| Fan Fiction |
by Xiao Wen
Title 5/5: The title is perfect. It represents the story well.
Forewords 7/10: Your forewords are short and characters didn't have proper description. At least put a bit of introduction to the main leads. The question part was good though, let the readers wonder how it's going to be.
Plot 17/20: The plot is okay though I've seen this kind of storyline in a movie. The story is quite predictable. You should add a little spice in it. You already put a fantasy theme so the story would be better if Wang Zi is from another dimension or from another time.
Originality 3/5: As I said, I've seen this kind of storyline in a movie so I didn't find it original.
Grammar/Spelling/Transitions 10/15: There were a lot of grammatical errors. Some of them are:
You wrote: "Are you kidding? You must be kidding.."
Should be: "Are you kidding me? You must be joking.."
You wrote: Her eyes started to tears.
Should be: The tears from her eyes started to fall. Or: Her tears started to fall. Or: She started to cry.
You wrote: She was lying on her bed thinking of the incident that happens this afternoon. Her eyes started to became teary.
Should be: She was lying on the bed thinking about the incident that happened this afternoon. Her eyes started to become watery.
You wrote: "Why... Why you must leave me..."
Should be: "Why? Why did you leave me?"
You wrote: She walked towards on her mirror and pulled the c
You wrote: She walked towards on her mirror and pulled the cloth off.
Should be: She walked towards the mirror and pulled the cloth off.
You wrote: "Can you stop mumbling? Can you ever finish your sentences?"
Should be: "Can you please stop mumbling and finish your sentence?"
You wrote: "Hey! Why you're scolding me?"
Should be: "Hey! Why are you scolding me?"
You wrote: Gui Gui stared at him smiling. She didn't realize that this guy could make her angry when she was crying over her break up. Suddenly, she realized that there's a guy in her mirror.
Should be: Gui Gui stared and smiled at him. She didn't realize that this guy made her angry while she was crying over her break up. Then she realized he was inside the mirror.
You wrote: "Why you're in the mirror?" Should be: "Why are you in the mirror?"
You wrote: "How could it ever happen? It's like a fairytales.." Should be: "How did it happen? It's like a fairytale."
You wrote: She smiled. Somehow, her smile melts the guy's heart.
Should be: She smiled. Somehow, her smile melted the guy's heart.
You wrote: "But, why she was crying just now?" Should be: " But why she was crying now?"
You wrote: "If you don't mind, would like telling me just now why you're crying?" Should be: "If you don't mind, would you like to tell me why are you crying?"
You wrote: The guy uses his hand and touched the mirror
Should be: The guy lifted his hand and touched the mirror.
You wrote: "He is just missing someone good like you"
Should be: "He's missing someone as good as you."
You wrote: "You stay near the airport".
Should be: "Are you staying near the airport?"
You wrote: "I'm Gui Gui. I'm from Taiwan. Where you're from?"
Should be: I'm Gui Gui from Taiwan. Where are you from?"
You wrote: "Yes? Is it something wrong?"
Should be: Yes. Is there something wrong?"
You wrote: There was a long silent between them until Gui Gui decided to break the silent.
Should be: There was a long silence between them. Then Gui Gui decided to break it.
You wrote: "What do you want to talk?"
Should be: "What do you want to talk about?"
You wrote: "No... it's the past already."
Should be: "No... It's in the past already."
You wrote: Gui Gui opened her door and quickly rushed towards her mirror.
Should be: Gui Gui opened the door and quickly rushed towards the mirror.
You wrote: Gui Gui started to tears.
Should be: Gui Gui started to cry.
Please be aware of the grammatical mistakes that you made. It will help you to improved better in the next fanfics and will enhance the readers to read your story easily. I didn't see any spelling errors which is good.
ewan q kung tama rin ung mga grammars q
bwahahahahahaha
Flow 8/10: The story is okay for a one shot series. Not too fast nor too slow.
Choice of Words/Idioms/Quotes 7/10: I didn't find any catchy phrases or quotes but I found it easy and understandable to read.
Details/Settings/Characterization 12/15: The settings are rarely mentioned in the story. Details are in a fast phase though I can catched up with it easily. You didn't describe the characters well. For example, Ya Lun left without telling Gui Gui the reason. His character was the boyfriend who broke his girlfriend's heart and that's it. You didn't mentioned why did Wang Zi appeared in the mirror a
and disappeared in an instance
Enjoyable 10/10: As much as I love GuiLun, I'm a GuiWang fan too. I enjoyed this story a lot. Go GuiWang!
Bonus 2/5: You didn't have any poster or background to represent the story. Sorry bout that!
Overall Score: 81/100
*Hope it will help you to improve in your future fanfics next time. Jia you! Thank you for requesting at U-Request!