| Fan Fiction |
by Ephemeral Euphoria
She was beautiful.
Years of being pampered, months of preparatory facials, and the previous week's spa treatment had left her looking lovelier than ever. She reached up her hand to touch her face-to slap her cheek ever so lightly, just to be sure that this was all real, for it seemed anything but that. Following the quiet slap, she winced. The pain was real. The entire situation was real. It wasn't a dream.
It would not have struck her as strange, had it truly been yet another dream. This surreal moment had been one which she had already experienced many times before during her sleep over the past few months. However, now that the moment had finally arrived, she felt torpid.
She continued to gaze at her reflection. The woman staring back at her looked unfamiliar. Although appearing just as flawless as one would expect a porcelain doll to look, just like those porcelain dolls, she had a blank expression. When she found herself unable to smile, she used her hands to turn the corners of her lips up.
The woman reflecting back at her mirrored her movements, her perfectly manicured nails contrasting against her pale face as she tried to smile. There. She was finally smiling. However, as she met the eyes of the woman staring back at her, she could not ignore the fact that her eyes were dull and lifeless.
This was her wedding day. She should have been excited and completely overwhelmed with emotions, rather than feeling nothing but dread. It wasn't that she didn't like her husband-to-be. In fact, she liked him very much. He was an old childhood friend of hers, and they got along perfectly fine. It wasn't that her family didn't like him either. They were ecstatic when they learned about the engagement, as was his family. The only problem was that she liked him.
Like seemed so small when placed beside love, for love...love was an entirely different concept. Love was 'like' times infinity. And love was something she did not feel for her future husband.
She had accepted his proposal of marriage because her mother had constantly emphasized the importance of securing a decent husband and marrying into a wealthy family-one that was as wealthy as (if not wealthier than) her own. She had accepted his proposal because his parents treated her like a daughter, and they were old family friends of hers. She had accepted his proposal because she couldn't bear the thought of breaking someone else's heart, especially when that someone was a good friend of hers. She had accepted his proposal mainly because she was afraid of what would have happened if she were to say no.
All of her life, she had lived by the rules. One of the two rules she had ever broken was that one time when she was younger and had kept a piece of chocolate that her mother had ordered her to throw away. Of course, her guilty conscience had led her to throw away the piece of candy shortly afterwards. She had never been allowed to eat chocolate; her mother had wanted to separate her daughter from all the other poorer children by ensuring that she did not share their same love of chocolate. Although it seemed silly to the young woman now, she still had not eaten a piece of chocolate in her life.
Junsu had found it funny that she had never eaten it before. He was probably the only other time she had broken a rule. He was the boy who delivered the morning paper daily to her family's mansion. They had met when one day she spotted him while she was playing alone in the garden. She had never been allowed to ride a bicycle her entire life, and was intrigued to see a boy not much older than her riding one. He had offered to teach her how to ride it, but she had politely declined the offer, knowing that her mother would not have wanted her to learn such a thing. Somehow, from that moment on, they had become best friends. Although she had had to keep him a secret due to his lower social status, she never once considered giving up on their friendship.
Telling him about her upcoming marriage had been most difficult. She remembered the way his face fell as he took in the news, and she remembered his obvious disappointment in her as he congratulated her. Junsu was the only person who had ever encouraged her to make her own decisions, and being her best friend, it had been rather obvious to him that she was not marrying for love. The smile plastered onto her face disappeared as she recalled how tense their relationship had turned afterwards.
Earlier that morning, when she had gone out to greet him and collect the paper from him, he had handed it to her and left without even saying a word. She had invited him to the wedding, but she was certain that he would not come.
Thinking about how she had disappointed him made her stomach churn. Perhaps she would vomit. If she threw up over her wedding dress, maybe she could delay the wedding...
But then again, what was the point in that? Eventually, it would have to continue. She would simply have to suck it up and get used to the idea of being married to someone whom she did not love. Maybe in time the like would grow into something more-something that was closer to love, even if not love itself. Love. Who needed it anyway? She could always get a divorce.
Deep in her heart, she knew that wasn't true. It would be positively scandalous for someone of her reputation to get a divorce. She would bring shame to the family name, and both of the families would turn against each other. Additionally, how would her parents react? How would her mother react? She had strived for her mother's attention her entire life, just as her mother had longed for her own husband's attention.
She had never seemed to satisfy her mother, no matter how hard she worked in school or how many extracurricular activities she took. She was well aware of the fact that this marriage would probably be the one thing in her life that she did that would please her mother.
The door behind her suddenly burst open, and one of the maids popped her head into the room. "Are you ready yet, Miss?"
"I just need a few more minutes," she responded.
"Alright then. Oh, Miss! I must say, you make a beautiful bride!" the maid said, her eyes widening.
"Thank you, but if that is all, I would really like some more time alone so that I may fix up."
"Oh, right. Yes, of course, Miss." Looking mortified, the maid lightly closed the door behind her.
