| Fan Fiction |
by Pseudonym
“Okay, everyone, everyone please be quiet. I need your attention please,” I lightly tapped my fork against the tulip glass in my right hand. “Everyone—Junsu, please stop talking regardless. Nobody is paying attention to the nonsense that you’re speaking anyway.”
A chorus of laughter rounded the table. Junsu, who always seemed to act stunned for some reason despite constantly being the butt of jokes, made a slicing motion with his hand across his neck as if to say he’d have my head on a platter later.
We were at our manager, Lee Soon Yong’s wedding reception. This was his second marriage since his last divorce two years ago. Everyone was in attendance. It was a who’s who wedding with celebrities, wealthy businessmen, and all sorts of people from all corners of the world coming to share Soon’s happiness.
All of my favorite men were seated on the same side of the table with me. As I made my speech, I scoured my eyes across everyone in attendance. They all seemed dazzled and amused by me as I spoke. While making my speech, I realized that I was literally outliving a dream that I once had as a child—to wine and dine with the finest.
Elegance was the only way I could describe this get together. Copious amounts of money had been poured into this event. Everything was over the top.
Everything was perfect.
And a perfect life is what I was presumed to be living.
At a joke that I had made, everyone laughed heartily. I nearly asked them what they were so happy about. Was it because they were living comfortably? Freely? Had I finally, really made it into this type of circle? The high-class society?
When I suggested they all hold their glasses up to make a toast, they eagerly obliged.
“To the man that has brought us nothing but happiness,” I said to Soon with a smile, bowing lightly as I held up pricey champagne heavenward. “I wish you and your newlywed all the happiness that this world has to offer.”
For a split second, I wondered how much happiness the world really did have to offer.
Apparently everyone else thought the world offered an abundant amount because they all gave their own forms of consent.
Soon returned my smile with a gratuitous nod and so did his beautiful wife. She was twenty years his junior, but hey, age was nothing but a number right?
As everyone commended me for my words, I sat down, reveling in the warm spirits that surrounded me.
“Now that the prince has spoken, I would also like to make my own toast,” Junsu suddenly announced, licking his smiling lips while he too rising to his feet.
“Sit down,” Yunho instructed laughingly.
“Yeah, you can’t make a double toast.” I joined in on the ganging up on him.
“Oh?” Junsu began mockingly. “Just because you have a pretty face you think that gives you permission to control every situation?”
Everyone laughed, while I simply smirked at him. “What has that got to do with anything?”
“The handsome one also gets a free pass to have a bad attitude too, huh?” he placed one hand on my shoulder with the other aiming at my face. “Do these godly features permit him such authority?”
This time I couldn’t suppress my laughter. Junsu was such so silly sometimes.
“Really though. Was your toast supposed to be about Hero’s looks?” Yunho asked him.
“Yeah, what has that got to do with Soon getting married?” Yoochun wondered out loud.
“Oh, so we all come to the aid of the godly face.”
With the back of my hand over my mouth, I laughed at Junsu’s idiocy. Yunho laughed, his eyes as bright as his smile. Yoochun simply shook his raven black head of hair with light chuckles. Changmin simply smiled with a shake of his head.
Times like these made us realize how much life would be so dull without Junsu.
“Junsu, sit down,” Changmin suggested as he pulled Junsu back down to his seat.
“Yah! I’m not done!” Junsu protested.
“Your time is already up.” Yunho said to him.
“No this isn’t fair. Why do you guys always—“
“Shut up!” us all told him in unison the way we always did whenever he took liberty to give his ‘I have rights’ speech.
The entire table was a world of laughter. At that moment, I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else in the world.
Eventually everyone at the table gave Soon well wishes. Soon then stood up with his wife at his side. He first addressed everyone, thanking us all for showing up. Then he surprised me and the rest of the guys when he addressed us specifically.
“And to my sons. I just want to tell you all thank you for making the past ten years of my life worthwhile. I cannot wait until I will be at the reception of all of your weddings.” He suddenly leveled his eyes with mine. “I hope that you all meet people just as competent to share your joy with.”
The smile I was wearing all night wavered. I didn’t know what he was trying to get at, but it honestly didn’t rub me the right way. Even though we'd patched our wounds up from our argumentative past, there were certain times that he still aggravated me. Times like now.
Since all eyes were on us, I was left with no choice but to cut my face with a plastic smile and nod my thanks to him for his wishes. Wishes he could shove up his behind for all I cared. What I was able to do to calm my irritant insides amidst all naked eyes was pick up my glass and down its contents in one go.
