| Fan Fiction |
by Livi
--Les Miserables
==========================================================================
It was grey and gloomy afternoon. The dark cloud came covering most part of the city since early morning and ever since then the rain had been sheeting and pouring hard steadily along with thunders rumbling and the occasional lighting.
It suited his mood entirely.
Ximen had been walking without any particular direction in the hospital area. It had been almost three weeks since Xiao You’s accident and her condition still the same. It had not changed either to worse or to better. He was already nearly to strangle all the doctors, the nurses who kept telling him, informing him and even consoling him that her coma state would only depend on her and her only. They had been saying the same damn thing every single time he asked along with his friends told him to believe in miracle, to keep praying and never gave up to believe Him and what was the reason behind this things.
He had been so desperate every time he thought that she would never come back to him. He had not cared about his work, he had not bothered about his concerning friends, he had forgotten the people around him. And it happened because of the misery of losing her.
The worst part had been that he had refused to go back to his place. He had not wanted to leave Xiao You even for a second. He needed to be near her incase she opened her eyes. He hardly ate, if not because of Jing, Xiao Qiao, Mimi and Shancai. He hardly took shower and got changed his outfit, if not because of his best friends. He would abandon his business and if not because his reliable secretary and his best friends
They were all worried that he would die for grieving and regret. For them it was the lasting happen to Ximen. He had gotten thinner each day and almost didn’t care about his look. He had not shaven for three days and his outfit was so misplaced. He was not the person he used to be. Something as similar as pain and regret had taken his once a very, youthful handsome man. They had asked him to go out around the hospital just to take fresh air. At first he had not wanted. He had insisted not to go anywhere however finally with so much effort they had succeeded.
Now just like few days ago, he started his routine to walk around the hospital only to think about Xiao You and his regret. He didn’t know he had been walking for an hour until he reached to the desolate part of hospital.
He stood under the intensifying storm as he saw in front him was a chapel. From the condition it could tell that it was hardly used. The white paint faded and there were few wild grasses covered the lower part of the walls.
Slowly without he realized he took his steps further more approaching the place. The reluctance clearly registered in his face. Once when he finally reached at the porch he looked up at the deserted wooden door. It looked that it was locked.
He took one step before he halfhearted retreated back. However something halted him. Something that kept playing in his mind for two weeks.
Then you should believe in miracle, Sir. Because when there is a great love there are always miracles.
The doctor’s advice echoed in his mind. Then come Xiao Qiao’s soothing voice.
Ximen you just pray, He will listen.
Would He listen to him now? Ximen asked silently.
He had done anything, anything beyond his power to make her wake up from her coma and it failed. Would it be because he didn’t believe in God? That he didn’t believe in miracle?
Ximen closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he turned his body around. Gradually he was ascending the steps closer and closer until his hand covered the fading brass door.
He pushed it gently and slowly the door opened.
Once he was inside he was welcomed by the smell of rotten wood and the atmosphere although was damp but bringing some feeling of peace he had longed to have.
Ximen took a quick glance of the place. He saw there were few paws row on each side as he walked in the aisle. The windows where closed by the shabby curtain and as he looked at the end of the walkway he saw the Jesus was being crucified and another ornament on the tables under Him.
He didn’t know what to do. He only stood in silence. There was no sound only the resonance of the rain clattering against the window.
However steadily he was kneeling down. In front of Him. At the very people called him God. Probably he would do the same thing whether if he was at this minute in the Mosque or Temple.
He had done everything he could but pray. Probably if he prayed this time God would grant him. God would grant his only wish.
He gripped the wooden trail tightly and closing his eyes to stop thinking. Just for one moment he wanted not to feel sad and pain. He was already too tired. He was exhausted to wait in vain like this not knowing where it would end and he knew that he could collapse in tiredness at anytime.
“God…” He began as he inhaled a deep breath and looked up. “I know you must hate me now.” He shook his head vehemently. “Oh… I know you hate me a long time ago. I am nothing but not your good gift to any human in this world but I… I…” He said brokenly, trying to hold the tears that threatened to come “But I just want to ask you to give one more chance… Just a chance to fix everything I have messed. I love her so much… It breaks my heart that she could not hear my regret. I want her to listen what I am going to say to her. I want her to know and hear each day that I would never stop loving her despite everything at any rate, at any situation and at anytime.”
Ximen cleared his throat as looked down blindly. What would he expect? What was he was hoping? That God would grant his pray? He was a sinful person, for heaven’s sake! It was obvious he didn’t deserve the second chance no matter how hard he tried to prove that to Him.
