Fan Fiction |
by Naomi
He loved Shan Cai for loving and trusting him so much. From the time they landed in the harbour in Xiamen, or perhaps from the time she moved into his house, or even from the time she first met and challenged him, she had placed her life in his hands. Who knows what the powerful, aggressive and senseless Dao Ming Si could do to an innocent and defenceless little girl like herself? For a twenty-year-old girl to leave everything behind and run away with this older boy, without the slightest idea of what was to come, takes immense love and courage. Like many other cases of elopement, he could trick her, abuse her, rape her, abandon her or even kill her, but Shan Cai chose to believe that he would love her.
It was this power of unconditional love and unshakable trust which gave them the hope to continue fighting for each other, never willing to give in or give up.
They spent their first day in Hong Kong tracking down any contact information for Shan Cai’s grandparents, hoping against hope that they could be saved from being caught too soon.
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Dao Ming Cheng spent the evening pacing around in one of his living rooms, his heart and mind agonising over his son’s sudden and unexpected disappearance two days ago. Part of him believed that his son, whom he had not seen for three years, was kidnapped and will soon be redeemed by some ludicrous amount of money. Another part of him began to suspect that his son had run away, and this caused him considerable pain and distress. The humiliation he felt before the Teng Tangs was already a brushed-aside concern, for Jing and her mother were equally apprehensive about Dao Ming Si’s disappearance.
Dao Ming Cheng has hired countless private investigators to search the world for his one and only son. The difficulty of the search was heightened by the fact that the media must not be leaked any information, for a report on the disappearance of the heir to the Dao Ming enterprise could cause dilemma for the Dao Mings’ business interactions. If a rival company was given knowledge about his son’s disappearance, Dao Ming Cheng could become greatly disadvantaged. Pending business offers may even be withdrawn, particularly those which subtly anticipated a marriage between the companies. No matter how desperate he was to find his son, it was imperative that the search was conducted with utmost discretion.
As to Dao Ming Feng, she became a desperate mother who wanted her beloved son back home as soon as possible.
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Xiao Qing stopped at the front door of the Hua Ze mansion, a little out of breath after her trek through a few streets from where she lived. She glanced at her watch and realised that she was a few minutes ahead of the specified time Hua Ze Lei had told her to arrive. The vibrant orange beams of the sunset touched softly against her face as she walked along the sandstone pathway. She squinted her eyes as she surveyed the enormous front garden adorned by blossom trees of apple, peach, almond, cherry and apricot. There were exquisite flowering plants in every aspect of the garden, displaying a myriad of magnificent shapes, colours and species. Floating in the water of the circular stone fountain were several pink and white water lilies, surrounding a beautiful statue of an angel.
“Qing Qing, why don’t you come in?”
Xiao Qing turned around and saw Jing standing at the doorstep, welcoming her with a smile so graceful that no other girl but Jing could manage. She quickly made her way to the door and began untying her sneakers, silently cursing herself for wearing her ugliest pair.
“I looked through the window and saw you wandering around in the garden,” Jing explained with a quiet laugh, “I thought you were a little boy.”
“She is a little boy,” Hua Ze Lei added. He seemed to have appeared from nowhere, but began directing them into one of the living rooms. “A pretty little boy.”
Xiao Qing gulped at his rather unpleasant compliment and wondered why he suddenly seemed to be flaunting an air of confidence and ease. If it was just her and Hua Ze Lei by themselves, she would have giggled at his ‘little boy’ jokes because of the affectionate way he said them. However, for some reason unknown to even herself, Hua Ze Le’s remark made her feel intimidated and uncomfortable in front of Jing.
“Qing Qing, help yourself to a cup of milk tea,” Jing said as they sat down at the sofas. “It’s strawberry-flavoured. Lei made it especially for you.”
“I made it especially for no one,” Hua Ze Lei quickly denied the truth, unaware that the colour of his cheeks was slowly deepening. “I remembered she liked strawberries but that wasn’t why I –”. He was cut short by Jing's deliberate cough.
