Always by your side
by Suki Chan
Chapter 22
“Matt, I know you are very mad at me. I know.” The woman uttered sadly.
Matt glared hard at her.
“I really want to make it up now.” The woman dropped down her head, “I want to take care of you and Danny. I want to fulfill my responsibility as a mother. Please give me a chance.”
“You ain’t our mother! We don’t want a wicked mother like you!” Matt confronted, “You left us! You’re gone for so many years! Why are you coming back now? What makes you suddenly remorse and come find us again?”
His mother, Claire, sighed deeply, “I know I’ve hurt you and Danny a lot. I was selfish…but…I was too young when I bear you two…I got pregnant and married your dad when I was only 20. I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t know how to take up the responsibility and be a good wife and mother…having two of you at the same time…especially when I found out Danny’s problem. I couldn’t take it. So…I decided to run away.”
Matt fumed.
She continued, “After I left your dad, I went to Canada to look for a distant relative. I had no plans there…I just wanted to stay away as I far as I could. Then I found a waitress job at a restaurant in Chinatown. I met a young man…a local born Chinese. He always came to eat at the restaurant. He helps his dad on his business. We chatted a lot…and slowly we got together…and finally we were married. He knows about my past. He is a very good man. He always encourages me to come back and look for you and Danny. But he was too busy with his work…and I was scared to come back by myself…I didn’t know how to face you and Danny. And also…our daughter was too young at that time and I couldn’t leave her behind…”
“Whole bunch of crappy excuses!” Matt was even more upset hearing that, “If you really have the heart to come back for me and Danny, you could have made that effort no matter what! Why waited until now?! Why waited for 17 years!!!”
“I did try to come back to look for you and Danny a few years ago!” Claire nervously explained, “I went to the place we used to live. The old neighbours said your dad brought you and Danny and moved out soon after I left! Your dad only had a few friends and distant relatives but I didn’t have their contacts! I couldn’t find you all! It was until early this year that I hired a private investigator to search for you and Danny…then I just realized all that had happened in these years!!! I can’t believe it! Your dad actually died in a car accident, and how much you and Danny have gone through afterwards! I don’t know the details but I can feel it! I can feel how much you two have suffered!” Her eyes turned red.
“Very nice story that you come up with.” Matt sneered.
“Trust me, Matt! I really want to make it up now!” Claire begged.
“Make it up for what?!” Matt screamed dreadfully, “When Danny and I were young and needed a mother the most, where were you? When dad died and we lost our only support and got forced into the orphanage, where were you? When Danny got abandoned by his evil adopted parents and fell severely ill and didn’t speak a single word for 6 whole months, where were you? When I worked day and night trying to make a living and bring up Danny, where were you?!”
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I owe you and Danny a lot. It was all my faults. Please forgive me…” Claire sobbed.
“If you didn’t leave then Danny wouldn’t ever be abandoned! If you didn’t leave then I wouldn’t have to drop school at 14!” Matt bursted out tears as it hit the most painful spot in his heart, “There’s nothing you can make it up for now! It’s too late! It’s too late!”
“No Matt…” Claire cried miserably.
“You got a blissful family with a wealthy husband and a lovely beautiful daughter. You probably live in a nice big house and goes shopping everyday. Then now that you have some free time on hand and suddenly remember about your two sons. You feel like coming back to goof around and have a reunion with them. Good for you.” Matt wiped his tears, “But Danny and I have been orphans for so many years! We live well on our own and we can take care of ourselves! We didn’t have a mother, and we don’t need one!”
Claire hopelessly looked at Matt.
“Please go, Mrs. Go back to your own home, where your husband and daughter are waiting for you.” Matt said coldly, “My brother and I need to have dinner now.”
Claire trembled and sniffed in her tears. She still gave one last try, though she knew the hope was minimal, “Matt, I hope you can calm down and think over it again. If you ever change your mind…hm…I’m staying at this service apartment now. Before I return to Canada, I wish I can see you and Danny again. I wish. I sincerely wish.” She handed her a small card.
Matt ignored her and did not take the card.
“…by the way. I brought some cookies over for you and Danny. I baked them. Chocolate cookies…I remember you two used to love them very much when you were little.” Claire said, “This…may be the only thing I could do for you and Danny at this moment.”
Matt did not respond.
Claire heaved a deep sigh. She softly slid the card into Matt’s pocket and bitterly left.
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Matt wobbled back into the house. Danny restlessly looked at him.
Matt saw a small box on the sofa. It must be that box of cookies she mentioned. He walked over and took it to the kitchen. He was about to throw it to the garbage.
“Hm…” Danny reached over and tried to grasp it back.
