| Fan Fiction |
by SueWey
DISCLAIMER: Review given by the reviewer might be harsh, but no insults or disparaging comments intended.
Title: -/10
Not applicable because this is a challenge title.
Forewords: 6/10
This forewords isn’t exactly suitable for your one-shot if you’re intending to grab your readers’ attention. Do try including an excerpt from your one-shot, for example, the scene where Hankyung cheated on Su Dae. It could have interested your readers to read on to find out about her reaction.
Poster & Background: -/10
Not applicable. I was looking forward to one because I love melancholic posters, with them portray the sadness and all.
Characters: 3/5
I would say that the characters portrayed were not prominent enough because you’re basically narrating the story, and not really reflecting her thoughts and feelings. Try focusing on their emotions instead.
Creativity & Originality: 10/20
I suppose you know that the plot isn’t exactly original because falling in love with his or her best friend is quite common. What that would make your plot different from the others out there would be the style of writing and narration. Yours is fine, but it could be better.
I would recommend you to try a different style of narration. Please do not include words like ‘Flashback’. They irritated me because I don’t want you to TELL me the change of setting but SHOW it.
And narrating the whole story in chronological order is boring. You could have tried one with Kangin and Su Dae dancing on Valentines while they flashback. This would have been more interesting.
Story plotting & Organisation: 9/15
Like what I have said before, you could try different ways of narrating your one-shot.
As for the pace of the story, I found it quite inconsistent, for example, HanKyung dating another girl. Perhaps you could describe him as cold towards Su Dae the day before Valentine’s to foreshadow the fact that he might be cheating on her.
Language: 12/20
I found no serious problems with this, except the fact I would have loved you to try out more descriptions to enhance the thoughts and feelings. They could be a bonus to this criterion too. *winks*
Enjoyment: 6/10
To be frank I didn’t quite enjoy myself while reading this because there were many superfluous parts that you could easily do without. Perhaps, you would want to re-edit the one-shot? Also, it quite draggy. But I can’t deny you of your efforts in trying to portray Su Dae’s sadness, disappointment and all in love.
Bonus: 5/5
Good luck and all the best to your future fictions!(:
Total: 51/80 = 64/100
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Thank you Miss Lovie,
for reviewing my one shot (:
even though you didn't enjoy yourself while reading this,
i'm still glad that your willing to read it and review it ^^
and thank you for the advice,
i will improve myself in the furture (:
and about the poster,
its not ready yet. i'm still waiting for it xD
.
see Anna,
i told you it sucked xD
6.48PM, 15 February 2009.
Racheal<3