| Fan Fiction |
by Phoebe a.k.a Phebs
Jaejoong lie on the bed with his pillow leaned against the headboard of the bed to support his head. It had been a whole morning now Jaejoong stayed in bed just staring at the photo of his family and smiled to himself when a certain event of the past came into mind. With a finger, he caressed the image of his parents on the photo and slowly moved up to the image of his twin brother on it.
“Jaejun…” He muttered softly as he rubbed his finger on his brother’s face on the photo. How he missed the feelings before when both of them always have each other, keeping each other in close distance. But fate had them separated and Jaejoong sighed when he knew they can never go back to the way they are before… ever again.
A knock on the door pulled Jaejoong from his thoughts. He quickly shoved the photo back under his pillow before sitting up properly and cleared his throat.
“Come in.” The door slowly swung open and revealed Aya entering his room.
“Kazuki. You’ve been in your room the whole morning. Are you feeling okay?” She asked in concern.
“Yeah. I was just… thinking.” Jaejoong didn’t dare look Aya directly. He stared to the window at front and Ji Sung’s words slowly repeated in his mind again.
“Thinking? About what?” Aya came closer and sat herself by the edge of the bed, looking attentively at him but just as she does so, Jaejoong naturally stood up and rubbed his hands anxiously on both side of his hip.
“Erm… It’s nothing actually. You’re right. I stayed in bed for too long. I will go see what Mrs. Ueto needs help on.” He answered somewhat hurriedly without much eye contact with Aya.
“But Kazuki…” Jaejoong already left the room before she could say any further. She frowned and felt her heart ached slightly. Was he… avoiding her?
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Mrs. Ueto was humming a happy tone to herself when she halted just reaching the new art room and saw the door to it slightly opened. She gave the door a light knock before inviting herself in and saw Aya sitting there staring blankly at a covered canvas.
“You know, you can’t see anything with that cloth covering it." She teased and Aya instantly looked up at her mother’s presence.
“Kaa-san… You are here…” Aya’s mother instantly dimmed from her tease hearing the sad tone in Aya’s voice and plastered on her usual motherly concern face as she sat herself beside Aya.
“Aya, what’s wrong? You can always tell Kaa-san everything.” She caressed Aya’s cheek gently and shows a smile to lighten the mood. Aya looked up at her mother with her frown before lowering her face.
“Kaa-san… Kazuki has been acting strange all day.”
“How so?” After asking the question, Aya’s mother could see her little girl’s eyes looking like she was about to cry.
“He… he seems to be avoiding me. Whenever… whenever I try going near him, he would always keep a distance between us and shows that expression like it was nothing wrong.”
Aya turned to her mother and gripped on her mother’s hands as the rush of emotions took over her.
“Kaa-san, I don’t know what’s on his mind and there’s nothing I can do if he keeps pushing me away like this.”
“Maybe he’s just nervous with the wedding coming up. Not only girls get nervous over it you know.” Aya’s mother tried to reason.
“I don’t know… He just suddenly became so… unreachable. Maybe this wedding thing isn’t such a good idea.” Aya told with her voice cracked. Aya’s mother gave a gentle pat to Aya’s face so Aya would look at straight into her eyes.
“Aya-chan, listen to Kaa-san… Close your eyes.” Aya was reluctant but she did as she was told and closed her eyes the next second. Aya’s mother took Aya’s hand and placed it on Aya’s chest - where the heart was.
“Listen to the sound of your heartbeat dear. Let it calm you down… Let it guide you…” Aya nodded to her mother’s every utter.
“Now… what does your heart tell you?” Aya slowly lifted her eyes open and stared at her mother.
“That I shouldn’t think too much and trust him instead of doubting him.”
“That’s my Aya.” Aya’s mother smiled and Aya finally smiled as well. Both of them stood up with Aya giving her mother a light hug before they left the room.
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Jaejoong lie on his bed with his eyes closed, letting the music from his iPod filled his mind. His chest raised up and down slowly, showing his steady breathing and he exhale slowly to calm his thoughts.
