| Fan Fiction |
by SueWey [ MysteryCious Challenge ]
Sweats began to form and dripped down my body as I could feel the temperature around me got higher or was it just my body?
I tried to endure the pain in my chest but I failed to do so.
“AAHHH!” I shouted as loud as I could, hoping that the pain might leave but it wouldn’t.
Later, I felt something rising in my throat and the next thing I knew, I coughed up blood. As I coughed up more blood, the pain in my chest had gotten worse. It hurts so much that I wished I could remove my chest.
I slowly looked up at the mirror in front of me when I had stop coughing, and right there in the mirror, I could see how thin I’ve became. I was in a mess and blood was all over my lips and chin.
My throat was so dry, I needed water. I turned on the tap and my blood that stained the sink went down the drain. I later washed my face with water and headed out to the kitchen to fetch myself some water when the pain went away.
“Water…” I mouthed. I needed water. My throat was getting drier by the minute. I dragged my feet towards the kitchen as I placed my hands on the wall next to me to support myself.
I was a few steps away from the kitchen and I could already see the jar of water on the table, waiting for me to drink it all, “Water…” I mouthed again.
Unfortunately, I somehow slipped and fell onto the ground on my knees and palms. The pain came back. I tried to push myself up with all my strength but my visions were getting blurry that I fell again.
I shook my head vigorously to clear my visions but it was still so blurry. The kitchen began to spin around and I felt dizzy. I leaned against the wall and began panting hard.
Slowly, I find it hard to breathe. I was panting and gasping hard for air. My chest heaved up and down continuously. I shut my eyes tight and slowly opened them again, the room was still spinning.
Not forgetting my motive, I crawled towards the counter table and held on to the handles of the drawer and pulled myself up. Still gasping for air, I reached over to the cup lying on the table.
As everything around me spun slowly, the room was getting darker as well. Is it night time already? I took the cup and the jar in my hands. I was about to pour the water into the cup but I felt weak and I heard a loud crash onto the floor.
Everything went pitch black all of a sudden; I couldn’t see anything and fell onto the floor.
-----
I opened my eyes and looked around me. I was in the middle of nowhere on top of the clouds. I looked down and I was high above, looking at how small and tiny the people were below me. Am I dreaming or something?
And, Where am I?
Why am I here?
I remembered about the disease I had and thought, ‘Am I dead?’
As if like someone had heard my thoughts, I could hear a sweet soothing voice behind me answered, “You’re not exactly dead yet. You’re right in front of Heaven’s Gates and Heaven is not far from here. You’re here because God wants you meet Him”
I spun my head around and look at the angelic figure before me. Someone so beautiful and pure just like ‘her’. She had long wavy hairs and big eyes looking right at me. On her back, was a pair of wings and she was wearing a white robe.
She somehow reminded me so much of ‘her’. Speaking of ‘her’, if I’m here, that’s means I’m dead… But I can’t be dead now! I need to see her first! I can’t leave her now, I’ve already promised to take care of her forever!
“You can still take care of her and guide her in Heaven,” the angel before me spoke again as if she could read my mind easily.
But how can I if I’m going to Heaven? Wait, Heaven? I’m not going to Heaven now! I haven’t even got to say goodbye to her yet! And why does God wants to see me for? Did I do something bad?
“Boy, you ask a lot of questions. If you want, we can assign you as her angel and don’t worry; you didn’t do anything bad,” the angel replied with a smile on her face.
I tried to speak but my lips wouldn’t part and even if it did, nothing came out. Luckily, she could read minds.
“Haha, you’re right. I can read minds but there’s no need to be shy,” again she spoke but nothing came out from my lips.
“Come on, Junsu. God’s waiting for you to meet Him” I silently stood up and followed the angel behind her.
We walked on for not longer than 15 minutes and I could see something shining from afar. It was sparkling that it hurts my eyes a little.
Oh god, I can’t be in Heaven right now. I’m pretty sure I’m dreaming. Yes, I’m definitely dreaming! But, when will I ever wake up? I want to see ‘her’…
As we got closer, I could see another figure standing just outside of a tall gate. Hm, that must be the Heaven’s Gate the angel was referring to.
The gate opened wide enough just for the two of us to enter. We walked straight towards to what seem like a huge golden chair. As I was in Heaven, like what the angel kept saying where we were, I suddenly felt as though the burden on my shoulders have been lifted.
I felt so safe and so much like at home. I felt stronger as if my disease has been cured. Everything was so perfect but only one thing was missing; ‘her’.
