| Fan Fiction |
by lollipoplove
Though for Hankyung, none of them matter. Or so he pretends otherwise.
It is the umpteenth hour, no turning back. He needs to glance at the flight monitor once more to fully digest where he is now. Going home, that is. But even after that nth glance at the monitor, he just needs to glance once more, stare at it again, and the characters ‘eight thirty’ never felt so ominous and looming than ever.
“Oppa, coffee?” It is Yuri who speaks, offering him a cup of warm coffee. Hankyung quite thinks that he has had much of a coffee fix for a day, so he refuses. He hears Yuri sigh almost inaudibly-and he just knows the pain, the sadness in her just by that polite refusal. He must have known better that his friends would do anything just to please him at the moment, an almost desperate attempt to remind him of better days.
The better days.
Those days when he was still in school with Eunhyuk and Donghae, those days when their group went to the beach every summer, those days when he was still with Tiffany. The days when he was still just another man named Hankyung.
But alas, there is something that is superior to better.
The best days were with Siwon. With Siwon and Eunmi. Try his hardest he will, but memories of the two just could never disappear from his mind. And he thinks it is already somewhat futile to think that they would disappear completely, for he knows that they never will. Again, he has made a fool of himself.
He must have known, he must have known. He must have known that Siwon is a man who cannot easily be loved, and be stable in terms of lifestyle at the same time. He is happy with the man, but is he happy with everything else?
Hankyung knows that he would not think properly; his proper thinking is eclipsed by pain, by sadness. And a feeling he thinks could be hope. If that is possible.
He needs to admit to himself that every pair of feet he sees, every voice he hears, he looks up to the owner, expecting that it is he, Siwon. Siwon who would convince him to not leave, Siwon who would convince him to be strong. And it strikes him again: he is really a fool, he is really stupid, for will he even agree to Siwon’s pleads if ever he really would come? Will he go with him?
Hankyung stops, he feels that he needs to face the real world.
‘But what is reality without love? What is life without love?’
A loud bell, a pleasant voice.
‘All passengers of KE 167 for Beijing, please be informed that your flight will be delayed, due to extended maintenance measures on your aircraft. Your new departure time will be 10:00’
Hankyung knows that his friends are smiling; they just do not want to show it. He too, is smiling, inside, yet he knows that it will never show itself. He feels his phone ring, and with a jolt he grabs it and flips it open. He feels slight disappointment when he sees that it is one of his college friends wishing him good luck in a new life who texted him; he doesn’t need to ask himself who he expected, or as he corrects himself, wanted to text him.
His eyes meet his friends’, and they are all gazing at him darkly, as if they know his exact thoughts. Hankyung could not avoid feeling sorry for them, for having a friend like himself in a situation he is in now: leaving a life of happiness and love, the only life he has and will ever have.
A sigh is heard, and Hankyung feels as if the weight of his heart just grew bigger.
“I-I’m sorry.” He says amidst the busy airport noise. All of his friends look back at him. “I’m sorry for...everything.”
No one speaks, an awkward silence is in the presence, even with the crowd’s noise in the background.
“For what?” Eunhyuk replies, though somewhat contrived, just to break the silence.
Hankyung breathes shakily. He is sorry for everything, for bringing them to trouble, for giving them worries they should be free of him. He is sorry for being alive, if he must say it in short.
“I-“ Before he could continue he is interrupted by Ryeowook.
“Hyung, don’t be sorry.” The small man says it in an obviously hurt and depressed voice, yet Hankyung appreciates it. “The point is we’re friends. Why would be friends with you if we aren’t ready to support you?”
What, Hankyung thinks, makes it him appreciate it more is that it is Ryeowook who speaks, not Yuri, not Eunhyuk, not Shindong. And even though his words would not erase his pain, it is still a comfort, an assurance that there are people who he can run to. Of course, he knew beforehand that he had them as friends-but he is quite glad that they were ready for pain and trouble.
Without warning Yuri hugs him, and it is rare that she cries, like what she is doing now. It takes a few more seconds for Hankyung to register and hug back, and he savors the warmth, that feeling of care and understanding-he will sure miss his friends.
“Uh, hey, let’s save the crying for later, okay?” Eunhyuk says, and Hankyung feels a smile creep to his face. Yuri giggles shakily, and Hankyung beams wider at the sight of his friends beaming back.
..........................
The car speeds on the expressway shamelessly, its ferocious force proving much of a disturbance to other motorists. Changmin is very thankful that no highway police has caught them yet.
“Changmin-ah, can’t you get any faster?” Siwon practically shouts; well it isn’t noisy inside the car but that feeling of anxiety just could fill up for the nonexistent noise.