The young woman glanced down at her wedding dress. It fit her body perfectly, accentuating her every curve, but for some reason, it still didn't feel right. She looked beautiful, yet she had never felt more hideous in her life. She got up from the seat and walked over to her bed. Her heels clicked as she made her away across the large room, and the clicks echoed. She sat on the edge of her bed and as she rearranged her skirts so that she was comfortable, the morning paper that she had neglected to read fell to the floor. Sighing, she bent over to pick it up and then resumed her position upon the bed. As she unrolled the paper, an envelope taped to the cover caught her attention.
She eagerly ripped the tape off and then reached over to the table by her bedside. She pulled open a drawer and took out a letter opener, with which she carefullycut open the envelope. She pulled out a neatly folded letter and started to read.
"Dearest Ri In,
I will first start off this letter by saying that I am a coward. A real man would be able to tell you this face to face rather than doing so through a stupid letter, but I am just a boy. I am just a boy and you are just a girl. We are young and it is inevitable that we will make dumb mistakes in our youth-mistakes from which we learn a lot about life, people, and ultimately ourselves. But some mistakes aren't ones that you can look back upon in old age and laugh at-some are ones that should never have been made in the first place. I know you do not love him, and I beg you, please do not make this mistake.
You deserve so much more than to be with someone who will make you content. You deserve to be with someone who will keep you happy-someone who will take care of you and love you and not set any rules for you to live by. You deserve to be in love, and you deserve to marry for love. I know that you are afraid that you might never get another opportunity like this, to be chosen by someone who can offer you financial security and a life that you can be satisfied with. But you shouldn't settle for the first person who chooses you. You should settle for the first person that YOU choose.
I will be more than happy to love you and cherish you the way that you deserve to be... Somewhere in between the laughs we shared and the secrets we exchanged, I realized just how much I love you. And it is because I love you so much that I must let you know that there are better people out there than the man you're about to marry. Maybe I am included amongst those better people and maybe I'm not, but all that matters to me is that you make the decision that is right for you-not for him, not for his family, not for your family, but for you.
Don't live for them; live for you."
A tear rolled down Ri In's cheek as she set the letter down on her lap. To live for herself...it was something that she had never dared to dream about. Her mother had raised her to be the perfect housewife, with no greater desire than to please her husband. Now it was clear to her that to go through the wedding would be a mistake. Junsu was right. This was HER life. She deserved love, and she didn't want to simply settle down with someone who had chosen her.
There was a knock on the door and before Ri In could respond, her mother entered.
"What is taking you so long?" she demanded, irritated. "And do stop crying! Your mascara is running, and you look like a raccoon. Honestly, Ri In, I raised you better than that-to look like a common, poor bride all tearful at her wedding."
"I-"
Ri In paused, staring at her mother. She felt like a little girl again, fearful of what she was about to say. Then again, this was how she usually felt in her mother's presence.
"You what?" Her mother strode over to the mirror to powder her cheeks.
Ri In licked her lips and took a deep breath before continuing. Her voice shaky, she said, "I'm not getting married."
"Don't be silly, of course you're going to get married!" her mother snapped. She waved her hand as if to wave her daughter's idea away.
"No, I'm not." This time, filled with more confidence, Ri In's voice did not shake. She spoke with authority for once in her life, and it felt empowering.
"What do you mean?" Her mother whirled around from the mirror to face her. "How can you not get married? Do you want to embarrass us all? Do you want to embarrass yourself?"
"I don't care. I'm not in love with him." Ri In placed the letter aside and stood up.
"Love? Who needs love?" her mother scoffed. "You're being ridiculous, Ri In. He can offer you security for life. You won't have to go out and work like those poor women. You won't have to break a nail."
Ri In unknowingly clenched her fists, her perfectly manicured nails digging into her palms. "Without love, marriage is pointless. I don't care about his money. I would rather be a poor, working money who has married for love and happiness than to be like you-trying to desperately to get Appa's attention for all these years. Umma, you deserve so much better. I deserve better. I don't want to just settle!"
Her mother gaped at her, speechless.
Ri In tore off her veil and smiled. "I want more. I want to live my life, Umma, and I think you should, too."
As she made her way towards the door, her mother finally spoke. "You're going to regret this, Ri In. You're going to be disowned if you take another step!"
Ri In stopped. Disowned...The word echoed in her mind. She then continued to walk. She wanted nothing more than to leave right now. Being disowned was nothing compared to having to live a lie and wasting her one chance at life.
"Miss, where are you going?"
"Miss, wait!"
"Miss, what's the matter?"
"Miss?"
"Miss!"
Ignoring all of the maids' frantic cries, she made her way out of the mansion. The heavy doors slammed shut behind her-possibly the most beautiful sound she had heard in her life. But Ri In suddenly paused. She didn't know how to drive. She had always been chauffered, and as all of the servants from her family were busy preparing for the wedding, only the servants of her once-husband-to-be were available. Obviously there was no way that his chauffeur would drive his boss's 'future' wife away from the wedding.
Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a bicycle, and she ran to it.
"I hope I can do this," she murmured to herself, softly stroking the handles. She pulled herself (and the heavy skirts) up and over the bicycle. Her heels barely touched the ground. It was higher than she had expected. As she started to pedal the bike, it started to tilt towards the right. "Oh, no...please no. Come on, bike!"
