| Fan Fiction |
by mushroom_banana
Nothing she said was making coherent sense. One minute she was talking about Chun dying and the next minute, she’s planning her escape. Maybe it was because I was still disoriented from sleep that my mind moved slow like thick syrup. But seeing the flustering person in front of me, the more important matter at hand was to help figure out a solution that would benefit everyone.
“So you’re telling me that you saw Chun die in the process of saving you and now, you think you’re the bearer of bad luck, is that correct?”
“I have to get away from him as far as possible, if I don’t, my premonition will turn into reality. I’m not going to let that happen, I can’t. I won’t,” she added with a note of finality.
I shook my head in argument. “But it’s just an illusion, it’s not going to happen Ella. You shouldn’t automatically link everything bad that happens back to yourself.”
“I rather be safe than sorry. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before; think about my parents, my friend who I couldn’t save, and even tonight’s accident. I saw their deaths before it happened and I couldn’t prevent a single one of them. I still can’t forgive myself after all these years,” Ella revealed regretfully to me.
I understood Ella’s fears, they were not unfounded. I still remember how much she suffered and the deep scars that are still torturing her even now, so it's not a surprise to see her acting irrationally. “I understand that you’re afraid of history repeating, but you have to know that what happened in the past was not your fault, don’t put the blame on yourself. They were all accidents; you couldn’t have known or stopped it. And let’s say you do have the ability to see into the future, how can you be so sure that things won’t change for the better. Besides, this is definitely not the best solution. Running away won’t help.”
“At least I can be in control this time. If I can prevent the incident from happening, then why not give it a try? All I have to do is simply avoid Chun. If we never meet again, it won’t come true.”
She sounded so confident in her words. However, as her friend, I couldn’t allow her to recklessly make such a decision that would affect her entire life. “Is it really that simple Ella? What about your life here? Your job? You’re going to just give everything up?”
She considered my words for a moment and I saw her face dawn with realization at how difficult a task it actually will be. Things are not as easy as it sounds. I knew I made a point that even she couldn’t refute no matter how much she convinced herself. After all, acting upon it would be a life altering event.
“Yes. If it means sacrificing what I have now to ensure his safety, then I’m willing to make this exchange.”
I crossed my arms to show her my opposition. “Well, don’t think I’m going to give you my support. I’m one hundred percent against this idea. It’s crazy!”
She moved over to me and took my hands and held them in her own. “I know you’re worried for me. But I know what I’m doing and I promise I won’t regret it. This is something I have to do. You’re the only one I have and I really need your help now Selina. Please?”
“Chun is going to have a fit, you know?” I reminded her.
At the mention of him, her face faltered. “I know,” she
whispered sadly in a low voice.
I sighed. Seeing her so miserable and helpless softened my heart. If I don’t help her, no one would. “I’m probably going to regret this, but I’ll help you, silly girl. When are you leaving then?”
She smiled that sad smile of hers. It was the kind of smile where even though you knew things were going to be hard, you’d still force your mouth to curve up into a smile. “The sooner the better.”
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[His POV]
I watched her as she typed the field report for our recently solved case. Something was bothering her. I could tell by the way she typed; a few strokes on the keyboard, a pause, and then some more typing followed by a small sigh. Ella was acting very different the past few days, ever since the weekend to be exact. She had been unusually quiet and always seemed to be deep in thought. Though she tried to act normal in front of everyone, you’d be able to see through her facade if you just paid a little more attention.
I have no idea what’s bothering her, but it must be something troublesome that even Ella is stumped. Recalling the years I’ve known her, there really were not many things in the world that could make my partner so unfocused. I searched my brain for anything that might’ve caused her to be like this, but I couldn’t think of any.
It was lunchtime and everyone left the office to grab a bite, but Ella was still staring off in space. I looked around the office, it was completely empty except for the two of us. It was now or never before the opportunity passes.
“Ella?” I called out to her uncertainly.
She shook out of her reverie, eyes focused again. “Yes?”
“Is something bothering you?”
She looked at me for a second and then looked away as if uncomfortable with looking me in the eye. “No.”
There. I knew something was wrong. She averted her eyes when she answered, a habit I noticed whenever she lies. It’s not that I expected she would come right out and tell me what was on her mind, in fact, I had already anticipated she’d respond the way she did. She never did like to show any signs of weakness, she only keeps things bottled up inside of her. I don't know why she had to put up such a tough front because not once did I ever think of her as weak. I just wish she’d open up and allow me to help her rather than her taking everything on by herself. But I knew my partner; she is not the kind to be forced, so I decided to give her space and privacy.