“Tonight is the night… Nothing should pull me back from doing it.” He muttered to himself and took in another breath before exhaling slowly.
“What are you listening to?” Not long after, Jaejoong heard that familiar voice so close beside his ear. He let his eyes flashed open and shifted his head to the side with his sight welcoming the view of Aya lying much closely to him as she plucked his right earplug away and stuffed it into her ear.
Jaejoong abruptly stood up and was panting as he lifted a hand to his chest.
“Did I startle you? I am so sorry Kazuki.” Aya stood up and went up to him with her worried look but he extended his palm out to stop her motion.
“No! Just stay… I am fine.” Both of them just stood still in place as Jaejoong regained his breathing to normal again. He looked back at her with a glare and Aya felt guilty inside.
“Why didn’t you knock?” He unexpectedly raises his voice.
“I-I did. B-but you didn’t hear a-and your door was open s-so-”She stuttered but stopped when Jaejoong looked away.
“Enough! You did nothing wrong... I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you.” With that, Jaejoong just walked out of the room, leaving Aya watched him leave in sadness.
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Dinner that night was unexpectedly quiet. Aya’s mother glanced up from her meal back and forth at Aya and Jaejoong, noticing the two just quietly minding their meals. She cleared her throat and was glad that it caught their attention but they just briefly look at each other before lowering their head once again.
“Well, it has been a very… peaceful dinner tonight.” She tried to start something up but the two didn’t give any respond.
“I am done.” Aya and Jaejoong announced simultaneously and landed their sight on each other for a brief moment before looking away again.
“I will be in my room.”
“I will clear the dishes.”
Aya’s mother watched as both of them headed to different directions – Aya to the kitchen and Jaejoong to his room. She just sighed and continued her meal.
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Aya shifted and turned around her bed, struggling to get to sleep. She sighed heavily as she flashed her eyes open and look to her clock on the table, reading that it was already 2 a.m. She sat up and started fiddling with her fingers as her gaze fixed blankly to the fron . The touch of her ring caught Aya’s attention as she lowered her gaze to it. She stared at it with her heart feeling a building ache when out of a sudden a certain determination struck her. She placed her fingers on the ring, trying to take it off only to find herself struggling with it, either by the ring being too fit to her finger or her strength somewhat diminished oh so coincidently. She couldn’t make up her mind which reason it was and couldn’t care less for as that moment, she just want that ring out of her finger.
“Come on… please… just come out now…” She kept muttering to herself as she felt her fingers kept slipping from the ring and she repeated her attempts.
Meanwhile, back at Jaejoong’s room, Jaejoong was just staring down at his gun placed on the table. He sighed as he looked up.
“Aish! Kim Jaejoong! What is wrong with you? This is just like how you always do…” He muttered to himself. He looked down at the clock at the corner of the table and saw that it was already 2 a.m.
‘Aya is probably asleep now so there’s no hurry. I should just go to the bathroom to freshen up and clear my mind.’ He thought to himself and nodded to his own suggestion as he stood up and walked out of his room, heading to the bathroom.
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Jaejoong stopped in front of Aya’s room as he was on his way to the bathroom when he heard sounds like… sobbing. The door wasn’t completely shut so he pushed it open lightly and peeked inside.
“Aya? Are you still awake?” He asked softly and saw Aya jumped a little upon his entry.
“K-kazuki… I thought you were asleep. What are you doing here?” She asked, concealing her voice that was actually cracking up.
“I should be asking you th-” Jaejoong stopped his words when he saw Aya’s finger with the ring on it was reddish all around the area of the ring.
“What happened?” He promptly sat beside her on the bed and took hold of her finger to look at it. Seeing how worried he was, Aya actually felt happy inside – that he still cared about her.
“I… I just want to get the ring out.” She answered. Aya’s voice awakens Jaejoong from his actions as he released her hand with his face averted.
