| Fan Fiction |
by Ruwee \:D/
Title: 5/5
I find your title cute and eye-catching. It sure does fit your story overall. I don't have much to say here except that you had a great choice of title.
Poster/Background: 8/10
It was actually cute and all, but it would be better if there were pictures of the characters. I find the poster and background too plain. Oh, nice choice of pink there. It wasn't the annoying shade and the font doesn't clash.
Forewords: 7/10
The forewords was not really that catchy. You should have placed something like a certain happening from before. Your forewords was just too plain but hey, I love it. The description part was something not that common but I saw it before. It wasn't from you but I found you having this habit for occasions and such.
Plot: 12/15
The plot was very cute, indeed. Though I can find many of these stories in winglin, I just find yours very sweet. I don't really have much to say, just that it's a very sweet story line.
Originality/Creativity: 11/15
Too common. As I've said, I can find many of these stories in winglin. Your creativity was good though. The ferris wheel thing is something not too common. Just that, I find this quite similar to Hebe's solo song. I think it was entitled Ferris Wheel. I'm not too sure but really, you have great creativity.
Flow: 8/10
I find it a little draggy at some parts. Maybe, quicken it a bit? You were dragging the story because of their thoughts. I don't know to others, but that's how I get it. I just find the flow draggy.
Writing Style: 9/10
Great style but as I've said, it was draggy. Learn how to manage your story to not make it draggy. The thoughts of your characters just made things slow-paced. That's a big disadvantage.
Grammar/Spelling/Vocab: 9/10
Nice. There weren't really errors on your grammar, spelling and vocabulary. The error here is the capitalization and punctuation.
Example:
“If that’s the way that it should be…” He paused and licked his lips, “I love you more and you alone…”
Should be: "If that's the way that it should be...," he paused and licked his lips, "I love you more and you alone..."
Notice the difference? You shouldn't capitalize 'h' in 'he' because you are still going to continue the dialogue.
Characterization: 9/10
It's a one-shot, what can I say? Characterization isn't really evident in one-shots except if you really need to bring it all out. But in your story, it wasn't really needed given the style you used here.
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
Love it! The song added points to it. Love the song you composed. Fits the story well.
Total: 83/100
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Thanks kyle. :]]