Fan Fiction

Loveless (for now...) *COMPLETE*

by octavian

Chapter 42

REVIEW: Black and White

Title: 5/10
Your title was really interesting, and would grab my attention. But the title had nothing to do with the story. When I was reading all 39 chapters I was waiting for the "Loveless" part but it didn't come.

Poster&Background: 5/10
You didn't have a poster nor a background, but the most important part was reading the story and your font didn't hurt my eyes. Just a tip, having a poster is a crucial point in attracting readers, so keep that in mind.

Foreword: 6/10
You only had a description for Mi Young, which was really good. But what about Big Bang? There are some people that don't know that Big Bang exist, so they might not know their personalities or what they do. So if you want to use their "real" personalities or want to change it, describing them in the forewords is very important.

Also I noticed that you only put a brief summary in the forewords. Sometime brief summaries are good, but you have to make it so good that after reading that one or two sentences readers are going to kill you for more.

Cast Used: 4/5
I found it weird how their mood swing changes. Like their personalities are like different from time to time. It's almost like they have bi-polar or something. But otherwise Mi Young seems believable.

Originality & Creativity: 13/15
I have read stories and seen dramas like yours before, but you gave it a few twist.

Story/Plotting: 13/15
The plot went smooth, but their were some parts where I was like HUH?.
For example, when Ji Yong pushed Mi Young in the elevator, it took me forever to figure out what happened. I had to read two more chapter to realize what he did.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/10
I don't remember catching any spelling or grammar mistakes so its good.

Pace Of Story: 9/10
The pace of the story was perfectly fine but you tend to jump around. This problem is not often so don't worry about it.

Writing Style: 4/5
I noticed your writing style is script/story form, which I think is unusually umm, I don't have a word for it. But try sticking to story form. It's more easier to read and less confusing, because at some points I would pause and re-read a section or sentence over again to figure whose talking.

Overall Enjoyment: 9/10
I did enjoy this story, but at some parts like the part that JiYong pushed Mi Young on the floor and broke something I had to stop for a while because I'm pain-intolerant. But that's my problem, hehe.

Sub- Total: 76/100

Bonus marks: 0/5

Total mark: 76/100

Reviewer's Note: You did well for a beginner!!

Review By: omgxitsxemily