We continued walking, and I saw another figure, sitting on the chair and looking right at me.
This other figure was a man. A tall man with a long white robe on him and had quite a bushy beard. He gave me a warm smile and I returned him the same.
“Hello there, son,” He greeted me and I did the same.
“I’m the Almighty and I want to welcome you to Heaven,” He continued to speak as He gestured with His hands.
“From now on, your life on Earth will be a past and your new life shall start here. I can’t promise you any tomorrow but today will always last, so there’s no need for you to worry about your past anymore,” I listened to Him attentively as He continued to speak.
My life on Earth will be a past? That just means I’m dead! No!
Now, I’m really sure I’m just dreaming! Dreaming that I’m dead! Please wake me up now!
“I promise you a good life here with Me. You’ve been so faithful to your parents and so loyal to Ri In although I’m sure you know that there are some things you know you should not ever do. But, however I will forgive you and shall grant you freedom. So, do you want to start and share your life here with Me?” He held out his hand, waiting for me to hold his hand and start our new life together.
This may be true but I cannot accept the fact that I’m already dead. I have so much left to do; I want to travel around the world with ‘her’, I want to spend the rest of my life with ‘her’, I want to take care of ‘her’ in my arms, I want to marry ‘her’ and I want to start a family with ‘her’.
Even though it was clear to me that I am somewhat dead, but my heart insists that I am still dreaming and so, I went along with that fact.
I did not accept God’s offer but instead, I ran away. I ran away in fear that this is really true. I’m just too young to die.
I ran out from the Heaven’s Gate and kept running to wherever my feet would bring me to. I looked behind me to see if there was anyone following me; no one was there.
I turned back to the front and realized that I was at the edge of one of the clouds. I overtook a step and fell, “AAHH!” I screamed in horror, afraid that I’ll fall flat onto the grounds of Earth.
---
I could hear the sound of someone crying and pushed myself to open my eyes.
As I did, my vision was so blur that I couldn’t really see who was sitting by me, crying.
“…R-ri In…?” I made a guess and tried to speak. Immediately the figure shot up and look at me with sore eyes.
“Junsu! You’re finally awake!” she quickly wiped away her tears, took my right hand and placed it at her cheek, letting me caress her delicate face.
“…why are you crying…? Shhh…” my voice cracked as I tried to speak again. Seeing her cry makes my heart shattered into a million pieces and filled with sorrow.
Ri In… Please don’t cry anymore…
I looked around me and noticed that I was on a bed with a gas mask on me. The hospital? How did I get here?
I recalled that I was on the clouds… then I fell… Did I really fall and got here?
“…how-” I tried to ask her how did I got here, but as though she knew what I was trying to say, she spoke before I could even finish my sentence, “I went to drop by at your place and saw you lying on the ground unconscious. I was so worried for you! I thought that you’re going to leave me here in this world alone!” tears began to run down her cheeks again as she told me what had happened.
Shots of memories began flowing through my mind as I recalled that I was in my house, suffering from pneumonia. At this point, I was thankful that whatever happened on the clouds was nothing more than a mere dream.
“…Ri In… Don’t cry…” I whispered as I looked at how sore her eyes were. I didn’t want to see her cry and I never wanted to make her cry either.
It was then; Doctor Lee came in to the room. Doctor Lee was the man who told me of my disease and he had promised me never to let Ri In know about it. I didn’t want to see her worry more over me.
“Ahh… I see that Junsu’s awake! Ri In, could you be a dear and leave us in private? I need to check up on him,” Doctor Lee gestured his hand, facing towards the door. Ri In nodded and obediently went outside to wait.
“Morning, Junsu!” Doctor Lee greeted me as I nod in reply. He took out a mini torchlight and shone it at my eyes one by one. He then, later took the stethoscope from around his neck and placed it on my chest to listen to my heartbeat.
“Junsu, I’ve checked up on you earlier when you were unconscious… No worries, Ri In doesn’t know anything about you suffering pneumonia,” Doctor Lee explained as I nod in reply, relief that Ri In still doesn’t know about it yet.
“Junsu, I… I think it’s better if you stay here… At least we can give you better medical treatment… You see, the pneumonia you’re suffering now is getting worse by the day. The bacteria has infected and ‘attacked’ the alveoli in your lungs and so, it’ll cause injury to your lungs and you’ll have difficulty in breathing more often. I suggest that you stay here, at least then we can give you proper medical treatment and vaccine,” as Doctor Lee explained to me my situation, it was as if my heart had drop dead on the ground.