He, who had never believed in miracle, now expected one. He, who had never prayed, now was on his knee. And he, who was so arrogant now feeling helpless and powerless.
“I… I… Know that I have done her wrong…” Ximen stammered. “And I know that I don’t deserve a second chance however… I am begging you now to grant me…” He implored. The tears descended down his cheek like a falling rose. “I would do anything… Anything you ask even my life for trading her return…” He continued sobbing. His body was shaking. He just could not take the ache anymore. The pain was unbearable for him to handle.
The gripped was tighter every second as he was dispensing his pain and his sorrow to Him. The fear of losing Xiao You came again just like a great wave.
“She didn’t deserve me and she didn’t deserve to be at this state, God.” He spoke again after a while in silence. “If you want to punish me…” Ximen halted taking his deep breath throbbing. “If you want to punish me, just please… Please… I am begging you not in this way… I could not survive without her. She is my life.”
The lighting came and made a brief of split second to light inside the dark chapel.
Ximen looked up briefly to the window before he riveted the gaze to the crucified Jesus on the wall. A very tiny smile inclined on his lips.
“Is that your answer God for my pray?” Ximen asked Him softly and although he had no answer he didn’t feel that he was defeated nor cheated. For the first time since the accident he felt some strange ease that everything would turn to be fine. He just wanted to tell Him how he really felt about Xiao You, as no word could describe about it and yet somehow he felt that God understood. “You know…” He started again. “As long as I remember I never felt so happy until she came into my confused and disordered life. She has made my life turned upside down. With her sunny smile, she could make my days brighter and my nights warmer. With her love I could feel the secure feeling that I have never thought I would have. That was why I felt lost like a child when there was another better man who loves her also. I have been blinded with… With…” He faltered to think a deception of his father words. “I have been blinded by the jealousy and the fact what my father has told me.”
As now he recalled that somehow it didn’t matter anymore. Had he promised her that her previous life would not have infected their future? Sometimes when everything would have, with or without her explanation he would never doubt her and this time he would keep this promise he had made.
“I have never wanted or done something irrational, I am aware about my pleading however, God, I assure you that if you bring her to me I would do anything to keep her happy. I want to make her happy, because my happiness is in her hand. She is much braver, much wiser than I give her credit for. Her love is thick and it swallows me a whole. She is the bearer of unconditional thing. She is the best thing that ever has come and knocked my life. So you see…” He shrugged helplessly. “I need her.” He said with determine finality in his tone.
He turned around to see the surroundings before slowly rose to his feet.
Ximen gave one last glance and said his last speech. “I am begging you here to bring her back and I only wish you grant me that.” Ximen smiled once again. “And also I want to thank you for listening.” With that word he turned around and sensed the weighing burden on his shoulder was lifted.
Everybody was right, he only believed in miracle and it would work. He didn’t know how or when but he realized by now as long as he had faith, she would open her eyes again. All he had to do now was giving everything all into the hand of God. Heaven knew the best and He would give the best for him. Xiao You had been the best gift, He had given to him and surely He would not take the only thing and person that made him happy.
As he walked to the door, he was a changed man. The mourning, the grief, the distress and the sorrow had gone from his face only peace and content stayed.
He was just about to reach the handle of the door when it suddenly opened. The wind swished hardly and he saw a figure he recognized standing in threshold of the tall and narrow entrance.
Shancai was there. Her shirt was and her hair was wet, the sign that she was soaking from the rain as she was searching for him and he knew the only one thing when she was looking for him something had happened to Xiao You.
“Ximen…” Shancai called out his name in a soft whisper, her lips were trembling either from the crude, cold weather or the news she would like to say.
His heart hammered.
The beat and the impulse thundered as he looked into her eyes. Was he ready to hear the worst news, knowing for a minute ago he had felt so ease? Could he bear his emotion to receive it no matter how it turned out to be? Had not he given everything to the fate a moment ago? Had he promised God that he would take everything into the destiny that had written on his palm? Expected whatever happened and only relayed from his pray?
His gaze searched and studied his best friend visage. The silence was so enduring and the world seemed to stop revolving. He held his breath afraid to release it.
Then slowly a creep of smile curved on her lips.
She smiled! She really smiled!
Shancai was smiling between her tears and the weeping.
“She…” Shancai started sniveling as she wiped the tears from her cheeks away. “She is awake Ximen…” She said hoarsly “She is back…”