“I’m getting lunch, what do you want?” I asked her.
“I’m not hungry,” she replied, still refusing to face me.
“You still have to eat something,” I insisted. Even if she wasn’t going to tell me what was wrong, I was determined to at least make her comply with this.
“A salad then,” she acquiesced finally.
“Alright, I’ll be back in a bit.” She nodded and resumed back to typing the report she’d been working on the entire morning.
As I lined up to pay for our food, my thoughts drifted back to my stubborn and unique partner. It had been four years since she entered my life and still, I feel as if everyday is like the first time I met her. The confusing feeling of nervous anticipation is how I feel towards her; something to look forward to, yet at the same time, I’m blocked by a sense of forbiddance. I keep thanking whoever it was that assigned us together. It was during the time when I was going through one of the darkest periods of my life that she appeared; she was like the light brightening up my bleak path.
Ella is one of the strongest person I’ve met. If I had to choose, I'd say she was the stronger one between the two of us. In terms of handling emotional stress and things of that matter, she excels far better. Her perseverance and will to bring justice is so passionate that anyone who works with her can feel it too, and I admire her for that.
I know that working with someone like me is challenging; I don't know where she finds the patience to tolerate me that even I can't believe it sometimes. It is also her passion that's motivated me to work even harder than before. The fact that she is serious about work makes her charmingly attractive. Through the years of our partnership, I’ve grown dependent on her that I’ve let her into my heart where none has ever gotten close to. I don’t know how she did it, but there is no one in this world that I trust as much as her; simply put, I trust her with my life.
As close as we may be, somehow, we've never crossed the line beyond our professional partnership. We may have the best chemistry with each other, but that only goes up to working partners and friends. I feel there is an invisible line that is preventing us from taking that extra step. Although Ella has always been there for me and we devote much of ourselves like two halves to a whole, I am not quite sure about her feelings towards me. I wasn’t sure if she wanted a professional relationship only and to keep things as is or if she wanted more.
Our relationship has been an ambiguous one. Not yet lovers but more than friends. Does she have romantic feelings towards me? That I do not know. Sometimes, I think she does, but other times, I feel like she doesn’t. But I do know that my feelings for her are genuine. There is no one who I am worried about as much as I do for her nor is there anyone who can bring a sense of completion to my life like she can.
One other thing that is preventing me from admitting my feelings for Ella is that I'm afraid of scaring her and ruining what we have. That is why I try to test her reactions when the opportunity arises. The constant teases and innuendoes I throw at her are actually tactics I use to gauge her thoughts and reactions, but no matter what I say, she's expertly deflected them back at me.
Of course there had been times when our guards weakened and it felt like we were ready to bring our relationship together, but it never happened. It was like we were on the verge of moving forward, but only to get pulled back in the end. Maybe it’s because of the fact that we are partners that forbids us from taking the relationship to another level. I feel like there will always be a barrier that blocks us from moving forward. Either way, Ella has become a part of my life that I can no longer extract away from. Even if we stay as partners, it doesn’t take away the concern I have for her. When she is troubled, I feel the same way too. All in all, things between us can’t be easily resolved in a day, but turthfully, I am waiting for that day to come soon.
For the rest of the day, it passed by uneventfully. And for that, I was thankful; the last thing I wanted was for her to be stressed with unnecessary work. On our way out, I saw her half-eaten salad sitting on her desk.
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[Her POV]
The moon hung gloomily in the sky matching my mood. I stared at it as I sat in the car on our way home. Chun insisted on driving me home tonight. I refused, but his persistence won in the end, he always did. I knew he sensed something. I was never good at hiding things especially from him, but there was no way I’d tell him what was on my mind or what I was going to do. I knew I should have declined, it was only going to make things harder, but somehow, I found myself giving in to him. Maybe I also wanted to spend some more time with him, so I agreed. Sitting in his car like the other nights, I wished for this one ride to last longer. But similar to my decision on leaving, it was inevitable that all things must come to an end. We had finally arrived at the front of my home.
“Thanks for the ride Chun.” I was reluctant to leave as this would be my last time with him. I knew it was going to be hard, but now that the moment has arrived where I would leave him forever, I didn’t want to go just yet. Knowing that we would be separated pained me like a needle puncturing into my heart. I suddenly felt overwhelmed with a sense of losing something precious; it felt like my heart had formed a large gaping hole that would never heal from the bleeding.
