| Fan Fiction |
by qis22
The thoughts of living my life without ~~~~~~~~~ running through my mind as I search for her at the place I think she would go. Those thoughts make me weak at heart. Life without her will be like living in a dark room and suffocating. I cannot live in there again. It’s TOO painful. Even the thoughts of it can kill me deeply and if it really happens, than I wish to die. There is no need to live this life if you suffer.
But I know ~~~~~~~~~ wouldn’t want me to be sad. I know she left all of us to make us happy. That is how ~~~~~~~~~ is. She always thinks that we will live a better life without her. Well she is so wrong. You never know how wrong she is. If she left us, than there wouldn’t be any smile on our faces. Our joys and happiness will be parish down and we will suffer a great lost without her.
I looked at Yoochun who’s standing straight in front of me with a sad look. I gave him a what’s-wrong look and his hands stretch out. There was a letter. I looked at him in confused. What the hell is it? Is it for me? If it is for me, from who it was? “Just take it and you’ll know the answer hyung”, without any other word, I took the latter from Yoochun’s hand and read it.
Dear Yunho oppa,
By the time you receive this, I’m not anywhere near you anymore. I bet you’re hurt right now. You’re crying right. Please don’t. Mianhe oppa. I’ve hurt your heart countless time already but this will be the last time. I won’t you anymore. You can smile and live your life happily oppa. No need to worry about me anymore after this.
Oppa, you need to know that ever since you walked in my life, you have lightened up every darkness that’s inside my heart. You make me happy when I’m sad. You’re always there when I need someone. You always give me your full support and what did I ever gave to you oppa? Nothing! I’m really sorry that I couldn’t give you anything else other than hurt.
You know, when you first kissed me, you really did took my breath away. I was so speechless that time and my heart started beating really weirdly. I really tried my best to love you but it seems like Junsu already cast a spell on me. I can’t get him off of my mind even for a while. I’m really am sorry oppa. I really am.
And oppa, please don’t blame yourself. I didn’t leave because of you. NO! It wasn’t because of you. NEVER! Why would I leave a person that already gave me so much happiness? So never, blame yourself oppa. You were one of the best thing that ever happens in my life and I will NEVER forget you.
After you read this, please don’t search for me. Please live your life happily. I know if I keep being on your side, I will only hurt you and that’s why I make this decision. I won’t only hurt you, I hurt myself, I hurt Junsu and I hurt Jessica. I don’t want to be a bad person. I don’t want to go to hell because I keep on hurting others because of my selfishness.
I love you oppa. I really do so please keep on living your life after I’m gone. If one-day fate make us meet each other again, I hope that time we can sit on a couch while remembering the past while smiling. No more crying. No more, hurt. Be happy MY YUNNIE OPPA.
I’ll Miss You
~~~~~~~~~~
How could I be happy ~~~~~~~~~~? Tell me how? You’re the reason why I am happy in my everyday life and now that you’re gone, I just can’t be happy. ~~~~~~~~, please come back! Please. Even when I only got hurt seeing you hurt, it’s ok because that’s what’s makes me live this life. It’s you. I don’t care if my heart were torn into pieces; I don’t care if it hurt so much until I can’t breath. I DON’T CARE!! All I need is you in my life ~~~~~~~~-ah. You cannot leave me like this. You can’t! ~~~~~~~~~~-AH!!!!!!!!!!!! Saranghae…. Saranghae….
[End POV]
[Yoochun POV]
I looked at the letter in my hand. I have no strength at all to open it. I’m also scared. I looked at ~~~~~~~~~’s parents, Changmin and Tiffany, Jaejoong hyung and Yunho hyung. They are all crying so hard while reading ~~~~~~~~’s letters. What did she wrote? I’m going to cry to am I. ~~~~~~~~, why are you doing this to me? Do you know that it hurts?
“Read it”, my heart told me secretly.
“I don’t want to”, because it might be so hurtful.
“You will regret your whole life if you don’t”, it’s true. I will. I hate it when my heart’s right. Slowly I opened the letter and read every word in it. Tears fall little by little.
Dear Yoochun,
You reading my letter right? I have a feeling that you’re the one who saw it on the table first. Am I right? Have you given the others their letter? Of course, you have. How’s the others? Crying? Are you crying Chunnie? I never see you cry. Remember that I used to ask you why you never cry? And you answer me “Because I will only cry for something or someone that’s worth it”. You know, I hope I can be you. Only cry for something or someone that’s worth it but I’m not you. I cried almost at everything. Even when it hurt a little, I still cry.
I’m really weak am I? I know but I just can’t help it. Somehow, when I cry, it felt as if all my pain went away. Even just for a while, it makes me feel good. That’s a good thing right? You get to let all your emotions out. So Yoochun, if you felt like crying, just cry Chunnie. Don’t hold those emotions in. It might kill you. Look at me. I almost died because of this pain but somehow God still want me to be in this earth so I’m still alive.
Yoochun, don’t be shock but I know that you used to have feelings for me. Yeah. I just know about it and please don’t tell me how. I just can’t answer that. You know, you should tell me that you love me when you do because that time, I just might fall for you to because my feeling towards Junsu wasn’t that strong. If you tell me about it, you and I might just be a cute couple now. But I guess everything had already happen. No use of talking about it now.
