kill anyone who will dare touch her..
Can you keep a close watch with YunHo and DaeLi? Those two fights more often than acting all mushy. I don’t even know why the two kept on fighting when it’s totally obvious that they can’t live without each other. DaeLi should stop acting all tough! When I know that she actually cried when YunHo left for a week because of a business trip!
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… I was a bit ecstatic seeing the last entry was dated the day we actually rescued her. I cursed myself for not being there soon enough…
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[ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxDSuqIxBXA <--- Listen to this ]
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10th September 09
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7:00pm
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Joongie,
It’s funny how life turns out not the way we imagine it to be. We’ve been together for so long that we thought we will be together forever…. But maybe faith had written a different script for us and maybe a different path for us to follow.
As I walked in the path that I chose to take, I’ve been silently praying that it will somehow lead me to you, that somehow we will meet in one of those crossroads.
It pains me to think that you hated me… I wish I could turn back time and live my life all over again… I wish to go back to the time when we are still together. The times when nothing else seems to matter. Remembering those made me survive for the past five years.
Please Joongie, forgive me… I’m sorry for all the heartaches I’ve caused you. Forgive me for denying our love in front of everyone… but I hope you know that I love you so much and that no one can take your place in my heart.
I’ve been dreaming about the small church where we want our wedding to be held. I kept on imagining my life being Mrs. Kim. The little house that you bought for me…. how I wished I could go there and live with you, with our own little family.
I’m sorry if I failed you joongie…..i know no matter how I wish, or hope or pray it will never come true. Taking back everything doesn’t mean you will forgive me. and I understand.
I still wish you happiness even if it’s without me. I just hope you will know how much I love you. and how I wish I could tell you that everyday. Maybe hearing you say it back will now remain as a dream…. But I really hope I will hear it from you before you decide to let everything go.
With much love and regrets.
Sandy
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Jae gasped for air as tears were kept flowing out of him. He stood up and gently lay down beside Sandy, being careful not to disrupt the tubes and machines that are connected to her. He hugged her gently as he rested her head on the pillow right next to her head. Adjusting himself more he gently rested her forehead at her and whispered the things she really wanted her to hear
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“Baby…. I love you too…. I love you…. what you did was right.. and I understand everything… I’m sorry if I didn’t listened… I believe you… and I forgive you for lying…. I love you too ok? baby I love you so much… I love you”
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Jae kept on repeating all the words that Sandy wanted to hear… the pillow behind them were now soaked with his tears… for a moment he saw Sandy’s eyes released a single tear as it rolled down at the side of her eyes down to her ears. Jae wailed as he took his hand and wiped it away.
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“Baby… you can hear me right?.. do you want me to let you go? Are you in pain?” Jae kept on crying
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“Baby please…. I don’t want you to go…. But it pains me to see you like this… I love you ok… I love you.. I love you… I love you…. I’m sorry… but I need to let you go. Baby… I’m sorry”
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Jae stayed that way for hours as the room was filled with anguish… He cried himself to sleep still holding her body, not ever thinking of letting go…
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Morning came…
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Sandy’s room was filled with moaning and crying. All their close friends were there, standing around her bed. Jae was beside Sandy along with her parents. The doctors were there too, checking Sandy for the last time….
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They waited for a while still hoping that the doctor will say that some miracle happened.. but to their dismay the doctor shook his head and patted Jae’s shoulder.
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“I’m sorry”
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The crying grew louder and everyone were on the verge of breaking down.
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“Jae.... do it” Mr Park said with tears in his eyes. He was holding Mrs Park who looks like will pass out any minute.
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Jae’s eyes released more tears as he stood up and leaned over to Sandy’s head.
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“Baby… take care ok? I want you to be happy… I want to end your suffering… you suffered enough already… I love you so much and I’ll see you again ok? I love you… I love you… remember that ok?” Jae sniffed and gasped as he leaned and kissed Sandy’s lips for the last time….
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He lifelessly dragged himself towards the respiratory machine and positioned his fingers on the switched….
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The room was filled again with people crying… some were calling Sandy’s name… others silently praying..
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With heart still aching, Jaejoong pushed the off button as they looked at Sandy’s chest that is slowly losing its breathing motion. Then the beeping sound came….
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Jaejoong felt his knees wobbled as his chest tightened. Then he passed out after he heard the long beep “she”s gone”
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Then Jaejoong blacked out. Falling on the floor with a loud thud.
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oh gheezzz i'm crying my eyes out. demmit! pls don't drop reading the fic.. one more chap to go.. and believe me... there's a reason to this... are you crying? huhuhuhu
Sorry....
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one more chap please read