| Fan Fiction |
by mangalover93
Note: All the notes below is to help you to improve on your writing skill so please don’t take any message below in an offensive manner…YOU WROTE A SONG!!! XD *running around happily* It’s a really nice song and I like it hehehehe…Keep it up! *hug you and run off*
Title: 4/5 I give you 4 because the title somehow emerge the story line prettily. ^^
Poster/Background: 8/10 the poster and background is good but it could get better. There’s always a space for everyone to improve their work.
Forewords: 4/5 I don’t really believe a writer need to give information on every character because the reader will find it in the story and you have the detail such character, pairing, disclaimer, summary, warning etc etc… Its good enough for me. You even have the extracts. YAY~!
Plot: 14/15 the plot is nice but predictable. I must say I don’t really fond of cliché scene but this is good.
Flow: 9/10 it’s not that fast and not that slow…Its totally fine.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10 you have lots of minor mistakes especially on spelling and you tends to repeat it again and again and again. But I still can understand what you trying to say anyway. You can always avoid these mistakes by re-checking your work after you finish it or you can make it better by writing it in Microsoft Word because it has an auto check that can help you with spelling mistakes. I'm going to point out your mistakes one by one okie ^^
Take a note on these mistakes you make in your updates and the corrections...
Foreword:
Words: It will a scandal.
Correction: It will be a scandal
Word: Extracs
Correction: Extracts
Chapter 1:
Words: You guys are now claiming the whole way up to the top
Correction: You guys are now climbing the whole way up to the top
Chapter 2:
Words: Although you know this, you still hope
Correction: Although you know this, you still have hope
Words: At the set he chooses to have fanservice with the other hyungs in stead of you
Correction: At the set he chooses to have fan service with the other hyungs instead of you
Chapter 4:
Words: “Where is maknae? He is the on responsible for the dinner.”
Correction: “Where is maknae? He is responsible for the dinner.”
Chapter 5:
Words: “I came home at 8.00 pm and he was already gone then. All of them look at Ji Yong. He is in deep thoughts.
Corrections: “I came home at 8.00 pm and he was already gone then.” All of them look at Ji Yong. He is in deep thoughts.
Chapter 6:
Words: You are walking really nearly dragging your feat after you
Correction: You are walking really nearly dragging your feet after you
Words: You just stand their looking at his face
Correction: You just stand there looking at his face
Words: Don’t you leave me, I still own you an answer
Correction: Don’t you leave me, I still owe you an answer
Chapter 7:
Words: You guys rush into the hospital with you carrying him while the others look after help
Correction: You guys rush into the hospital with you carrying him while the others look for help
Words: This is all you fault.
Correction: This is all your fault.
Chapter 8:
Words: You have heard his footsteps outside your run, and you know why he left.
Correction: You have heard his footsteps outside your room, and you know why he left.
Characterization: 8/10 your characters are well-build but if you can give an elaboration on them, it would be better.
Orginality: 8/10 Like I say, this story is cliché and predictable. I’ve came across this kind of plot a lot of times but I can see your originality at some points because even though the plot is about the same but I can still see some differences in setting and action.
Writing style: 4/5 your writing style is simple and easy to read. I prefer it that way.
Overall enjoyment: 8/10 I like your story even though its cliché but its very rare to read a good cliché scene and your story are one of them. I totally enjoy reading it ^^
Overall score: 74/100 This is not really a low score but trust me, you can do better. Aja! Aja! Fighting!
___________________________________________________________
Thank you so much for the review, I'll try my best to improve my writing :D Thank you for reading and reviewing my fanfic ^^ *catch you, hug you then run away ;P*