“So, do you have any idea what he told you to come here for?” Jing asked with a suspicious smile. “I doubt he gave you a reason. He really needs to stop denying that he’s totally, majorly, butt-crazy in love with –”
“No one,” Hua Ze Lei tried to cut her off, but was unsuccessful.
“– making strawberry milk tea for people.” Jing finished her sentence with pride.
“I didn’t make it for her,” he denied vehemently, sounding a little annoyed, “Jing, you like strawberry milk tea too.”
“I don’t need reminding, Lei,” Jing came back at him, “But I thought maybe you do. You’ve been so defensive of yourself lately.”
Hua Ze Lei opened his mouth to deny again, but nothing came out. It was only then that the room was silent and they realised that Xiao Qing has not spoken a word at all. The poor girl was sitting by herself and facing the two of them on the opposite sofa, showing all but a confused face and a polite smile.
“Don’t worry about what I said,” Jing broke the silence, “I was just making fun of Lei. He won’t take it seriously.”
Xiao Qing wished to herself that he would.
“Actually, I was the one who told Lei to invite you over,” Jing continued sensibly, returning to her refined composure, “I wanted to give you a permanent make-over before I go back to France.”
“When are you leaving?” were Xiao Qing’s first words since she stepped into the mansion. For some reason, after all that has happened between F4, Shan Cai, Jing and herself, she felt unsure of how to interact with this undoubtedly superior woman. Jing was the reason why Dao Ming Si and Shan Cai was almost separated and had to leave Taiwan. Jing was the reason why Hua Ze Lei’s heart was broken over and over again. But Jing was also like the elder sister of F4 – the close friend whom they have grown up with and deeply love and cherish. Xiao Qing felt a need to respect her, despite all that has happened. If anyone did not truly belong to F4’s circle of friends, it was not Jing. It was herself. She was a newcomer. Perhaps even an intruder.
“In a few weeks,” Jing replied, looking at Hua Ze Lei. “I’m going to do it now, Lei.” Then she took Xiao Qing’s hand and pulled her out of the living room, leaving Hua Ze Lei by himself to gather his heart together.
Jing took Xiao Qing into one of the guests rooms which had been prepared before her arrival. There were several racks of elegant outfits and a huge table set out with the finest and most expensive cosmetics in the world.
“Jing, is this really necessary?” Xiao Qing asked, wondering what all the fuss was about.
“Of course,” Jing replied with a pleasant smile, “I never got to meet you properly or become good friends with you during the time I stayed here.”
As Jing began dabbing a powered foundation onto Xiao Qing’s face, the petite girl looked up at Jing and could not believe how extremely beautiful she was, and even had a wonderful personality. She was not like the other rich and snobbish girls at Ying De who spent every day strutting around with their expensive clothes and classy jewellery. Although Jing was absolutely stunning – a woman beyond perfection – she did not seem to value the beauty she possessed nor the expensive clothes she wore.
“But why do I need a make-over?” Xiao Qing asked, disgusted by her own childish voice.
“Every girl needs to look her best wherever she goes,” Jing advised her gently, painting her eyes with glittering colours, “You never know when you will meet the boy you love.”
When Jing had to bend down slightly to apply the lipgloss, Xiao Qing came face-to face with Jing for the first time. She could not help but think to herself: I’ve never seen such a beautiful girl. Her long eyelashes make her look like a doll.
“This is the first time I’ve seen Lei so defensive,” said Jing, her voice pensive and distant, “I think he really likes you.”
“No way!” Xiao Qing exclaimed frantically, her eyes widening with shock, “Jing, I’m not even close to being comparable with you. Lei’s heart only has you.”
Jing looked away somewhat sorrowfully and told her, “I always thought Lei would leave me one day. Now I know, that day has passed.”