“Oh, look at him now. Trying to show off that he has the highest alcohol intake capacity,” Junsu added.
Everyone helplessly laughed in response. It worked to my advantage because the foreboding feeling that had caused me to drink drifted away in place for laughter.
The entire night was free spirited. Way after dinner when we were all dispersed in the spacious room in one of the highest buildings in Seoul. We were at the top floor lounge with its plush, long couches and dimly lit candles.
It was an uncommon winter wedding, being that most weddings are set during summery weather. Soon and his new wife had stressed that they needed to marry as soon as possible though. I hate to admit it, but I saw this wedding as just another business venture on Soon’s behalf. His new wife’s father was the co-owner of a successful shipping company and the business was being passed down to her. I wasn’t being pessimistic by implying that the prosperous shipping company was his only reason for marrying her, but I’d grown a lot enough to know that not everything glittering was gold.
In a way, I’d reverted back to my old self when I was a homeless child. I didn’t expect the worst out of situations but I did expect the truth. And the truth didn’t wasn’t always so peachy.
“So you mean to tell me that you can get all the numbers of every woman in this room?” I challenged Junsu who’d come up to me with that sudden pronouncement.
All five of us, Jung Yunho, Park Yoochun, Shim Changmin, Kim Junsu and I, were standing in a circle by the furnace where red Santa socks hang along with mistletoes and white, decorated bulbs.
“Yes,” Junsu asserted confidently, shoving his hands into his pockets as he scoped the room.
“Then do it,” Yunho urged daringly before sipping from his glass.
“No no no, don’t make him do something stupid.” Changmin, the always the level-headed, put a halting hand out while laughing.
“Why not?” Yoochun smirked before taking a long drag from his drink. “We want to see if he can do what he says.”
“How about all of you? You all have to do something too,” Junsu suggested.
“What do we get out of it?” Yunho, who I liked to call the negotiator, asked tactfully.
“I’ll give you all my lunch money.”
They all laughed while I clouted Junsu’s spiked up jet black head of hair.
“What’s with that? We’re too old for that,” I told him, laughing as he rubbed the back of his head.
“Oh you mean too handsome?” Changmin thought it best to butt in, rousing up another bunch of laughs. While everyone laughed I simply chortled with a shake of my head.
I loved these guys. They were my co-workers. We went by the name of DBSK, a popular boy band in most of Asia.
After talking a while, we slowly started to mingle with everyone else. I had just gotten done talking to one of our music execs and was walking over to the table where all the edibles and beverages were located when the sight spread across the wall-wide window made me stop in my tracks. Snow danced its way down from the slate blue sheet of clouds in a gripping rhythm. It was like angels from heaven sprinkled crystal dust unto the earth. Crystals that held a spitting image to the tears that had latched to her long black lashes the first time that we…
It had been four and a half years since I’d last seen her.
I often found myself thinking about her at the most odd, inopportune times. I couldn’t get away from her because the memories wouldn't let me.
I was fine. I told myself that I was fine. But a hollowness, like a black hole, would gather in my center when thoughts of her, thoughts of us, clouded my mind.
Whenever she abruptly spring up in my mind, I felt like some scornful ghost was haunting me and wouldn’t leave me until revenge was served.
I still wondered where she was, what she was doing, and with whom.
Whenever those dispiriting thoughts would assail me, I’d look around me. Yunho and Changmin stood over by the fireplace with tulip glasses of pricey champagne in their hands. They were conversing with the CEO of LN Entertainment, who might as well leave. Soon acted more like the boss. He run everything at LN Entertainment, but that was another story.
On a white plush couch, Junsu and Yoochun sandwiched a beautiful woman who I remembered as a newly signed artist. A small chuckle left me as I watched Junsu’s animated gesticulations as he argued with an arrogantly laughing Yoochun over some situation. The young lady sat in between them wide-eyed. When her eyes accidentally collided with mine she instantly blushed and smiled becomingly.
I returned her smile with a faint one along with a nod. They all wore sophisticated, well-tailored tuxes, all laughing, eyes glinting cheerfully as the Christmas spirit filled them up.
Refocusing on the vast view of nightlights permeated throughout the Seoul capital, I let out a heavy sigh.
From the high vantage I stood from, I felt like a king looking over his colony as I watched the nightlife of Seoul.
While staring out, I spotted a thick smoke in the distance reaching for the skies and heard the wailing of a fire truck. I briefly wondered what had occurred before I felt myself being jostled, only to realize it was Yunho’s arm settling heavily on my shoulder. Yoochun, Changmin, and Junsu also returned to keep me company.