Matt had a glance at the innocent boy; he knew nothing about what was going on. “No more cookies before dinner. Have one later in the night, ok?” Matt sighed and put the box on the cupboard.
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Danny had his shower and stepped out of the bathroom. He saw Matt leaning on the sofa, quietly flipping through an old photo album. He knew Matty was not in a good mood, so he did not want to bother him and tip-toed to his bed. Matty had already turned on the heater and the little place was nice and warm, which meant it was now bedtime for Danny.
“Danny.” Matt lifted up his head. He waved softly and patted on the sofa.
Danny walked over and sat down beside him, with a big question mark in his eyes.
“It’s been a while since we flip through this photo album. Let’s have a look.” Matt wrapped his arm around Danny’s neck. Danny hugged a cushion and leaned on Matt. The two brothers intimately stuck together and fell in memories.
“This is Matty. This is Danny.” Danny pointed at a photo of two little babies with identical faces, naked and soaked comfortably in a bubble bath.
“No…this is you, and this one is me.” Matt said, “Dad always said you had more hair than I did when we were babies.”
They chuckled and turned to the next page.
“Dad. Dad.” It was a photo of their father kissing the two lovely boys in front of a cake, celebrating their first birthday in life. Danny gently touched it.
“Yes…dad.” Matt stroked on his father’s face also, “I miss dad a lot. Danny do you miss dad?”
“Yeah I miss dad a lot too.” Danny whispered.
Matt suddenly asked, “How about mom? Do you miss mom?”
“Mom?” Danny wondered.
“Yes…mom.” Matt pointed at a photo taken at the park. It was one of the few photos with the family of four, because their mother did not seem to be fond of taking photos. The album had only a few snapshots of her.
Danny stared at the photo of a beautiful young woman, wrapping her arms around the two little boys.
When she left them, Danny did not really know what was going on. She was never a sweet mellow mother, so Danny never missed her. In fact Danny had almost no memory of her. It was until Danny was 7 or 8 years old, when he was learning about “What is family” in school, that for the first time he raised the question to his father on why the supposedly “mother” woman is not around in their home.
“Do you remember mom?” Matt looked at Danny.
Danny shook his head, “Dad said…mom had to go far far away to work, so she can’t live with us and take care of us. We didn’t have mom at home like other kids do. But dad said he loves us very much and it makes it up.”
That was how their kind father explained to Danny on why their mother was gone missing. He did not want Danny to know their mother was leaving partially because of the sick son. He did not want Danny to feel hurt. Matt obviously thought the same, so he promised to keep the secret with their father.
“Is that all you remember about mom?” Matt asked again, though he knew the answer.
“Yeah.” Danny said.
“Do you remember how she looks like?”
“…this is mom, right? Dad said this is mom.” Danny pointed at the photo.
“Danny, does she look familiar?” Matt finally released the truth because Danny had the right to know, “You’ve seen her, Danny.”
Danny looked closely at the photo and still had no clue.
The photo was taken almost 20 years ago, and that was the only impression Danny had on her. It was normal that he could not recognize her now.
“She just came to visit us. She came just today. You chatted with her.” Matt gazed at him, “That same woman who’s been following us for the last few days.”
Her???
Danny was very surprised. Mom. Mom. That woman is mom…the person who had been missing in their family since they were little. Danny slightly frowned. He did not understand what was going on.
‘Mom’ really did not mean much to Danny. Matt softly patted Danny’s head, “Danny are you ever mad at her? Are you ever mad at her for leaving us behind?”
Danny tilted his head, “She had to leave us behind ‘cause she had to go far far away to work.”
Matt sighed, “She left us. And during the toughest time when we needed her the most, she wasn’t around. Do you think she’s very wrong? Do you think she’s very selfish?”
Danny fell in thoughts. He seemed to understand a bit.
Matt continued, “She’s now back. She wants to make it up now and hopes we will forgive her. Will you forgive her, Danny?”
“So she wants to say sorry to us now?” Danny asked.
Matt nodded.
“Matty always says…everyone makes mistakes. You do something wrong, you have to say sorry. Then other people will forgive you.” Danny had the simplest logic, “She left us behind. She’s not a good mom. But…she says sorry now. So we gotta forgive her.”
Matt bewildered at Danny.
“Right Matty?” Danny looked for an answer from his brother.
As simple as that, shouldn’t it be? At least for Danny. He had no hatred of their mother. He was not resistant of her. After all, blood is thicker than water. There was no reason to stop Danny from seeing her again.
But for Matt himself…he doesn’t really know.
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Claire was nervously arranging this and cleaning that in the living room of the service apartment, getting prepared for Matt and Danny to visit.
First time to visit. First time to meet up formally.
