| Fan Fiction |
by starsplum
Farewell… Is it easy for you?
***
It was you who told me you love me. It was you who confessed to me. It was you who kissed me with your heart’s desire. I can still remember that day as clearly as the shallow water of a calm lake with a glassy surface.
..:: Flashback ::..
"I love you Jaejoong." said Yoochun suddenly.
"...Haha... That's funny Yoochun... Stop kidding around, I still have to do the other member's make-up. Here, sit still on the sofa. No more fooling around, or else you would end up looking like a clown to the photoshoot. Haha..." said Jaejoong, forcing out some fake laughs, thinking Yoochun is playing around with him again.
"No, Jaejoong. I mean it. I love you. You are so god damn beautiful that I lose control over myself when I am near you. I am falling for your eyes, your hair, your lips... I am falling for you, Jaejoong. Please, be mine?" confessed Yoochun, as his eyes locked with Jaejoong's.
Jaejoong was moved by Yoochun's sweet words. He hesitated for a moment, then smile and nod.
"YES!" Yoochun yelled out happily, and hugged Jaejoong, spinning him around. When Yoochun put the dizzy Jaejoong down, he found out that there are audiences by the hallway leading to the living room. The DBSK members and manager hyung are standing there looking shock and speechless.
"Oh hey guys~ Let me introduce my new boyfriend, Kim Jaejoong~!" Yoochun said with Jaejoong in his arms, and grinned.
..:: Flashback Ends ::..
And now it is also you who tell me that your love for me is gone. Your confession a year ago all forgotten. The desire in your heart changed.
You claimed me as yours so easily, and you left me behind just as easily.
***
[Rap] Shit man, I do feel so sorry, ’bout to say something what -uh
It’s obvious… Since you do everything hastily,
Always going up and down with our love easily at your lips.
As a person, I already received a lot of pain from you…
So how do you want me to quickly send you a report of our break up?
Only being able to flip a few pages of a book that we were going to read...
Now our recently started love meets farewell faster than memories...
Even if you take all the blame, I have nothing to say.
Saying that I wish that there were no memories...
I have nothing else to say.
Love of a celebrity…
It’s always like this.
***
..:: Flashback ::..
“Yoochun~” Jaejoong sang the name out while looking up at his boyfriend. His body was lying comfortably on the sofa and his head was on his Yoochun’s lap.
“What?” Yoochun asked while his eyes were still glue to script he is reading, playing with Jaejoong’s soft hair with his free hand.
“I love you~” Jaejoong said with a sweet smile on his face.
“I love you too.” Yoochun said and leaned down to peck Jaejoong on the lips. After giving Jaejoong his signature smile he went back to reading.
Seeing this, Jaejoong pouted. “… You don’t really love me!” Jaejoong then got up from the sofa and walked into the kitchen in a huff.
Yoochun got up from the loss of warmth on his lap and rush after Jaejoong into the kitchen. “What’s wrong JJ? What makes you think that? You know that I love you!" Yoochun went behind Jaejoong, who was standing in front of the countertop with his arms crossed, and wrap his arms around the other.
Jaejoong turn himself around in Yoochun’s embrace with the cute pout still on his face and arms still across his chest. “You were more into the script you were reading than me!”
“JJ, I told you I have to memorize the script for tomorrow’s show.” Yoochun reasoned and peck Jaejoong on the cheek.
“But today is your free day! We rarely get to spend anytime alone together, and you waste it by working!” Jaejoong argued back.
“Jaejoong, you should know better than anybody how demanding my work is. You know being a celebrity is a 24/7 job. Don’t be unreasonable now baby.” Yoochun said and kissed Jaejoong’s pout away.
“Come on. I will finish reading my script for tomorrow as quickly as possible and we can go out for dinner okay?” Yoochun cooed and pulled Jaejoong back to the sofa with him.
“I don’t want to go out for dinner.”
“Why not? We can go to that place you love so much~”
“No, I want to stay home. If we can’t act like a couple if we go out, then I’d rather stay home and cook.”
“JJ…”
“It’s okay, I love to cook. Don’t you like my cooking?” Jaejoong teased with a smile as he sat on Yoochun’s lap and into his arms.
“Of course I do baby~” Yoochun replied as he nuzzled Jaejoong’s neck, taking in the special scent that only Jaejoong possesses.
..:: Flashback Ends ::..
***
My broken heart...
When we loved you shook my heart,
Now when we’re breaking up, you break that heart…
When you smash apart the heart that loved you,
It h-h-h-h-hurts so much.
How am I supposed to live?
Is it the end once you leave like this?
Don’t you know the wounds that you gave me?
Can’t you think of me who’s crying?
It h-h-h-h-hurts so much.
Me, who has become alone…
Is farewell easy for you?