“You shouldn’t force it out if you can’t.” Jaejoong said without looking at her, his face unknowingly scrunched in discomfort. Aya’s heart really sunk then.
“I don’t care. I just want it out!” She began pulling at the ring again, forcing it out.
“Aya stop! You gonna hurt yourself!” Jaejoong turned back to her just then and gripped each of her wrists apart but Aya kept struggling to break free of his hold.
“Kazuki… What are you doing? Just… let… go…” The more she struggle, the more he tightens his grip.
“No! I won’t let you hurt yourself!” Aya stopped upon Jaejoong’s words. She looked up at him and try to read through his eyes.
“Do you really concern whether I am hurt, Kazuki? Do you really love me as you said you are?” She questioned him with tears slowly gathering in her eyes.
“O-of course I do, Aya.” Jaejoong answered but it wasn’t a convincing one. Aya shook her head rapidly as tears flow down her eyes.
“No you don’t, Kazuki… You don’t really love me as much.”
“What are you talking about Aya? We are about to get married. How can you doubt it now?” Jaejoong asked and chuckled incredulously.
“Can’t say I wasn’t for the past months…” Aya answered bitterly as she bit onto her lower lips.
“Aya…” Jaejoong whispered softly, keeping his gaze fixed on Aya’s face averted.
“After… after that incident with Siwon… I can’t say Siwon’s words didn’t get through me because it did. But I choose to believe you are really Uemura Kazuki, my only one true love. I mean how can you not be Kazuki when you had the ring and the same necklace. I thought I would feel better about that but it wasn’t… another possibility came to my mind… That Uemura Kazuki doesn’t love Ueto Aya like how he does way back in those years ever again.”
Aya lowered her head as she felt the struggle to continue with her words but she has to finish it since she started it, despite the aching feeling suffocating in her chest and made her feel like she was about to faint any moment now.
“I was just denying myself all these while. Poor Ueto Aya has just been dreaming about something impossible. Defying what her eyes were showing her. That Uemura Kazuki was… different towards her… how he just suddenly treated her coldly and they suddenly became so stranger. After those years I can’t seem to grip whatever is in your mind anymore and it really scares me. It really scares me badly, Kazuki… Like I was suddenly back to that dark and gloomy world I was before.”
Jaejoong lowered his head as he felt her intense gaze on him.
“When you gave me the ring, I don’t know if it came to your mind how happy I was. I thought my happy ending was coming true after all. But things went uphill and down again from there. My heart was at cloud nine one moment then plunged to the lowest pit the next then it went on from there like a cycle of life. I really had enough of this, Kazuki… This ring… I don’t want you to just feel obligated because of this ring… because of how I waited for you for so long… because of that promise you made to forever be by my side.”
“No Aya… It isn’t like that.” Jaejoong defended but his voice just seems so weak and almost inaudible.
“Kazuki, it’s okay to be true to yourself. It’s really okay. I won’t blame you. I just want to see the true Uemure Kazuki, the one that changed after these three years instead of someone putting a false mask for Ueto Aya, so she can keep to the past with those happy memories she cherished so dearly.” Jaejoong’s grips on her hands unexpectedly loosen then. Aya took her hand upon her chest and stared down at the ring.
“This ring no longer belongs where it was supposed to be those years ago.” She muttered as she went back to attempting the ring out. A few more pull and suddenly Aya yelped as thin line of blood was visible on her skin. Jaejoong instantly regained himself and pulled Aya into his embrace, letting her back leaned against his chest with his hands tightly gripping her wrists as he locked her arms crossed against her chest.
“Kazuki… Don’t stop me… Let me go!” Aya kept squirming, struggling to break free.
“Aya… You are right… Listen to me…” Aya stopped squirming and listen attentively to Jaejoong whispering close by her ears.