Xiao Qing shook her head violently. “How can you say that?! Lei has not left you and will never leave you! But you…”
Jing smiled warmly at the younger girl and her voice came out with a hint of regret. “I’m not upset that he no longer gives me that place in his heart. I’m just sad that it’s taken him so many years, so much pain and heartache, to realise that I won’t return his feelings.”
“He…he always…knew it,” Xiao Qing stuttered, feeling it was inappropriate to have this conversation with Jing. She had always been the one to comfort Hua Ze Lei and assure him that Jing will love him one day.
“Qing Qing, there’s a lot of pretty dresses for you to pick from,” Jing finally changed the topic, pointing to the several racks of outfits in the room. “I’m going to join Lei and wait for you while you get changed.”
Jing left the room and Xiao Qing quickly browsed through all the elegant and stylish garments which Jing had taken here for her. She settled her decision with a beautiful, white, knee-length dress. It had thin straps, a sheer layer of fabric flowing loosely over the white satin bodice, and sweeping chiffon layers down to the knee. It was simple yet angelic, and she chose it because it reminded her endearingly of the one Hua Ze Lei had given her to wear at Jing’s ball.
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“Why did you say those things to her?” Hua Ze Lei questioned Jing repeatedly, obviously irritated by her badly-timed humour earlier in the living room.
“Goodness, I was just joking,” she replied, slightly annoyed at his infantile attitude, “I’m sure Qing Qing knows I was joking.”
“What if she took it seriously?”
“You’re the one who’s taking it seriously!”
“I don’t want her to get the wrong idea!”
“She’s not getting the wrong idea!”
Hua Ze Lei threw his arms up in the air, an action that was never seen coming from him. “I’ve told Xiao Qing about my feelings for you, Jing. She knows everything about my life starting from kindergarten. I’ve told her all the ways I’ve tried to show you my feelings and she always gave me encouragement. I don’t think you realise how awkward you made her feel.”
“What has that got to do with me joking about you and her?” Jing retorted, raising her voice considerably.
“Because she’d start to blame herself! She’d think that you kept rejecting me because you thought WE had something going on!”
Jing quickly composed herself but retained her firm tone, “You’re thinking too much, Lei.”
“You shouldn’t have raised the idea of me liking her!” he persisted unshakably, “Not like that! Why can’t you understand?!”
“I’m sorry,” Jing said quietly, looking down at the pale pink carpet, “But you’re right. I don’t understand. I don’t understand you anymore.”
“What’s so difficult to understand?! She knew about my feelings for you all along!”
“Jing?” Xiao Qing appeared behind them, causing the two to whip around like they had just received an electric shock.
“I think I should leave,” Jing muttered shamefully, knowing full well that Xiao Qing had just heard, if not the whole, then at least a significant portion their conversation. “Qing Qing, you look beautiful,” she added sincerely, “That’s honest from my heart. You’re not just a little boy. You’re the sweet and loving girl I’ve always wanted to be. Please keep the dress.” Without another word to Hua Ze Lei, Jing walked out of his living room and quickly left the Hua Ze mansion.
“Don’t worry about us,” he said calmly, irritation no longer in his voice. He looked Xiao Qing up and down with an approving smile. “You look the same as you did at Jing’s ball. But she’s better at doing your make-up than me.”
Xiao Qing could not find the heart to appreciate his humour. She felt pain swelling through her body as she slowly took in the words of the conversation she had just heard in full. What was happening to her? Did she not wish for Hua Ze Lei’s happiness with Jing? For the first time, it finally occurred to her that perhaps that was not exactly what she wished for. After all, a person can only be completely selfless to an extent. She was not aching for Hua Ze Lei. She was aching for herself.
“Qing Qing, what’s the matter?”
It darted through her, with the speed of an arrow, that she was totally, majorly, butt-crazy in love with Hua Ze Lei. It was unknown to her how much she loved him until she now heard it coming straight from his mouth that he did not and will not return her affection.