***
..:: Flashback ::..
“Chun wanna come over today?” Jaejoong asked the person on the other end of the line. Anticipating the other’s answer.
“Sorry baby, today is Junsu’s check up. I am bringing him to the hospital now.” Yoochun apologized into the phone as he picked up Junsu’s medical card which was almost forgotten on Junsu’s desk with his free hand.
“Oh… That’s okay then. Maybe another time?” Jaejoong said disappointedly while running his hand through his newly cut hair that he wanted to show Yoochun.
“Ya, another time. I have to go now or else we would be late to Junsu’s appointment.” Yoochun said as he grabbed his and Junsu’s bag on his way out of their bedroom.
“Bye Chun. Love you.”
“Bye JJ.” Yoochun replied and pull his cellphone away from his ear as he patted Junsu, who was sitting on the couch in the living room on the head softly to get his attention. “Come on Junsu, let’s go.” And he hung up.
Jaejoong stared at his cellphone, feeling a mixture of rejection, loneliness, and jealousy in his heart.
He heard what Yoochun said last before he hung up. He heard how Yoochun’s voice was so much more gentle when he spook to Junsu. He heard how concern was in Yoochun’s voice when he spook to Junsu. He heard how none of those were in Yoochun’s voice recently when he spook to him.
..:: Flashback Ends ::..
***
[Rap] I drink every night to comfort my day...
Having nowhere to go,
My heart hurts, hurts.
The moment that the memories with you become buried in pictures,
Why do you leave, leave.
Leaving my heart in pain, can’t you hear my heart?
It’s crying out to you…
If you tell me to die, I’ll die.
I need you to live…
I even gave you all of my heart.
Now expressions, spaces of our relationship,
What kind of problems make you so hard and sad and weak.
Even you’re better than thousands of people,
It’s merely a moment.
Even then, those feelings become merely a picture in the heart after a few days.
It’s easier than you think.
Me, who looked at the one whom I truly loved leaving…
More than that... The story that’s like a sad movie…
My story.
***
Maybe I have always known in the back of my mind that your heart does not hold only me, but I pushed the thought aside, covered it with excuses, and hid it in denial.
Maybe I thought that by not believing it, it would not be true.
Maybe I thought that by not believing it, everything would be fine.
I was wrong.
..:: Flashback ::..
“What do you mean what special day?! Tomorrow is our anniversary!!!”
“… Oh shit… I am so sorry baby! I had so much work lately that I -” Yoochun tried to apologized and hold Jaejoong’s hands but Jaejoong pulled them away.
“Stop trying to make excuses! I can’t believe you totally forgot about our first anniversary! You have been spending less and less time with me lately. It is always Junsu this, Junsu that!” Jaejoong yelled as tears fill up his eyes, threatening to fall any second now.
“No! JJ, listen to me please… I am just trying to be a good friend to Junsu since I treated him so badly before. I just feel like I should do something to make it up to him!” Yoochun argued while trying to reach out for Jaejoong’s hands again. But Jaejoong flinched away from his touch and took a step back.
“That’s what I kept telling myself too, but I was wrong! You care about Junsu so much that you don’t even care about me, your own boyfriend anymore! IF YOU WANT TO BE WITH JUNSU SO MUCH, THEN WHY DON’T YOU GO BE HIS BOYFRIEND INSTEAD!!!” Jaejoong yelled as angry tears flow down his face. He then turn and ran out the front door, slamming it hard against the frame as he leave.
..:: Flashback Ends ::..
I have prayed and begged in my heart for you to not give your heart to Junsu completely and leave some space for me. I don’t mind even if I don’t have every single part of your heart, but you didn’t hear it. You just gave your heart up entirely to someone else.
***
You who destroyed everything and left.
***
..:: Flashback ::..
Yoochun gulped again and let out a heavy sigh. Then he finally worked up the courage to lift his head up and look at Jaejoong in the eye. “Look, I am sorry Jaejoong, but I don’t think it is fair to you if we keep dating.”
Jaejoong’s body stiffens at Yoochun’s words. After he has fully processed what he heard, he raises his hand and slaps Yoochun across the beautiful face of his. Letting the sound of the slap echoes down the empty hall. Tears start to pool up in Jaejoong’s eyes unvoluntarily.
“I am really sorry Jaejoong…” Yoochun apologized sincerely. He can see the hurtful look on his ex-boyfriend’s face and guilt immediately rushes through him like a tidal wave. Jaejoong look at Yoochun intensely for a moment or two, and then close his eyes with his eyebrows scrunched up and let out a sorrowful sigh.
“It is Junsu isn’t it?” Jaejoong asked in a choked voice as tears stream down his face.
“… Yes.” Yoochun said guiltily. Jaejoong stares at Yoochun a while longer, then starts to turn to leave.
