Unerased Memories [ONE-SHOT][COMPLETED]

Fan Fiction

by Stepha.nie

Credit : Pararae @ season-of-mist.blogspot.com

NOTE:

Your plot is great.. It’s interesting and I like the flow of the story and how the story starts. You just need a few minor corrections.

Please take a look at this word: Without hesitating, I nodded and lend out my hand.

Lend means let somebody borrow something, for example: “Harry lends 30 dollars to Ricko and asks him to pay him back next week.”

Or to add something for example: “The candles lend an air of intimacy to the room.”

But instead you can put: Without hesitating, I nodded and held out my hand.

I found this kind of error a lot in your one-shot, you tends to make a space between words before the punctuation marks such . , ! ? and “”

For example: The more i think , the more flashback recalled

Instead you should write: The more I think, the more flashback recalled

But after a punctuation mark, you need to give a space between the punctuation mark and the next word.

For example: I heard my name been called, it was his voice! Yes! I could recognize his voice!

You spelled intelocked wrongly in the sentence: ‘We intelocked each other's hand and walked into the cafeteria’ it supposed to be interlocked.

Please recheck the sentence " Oppa, don't die !! " the punctuation mark at the end is supposed to be ‘!!!’ and you shouldn’t give a space after “

The correct sentence is: “Oppa, don’t die!!!”

The sentence: My head are getting acher than before

There is no word ‘acher’ so instead you can say: My head are getting more ache than before.

The sentence: I've no strength to run away by knocking down by a car.

It doesn’t sound right because you use ‘by’ at a wrong place and you repeated it in the same sentence.

It is preferable if you use: ‘I’ve no strength to run away from been knocked down by a car.’

If you don’t understand anything or have a problem with the note I give you, please contact me personally so I can reply to your question.

Keep up a great work and don’t give up! I love your story so write more ok! Aja! Aja! Fighting! ^_^

THANKS ALOT FOR THE REVIEW! It helps me to improve!