| Fan Fiction |
by mushiromigal
Title: 10/10
Nice. :)) It relates to the story, as Arron really was by Hebe’s side, at the fast food branch and the seaside.
Poster: NA/5
Quoting from my previous review ‘I didn’t grade this since you didn’t have a poster.’
Background: 5/5
Quoting from my previous review again XD ‘The common yet useful black and white combination allows the reader to read the story easily. =]’
Forewords: 10/10
I like the forewords because it creates suspense. =D It kind of hooks the readers’ attention, making them want to read it. This time, I’m not deducting marks for lack of introduction of characters because I found out that most one-shots didn’t do that. So, sorry mushiromigal!
Plot: 8/10
Generally, your plot is okay, though not well enough developed. I felt that more scenes could be developed, like between when Hebe suddenly talked to Arron and the second sentence. It may be because of the mostly script format you’re using.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15
Your nemesis, I mentioned before, is still your typos, which are mostly caused by the laziness to press the ‘shift’ key. It is not advisable to use ‘…’ too often. There should be a space between the comma/full stop and the next word.
Creativity: 13/15
Even though it’s a bit cliché, with the main character having a disease and will die, so he/she breaks up with him/her to avoid him/her to be upset by his/her death. (Hope it’s not confusing XD.) However, the part about Arron’s ghost, or rather, spirit, was quite unique and unusual. =D
Writing style: 4/5
Again, the mostly script format lacks information. There could have been more description of how Hebe felt and what she did after breaking up with Arron. Perhaps writing in a novel format will be better, although since fanfics requires lots of dialogue, that’s not advisable either. Having said that, I can’t complain.
Reader friendly: 5/5
You’ve got no problem with this. No problem at all. =]
Characters: 5/5
Need I say more? The pairing itself is there. Everyone likes it. Enough said. XD
Flow of story: 10/10
The flow of story is alright. Not much flaws I can find.
Bonus: 5/5
The bonus is full once again, because I enjoyed your story. It’s a good effort. :))
Total score: 88/95 ( 92/100)
Continue to strive and improve consistently! I will look forward to another of your good works again! I hope you like this review. =]
thank you angelheartED from http://charming-elegance.co.nr/!You made my day!