“I’m sorry for being so rude,” she mumbled an apology. “Do you mind if I leave now?” And without hearing his consent or reply, she turned on her heels and proceeded swiftly out his front door, leaving Hua Ze Lei staring ruefully at her retreating figure.
What if she took it seriously?
I don’t want her to get the wrong idea!
His words began playing over and over in her mind like a broken record. When exactly did she fall in love with him anyway? Perhaps, she had already fallen for him the day she listened to him playing his violin in the Ying De auditorium. Perhaps, she wished him happiness with Jing only because she wanted to see his smile. And there he was seconds ago, standing in front of her, less than a metre away. Yet he felt so out of reach. Who would chose Xia Xiao Qing over Teng Tang Jing anyway?
You shouldn’t have raised the idea of me liking her! Not like that!
There was no doubt that Jing’s place in his heart was guarded ever so carefully. Afterall, was there a woman in this world who could surpass Jing in beauty and intelligence? Whenever Xiao Qing looked at Jing, she saw all that she ever wanted and all that she never had. Jing was beyond perfection.
Her legs cooperated with her desperate need to run as far away from Hua Ze Lei as possible, but only until she reached the fountain with the pink and white water lilies and the statue of an angel. Suddenly losing all her energy and will to run further, she sat down at the edge of the fountain and looked sadly at the barely visible reflection of herself in the water. She knew that no matter how much make-up she applied or how beautiful the dress she wore, there was not even a fraction of her that could match up to Teng Tang Jing. As the last rays of the sunset disappeared behind the distant horizon, the tears from her first broken heart trickled down her face and dripped into the water below.
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“MEI ZUOOOOOOOO!” yelled a hysterical Aisha, exhausted, sweat-saturated and still chasing after Mei Zuo all around his oversized backyard. “I’ve had enough of this game! It’s too dark! I can’t even see you!” She stopped breathlessly next to a large tree and screamed out at the top of her lungs, “MEI ZUO, GET OVER HERE NOW! I’M NOT GOING TO LOOK…AHHHH!”
“I thought you said to get over here now,” Mei Zuo growled at her from behind, his hands clamped over her eyes as if he was kidnapping her.
“Let go of me! I can’t see!” Aisha tried to wrench his hands away from her face, then began wrestling out of his grip. They both lost balance and tumbled onto the grass – Mei Zuo on top.
“I don’t think you can escape, little girl,” he teased, pinning her down as if she was his delicious prey.
“Oh I’m SO scared,” she faked a wail, mocking his attempt to ‘scare’ her again. “Mei Zuo, you look SO much like a serial rapist.”
“Oh yeah? What about THIS!” He dug his fingers into her side, tickling her like she was a little five-year-old girl.
“DON’T…DON’T…TOUCH…TOUCH…ME!” Aisha managed to scream, her hysterical laughs choking out with her words, “GET…GET…GET…OFF…ME! MEI ZUOOOO–”
He cut her off with his suddenly intense gaze into her eyes, the tickling put on hold. For a moment, her breath was caught in her throat as she watched his eyes beginning to show her something she had never seen before. “Aisha,” he said her name affectionately for the first time. He was still on top of her and was now pinning her arms against the grass, but she felt the essence of things beginning to change. “I want to know what you’re thinking,” he said slowly, his gaze unwavering, “Where do you think our relationship is going?”
Aisha broke the gaze and turned her head to one side, anxiously fumbling through her mind for a way to tell him her answer to his question. Of course, she knew how she wanted to answer it. But was that the answer he wanted to hear? She could not open her mouth. She did not want to see his reaction. She was afraid to realise that he never had and never will give her that special place in his heart – that place which, in her own heart, had since long ago belonged to him. If space and time froze at this very moment, perhaps she could keep Mei Zuo with her forever. She could not bring herself to answer the question.