“Hyung, we’re already beating the speed limit.” Changmin says it calmly, but it is evident that he too is nervous, even if he is the one who willingly joined Siwon.
Siwon groans, he knows that there is nothing he could do but wait. Wait for them to arrive at the aiport, and stop Hankyung from leaving.
But he asks himself, what are the odds of that happening successfully? He and Changmin could be stalled by highway police, and it is of course the great possibility that Siwon would not get through security. Or worse, Hankyung could have left already.
He could have left.
The prospect of that idea, that very idea just scares him. He doesn’t want to think about it, he pretends as if it would never happen; even though it has a high chance. Siwon is knows that he needs to break out of his box that Hankyung will always be his; Hankyung, his love, is leaving, not accepting would just make it more painful.
But what makes it difficult for him to accept it is that he is leaving for a reason that is more than invalid. Yes, he knows that, for he is human enough to know what is right and what is wrong, not just based on his love for the man. He had always wanted Hankyung to fight-yet now, it is impossible. Everything just passed on like a dream, a big, fast dream, wherein merely forty-eight hours ago they were in paradise.
The car speeds on, and from every perspective of his hearing he could clearly hear the loud police siren sounds. He is quite sure that there is none of the police behind them, judging from the still somewhat calm face Changmin has.
Siwon glances at his watch, it is already nine o clock. He has no idea what time Hankyung’s flight would leave, and he is praying very hard that it still hasn’t. Like he already said millions of times before, he could not bear living without Hankyung.
The car gradually speeds down, and Siwon looks at Changmin with incredulity. The younger man only has a look of dismay on his face, and Siwon suddenly realizes that the police sirens he had heard earlier were apparently not untrue.
He doesn't know what to think or feel anymore when a motorcycle pulls over beside them, and an aged police officer walks to beside Changmin's window.
"Why, going over the speed limit aren't we?" The police officer says.
Siwon stares at his clock. Nine ten. Each second, each tick of the clock feels like an hour. He could not afford to miss Hankyung, to let him go. He needs to escape from the situation fast.
"Hand me your license boy." Changmin is obviously pissed as he reaches his pocket for his wallet and extracts his license and gives it to the police, who records it on a small sheet of paper. No one speaks, but Siwon, amidst his disarray and despair, could feel that Changmin is planning something, judging from the heavy grasp on the car's clutch.
"Hyung, I'll speed away. The airport's already near, and they're going to go after us. I'm gonna drop you by the transport terminal, the one where the buses dock." Changmin whispers, and before Siwon could digest and think about what his dongsaeng just said, the car speeds off, faster than earlier, and he feels an adrenaline quite unlike he has ever felt before.
The other motorists are obviously bothered, and Siwon hears the sirens start again. From the rearview mirror he could see the police chasing after them, and behind them two familiar cars. Everything is a flurry of fast colors and speeding velocities, and Siwon could not clearly think anymore. His heart is pounding, and he is too disoriented to worry at what might happen next. It would be now, or never, as cliche at it may sound.
Airport signages are becoming prevalent, and the sirens grow louder. Changmin's face is of pure determination as he speeds up, and Siwon could not stop himself from alternately looking at the road scenery zooming fast and his watch which read nine fifteen.
The car enters a big tunnel of sort, which is actually the bus terminal.
"Hyung, we're here." Changmin says, at the car screeches to a halt. Siwon opens the door, and knows full well that he has no time to thank Changmin, so he jumps out and shuts the door closed, and he could hear the police approaching faster. With a final glance at Changmin, who is already driving away, he enters the airport lobby.
..............
Mrs Choi could see the developments from afar, the police chasing his son and his friend. They are inside the transport terminal already.
'This would not happen.'
She glances at her watch, which read nine fifteen. She has always hated air transport for having flights that are always delayed. From nine o clock to ten-well, at least that's what her contact from the airport told her. She keeps herself calm though, as she doesn't want high blood pressure of all things to ruin her plan.
"Mrs. Choi, we are already here." Her driver says, and she looks at her assistant beside her. The young woman gulps as she hands her boss a black box, and Mrs Choi opens it to reveal a gun. She smiles as she prepares the bullet.
"Well, I'm really sorry my dear son." She whispers. From behind the car, she sees a familiar car, and she laughs once realizing who the occupants of the car might be,
she didn't know her other son could drive.
.............
“Flight KE 167 bound for Beijing is now boarding. All passengers with…”
Hankyung breathes heavily as the PA continues on. A queue of passengers forms in front of the boarding gate, and he is anything but willing to join them, even if he knows that he would eventually do.
Everything happens for a reason , he would always tell Siwon. And he finds himself somewhat ashsamed, for he himself knows what is happening at the moment has grounds, a reason.