Regardless of her plea, the bicycle fell to the dirt ground, bringing her along with it. As a cloud of dirt rose around her, she coughed and tried to wave it away. Her once beautiful white dress was now stained an unflattering brown color, and her right elbow was slightly scraped. Ri In grit her teeth and ignoring the pain, she kicked off her shoes. She had always loathed heels and the pain that walking around in them had given her. Determined, she swung her leg over the bicycle and started to pedal once more.
She fell twice more, but each time, she got up with an even stronger determination to follow her own destiny. She was smiling so hard that her face hurt by the time she pedaled past the tall gates that had kept her caged for so long, and past the gaping security guards that had kept her under their relentless watch for so many years. Ri In pedaled her way towards the one place she knew that she would be able to find happiness-the first step towards her new life.
By the time she arrived at her destination, she was panting hard and nearly breathless. Whether it was from excitement or exhaustion...honestly, she didn't know. She didn't care either. Ri In allowed the bicycle to drop to the ground in the middle of the road, despite several angry drivers beeping at her. Some of the pedestrians strolling down the sidewalks stopped to stare at her. 'A runaway bride', they were all thinking, awed. It was the type of the thing that ordinary people like themselves had often read about in stories or seen in movies, yet had never truly witnessed.
Ri In made her way into an ice cream parlor and got herself a seat in an empty booth. She ignored the curious glances people shot at her. A young waitress approached her, looking just as astonished as the other customers. Ri In estimated that the girl was probably about five or six years younger than her. The girl had probably already experienced more freedom than Ri In herself had ever known though, she also though wistfully to herself.
"May I take your order, Miss...?" The girl, unable to take her eyes off of Ri In, reached blindly into her pocket for a notepad and a pen. Still not looking at the notepad, she flipped to a random page and then stared expectantly at the strange customer that had just entered.
"I'd like a chocolate sundae please." Ri In smiled.
"Right away!" the girl responded, scribbling furiously into the notepad. She turned away, then turned her head back to stare at Ri In, and then continued on her way, incredibly perplexed.
"Wait," Ri In called. The waitress immediately rushed back.
"Yes?" she asked eagerly, as if expecting Ri In to explain why in the world she was sitting in an ice cream parlor ordering a chocolate sundae when she was dressed in a wedding dress that also happened to be rather torn and dirty.
Rather than to explain, Ri In simply inquired, "Do you suppose you can have Junsu bring me my order?"
"Uh..." The girl blinked, wondering if she had heard right. "Junsu? But he washes the dishes."
"Yes, I know," Ri In laughed. "But please...if it is possible at all, it would be really great."
"Sure...I guess." The waitress turned as if to walk away, but then suddenly stopped. She turned again to Ri In with a mischievous grin on her face. "Only if you'll explain to me what's going on with you."
"Well...let's just say that I'm a real-life fairytale. Somewhat of a parallel universe's Cinderella who just rescued herself, with the help of a Prince Charming."
The waitress raised an eyebrow questioningly. She then set her lips together and walked away with a "hmph". Ri In only smiled. She folded her hands together on her lap and her mind started to drift away.
Things would be different now. She would have to learn to live life independently and to make decisions for herself. She would have to manage to somehow support herself financially. She knew that it would be difficult, but she also knew that it would be the only way she could truly find happiness. Perhaps she would become poor. She technically already was since she had disobeyed her mother and walked out of the wedding.
She would encounter hardships, but she would do it courageously and willingly. She would find love, and no matter where her decision to live for herself brought her, she was more than happy to follow that path. It was a path she had carved out for herself, and though it was not a road that was paved with gold or jewels and was not surrounded by cherry blossom trees on either side, she knew that along this new path, she would find happiness.
Ri In glanced up at the sound of someone clearing his throat. Junsu smiled down at her.
"Your chocolate sundae, Miss."
"Thank you."
After a few seconds of staring at each other, he spoke again.
"Well, aren't you going to try it? The great chef might be insulted," he teased.
"Okay then, I guess I will try it."
Ri In took in a deep breath as she stared down at the chocolate sundae before her. This was it. There was no turning back. The spoon shook slightly as she raised it to her lips. She stared at Junsu thoughtfully and then a smile broke out on her face.
"It's wonderful!"
Junsu laughed and slid into the booth across from her. "So...you left your wedding and you ate chocolate for the first time. I guess this makes you a rebel now."
"Yes, I suppose it does..." Ri In placed another spoonful of the ice cream into her mouth.
"There's no turning back," he reminded her lightly. She placed the spoon down.
"I know."
"Things aren't going to be so easy from now on," he pointed out. She stared into his eyes. It was strange how she had never noticed before...they were such a lovely shade of brown. And it was rather adorable the way his bangs fell over his eyes and how he had to blow them away every few seconds.
"I know."
"What made you change your mind?"
She reached across the table for his hand. It felt warm in hers, and the tingling warmth seemed to travel up her arm and into her heart.
"Someone that I love told me to stop living for others and to start living for myself."