And Chunnie, you should NEVER stop playing the piano. NEVER! You make THE most beautiful melody with it. Your song just touches me soul every I hear it. The sound of the soft melody that you create when you play the piano is still playing inside my mind. It’s like the soundtrack of my life. So never, stop playing it. I won’t be able to forgive myself if you do stop playing it.
If I ever put you in pain while you was loving me, I’m really sorry. I didn’t know. If I ever put you in pain while you’re being my friend, I’m sorry. I wasn’t aware of my surrounding. You know how I am right. So in anything, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…. Yu should know that you’re one of the best thing that have ever happen to me. I will never forget you even if I die. You will always be here. Here in my heart. Forever.
You’ll Be in Here Forever,
~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~, I’m crying right now. I’m crying for someone that’s important. I’m crying for you ~~~~~~~~~. Please, please come back. Don’t go like this. I haven’t had the chance to show you my love. ~~~~~~~~~~-AH!!!! Come back!!!! I can’t live without you ~~~~~~~~~-ah because…..because….because I love you ~~~~~~~~~-ah. Even when I don’t admit it, even when I said it’s nothing, even when I kept it in my heart, even when I lie myself, my heart knows that I only and will only love you. It hurts when you can’t love me but it hurts more when you’re not here. I rather get hurt seeing you with someone else than not seeing you at all. So please, don’t leave me like this. please…..
[End POV]
[Jaejoong POV]
“Welcome to our….” Yoona words stopped as she saw me walking in the café looking so terribly hurt. I can’t stand up properly. My whole body hurts. “Jaejoong-sshi, are you alright?” She asked in concern. I looked up at her and a slid tears fell down. Her face softens and I fell on my knees. Tears that I’ve kept in all this years suddenly fell down unstoppably. All this years I did a very good job keeping it in to myself, but now I lost. Lost to a girl named Choi ~~~~~~~~~~.
“I….I….” words can’t come out of my mouth. It stuck!
“Shss…. Just cry Jaejoong-sshi. I’m here” and Yoona hugged me tightly. This is the first time I felt the warm embraced of a girl after Yuri’s death. My cold heart seems to be melt away by her warmth embrace.
“She….she left us. Why? Why did she leave us?” I don’t understand why?
“It’ll be alright Jaejoong-sshi”, will it?
“Just cry….” I cried even more and as I cry, I recall the words she said in her letter.
Dear Joongie oppa,
Of all the people in the world, you’re one of the most annoying person I’ve ever known. Do you know that?! You always get on my nerve. Since the first time we meet, we can’t help but to fight with each other. You’re the one who always start those fight. To tell you the truth, I like those fight. One day not fighting with you is hard for me. I’m starting to miss those fight oppa. It’s what makes me go on. Those fight is like a battery to recharge me from all the pain. Weird huh?
Yunho oppa always tell me that you like to give him love advice. Like how to win my heart. How to make me fell for him. You know, you should use those advice for yourself. You know what I mean oppa. Yoona unnie. I know you have feelings for her. Owh just admit it! Don’t deny it anymore oppa. Make your move on her before it’s to late. Don’t make those stupid mistake anymore oppa. It’s now or never.
I bet your thinking of Yuri every time you think you have feelings for her right. You don’t want to lose someone you love like Yuri again right. You’re scare that you would forget about Yuri when you have Yoona unnie right. Well toss away all those feelings. If you don’t want to lose the one you love again, you should confess your feelings or you will lose her for real. If you’re scare you would forget about forgetting Yuri, don’t worry. You won’t. Give your love to Yoona unnie and what’s Yuri’s, just stay it as Yuri’s. You can still love Yuri but you have to love Yoona unnie more. She would want that. I know more than you think I know.
Work on it oppa. And please live well. Treasure Yoona unnie. Stop acting like a jerk. Smile more. Enjoy this life. Please embrace Yunho oppa when he’s sad for me. Make Changmin stop eating so much and tell Tiffany not to blame herself. Help Yoochun to create more song that is beautiful and forbid him from stopping playing the piano. And last but not least, tell Junsu that I will always and always love him. Tell everyone not to cry for me. Live well.
Fighting!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~, for you, I’ll let go all my ego. For once in my life, I’ll do what my ego won’t let me do. I’ll confess this feelings. I won’t hide it anymore. I’ll stop acting like a jerk, I’ll smile more and I will enjoy this life. I’ll do everything you asked me to do. I’ll do it for you ~~~~~~~~~-ah. The person that I love just like my own dongseang. The person that can change me.
“Yoona”, my eyes looked straight in to her eyes. She has the most beautiful eyes EVER!
“Saranghae”, it’s more easy than I thought it would be. A smile formed on her face.
“I love you too Jaejoong-sshi”, that’s a relieve. I smile and my lips landed straight on her soft lips. It’s been a while since I kiss someone and it seems to be a good start. Thank you ~~~~~~~~-ah. Without you know it, you change our life by a lot. Thank you….
[End POV]