“D-does this… means my time will be up soon…?”
“…I’m not so sure-” as he continued blabbering, I was beginning to think whether my dream was true or not. But whatever happens, I don’t want Ri In to be worried.
If I stay, she’ll most probably get worried over me even more. Worse comes to worst, she might even find out that I’m suffering from pneumonia.
I’ve made my mind. I won’t stay. At least, I could still spend my time with her and keep that precious smile of hers plastered on her face.
“I won’t stay,” I told my dear friend with a serious tone.
“What? But, if you stay, at least you can live longer!” he tried to talk me out of it but I shook my head, “I’m leaving”
“Junsu, I know you’re a stubborn guy but please, I’m serious now. It’s a matter of life and death!” his voice was loud and fierce as though he was yelling at me but I ignored him.
“Can I leave now?”
---
Neither Ri In nor I had ever spoken about the incident since the day I got out from the hospital. She began to care and got over worried about me even more as the day passed. I could tell that she was always that I would one day fall sick and ‘leave’ her. Well, she’s right but doesn’t know about how bad my disease was.
I tried my best not made it that obvious about me suffering pneumonia and it wasn’t easy. My cough was getting worst and almost everyday, you would see me coughing up blood.
My skin was turning more bluish by the day; people even stared at me as if I was some kind of those freaks. Ri In noticed the color change on my skin as well, and had gotten worry but I assured her that it wasn’t all that serious.
My vision was getting blurrier that I couldn’t even see the road right. Once, I was driving at the highway and nearly hit the lamp post. I was lucky that I hit the break upon impact on time.
The pain in my chest grew as well. Sometimes, the pain was so unbearable that I couldn’t stand up right anymore.
It was even getting more difficult for me to breathe. I kept having problem breathing as if something big was blocking my nostrils or all my airways for me to breathe. I would always gasp for air and get tired easily but I just told her that I was just getting tired.
I’m even surprised to see how I manage to hide my problems from Ri In. But yet, I had a feeling as though she knew but pretended not to know. She always gave me one of those looks whenever I made an excuse to go to the bathroom. But it wasn’t entirely her fault, cause almost every interval of an hour I would make that excuse even when we were in the theatre.
I’m afraid that I will leave her soon but I’m not sure when. I want to wish her goodbye and give her a passionate kiss but I’m afraid that if I do so, she’ll suspect me. I don’t even know when I’m going to leave her. I’m afraid that she’ll misunderstand.
I thought of her every night and wouldn’t want to leave her. Not even one second. But, I couldn’t stand it anymore. Not with this pain.
I wrote out my feelings and message in a letter about what happened on the day I went unconscious and had decided to give it to her later for I do not know how to tell it straight to her.
Today’s the day before my birthday and I had promised to go on another date with Ri In. She seemed pretty excited about my birthday and had decided to buy me dinner. I wore quite a formal clothing since we’ll be having our dinner at a fine restaurant.
I sat in one of the tables of the restaurant as I waited for her to come. As the clock ticked by, the pain in my chest grew again, ‘Damn it. Not now’ I thought once I spotted her coming in through the door, waving while smiling at me.
I greeted her and poured a glass of wine for her. “Sorry, I’m late!” she apologized.
I forgave her and tried to endure the pain as we talked all night long. We had quite an exquisite dinner and I quite enjoyed it myself. However, I suddenly felt the urge to use the bathroom and excuse myself again. Seeing her face frown that I once more need to use the bathroom hurt me deeply, but I had no choice.
I casually walked in the bathroom and washed my face. I shut my eyes tight as the pain grew again and then, I coughed up blood.
I spent not more than half an hour to endure the pain and washed myself up. Hopefully, it’ll stop for now. I do not want to ruin anymore of our dates.
I walked back towards our table and pretended as if nothing had ever happened. “Are you okay, Junsu? You’ve been in there for quite awhile,” she asked.
I told her it was nothing and she need not worry. Whether she believed me or not, I’m not sure.
It was already half past eleven and we decided to walk back to her apartment since it’s quite nearby. We walked pass the park as we talked and laughed with each other.
Enjoying our walk under the moon, Ri In and I settled down on one of the benches and stared at the bright moon above us. She placed her head on my right shoulder as she cling her arms around my right.
I turned slowly to my right and stared into her delicate face instead. Watching her smile as she cuddled herself closer to me made me thought of all the things we did together.