“I haven’t been true to myself. I haven’t been true to my feelings towards you. It isn’t fair to you. I have been trying so hard to push this lie to myself. But who was I kidding.” Jaejoong chuckled bitterly. Aya shut her eyes tightly. She would have lifted her hands up to cover her ears if Jaejoong didn’t lock her hands against her chest. Yes, she knew it was coming but she despised herself for having the thoughts to avoid it. She couldn’t bear to hear the truth but what she never knew is the truth isn’t what she thought it was like…
“I really want to marry you, Aya. I really want to go through with this with you. There isn’t another person in this world that makes me feel so strongly inside. That makes me feel like… I belong…” Aya shook her head rapidly in disbelief.
“Why did you treat me so coldly then? Why were you avoiding me? Why were you-” Her words were cut off when Jaejoong abruptly bury his face upon her shoulder, nuzzling against it.
“I am sorry… I never felt this way in a long time. I thought I was doing the right thing. Now I wonder why did I keep my feelings away. Only to have hurt you and myself. I thought I was… I am sorry Aya. I have hurt you…”
“Kazuki… What are you-”
Aya wasn’t let to doubt and question any further as Jaejoong released her and swiftly twirled her around to face him as he pressed his lips against hers, starting the kiss off yearningly before turning slowly and passionately, then lovingly, not withholding even the slightest love he felt for her.
Upon ending the kiss, Jaejoong cupped her face with his hands as he stared into her eyes.
“I love you, Aya. I love you deeply… lovingly… more than I ever feel in my whole life. Look into my eyes… Don’t tell me you can’t see that.” Aya stared intensely into his eyes and nodded before crying out all the feelings and doubts that have been suffocating her all these while. Jaejoong planted a soft kiss on her lips and let his kisses trailed up till a last one planted strongly on her eyes, kissing her tears away. Between his kisses he muttered those most desirable three words – I love you. But the more the words were spoken to her, Aya felt her cries got stronger instead.
“Aya… please stop crying.” He urged her softly.
“I-I… I can’t… T-they just won’t stop…” Aya spoke between sobs as she rapidly wipe the tears from her face despite how they kept streaming down. Jaejoong chuckled before his lips curved up a bitter smile. He pulled Aya closer to him, resting her head against his chest as he embraced her tightly.
“Then let it out slowly. I am here. I will always be here, staying closely by your side...” Jaejoong planted a soft kiss on top of her head as he held her close, letting her release everything. The whole room was silent with only the sounds of Aya’s cries filling the air around, passing through the night.
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Jaejoong sat on the side of the bed, stared down at Aya’s sleeping face with a smile as he stroked her face gently, pushing back any strand of hair that blocked his view of her angelic face. After don’t know how long it seemed, Aya had finally exhausted herself, crying herself to sleep.
Jaejoong’s fingers suddenly stopped stroking her face as he reeled his hand back. Looking down at his fingers, his face turned emotionless – the cold and deathly look that would always be seen on his face when that moment comes, when his inner demon took over.
He stood up and naturally headed back to his room before being back the next minute with his cold eyes staring down at Aya on the bed as his hands stretched to his back to close the door behind him.
The room was dead silent in the night with only the sound of his feet shuffling against the wooden floor blended together with the soft whisper of the wind blowing in from the window as he approached closer to Aya’s bed.
The click of a sound was heard the next minute, telling that the bullet was firmly in place and just awaiting its master’s command. Jaejoong lifted his gun up, moving its aim from Aya’s head to her heart then back to her head once more accurately aiming at the spot in between her eyebrows.
His finger moved down to the trigger, readying while his eyes focus on his target before he spoke his last line.
“Goodbye, Ueto Aya.”
[End Song]
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Author's Note: Oops, I left a cliffhanger here. XP It's one of the major cliffhangers in the story. Yes, one of them, which means there will be another or even more than 1 coming on later chapters.
MAJOR THANKS to aby for her super long comment. It really brings my spirit up. I am glad to have you here to support me. *bows* I am not gonna say much. Keep the comments coming if you want faster update. *Phebs is feeling evil. :P*
Hope you enjoyed the story so far. Drop by my story blog:http://phebs-paintingfantasy.blogspot.com/