| Fan Fiction |
by Livi
--Robert Southwell
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The winter sunlight streamed through the window as the early morning breeze billowed the curtains. Xiao You studied the old fashion timepiece on the wooden wall from her bed and found that it was already seven o clock in morning. She had been lying awake with a pounding heart and staring at the high ceiling of her room for the past two hours. She had been at the same position since she had closed the door and walked away, leaving Ximen alone in the living room. She wondered if the night before had been all a dream. But even a dream could never feel the feeling she had now. She felt so perplexed, and confused. She would not know what to do or say when she had to face him later on.
She realized that she had been acting like a coward person for not listening of what Ximen had wanted to say. She had presumed the thing he had wanted to say and she had been afraid to listen. She had not wanted to hear the same thing over again regarding that he had only offered to her was a friendship. Conceivably he had been more genuine this time, nevertheless she had not wanted to hear it. Not last night when everything had seemed perfect for her, when everything between them had been fine.
Xiao You emerged from beneath the covers and walked out from her bed. Her weary body somehow managed to make it to the window. The outside view was so serene and eerily quiet only to be disturbed by the howling sound echoing outside. It was contrary of her heart. Slowly, the tiny drops of snow began to fall from the gray sky greeted her as she looked up above. She loved snow. Sometimes she thought that she was like the snow. From the naked eyes, people always thought that snow was pure and clean but as they watched it closer it was not pure or clean as people presumed before. The snow contained dirt. It was exactly just like she was.
She looked through the window seeing the faint trace of her own reflection looking back at her. She reached her hand up touching the bare spot of her neck and took a deep sigh as she recalled the conversation she had last night with him. It was the strangest conversation she had ever had in her life. It had been discomfited and at the same time she had felt ease. She understood perfectly after last night, the relationship between him and her would change. Both of them had opened a new chapter with their lives and she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She didn’t know whether to live or die with the changes.
In the past, perhaps she would have easily accepted his offer. Since in the past she would have taken anything he could have offered her just as long that she could have stayed near him. Just as long she could have been being part of his life. In the past she would have listened to anything he had said to her even though it would have only hurt her more and more. And in the past she would have without any hesitation to keep hoping that someday and somehow he would have changed his feeling toward her to become more than just friend to listen all of his tiredness and weariness.
But she could not do those things now. Because in the future there was no future between them even the slightest chance of being friends. In the future they would have different life. In the future she would not and could not become his friend. And in the future she could not even have a tiny hope that someday and somehow he would have changed his feeling toward her to become more than just friend. Because she had made the decision in the past to what she had become in the present. She had no right to put the hope of being with him any longer.
Slowly she turned around and walked away from the window. She again saw the clock on the wall, now it was almost eight in the morning and anytime soon all her friends would gather in the living room to sit around the Christmas tree and have breakfast before start to exchange the presents.
Sooner or later she had to face Ximen as it would be impossible to keep staying in the room until the holidays over which it would not happen for the next few days.
Reluctantly she went to the bathroom to take a shower, preparing herself to see Ximen again.
~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ximen was sitting on the sofa, barely listened all the conversation his friends were having or the way Desiree had been nagging him why he had not returned to the bed last night. He didn’t bother to all those things as he only bothered for one thing now. He only bothered for a chance from Xiao You.
Ximen held the mug that contained his favorite drink, black coffee tightly and only answered the questions either from his friends or Desiree without even noticed what the questions were. He had not concentrated with all of them now. His eyes fixed and didn’t leave the closing door of Xiao You’s room, mentally ordered it to open. Nevertheless it kept being shut and it had been shut thoroughly since the moment she had closed it softly behind, separating him from her figure.
He remembered vividly how he had stood in front of her room for a very long time, hoping she might have opened the door and willing changed her mind to give him the opportunity to say what he had wanted to say, only had returned to his room when he badly needed a shower and after that he had left again and sat on the sofa for the past two hours, still expecting that she might have emerged from her room. He could not believe his own persistency although he knew that he had been waiting in vain. Xiao You would never have walked out from her room and given him the chance.
He already acted just like people had been thinking about him over the years. The reserved expression of Ximen. His calm feature masked the turmoil of his feeling. No one realized that inside he was wondering. Inside he was craving for Xiao You to give him a chance.
Finally after a tormenting of waiting, he barely heard the few click on the door before it opened. Ximen knew that he had been holding his breath and badly needed to exhale the moment he heard the door had been opened.
He watched her emerged from the room and approached everybody. She seemed to drift than walk, her long dress flowing with her fluid movements and baring only slim arms, narrow wrists and slender angles. Her modest appearance, though, was pure. The plain dress only accentuated her classic beauty and anchoring that mane of fabulous brown hair into prim restraint merely imbued him with a strong desire to see those pale silken strands loose and spread across a pillow. She was a perfect doll, dainty and exquisite as a Meissen ornament. She was very beautiful. And somehow he didn’t feel that the staring on her door room had not been in vain at all. She was worth to wait.
