Fan Fiction |
by Caryn
I left Alex sleeping on the couch. It was hard getting out of that cosy spot but I have work to do. I left him a note on the table, thanking him for everything. Closing the door gently behind me, I breathed in the fresh cold air that almost froze me to death that night. The sun shone on my face and this encouraged me further.
An hour later, I went to work. Won Bin was already at the gym and he smiled at me as I entered.
“Good morning.” Won Bin greeted me.
“Good morning too. You’re early.” I smiled.
“Yeah. Where were you last night?” he asked.
Damn. Should I tell him I spent the night with Alex? Would that mean I do not have a sense of propriety? “Erm, I was with Alex.” I said, looking at him to search for any sign of jealousy or something but he retained his aloof expression.
“Oh, I tried calling your house phone but no one picked up. Then I tried calling your cell phone but there was a problem connecting to it. Guessed you forgot to switch it on or something.” He explained.
“I see. Why did you want to find me? Anything urgent?” I asked, worried all of a sudden.
“Nothing really. I just wanted to tell you that I am going on a vacation next week. Thought I should inform you.” Won Bin smiled.
“Vacation? Where to?” Is he trying to avoid me?
“I’m not sure but I’ll be back. Don’t worry.”
“How long would you be gone?” I asked again.
“For two weeks I guess. Hopefully not longer than that.” Won Bin assured me but somehow I felt I was partly responsible for the reason he’s leaving.
“I see. I think I can still manage the gym for two weeks. Shouldn’t be a problem. Hope you’ll enjoy your vacation.” See? I’m trying to cope with my life without him.
“Thanks. Well, I think I should get back to work. Do you want a cup of coffee? I can make you one.” He asked before leaving my room.
“It’s okay. I want to cut down on caffeine.” I smiled.
“Okay.” He shrugged and left.
He’s leaving next week. Why is he leaving? Will he be all right? So many questions running through my mind like a fierce river. All of a sudden, guilt washed over me. I think it’s because I spent a night with Alex but I do not have a commitment towards Won Bin anymore. Even so, it felt as if I have betrayed him. I wonder if I should have told Won Bin why we were breaking up in the first place. Would he still go on that vacation or would he remain and help me through it all?
With him gone, there isn’t anybody around to listen to me and I can’t possibly go back to Alex. Come to think of it, it was kind of dangerous last night being alone with him. Not that I don’t trust him, I just don’t trust myself. What was I getting myself into? For the rest of the day, I couldn’t concentrate on my work. Nothing seemed to register in my mind. I just wanted to leave work and head home early. Take a nice hot bath and think. Perhaps I can go down to Eve’s to relax.
After what seemed like eternity – what with bumping into Won Bin now and then – finally I was able to head for home. I jumped into my car and almost sped home, hoping to avoid Won Bin if possible. It’s hard to heal with him around. Following a simple dinner, I drove down to Eve’s.
“Hey Eve.” I said as I opened the heavy wooden doors.
“Hey Caryn. Your usual?” Eve smiled at me.
“Sure. Pretty packed tonight.” I said as I sat down on the stool.
“Yeah. Business has been pretty good tonight. What’s up with you?” she asked. Eve was a slender girl with short hair. She has multiple piercing on her ears and a simple tattoo of a pair of wings on her wrist.
“Nothing much. I just wanted to relax and play the piano if it’s possible.” I sipped my margarita.
“Oh sure. You know where it is. Anything wrong?” Eve asked as if sensing my negative vibes.
“No, why would you ask me that?” I raised my eyebrows. Was I that obvious?
“Well, most people come down here to drown their sorrows away and you usually do that when you’re not happy. I just assumed you were unhappy, that’s all.” She was wiping the glasses with a white cloth.
“To say you were entirely wrong would be a lie so yeah, just been a bit down lately.” I smiled sadly.
“Must been a big thing to get you down and it’s not my business to probe into people’s problems because they tell me only when they want to. I just want you to know that the piano’s always available for you.” Eve patted my shoulders and smiled her killer smile.
“Thanks a lot Eve. That’s why I only frequent your pub. Cheers to you!” I held the margarita high up and drank it down in one big gulp.
“The room’s empty. You’ll get the space that you need.” She pointed to the room at the back of the pub.
“Keep the change.” I told her as I put the money on the table.
“Thanks Caryn.” I got up and headed to the room. It’s pretty weird to have a piano in a pub right? Eve is quite a musician so when business isn’t that good, she likes to escape into that room and play the piano. I just don’t understand why she doesn’t want to be a real musician. You know, get record deals and be famous. She says fame can really bog you down and she prefers to be closer to people. The only way she can do that is by doing what she does now, listening to people’s problem and offer some advice occasionally. Eve says she derives more satisfaction that way. I think all the booze must’ve gotten to her head and spoilt whatever logical thinking there was.
I sat on the piano stool and touched the keys lightly. I’m no where as good as Eve but I can still play a tune or two. This song has been stuck in my head for weeks and I can’t wait to hear how it sounds on the piano. I even have lyrics to accompany the tune.
In the middle of the night I could not sleep,
The smell of lavender accompanies me,
The yearning of a companion haunts me,
As the sense of loneliness envelops me.
Am I wrong to feel lonely?
Am I wrong to feel insecure?
Am I wrong to look in sorrow
As I turn the pages of life?
Who is there to listen and comfort me,
When I have carried this burden for so long,
Who is there to hold me tight,
When I feel cold at night.
The four walls soon become my friends,
As I tell them my problems silently,
But none can provide the comfort I need,
That only a true friend can give.
I couldn’t sleep one night. I didn’t know why but I had this sudden urge to sit down and write. The inspiration came flooding out and this was how this came about. I guess I have been feeling quite lonely. This melancholic feeling will soon pass but when will it pass I do not know. Till then, I only have these words to comfort me. Every cloud has a silver lining. Okay, that may be real cliché but at least it’s something positive. With those words, I hold on to the promise I made to myself that I will pull through and I hope Won Bin will pull through too. I pray that god will bless his soul and that he will be all fine when I finally see him again.
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Written by Caryn ©
4 June 2004