Fan Fiction |
by KENLI
All three guys are remembering Sancai’s reaction the first time Ximen took Xiao You out for a pretend date. What Ximen is doing now is no way near pretending and that’s what'S worrying them.
They can’t help glance at Sancai from time to time, nervously waiting for the weed to actually do something that would somehow show of her displeasure on Ximen making his moves on Xiao You.
“I think we should just leave them alone, come on Azi I need to rest”, with this announcement from Sancai, the guys let out a big sigh. The couple then one by one went to their respected rooms to rest, leaving Ximen and Xiao You on their first step to love’s journey.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“Xiao You, would you like to go sailing tomorrow? I could, you know show you around the area as well as some islands we own”, Ximen nervously asked Xiao You.
“Sailing…yeah sure, but I’m warning you I have no idea how to sail, the closest I have come near a sailboat is through my nephew who has a remote controlled one.” great going Xiao You, she mentally berated herself.
“That dinner you prepared was really delicious; I didn’t know you could cook.” Ximen said feeling like a stupid fool for the lame comment.
“Well I’m sorry to disappoint you but I did not cook it, I only prepared (serve) it. We actually just bought the food from one of the restaurants we passed by on the way here. We didn’t have time to cook anything, and anyways, I’m helpless in the kitchen, my friend Anne and I actually live on frozen dinners and salad back in New York. ” Xiao You said with a laugh.
“Oh, well you prepared it excellently then.” Ximen said thinking that Xiao you probably think he’s stupid or something, he so wants to kick himself.
“Oh God it’s not supposed to be this hard!” this from Ximen
“What’s not supposed to be this hard?”Xiao You then stopped walking and faced Ximen.
Oh no! Did I say it out loud? You really are stupid Ximen.
Taking a deep breath, he then faced Xiao You and held her hands. “I have actually spent the morning with Azi, Lei and Meizhou formulating plans on how best I could tell you or show you what I really feel.”
“I know you might think that I’m really so full of myself, expecting you to still feel the same for me the way you did 5 years ago. I don’t even deserve the time you’re willing to share with me. Heck, if I were the one in your place I probably won’t give me the time of day.”
“Ximen….”Xiao You started to interrupt
“Please Xiao You, just let me say all this, my courage might desert me and if that happens I might not be able to say all these things and that would probably be the second biggest mistake I will make in this lifetime”.
“5 years ago, I was the biggest coward and fool in this planet. I let you go, that was biggest mistake I ever committed, what was worse was, you probably thought then that I didn’t feel anything for you, when in fact I loved you then Xiao You and I still do. I’m just thankful that it did not make you hate me”.
“After you left, I tried to go back to the way I was before I met you, thinking I would eventually forget about you; I partied hard, dated girls- giving them a week of my life, but it didn’t last long, for I could not find the satisfaction I used to get in those kind of pursuits.”
“I said to myself maybe because I’m getting older and wiser, or maybe it’s a sign of maturity; I just went through the motion so that Meizhou and the rest won’t really notice, but parties started to bore me, so did the girls I went out with, until I stopped partying and dating altogether, I was just glad then that I started taking over the business, and just let it consume me.”
“The thrill of parties was replaced by the thrill of closing business deals. But I knew then as I know now that those were all excuses. The fact is that, I missed you and there was not a day that I did not regret what happened on the rooftop that morning.”
“After you said you loved me, my heart rejoiced. I could not really believe that someone as pure and lovely as you could fall in love with a bastard like me. But when I looked in your eyes that day, seeing the trust and faith you had for me, it was just too daunting and overwhelming.”
“I got scared…. scared of disappointing you, cause I might not be able to give you the kind of love you expected. I feared that you would one day find out that I wasn’t the man you thought I was, but most of all I was scared that the day would come and you will realize that what you felt for me was not love and eventually leave me.”
“I looked at you totally vulnerable because you let yourself love me, but I could not allow myself to be that vulnerable for I am Ximen, no girls should affect me. I made myself believe that I was just sparing you from the hurt, when in fact it was I who was scared of getting hurt.”
“You see Xiao You the five years of living without you was just really hell for me.” Ximen’s eyes are now glistening with unshed tears, he’s really trying very hard not to let his tears flow, but he felt that with all his emotions pouring out, any minute he could be bawling out like a child.
Ximen stopped, his insides felt that it’s about to explode as one by one all his emotions of the last 5 years slowly consume him. He turned to look at the vast ocean for all he could do now is wait……
“Why only now? If you really felt all that for me why didn’t you follow me, why did you let 5 years go by without even finding out if I was ok?”
“Don’t you think your half a decade too late Ximen?”
“Do you expect me to drop down on my knees and thank the Lord for that declaration?”
“What do you want from me now? And for how long will you want me?’
“How can I even be sure that you won’t get tired of me after a week?” Xiao You said with tears falling from her eyes.
“Did you know that I wished for this day to come, for you to realize you made a mistake in letting me go?”
“Do you know what I had planned to do if this day indeed come?” Xiao You asked Ximen, her shoulders trembling with all the pent up emotions she has stored for the last 5 years.
Ximen could not look at Xiao You, totally scared of what he would see in her eyes. Looks like he is about to face all his fears. He is just too scared that he will be leaving this moment defeated and scarred.
He is thinking that maybe this is his punishment for all the wrong things he has committed in the past.
The ghost of his own making is now haunting him, and there’s nothing he can do to stop it.
“I perfected in my mind the plan of rejecting you like you have rejected me then.”
“I planned on laughing at you, I planned on making your life miserable as you have made mine!” Xiao You’s anger could not be disguised even by the trembling of her voice.
“Please believe me Xiao You, I love you and I’m sorry” was all Ximen could say to her. Feeling her pain and understanding that he’s the cause of it, he could only drop down on his knees and finally let his tears fall.
Ximen felt like a candle slowly melting with every word Xiao You is saying, it seems like his knees has given out on him for he is now sitting on the sand, not caring that he appears defeated and dejected. His head is now bowed for he now can’t stop his tears from falling.
“But you know what?…………… I’m really, really stupid and a bigger fool, for I find that my heart still beats only for you Ximen.”
“I’m just such a glutton for punishment because I’m now willing to let myself be hurt by you again.”
“I must be totally demented because I can only admit that my life is equally miserable without you in it.” Xiao You said crouching down and facing Ximen’s trembling form. She doesn’t care that her tears are now blinding her, or that her white skirt would probably be ruined if she sat down beside Ximen, but most of all she does not care that the man sitting beside her could be the author again of her fall.
It was only like a minute ago that Ximen felt his world is collapsing before him; it was just a moment ago he felt the sun going down on him; it was only a heartbeat away that he thought that he is meant for a life of misery.
But with Xiao You now sitting beside him, it seems like he is now blinded by the light shining down from the heavens even though it’s probably 10 in the evening.
It seems that blood finally flowed back in his heart and the feeling that somebody is squeezing the life out of him is suddenly gone; And it’s all because of this barefoot Angel sitting on the sand with him.
Ximen could not help the sudden surge of emotions, and now hugged Xiao You as if his life depended on her.
Everything just suddenly fell away, all the ugliness around him, all the loneliness he has carried in his heart; all of life’s uncertainties were replaced by this feeling that he has finally found his Home.