“You’re not telling me what you’re thinking, Aisha,” he continued softly, “But I need to let you know what I’m thinking.”
Aisha turned her face back to him and her heart began beating faster and faster as she watched his eyes slowly reveal a secret he could no longer keep. “Then what are you thinkimmmmggggrrrr…”
Without the slightest warning, he had pressed his mouth determinedly against the pair of lips which tormented his heart day and night since the first time he set his eyes upon the girl who owned them. Kissing Aisha tonight was all that Mei Zuo wanted, needed, expected and managed to do.
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Hua Ze Lei aimed the key into the keyhole and turned, pressing his ear against the door to listen for any noise inside the apartment which he was about to enter. He gently pushed the door just enough to let himself slip inside, then closed it just as quietly as he had opened it. It was almost midnight, and the last thing he wanted to do was wake Xiao Qing up if she was already asleep.
Yesterday, after the two came back from their stroll at the beach, Xiao Qing gave Hua Ze Lei a copy of the key to her apartment. She thought it was safer for herself if she had someone who could go into her apartment in case anything happened to her inside. Since Hua Ze Lei had developed a habit of visiting her almost everyday, she decided to give him that honour and responsibility. He would most likely be the first one to find out if she was sick.
Hua Ze Lei walked quietly towards her bedroom and stopped just before he reached the opened door, observing the dim light from inside. He leaned against the wall and listened carefully to the sounds from within the room. He was ninety percent sure that he could hear her crying, and his face contorted with remorse. Why had he been so selfish? Why had he been so insensitive? Was it not obvious that this gentle and compassionate girl, who had always been by his side to comfort and encourage him, could possibly have been in love with him all along?
He treaded softly into her bedroom and found her buried deep inside her blanket, still utterly unaware of his presence. He stood silently by her bed, listening to each heartrending sob from beneath the rosy doona, desperately regretting that he had not known about her feelings earlier. He knew that the pain he had caused her over the months was possibly no less intense than the pain he had felt himself. He sat down gently on the bed and lifted the blanket off her body. “Qing Qing, boys don’t cry.”
Xiao Qing gasped and sprung up to face him, stunned and embarrassed by his sudden and unexpected appearance. “What…what are you doing here?” she stuttered, her body trembling from shock.
“Sorry, Qing Qing,” Hua Ze Lei muttered, “I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He pulled a few tissues from the box beside her bed and wiped her face, hot and wet from crying.
“Don’t worry about me,” she mumbled, “I’m just being stupid.”
“You’re not being stupid. You have every right to cry when you feel sad.”
“But I’m not supposed to feel sad.”
Hua Ze Lei managed a bitter smile and continued to wipe her falling tears. He was at a perfect loss of what to say.
“Jing is so perfect,” she whispered, so quietly it was almost inaudible. She felt ridiculous, but the truth was… she has always loved Hua Ze Lei.
“She’s not as perfect as she seems,” he disagreed a little too reassuringly. “I think there are many things she should learn from you.”
Xiao Qing’s heart skipped several beats. Learn from me?
He sighed and wrapped his arms gently around her tiny figure, slightly surprised by the instant feeling of comfort and relief within him. “Qing Qing, it’s not what you’re thinking. I don’t love Jing in that way anymore.”
She shook her head and inched out of his embrace. His affection did not belong to her.
“I knew you wouldn’t believe it. Not after what happened yesterday.”
Of course, Xiao Qing would not believe it. It was only yesterday that Hua Ze Lei had come into her apartment and was crying in her arms over Jing’s rejection for the zillionth time.
“But yesterday was a mistake. I wasn’t crying because I love her. I cried because…it took me so long to realise that I didn’t anymore.” He pulled her into his arms again – this time, with strength and determination. “I cried because I realised how much time I’ve wasted and the hearts I’ve broken because I was so cold and stubborn.”
She shook her head again. “Loving someone is never wasting time.”