“Get a good night’s rest. Everything will be fine tomorrow,” he assured me.
I was stunned. For Chun to speak such optimistic and unrealistic words, I can tell he was pretty worried about me. Being in the force has trained us to speak only of the harsh reality; false statements such as the one he just spoke of are for believers, soft-hearted people, or those who are in denial. It was better to deal with the situation directly. We don’t believe in giving fake hopes. To us, using words like that meant you had a real predicament. For that briefest second, I felt my decision to leave Chun waver due to his open concern for me.
“Chun, I have something to say.”
“What is it? You can tell me anything,” he encouraged me, eyes filled with concern.
Then, I couldn’t make the words come out. “N-Nothing. I just wanted to tell you I’ve already finished the field report and printed it out. Just cosign it and hand it in. Also, all the documents are stored in the computer, you’ll find everything you need there. And I’ve-”
“Ella, you’re rambling. Tell me what’s wrong?” he asked me raising the same question from this afternoon.
I put on the best confused expression I could. It was not easy acting in front the very person who knows you better than even yourself sometimes. “What are you talking about? I told you, nothing’s wrong. I’m just reminding you where everything is in case I’m gone.”
“Well, you sound like you’re never going to come back,” he commented, oblivious to how his words would become a reality sooner than he can imagine.
I flinched slightly. How true his words rang. Though he didn’t know it, what he said was all going to come true tomorrow. I hope he wasn’t going to hate me for abandoning him. That was his sore spot. His parents abandoned him when he was just a baby, so it had been painful growing up with the sad truth that your parents threw you away like unwanted garbage. Me leaving him would bring those sad memories back. He would undoubtedly be mad at me for leaving without a word, but I would rather he be angry than die.
I forced a laugh. “Of course not, where would I go? There are still plenty of hooligans and crimes out there waiting for us! Anyway, I’m going to head in, guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Hey Ella?” I heard him hesitantly call my name.
I looked at him and steeled myself for what he was going to say. No matter what it was, I couldn’t let myself grow weak-minded again and almost ruin everything I’d meticulously planned. Every action I take now is crucial.
“Don’t forget, I’m always going to be here for you,” he said and smiled widely at me. His smile was filled with unconditional encouragement and trust; I was touched that he was offering his support even when he didn’t know what was bothering me. I felt warmed by his thoughtful gesture.
His words, echoed in my mind however. Those were the exact words Chun said to me in my premonition, and the haunted image of his dying face materialized into my mind. I couldn’t help but think I was making the right decision to leave. Seeing him like this, it was impossibly hard to say goodbye, but I knew I had to get away from him. I wasn’t going to risk the consequences by being selfish and indecisive.
It was uncharacteristic of me, still, I pulled him in so I could feel him close to me one last time. Leaving him was going to be the hardest thing to do; at least I can look back later and still have this memory to cherish for the rest of my life. The feeling of hugging Chun was powerful, so powerful that I momentarily forgot about my worries. I tried to memorize and engrave everything that was his into my mind; his face, his smell, his voice, his touch, and his spirit. It was ironic how even after all this time, I never managed to let him know how I felt. Even though we were physically close, I felt our distance growing wider by the minute. As much as I wanted to hold on, the thought of him dying for me gave me the strength and motivation I needed. I got out the car without another word. He’d understand I was giving my thanks for the support I didn’t ask for but had so earnestly needed.
I ran into my apartment as the searing hot tears I’d desperately been holding in spilled out uncontrollably. I couldn’t see as tears stung both my vision and heart. The buried feelings I had for Chun all these years surged up and surfaced into the open like a can bursting open from released pressure. It was so plain and obvious. I don’t know why it took me so long to realize that I loved Chun for so long, but it was now too late nor could I risk him getting hurt later on. The hurt I felt sunk deep into the pit of my heart and spread maliciously to the rest my body, taking away any feelings I had except for the painful reality of loss. I mourned for my loss that came too late. I mourned for the love I never expressed. I mourned for my heart that could feel nothing except painful emptiness. I wonder if the hollowness in my heart would ever heal. I also feared what my future looked like, but whatever the road ahead of me held, I couldn’t back out now. Everything’s been decided and dead set.
“Sorry Chun, please forgive me,” I kept repeating again and again those words he would never hear.
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So sorry for the late update! >_<
I got lazy and lost the inspiration for awhile, but I promise that I'll try to update sooner for the next one. Hope you guys like this chapter as it shows both their POVs. Again, thanks to those who commented and continues to read this story, hope to receive your continued support.
August 14, 2009