As Xiao You headed to living room, her heart again started to beat very, very fast, indeed so fast that she could hardly catch her breath.
The sun light accentuated the smooth dark planes and hollows of Ximen’s chiseled feature. His bronzed skin was vibrant against the pristine whiteness of his shirt. With one long, lean and powerful thigh raised in a very masculine attitude of relaxation, Ximen was so physically arresting he just took her breath away. He didn’t look any less tired for only having two hours of sleep. And it was overwhelming to take in everything of him at once.
Across the wide space that separated them she saw him put down his mug and rise from the sofa. She felt her legs behaved like sticks without the ability to bend as she forced to move. He did not make the moment easier for her by striding forward to her. Watching Ximen move forward was like slowly coming into a deepest, dark side of earth.
It was a dangerous substantial feel, and while noting to obvious passing looks between the audiences that lingered in the background, she was powerless to look anywhere else but the man who was coming to meet her in a half way. How he could dominate everything around him? How he could entrap her with one mesmerizing look from those thick-lashed, brilliant eyes?
He stood and towered over her. His expression unreadable but when she looked up, his eyes held a gleam of spark. For a moment she thought that he was still disappointed with her about what happened last night.
Then he smiled, and it was the most wickedly charming smile she had ever seen displayed on his face. It invited her into a conspiracy of delight and something in her leaped to accept. She discovered that she was smiling back.
“Good morning, Xiao You.” He greeted her.
“Good morning.” She replied sheepishly could not take her eyes off of him.
“You are looking absolutely…” Ximen was not given a chance to say whatever he wanted to say when suddenly the main entrance was opened widely. Three figures of Zhuang Jie, her husband and mike walked into the room.
Now the whole attention was averted to them who came all of sudden.
“Good morning everyone!!” Zhuang Jie cheerful voice cried in the living room.
“Good morning Jie.” A si, her brother was the first person who greeted them and followed by the rest of the people in the living room.
“What a lovely day, isn’t it?” Zhuang Jie asked without waiting for the answer.
“Merry Christmas Zhuang Jie.” Shancai said and smiled to her before giving her kisses on her cheeks.
“Yes, Merry Christmas Shancai and to you all.” Zhuang Jie replied.
And subsequently it was just like encouraging them into a motion, bustling with excitement each greeted as they exchanged with hugs and kisses. It was a total scene of mini chaos amongst them.
Ximen who had not moved an inch from where he stood also received a kiss from Zhuang Jie, and hand shake from her husband, until He was standing face to face to Mike.
“Merry Christmas, Ximen.” Mike started to greet Ximen before extended his hand waiting for him the accept it.
Ximen looked without enthusiasm at mike before reluctantly he accepted and gave him a courteous smile to a man in front of him. He was torn between hating Mike and being civil toward him. He didn’t like him. He didn’t know why. Conceivably he knew why.
Because after Mike released his hand from the firm grip of Ximen, he averted his gaze to Xiao You. And Mike didn’t even bother to hide the admiration that was holding in his eyes.
“My God, Xiao You, you are looking amazingly beautiful!” He exclaimed and hugged her tightly. “The dress is simply perfect on you.” He added complimenting her appearance.
“Thank you Mike.” Xiao You murmured for the reply as she released his embrace but to her surprise, Mike kissed her on her lips.
It was only brief kiss and it might mean nothing. Yes sure, it might mean nothing for Ximen if the girl who had the kiss were not Xiao You.
Nevertheless it was Xiao You and Mike had said something Ximen supposed to say to her if it had not because of his sudden coming. It should have been him to call him beautiful. It should have been him to hold her and kiss her instead of Mike
Xiao You smiled, masking the surprise of Mike’s gesture toward her. But her smile gradually disappeared from her lips when she looked at Ximen.
His smoldering eyes had changed into withering and frosty. His hard glanced flicked in her direction. Xiao You hovered several feet away, alarmed by the jangling state of her nerves, the terrifying blankness of her mind and the even more demeaning truth that she could not drag her attention from him. Nevertheless she could not predict what was written in those fathomless eyes of Ximen. She was so confused. A minute ago, they shared a friendly exchange glance although it had not been called an intimate but it had been warm. And now Ximen looked at her the way he usually had looked at her all this time, distance and remote.
He could not take any longer. His jealous rage was already too much for him to handle and he could not take it anymore. There was only so much that he could do to keep himself from grabbing Mike by the collar then beating him. He had to leave to the place before he did something out of his control. He needed to be alone and as far and away from this hell as possible. Swiftly Ximen turned around and without even bothered saying anything he stormed out, leaving the shocking spectators of his abrupt movement but he didn’t care. He didn’t care at all.