“I broke Shan Cai’s heart. But Ah Si was always there to heal it for her. Now I realise that I’ve broken your heart. But I’ll always be here to heal it for you.”
Xiao Qing’s heart did a cartwheel. “I don’t understand,” she said shakily, ready to break into tears again – tears of joy, “You were angry that Jing teased you about liking me. You said that you didn’t want me to get the wrong idea.”
Hua Ze Lei’s eyes widened as he began to understand her frustration, letting out a quiet laugh to himself. “I knew you heard our conversation.”
“I…I didn’t mean to,” she explained quickly, “I was just looking for Jing so she could see me in the dress.”
“I’m not blaming you, silly girl,” he teased, shaking his head in disbelief. “But you’re so clueless! You’ve completely misunderstood me!”
Xiao Qing furrowed her eyebrows and twisted her mouth to one side, feeling more clueless than she had ever felt.
“I told Jing about my feelings for you before you arrived at my house,” he explained with a shy smile, “I made her promise that she wouldn’t tell you. When I said that I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea, I meant that I didn’t want you to think I was playing around. I didn’t want to confess to you yet since I’ve been coming to you for comfort about Jing all this time. I was afraid that you would think I’m ridiculous if I suddenly told you how I felt about you. That’s why I was angry with Jing. I didn’t want you to know yet.”
Xiao Qing stared at him wordlessly, her mind and heart beginning a battle she could not understand. Hua Ze Lei’s eyes filled her with numerous different emotions, and she was not sure which one she truly felt and trusted.
“Since the day we met in the auditorium,” he reflected with a thorough smile, “I gave you a special place in my heart.” Then, from seemingly out of nowhere, he took out a little pink origami box and placed it lightly in her hands. “I’ve brought this to prove to you, Qing Qing, that I do love you.”
*FLASHBACK*
She pulled out a rosy pink sheet of paper from her bag and tore it into two equal pieces. Then she folded them separately, carefully perfecting each fold before she continued with the next. Hua Ze Lei watched her curiously, wondering what she was trying to make; it looked very complicated. When she was finished, she gently placed the completed work in his hands. It was a very small box with a cute little flower on the top of the lid. “It’s for you,” she explained, “Put a photo of the person you love in this box. Whenever you have time, you should write down your thoughts and prayers for her and put them inside as well. God will see how much you love her and will always look after her for you.”
*END OF FLASHBACK*
Xiao Qing carefully encircled her fingers around the lid and lifted it off. She tipped the box upside down so that its contents fell onto the blanket.
There was a neatly trimmed photo of herself dancing and smiling with Hua Ze Lei at the ball.
There were several small pink heart-shaped pieces of paper which had been carefully cut out by a pair scissors and a loving hand.
On each piece of paper was a handwritten thought or prayer, each dated and signed with his name. They were all folded up and out of order, but with her trembling fingers and wobbling smile, Xiao Qing picked them up from the blanket and read them one by one.
“Please let us dance again.”
“I want to play another duet with her.”
“Forgive me for yelling at her because of Jing.”
“She hugged me.”
“She came to the rooftop like Shan Cai.”
“I want to kiss her again.”
“She looked like an angel tonight.”
“I know she’s upset that I hugged Jing.”
“I gave her a birthday kiss.”
“She reminds me of Shan Cai.”
“She didn’t talk to me today.”
“She hugged me again.”
“I want her to be my angel.”
“Forgive me for not telling her.”
“She looks so cute like a kitten.”
“She didn’t pick up her phone.”
“Please let me see her smile again.”
“I love her.”
“I want to give her something she likes.”
“She called me a little boy.”
“She cried for me.”
“We saw a meteor shower at the beach.”
“She cried for me again.”
“Please let her be my angel.”
He laid her gently down onto her bed and lowered his head over her face, sealing her quivering lips in a soft, loving kiss – the kiss for which he had spent many sleepless nights hoping, praying, anticipating and imagining.
25-Aug-2005