Ding dong ~
The door bell rang. Claire patted her hair and clothes to make sure everything was in good shape. She took a deep breath and opened the door.
“…hi Matt and Danny!” Claire happily greeted.
The two boys stood by the door. Danny peeked at Matty for what to do, as usual.
Matt mumbled as his greeting, “Hm.”
“Hm.” So Danny followed.
“Come on in.” Claire waved, “Would you like something to drink? How about pops? I’ve got some in the fridge…”
“No worry. We can go grab some from the kitchen later.” Matt stopped her from running around.
Claire insisted though, “You don’t like pops? How about juices? I got some apple juice here…” She quickly made two cups and put them on the coffee table.
“…alright thanks.” Matt shrugged his shoulder and sat down at the sofa with Danny.
“Thanks.” Danny said so too.
“…you’re welcome.” Claire smiled.
Then no one spoke.
The atmosphere was a bit tense.
“Don’t be so tense.” Claire tried to ease up, “Just make yourself like home.”
“Hm.” Matt avoided eye contact with her. He uneasily scanned around.
“I’m so happy that you guys are coming to visit today. Matt, it really really surprised me when you called yesterday that you two would be coming over.” Claire said sincerely.
“Hm.” Matt gave the same reaction.
“I’ve got some little gifts for you two. Hope you two will like them.” Claire picked up a big bag by the coffee table.
Danny raised his brows, while Matt did not have much expression on his face.
“Matt…I wasn’t sure what you like. You didn’t say when I asked you yesterday. So…I just bought you a jacket. Hope you’ll like it. Looks like it should fit on you. Why don’t you try it on?” Claire excitingly handed him the designer brand clothes in nice wrappings.
“Thanks.” Matt reached over and took the jacket. He put it on the side and did not move.
“Oh sure…you can…try it on later.” Though with Matt’s cold reaction, Claire did not give up. She offered to Danny, “Now your turn, Danny! Matt says you love reading story books! I bought you some! See if you like them…”
Danny peeked at Matt for permission to take the gifts. Matt nodded.
“Thank you.” Danny politely took the few books from Claire. He flipped through them.
“Do you like these story books?” Claire pointed, “This one talks about some wizards and animals in the forest and they look kinda cute…”
Matt frowned as he scanned through the books, “These are too easy for Danny. He can read much beyond this level. He knows way more than you might think he does. Stop looking down on him.”
“I don’t. Why would I?” Claire panicked, “Sorry Danny I thought you would love these books and…”
“Next time,” Matt packed up the books, “Buy him story books for junior secondary school kids. Danny has finished schooling equivalent to junior secondary level of regular school.”
Next time…that means Claire would still get a chance. She quickly nodded, “Sure sure. Maybe next time I should bring Danny to the bookstore so he can pick his favourite books…if…that’s ok…”
Matt did not say no.
“Are you two getting a little hungry yet? Dinner will be ready soon. Let me go to the kitchen to check out the roasted chicken in the oven. Meanwhile you can have some snacks…” Claire stood up and arranged.
Matt whispered to Danny while standing up too, “Alright Danny. You’d be good and stay for dinner. Matty gotta go now.”
“Matt where are you going?” Claire was surprised, “Are you not staying for dinner?”
“Sorry I have plans for tonight already. Danny will stay.” Matt said as he walked to the door.
Claire was very disappointed. She could guess Matt was just giving an excuse for not staying with her. She desperately wished they could all have the dinner together…the mother and two sons together.
“…Matty.” Danny whined and grabbed onto his brother.
“Come on. Matty is going out with Olive, remember?” Matt comforted, “Be good, okie? You stay around to play for a bit. Don’t forget to catch that funny show on TV at 8:30pm! Matty will come pick you up later tonight, sounds good?”
“Okie.” Danny finally let go.
“Good boy.” Matt patted his head. Then he turned around to Claire, “I will come back to pick up Danny late tonight. Please take care of him for me.”
“Of course I will.” Claire bit her lips, “…you…have fun tonight then.”
“Hm. Bye for now.” He uttered and left.
Claire watched Matt leaving and sighed. She went back into the house.
Danny curiously picked up the red cushion on the sofa and poked the lace.
Claire smiled and sat down beside Danny. She enjoyed watching him, “So Danny is ok tonight being here with Matty not around?”
Danny thought and nodded. Matt had talked to him already before they came and Danny agreed.
“By the way…” Claire was curious, “Who is Matt going out with? Who’s Olive?”
“Olive is Matty’s girlfriend.” Danny said.
Claire was excited, “Wow Matt has a girlfriend! How does she look like? Is she really pretty and nice?”
“Olive is my buddy. She’s really pretty and nice.” Danny described.
“Gosh I’d love to meet her!” Claire giggled.