| Fan Fiction |
by nineprincess
Author: nineprincess
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/nineprincess_5/
Reviewer: Rachi @ Adorable Love
Title: 2/5 ~ This was such an awkward title. Looking at it made me think of something very amateur where creativity is nonexistent. In other words, it was boring and predictable. Next time, try something that grabs attention; your title is the first thing a reader will judge
Foreword: 4/5 ~ I liked your forewords. It was interesting and it definitely had my attention. One thing I wished for was that it would be more of a “commercial” to the story and less of the actual story itself. I read through the whole thing before I realized it was supposed to be a forewords instead of the actual story.
Poster/BG: 10/10 ~ Loved it. Pretty in pink and refreshingly simple; perfect.
Plot: 17/20 ~ Your plot was good for the most part. I think it was a little intimidating at first because of the length; stories like these do not need to be dragged out to the length of 35 chapters.
Characterization: 10/15 ~ This was okay; it wasn’t the best but it’ll suffice. I wish you can do a little more with your characters in future stories. If the plot is extremely long, your readers will want to expect unique, unpredictable characters to keep them interested. If the character is just there to support the main character and has no other life besides that, it gets boring because we as readers want to see characters BESIDES the main ones develop. Try “showing” instead of “telling” next time.
Creativity/Originality: 7/15 ~ Just reading the title, I knew what the story was going to be like. I could guess every single thing that was going to happen and, what do you know, they happened. Some people say that there are only around 35 different types of plots that can be used and maybe they’re right. The trick is to change the way you tell the story to make it unique because there’s no way to have a completely original plot.
Spelling/Grammar: 8/10 ~ No spelling mistakes but I feel like you could have used more vocabulary. The same repetitive ones get REALLY obnoxious; all the characters talk the same, think the same, narrate the same, it’s all rather dull. Also, some of the words you used just sounded out of place. They weren’t wrong in context or anything but for example “I will only loathe and despise him to my guts.” Just looking at the “guts” part feels weird. Do you think you could have used some different words to phrase that?
Flow: 5/5 ~ The progression of the story was well done, the mutual attraction didn’t feel rushed and the story moved along at a very nice pace.
Writing style: 7/10 ~ Style is something I feel like you can work on. Besides using more vocabulary, I think you should furnish up the words a little so that the story wouldn’t have that stereotypical sense to it. Using more elegant words for a stereotypical plotline like this would really change it up.
Overall enjoyment: 3/5 ~ I love Fahrenheit and S.H.E…although not together haha. But I liked your story itself, although I think writing style can use a little more work.
Total: 73/100