He is in the airport, his flight boarding for a reason. He is away from Siwon and Eunmi for a reason. He and Siwon couldn’t be for a reason.
Yet, if everything happens for a reason, he and Siwon met each other for a reason, right? In the same way that they fell in love, they raised Eunmi. They love each other for a reason. They existed alongside each other for a reason.
The queue of passengers grows longer, and he feels quite lonely; being one of the few who still has not joined the line. The plane is shining in the early winter sunlight, and passengers seem happy and all smiles as they board the plane to Beijing. Except him, of course. Yet he knows he must learn to be happy, for this is it.
This is it; this is his new life in front of him.
Yet his feet are anything but ready for this new life, for they are still rooted on the grey carpet of the waiting hall, as well as his body, for he is still seated on the steel bench. So is his mind that is still thinking of Siwon, most especially his heart, which still beats for
Siwon.
Well, he has done everything that he had wanted to do in Korea, anyway. He has studied, made friends, learned to love. And he has already said goodbye to his friends earlier, a tearful one at that, and to his love
‘Goodbye, Siwon’
And it hurts him that his farewell to his lover is just a mere split-second mental anecdote, and Siwon is miles away, not able to hear that sad goodbye.
The queue shortens, and he figures out that he should board already. The less time reminiscing and digesting the last of Korea he would see in quite some time, the less difficult and sad it would be. He stands up, and he suddenly hears a cacophonic beeping of security gates, loud shout from the guards, and a hoarse voice he is all to familiar with.
“Let me in! Let me in!”
There is no mistaking with that tone, with that deep voice. And there is no mistaking with the suited man, albeit handsome one, struggling with the arms of security guards near the gate. He suddenly feels his heart jump, rejoice-at the same time that dreaded familiar stream of conflict from the brain feeding his ears.
‘It couldn’t be’
Yet it is, it is Siwon breaking free from the guards, it is Siwon running to him, it is Siwon hugging him tightly, it is Siwon crying for the first time Hankyung has ever seen him do. It is Siwon begging him not to go.
And Hankyung savors the warmth, the love, and he feels all the walls and trappings of a perception of a new life he has built crash and crumble into pieces-for his existing life, his only true life is here, in front of him, begging for him to stay.
“Hyung…” Siwon says, his voice unsteady. People around them are watching, and the guards have given up. “Hankyung hyung, please, stay.”
Of course Hankyung wants to stay. Only that he could not, as tears coat his eyes, threatening to leak out. Of course he wants to love Siwon, continue to love him for as long as he lives-yet he could not. Two possible lives are in front of him-the new, and the current. And even though the current is enveloping him in love at the moment, the new just is stronger-the prospect of doing something for the greater good, even if it is against himself, is the right thing to do.
“Hankyung….Stay…Please….” Siwon says again, and each word is both a comfort and a dagger to Hankyung’s heart. Earlier he had dispelled the mere possibility of Siwon coming to him, and now that he is here, as shocked as he is, he is more than ready to go with him. At the same time, he is more than determined to leave.
“Siwon.” Hankyung speaks, low, and hurt. He has made up his made days before, and there is no changing it. “Go.”
Siwon’s hug tightens. “No, hyung, you’ll stay, you’ll stay right?”
Hankyung closes his eyes, not wanting to let tears flow. From now on, he would not cry-he is the new Hankyung, the Hankyung who lives in a new life.
“Go.” He repeats. Siwon hugs tighter, pleads harder.
“Hyung…No….” Siwon is sobbing already, so is Hankyung.
“Siwon, please. Just go.”
“No.”
“SIWON, JUST GO!” Hankyung shouts, and he doesn’t care anymore how many people are staring at him, that his friends who he had already said goodbye to are also in the gate, catching their breaths. For Siwon’s hug is slowly loosening, and he feels freedom, freedom from happiness, from care, from love. Freedom from life.
Siwon looks at him, and tear tracks are unabashedly flowing in his handsome face. Hankyung doesn’t want to look, but he is, and his heart just breaks even more-even if he had the opportunity to mend it. Siwon stares at Hankyung for a long, painful time. Hankyung gulps and walks to the gate, his back to Siwon and his friends and to Korea. Siwon is still rooted to his spot, not believing anything that is happening.
And suddenly everything became to fast to be understood.
A shouting match, screams, Siwon running to Hankyung and hugging him from the back, with so much force causing both of them to kneel, a series of high pitched screams, and the dreaded sound of a gunshot.
There is silence for the next few seconds, and Hankyung, once completely back to his senses, feels a sense of insecurity, a sense of great fear, as if something bad has happened. The song of death, if that is possible, for it is eerily silent.
And Hankyung feels Siwon weakening, his hard grip on him loosening.