| Fan Fiction |
by octavian
Title: 6/10
Comment: It wasn't that capturing and didn't really relate to the story. If I saw this on winglin I wouldn't have clicked on it. I also feel that the extra part in parenthesis was not necessary.
Plot: 14/20
Comment: The plot was okay. It wasn't the greatest though. I also found it a tiny bit annoying how you just gave up Jiyong's side love and suddenly made TOP just like Jiyong. It was like a repeat of the twenty chapters you had written for Jiyong.
Flow: 7/10
Comment: I think it was a bit too quick. Big Bang started liking MiYoung after two days. It's a bit unrealistic for that too happen. Then it felt slow when you added TOP's love for MiYoung. You start something and end it so suddenly. I didn't have enough time to digest it all.
Forward: 4/10
Comment: It was only a few lines and didn't really leave me wanting more. You could have given a bit more description instead of giving a list about the characters.
Poster/Background: 5/10
Comment: You didn't really have a poster. It was just a picture of Big Bang and looks are part of capturing readers. The background was okay, and it was easy to read so thumbs up for that.
Originality/Creativity: 7/15
Comment: It was pretty cliche, but I have to admit I did not see Jiyong's attack on MiYoung coming. Other events you put in were cute, enjoyable but you could guess what was happening.
Writing Style: 8/10
Comment: You would skip a line after one or two sentences. You could have just left it and created a paragraph. There were also times when you started out with quotations then switched to script format. You should stick with one or the other. The way you wrote your story seemed a bit robotic. There wasn't much feeling and the way you transitioned from one topic to the next seemed awkward.
Spelling/Grammar: 6/10
Comment: Sometimes when you switched the POV, you ended up talking in another POV like this:
SeungRi and DaeSung take her luggage to a bedroom so I decided to follow.
You said "her" instead of "I". It gets a bit confusing. You did that a lot too.
There were times you didn't use certain words correctly.
I blushed to when she came.
It should be "too" instead of "to".
Or:
I put my stuff on the desk and laid down the bed.
You forgot to put "on" in the sentence.
You didn't have big mistakes and a person could easily ignore the mistake and read on but I do advise that you reread through your chapters because though as small as the mistakes were, there were still a lot of them.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
Comment: It was enjoyable but to be honest there were times when I felt a bit tired of your story while reading it.
Total Grade: 60/100
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at least i know my mistakes. i'll improve, HOPEFULLY! ha!~