“I am sorry.” Yoochun said one last time when he sees Jaejoong walking away.
Jaejoong turned around and nodded. “You should be, you were the one who said you love me first after all,” Jaejoong said ruefully. “But I can’t change your heart and neither can you... Good luck with Junsu.”
Yoochun is dumbfounded that Jaejoong is wishing him luck, but he quickly recovered from his shock and ran to Jaejoong, hugging him. “Thank you! You are always so kind Jaejoong~ I hope you will find someone who will love you more than I do soon!”
Jaejoong gently pushes Yoochun away and gave him a small smile. “Go on now. Chase after Junsu before I stab you to death with my eyeliner. I had it sharpened just for you.”
Yoochun shivers as pictures of Jaejoong’s eyeliner flow into mind. He gave Jaejoong a nervous smile before turning to run back to DBSK’s waiting room, away from the scary Jaejoong. Leaving Jaejoong to stand there alone, watching the back of his past lover moving further and further away from him.
..:: Flashback Ends ::..
***
My broken heart...
When we loved you shook my heart,
Now when we’re breaking up, you break that heart…
When you smash apart the heart that loved you,
It h-h-h-h-hurts so much.
How am i supposed to live?
Is it the end once you leave like this?
Don’t you know the wounds that you gave me?
Can’t you think of me who’s crying?
It h-h-h-h-hurts so much.
Me, who has become alone…
Is farewell easy for you?
***
Yoochun,
Do you know how much it hurts, knowing that your boyfriend is in love with no other but a friend you treasure?
Do you see how my heart breaks when you told me that you don’t love me anymore, when I am completely in love with you head over heals?
Do you sense how unwilling I am when I pushed the one I love away to find happiness with someone else, when I wish I can just hold on to you and never let go?
It hurts like being cut slowly and torturiously with a knife.
My heart breaks into a million little pieces.
I am desperately unwilling.
But I had to accept that you are in love with my friend, I had to face the fact that you do not love me anymore, I had to let you go.
Because I do know, I do see, and I do sense.
I know, I see, and I sense that you don’t belong to me anymore.
***
If you’re going to leave me like this,
Take everything and go.
Even the yearning for the happy memories that will slowly start to annoy me,
Even the love that remains in my heart.
***
Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish that you left unhesitatingly right after you announce our break up, without the guilty “sorry” and the gentle hug.
You are gone now, nothing really matters anymore. Time cannot be turned back and past cannot be revived.
Maybe, just maybe, one day I will be able to forget the burning love I have for you right now and find someone else who will love me more than you ever had like you said.
***
Is farewell easy for you?
When we loved you shook my heart,
Now when we’re breaking up,
Even after you’ve smashed apart the heart that loved me,
Don’t you know the h-h-h-h-hurt?
Can you endure it?
Is it the end once you leave like this?
Are you going to hurt someone else?
Can’t you think of me who’s crying?
It h-h-h-h-hurts so much.
Me, who has become alone…
***
Though it hurts me to admit so, I know you are not mine.
Though it hurts me to say so, I hope you will treat him better than you treated me.
Though it hurts me to do so, I will let you go.
Farewell Yoochun.
***********************************************************
Chapter 23~! (Well, it is not really a chapter, but more an interlude, a songfic, an after thought of Jaejoong with the theme song of this fanfic, Heartquake.)
Hello my lovely readers~ I am sorry for not updating, but right now school is a war zone. The first semester is ending, so there are tons of big projects, quizzes, midterms, and crap like that.
After first semester is done, I will have all the time in world to update~ Well... until second semester starts anyways...
So ya, please stay with me guys and try not to hate me too much. Give some love to my fanfic on "comment" page!
Author's speech on the matter around DBSK's lawsuit case (because I feel like I will explode if I don't say something about it):
I am sure billions of cassies around the world feel the same about the case as I do right now: Confused, sad, disappointed, angry, anxious...
November 2 was my 18th birthday, but on the same day, I received sad news about HoMin and their parents being on SM's side.
I have no idea if what they said are really how they feel, or if they are just saying that because they are still under SM and must follow SM's orders, but that broke my heart.
The last thing I want is for the DBSK's members to have disagreements and misunderstanding between them. I have always resepcted DBSK as a talented group with superb team work, and I wish for it to stay that way.
We don't know if JaeChunSu file the lawsit because of the issues around the cosmetic company and out of greed like SM accused or if they file the lawsuit because of the exclusive contract, but I do know that their contract is unfair and I hate money for being the root of most trouble (and wars) around the world.
I wish for all this to be over by Christmas with a happy ending for everyone. I spent my birthday in sadness, I don't want to spend Christmas and New Year the same way.
I pray to see DBSK on stage as five in 2010.