| Fan Fiction |
by Phoebe a.k.a Phebs
Title: 5/5
The title fits the story very well, is eye catching, and creative.
Poster/Background: 7/10
The poster fits the story somewhat but gives of more a malevolent feeling than necessary.
Foreword: 7/10
The forewords were very bland but s ucceeded in showing the main point of the story.
Plot: 14/15
The plot was well thought out and consistent with the main themes of the story. I liked how you included little side/sub stories and weaved them in to develop your main plot better. The only thing that kept you from getting a perfect 15 in this section was the dead end in the sub plot with Ri In and her father; it didn’t do anything to have him included in the story.
Creativity/Originality: 8/15
One of the biggest problems with this story is the lack of creativity. The cold guy meets sweet girl who unlocks his heart of ice is seen a lot. Aside from Ri In and Junsu’s connection in the past there was little done to make the story different from other stories like this one. Had this been something completely new to me I would have loved your story.
Writing Style: 8/10
Our style of writing is cohesive and easy to understand. As good as it is, it would be even better if more details were added to help the reader picture things better.
Flow: 8/10
Your writing was consistent, the story moved at the right pace for most of the story, but at times it seemed dragged out.
Grammar/Vocabulary/Spelling: 8/10
There were a few small mistakes in grammar. Overall it was very good.
You wrote:
“Anyeonghaesayo… My name is Jang Ri In. I am a transferred student from China. Nice to meet you all.” Ri In gave a bow after she finished.
It should be:
“Anyeonghaesayo… My name is Jang Ri In. I am a transfer student from China. Nice to meet you all.” Ri In gave a bow after she finished.
Or
“Anyeonghaesayo… My name is Jang Ri In. I am a student who recently transferred from China. Nice to meet you all.” Ri In gave a bow after she finished.
Characterization: 9/10
The characters were described well, I felt like I finished the story knowing all of your characters very well.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
The story was good but because it lacked originality I didn’t enjoy it as much as I would if it was more creative.
Total: 77/100
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Well, SHOAA got a lower score than Friday the 13th. Yeah, guess I don't have much Creativity/Originality in my stories. That is one of my biggest flaws. I should have seen this coming.
Oh well, still thanks for the lovely review from KYN. I will try to improve in my story.