I thought of how hard the obstacles were for us to get together. I thought of all the fun we had since we got together. Of course, there were good times as well as bad times. I thought of all the love we shared for one another.
By just looking at her, I knew how much she loved me, as much as I love her too. I knew how much she’ll miss me by just thinking of me.
She was the greatest gift God has ever given me and I will always cherish her. Never will I always let her shed a tear but filled with happiness instead, otherwise my heart would be filled with sorrow as it shattered itself into a million pieces.
But, the more I thought of her, the more sorrow I get. Cause, I know that one day, I’ll probably leave her here alone.
I guess that my dream wasn’t a dream afterall. I was really sent to Heaven before but I had disobeyed God. I hope that He would give me one more chance and let me stay in Heaven, so that I can be her angel and guide her.
“Ri In…” I tried to start a conversation. She looked at me and waited for me.
I said nothing but leaned forward and our lips met. I placed my arms around her waist and pulled her closer as our lips parted. My tongue rushed in her mouth once it was opened and played with hers.
We shared a passionate kiss under the bright moon. Oh, how I wished that time would stop at that moment but all good things have to come to an end.
About 20 minutes or so had passed and we continued to walk back to her apartment. We said nothing but smiled all the way as we held our hands tight together.
We got into the elevator and reached for the fifth floor. I waited patiently as she searched for her keys and later unlocked it. As we opened it and stepped inside, I heard screams and laughter roaring across the room, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JUNSU!”
I laughed when I saw all my dear friends threw the confetti around and wished me happy birthday. I turned to look at Ri In who had a smirk on her face. Immediately, I knew who planned it.
“Thank you,” I mouthed at her. She smiled sweetly at me.
I walked up to her and passed her the letter that I had with me and told her to read it. She said that she’ll read it in the kitchen while getting the drinks for us. I nod my head in reply.
I looked at her as she went in to get soft drinks for us. I think she was curious to know what was in the letter cause she opened it as she got the cups.
I then saw that her face turned into a frown and pearls began to roll down her cheeks.
I remembered clearly what I had written in my letter;
‘When tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes, all filled with tears for me,
I wish so much you wouldn't cry, the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things we didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me, as much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me, I know you'll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand.
And said my place was ready in Heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind, all those things I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought, I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for, so much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible, that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared, and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday, just even for a while,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you, and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized, that could never be,
For emptiness and memories, would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things, I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through Heaven's gates, I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me, from his great golden throne.
He said, "This is eternity, and all I've promised you.
Today your life on Earth is past, and here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last,
And since each day's the same day, there's no longing for the past.
But you have been so faithful, so trusting and so true,
Though there were times you did some things, you know you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven, and now at last you're free,
So won't you take my hand now and share My life with Me".
So when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me, I'm right here in your heart.’
But it was at that moment, something unfaithful happened.
The pain in my chest grew again as I clutched onto my chest. My visions began to blurred again as I shut my eyes tight. I was gasping for air again.
Breathing deep, I inhaled the air but as I exhaled, I thought I saw my own breath like a winter’s day. I stood there, silent. I waited for your motion when I saw you coming back with the drinks. I waited for your coming words, as if you could hurt me some more.
As if the world had stood still, so that I could feel that ache just a little bit longer. Could you hear my breathing?
I could hear no one but yours. Standing there in the middle of the same living room as you, I couldn’t feel anyone’s present but yours. I kept my eyes on you, staring at nothing but you.
My vision went blurry and pearls rolled down my cheeks. You have no idea how badly I wanted you to hold me. There was motion then. I saw your lips mouthed something about 'cake' but I could not hear clearly and you started walking back away.
You’re leaving.
I’m trying to speak of the thousand words I have not said. My mouth opened to speak but no words came out, instead I gasped for air as I fell to the ground.
Hitting on the hard cold floor beneath me.
I don’t know how but I too, started going away. Drifting into the deep, dark, abyss.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I just want to thank those who had supported me since the very first of my fanfiction and that all of you had enjoyed reading my one shot (:
Honestly, this was my longest one shot I’ve ever written!
I entered this in the Mystery-Cious’ Writing Challenge, so wish me luck! Though, I doubt that I’ll win since two other great authors joined it :P
I know that I don’t have that many readers but still, I enjoyed writing it :D
Also, credits goes to BoBoLi0us [ my bloster baby :P ] from Monochrome Colors for the wonderful poster and background ^^
Thanks.
SueWey.