| Fan Fiction |
by Livi
--Sir Robert Ayton
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It had been two weeks since her parents passed away. Life went on and everything seemed returned to normal to everybody. It was autumn already in Taipei and just like the day when she buried her parents, the wind blew hard and sent the chill up the spines of the people on the street, making them to clutch their coats little closer to their bodies fighting off the cold intruder. Car passed by. Mothers tugged their children and they hold them tightly as they tried to protect them from the cruel wind. Schoolgirls ran past giggling, talking and whispering to each other. People walked back and forth across the streets scurrying to their destination. Yes, life went on to everybody.
Well, almost to everybody. Because for her, her life didn’t go on and she could not return to the normal life she used to have although she knew the sun went on shining the same just like yesterday on the azure blue sky.
She just sat alone in that busy café stare blankly out the window. She rested her chin on her hand while the other held a cup of black coffee. She let her hair hung down and only wore a plain long sleeves knee length black dress framing her petite frame.
Customers passed hurried grabbing their coffees to go but they could not help to slow down their pace upon walking by to capture her image of beauty.
She didn’t notice it at all, for she was lost in her own painstakingly thoughts. Her face was fixed, pale and expressionless. Some might have mistook her older than her real age as her hardened feature of face held many stories of hardship and suffering. The only thing that gave away her age was her large brown eyes. Nevertheless it also showed sadness.
No one knew what she was thinking of. Her calm feature masked the turmoil of her present and her past colliding with each other like great waves of the ocean and the shores.
Her mind traveled beyond times until the same face appeared without her own permission. It was the face of the man that had changed her life. The man that had stood besides her sharing the silence pray for her deceased parents.
And just like a slow motion movie, she recalled back the memory. How it was started almost three years ago. She met him for the first time during Teng Tang Jing’s birthday party. She had worn a hideous stone-age dress that Shancai’s mother had picked it up for her. She had not known why that such a perfect guy like him had wanted to know her. He had been out of her league. He had had all the dangerous combinations rarely man had possessed, extremely wealthy and extremely handsome while she had been at the opposite of him. But still their acquaintanceship grew into deeper than both of them had expected when he had helped her with her two-timed first boyfriend. Her first boyfriend who had taken her most precious thing in her life and betrayed her at the same day. Then he had come along to open her eyes about the bitter sweet of love simply over cup of coffee. He had become her savior and she had known no one had had to blame but herself to feel romantically feeling towards him. She had let herself dreamt that she had been a damsel in distress and he had been a knight in shining amour came to rescue her. That perfect man had taught that she should have stood tall to face the world bravely and she should have never crossed her mind that she had been nobody. Nothing had gone wrong about the teaching part. Nothing had gone wrong that she learnt the lesson very well. The only thing that had been wrong that she had felt in love with the teacher.
She sipped her black coffee slowly before she put the ivory cup back to its saucer. It only made her kept wondering about him and the moment when she had confronted him to reveal her feeling for the first time. She still remembered exactly when and where. It had been two years and six months a go and the place had been in Ying De, his university. His university? Literally it was his university. His family owned twenty percents of profit share. And yes she still remembered his reaction. He had felt uncomfortable but soon it had been masked with politeness answer of thank you. Dissatisfied with his answer, she had pushed her luck further more until she had to hear what had been called the truth according to him. The truth he had told her had been that he never had any intention to have a relationship and in his lips he had stated that he had been a good lover but not a good person. However he could only have three things to offer if she had been interested, no string attached relationship, sex and jewelry. The three things that had made her cry and slapped his handsome face, not because those had been disgraceful but because she had not believed him. Somehow she had understood him, experience had told her that he had not been only good lover but also a good person.
She inhaled the air as she fluttered closed her long spiky lashes before she lifted slowly. She still didn’t believe her own courage to fall in love with this magnificent man. She had not believed her persistent to break the barriers and climbed his steel wall. As a matter of fact she had not believed that she had not given up fighting against all odd for his love for the next seven months. Obviously he had so much more appealing offer than hers. It had not needed a scientific observation that her love would have been only a burden for him. Ridiculously after she had had many denials either from his gesture or from his lips, she still had wanted to tell him that both of them had needed love. True, at least for her side, though. Until she had realized that she had had to give in eventually. She finally had faced the reality. He had not love her. He would never have loved her. He had just wanted to be her friend and for her being friend with him had been better than nothing. But as the time had passed by, she could not have handled to see him with other woman. She had loved him so much until the pain hurt badly. There had been countless nights for her when she had cried for him, prayed that he would have at least had a little bit affection to her. She had not expected love, because it had been out of her reach.
Vaguely she heard the radio from the café music box at the corner of this small crowded place played a bitter love song by George Michael and the world outside was whizzing by.
Cause I can’t make you love me… If you don’t…
You can’t make your heart feel, something it won’t…
There was a hint of sadness flashed on her big brown eyes as she listened to the song and looked outside the café shop window. It was the only indication of her emotion as she thought of his indifferent attitude towards her. He had been nice but he had been also reserved. He had treated her kindly but at the same time he had treated her like annoying gravel in his polished shoes. He had been dictating her happiness for too long and she could not have taken it any more. It had been so much better not to see him too often. She had done the avoidance slowly which it by the way had been unnecessary since he had been busy with his new role as a President Director of his company. His new role had made him and the rest of F4 to lead each of their lives individually.
She returned her mind back to the present time as she tried to stop thinking about him just because he had showed up two weeks ago for her parents’ burial and memorial ceremony. It had been the last time she had seen him. Their previous encounter had been almost two months ago. The thought about her parents again made her realized that without them, life would be very difficult, nor it had been better while they were still alive. Financial worried had been nagged at them most of their lives but now it was different. She had to face it alone.
She had one more year to go before finishing her study. It was fortunate for her that she was gifted by the intelligence that she could easily study without paying a cent of her education. Nevertheless her high academic score could not help her from life.
She still had to meet a landlord to pay the house rent. She still had to pay all the bills. And she still had to survive. Her part time job as a waitress was not enough to pay everything. It only covered her daily life. She could not quit her study now otherwise the government would return all the money they had spent for her. And asking Shancai of her help was out of question. Her best friend was already helpful enough and she didn’t want to bother her further more. Shancai also had her own problems.
Reluctantly she picked a piece of paper inside her bag. She had read the name and the phone number written with black ink there for so many times before. Too many until she could memorize it.
She took a deep sighed and lifted her body from the chair. She paced strode out along the windy road. She didn’t hear different kind of footsteps passed her by. She didn’t notice the horns from the cars. She didn’t care the busy and traffic streets lain in front of her eyes. All she cared was to call the person on that piece of paper she gripped it tight. Yes, she made up her mind. She made decision to call her. After all it was a matter of surviving.