| Fan Fiction |
by Xiao Feng19
Title: 4/5
Your title really suits your story well!One thing just bothers me and it is the "~" sign.Maybe your story will be more presentable if there's no "~" sign but it's alright.No need to change it.
Forewords: 10/10
Your forewords are great!You intoduced your characters well and you also made your summary very interesting.
Poster/Background: 10/10
A perfect score for you again!Your poster and background suits your story.And the font you used made your readers read your story easily.Not too dark,not too light!
Plot: 19/20
You plot is good.Haven't really read any stories like this so overall,it's great:)
Creativity/Originality: 9/10
Great!Creatively done.
Flow: 2/5
Actually,your story flows too fast for me.Maybe make it slower next time?
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 4/10
Girl,sorry for the low score but seriously, need to work on your grammars.I know that you have said in your forewords that you are not great in English because it's not your first language but if you make a story,make sure you know how to write in English well.
Okay,here's some advice and tips:
1st: You need to know the past,present and future tenses.For example in this sentence from your story: [ "You are late to said that..."] the word [ said ] is wrong.Why?Because you are dealing in a present tense so that means the right sentence must be [ "You are late to say that..." ].Might as well change your sentence into [ It's too late for you to say that ] that sounds more appropriate.
2nd: Use the word is and are.For example in this sentence from your story: [ "Selina,your voice so loud!" ].You must insert the word [ is ] it means the right sentence must be [ "Selina,your voice is so loud!" ].Again,might as well change it in another sentence like [ "Selina, your voice is too loud! ]
3rd: Dealing with the word [ I / I'm ].Okay here's a sentence from your story: ["He seem order me to read this book for i change to type girl he like... But i'm still not read it because it was so hard... ;(" ].These sentence must be changed to: [ "He seem order me to read this book for I change to type girl he like... But I'm still not read it because it was so hard... ;(" ].In English,we always had to write [ I / I'm ] with a capital letter [ I ] even if it doesn't starts a sentence.
4th: The spelling of the word [ Thank you ].I keep on encountering this word in your story but I think the spelling of your [ Thank you ] is worng ..[ Thank you ] is the right spelling not [ Thankx you ].
5th: I this sentence: [ Remember put little smile when you talking with him ].There's something missing and that is the comma [ , ] and the words [ a ] and [ you're ].The right sentence must be [ Remember,put a little smile when you're talking with him. ]
6th: Capital and small letters.I have encountered lots of this in your story especially in Chapter 4.Remember,every sentence must start with a capital letter okay?
Characterization/Details: 9/10
Great characterization.They suit them well but Bebu nowadays is very common.
Writing Style: 6/10
It's alright but just work on your grammars.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
Sub Total: 77/100
Bonus: 3/5
Total: 80/100
Wow that was my longest review ever.Anyways,no need to be sad.You just really need to work on your grammars but except that,nothing's wrong.Just follow my tips and if you need help just come to me.Sorry for the long wait for your review^^Keep up the good work!Jia you~
-Ms.Mysterious Bug
Thank you Ms. Mysterious Bug for the review…
Hahaha my grammar still same… I will try my best at my next fanfic!
Love Me? (title maybe changed later)
/lovexiaofeng19