Fan Fiction |
by Mimosa
The ticking of the clock was echoing in the deep night. Jessica felt something built up slowly inside her. Here it came again. No, she couldn’t stand it anymore. This feeling, was it anger? Jessica didn’t want to admit that it was there, nor she wanted to name it anger. She didn’t want to hate anybody. She wanted to be able to trust and love, just like the old days. Jessica felt the urge to get up and do some crazy thing. She might throw the clock out of the room? She might bang her head into the wall? Suddenly, Jessica wants to throw everything away. She doesn’t feel like to hold on to anything anymore. Not even him! Oh, how her head ached! Jessica saw the yellow shade of the light getting longer, and larger, and then it all swirled into a huge blurry spiral of dust…
Jessica woke up the next morning only to see it was too late for class. "Fine, I would take a day off." She had not taken a single day off since the beginning of the semester. She’d trying so hard to be a good student, just like she’d been trying so hard to be a good daughter. Jessica felt yet another pang of irony. Her Mother had trusted her for 20 years odd, why not one more time? Why not THIS time? Jessica knew perfectly it was all for her good, that dear Mother had really tried to shield her little Jessie from being hurt and embarrassed. What did precious little Jessie know of life? She should not fall head over heel in love with that notorious Gallen. Listen to dear Mother who knew best: if a man had cheated once, he’d cheat again and again.
“No, Mother, you don’t understand!”
“I do, my dear, it’s you who’s blinded”
“I trust him”
“I won’t allow him in my house any longer”
“But Mother, I am 23”
“But you’re still my daughter, aren’t you?”
“You’re being unjust”
“How dare you say thing like that to me, just because of that boy?”
“Mother, I’m sorry, but I have my own head, and you’ve taught me how to think and justify..”
“Great, now since you’re graduating from College, I’m nothing more than just an old stupid woman?”
“Mother, you know it was NOT what I meant?”
“Now, now you raised your voice to me?”
“You’re being impossible”
“And you’re not the same daughter I have”
“Mother!”
“You do whatever with your life, but I will never accept THAT ONE as my son-in-law, ever!”
“He didn’t do anything to you, why did you hate him so much?”
“You forgot? That unreasonable, irresponsible boy hurts MY daughter!”
“It’s my life, and I love him!”
“And I, your Mother, love you!”
It took a lot of self-control for Jessica to get through that agonizing conversation, without sending her Mother into a hysterical state. There were a few near misses, and the “old stupid woman” theme almost threw Jessica off the edge. Well, should she be glad she’d handled the talk with poise? Or maybe that attitude would further arise suspicious from her protective parent? Jessica was too exhausted to care.
What’d it been like before Gallen stormed into her life? The Louis affair was totally pleasurable. Mother loved Louis, and Father was indifferent. Michelle didn’t trust Louis, but Mother just teasingly scolded Michelle for being so childish. Raymond was too young and didn’t want to be entangled. It was nice dating Prince Charming and causing waves of envy from all her classmates, but Jessica subconsciously sensed something missing. She was reacting so coolly, and so surprised even herself, upon hearing about Louis and Ada. Sure she wasn’t that attentive to him at the time, and as a matter of course it was understandable for him to fall for someone else. Michelle was shocked: “Sis, are you leaving it just like that?” “What if I am?” “You’re not mad at him?” “He explained!” “That’s it?” “Yup.” “Good luck then, sis”.
Then came her scholarship, and Jessica decided to leave HK without much hesitance. What happened then at the airport might be credited to pure first love, with the first hand-holding, and some cute promises. Jessica still wondered whether Louis’ palm was firm or soft, hot or cool… For some reason she couldn’t be sure of any of that, and Jessica was horrified. Was it love, or was he simply her trophy and she his? They’re sure proud of one another. She’s the icy cool smart chick and he’s the hot popular guy. They made head turned and heart ached, but would the feeling between them be named after love?
Nadya called to casually mention how miserable Louis was after the break-up, and Jessica had carried something similar to guilt, since then. What else would she have done? Carry on the relationship, when she knew truly at heart she’s not in love with him? It would only hurt him more. What Jessica felt toward Louis before was not more than a friendship, only she didn’t realize it sooner. She deeply regretted hurting him, but it was the only thing she could do. How she long for Louis to find a love of his life, and be happy. Only then that Jessica could put down the burden of that something-very-similar-to-guilt.
Mother learned about the break-up and told Jessica she would love to have Louis around, while Father only let out a chuckle. Michelle relieved. She’s never have faith in her sister’s first love. Seeing Ada on Louis’s lap inside that Karaoke/café was too much to tolerate. Ada, by the way, was not the only one girl Michelle and her friends spotted to be together with Louis when Jessica was away during school year for college. Jessica was probably right about not being attentive enough. Louis was too popular to be left alone. Yes, Michelle felt relieved indeed. Secretly, Michelle believed that one of the reasons for their Mother’s fondness toward Louis was that Jessica never showed her affection. Louis did not present that threat of throwing Jessica off her balance, and so Jessica remained a great daughter with good judgments.
Only when Gallen came, that Jessica found her life turned up side down…
Because she loved him!