In no time, I was all smiles, thinking of how blessed I was for all the things I had.
I had fame.
I had fortune.
I had friends.
I had happiness.
I go by the name Kim Jae Joong.
And I was living my biggest dream.
~0~0~0~
Mariam
A desperate shaking stirred me awake. Raising my head from my pillow, I cracked my eyes open only to see a dense fog. The next things I heard were coughs and sharp barks.
A small silhouette emerged from the fog, standing before me. It took me a couple of blinks before I realized that it belonged to my son. Turning around from laying on my stomach, I sat up instantly. My Yorkshire named Joongie, leaped onto my lap, continuing its alarming barks. During that time the stench of smoke infiltrated my lungs.
Something was definitely not right.
And I was further proven of that when my son’s coughs became more audible. That was what truly yanked me out of my slumber.
“Umma! The house is burning! The house is burning! Hye refused to wake up!”
“Wha—“
“Umma hurry! It’s hot!”
"Hot? Jin just throw the covers off of you," I murmured irritably, finding his complaints odd because I had the air conditioner running.
"Hot! Hot! Fire!"
The words came at me with tsunami strength.
I realized then that at a time like this, questions were meant for later. Swinging my legs off of bed I gathered my four and a half year old in my arms after instructing him to carry Joongie.
A shriek of horror left me when I opened the door to the hallway. A large tunnel of dark smoke floated along the ceiling. Down the length of the hallway, licks of fire progressively engulfed my apartment living room from right to left.
My daughter’s room was the closest to the livingroom.
“Hold on to me tight okay?” I instructed Jin as I clambered to Hye’s room, trying my damnedest to brace him and Joongie in my arms.
After struggling to open the door with one shaky hand, I made it inside to find my daughter sleeping peacefully. My body ran cold. I hoped carbon monoxide hadn’t silently taken her life. Rushing over to her, I shook her a tad too violently, making her large eyes open confusedly.
“Come on baby, we have to go,” I said hurriedly, trying to slip my arm under her. Hye didn’t like the sudden disruption and began to cry but I ignored that and focused on trying to get her in my arms and out of here.
When I finally had both kids in each arm as securely as possible, I started thinking for ways to make it out. There was a fire escape in the kitchen, situated opposite the living room which was bathing in flames.
My heart was racing as I tried to figure out how I was going to escape. Panicking came to a cessation as my coughs, along with my children’s, worsened. Acting on the fear of losing my kids, who were my life and soul, I jetted out of the bedroom and looked to the hallway once again. As I maneuvered my way through the clear patches, I couldn’t help but feel the horror of heat. The mere thought of my children getting burned made my steps quicker towards the kitchen.
It must have been sheer luck that the kitchen had yet to be submerged by the fire yet. I raced for the fire escape. While doing so Hye’s hand reached out to the fridge where some of the artwork they’d ever drawn for me in kindergarten was posted. She never managed to reach it because I opened the fire escape that let us out. Once out I saw that we weren’t the only ones trying to escape.
Hastily I pounded down the snow-filled steps with my naked feet, never minding the burning at the soles of my feet. I could worry about frostbite when my children were safe and sound.
Neighbors alike all fled, some carrying their belongings with them. All I had were my kids and the clothes on my back.
I would worry about the rest later.
Nothing but chaos filled up the parking lot of the apartment complex when we got to the bottom. Families were huddled together, mothers hugged their crying children, and men went to help the firemen kill the fire. My feet burned, nearly numbing against this below zero degrees weather. My children had no shoes on their feet, and though my arms felt like they were about to fall off from carrying them, I didn’t let them down. Letting them walk barefoot was not an option. Even though I could protect them from walking on ice, I couldn’t efficiently protect them from the cold air. The threadbare night gowns they were certainly weren’t enough.
In due time the firemen walked us to the opposite street of serried buildings.
“You can’t walk barefoot. Come with me to the fire truck and sit and wait there or you’ll get sick.”
My mother had once always told me that the quickest way to catch pneumonia was through the feet. I hoped I wouldn’t catch it. Not for myself. But for the sake of my children. If I ever fell prey to illness, who would take care of them? I was all they had, as they were all I had.
Without them, I would be nothing.
While following the fireman, I heard faint chatter that maybe that would slow down the fire from spreading and hoped that too. The kind fireman sat us in the driver’s seat of the fire truck. He handed me one of their extra heavy boots to wear. Now wasn’t a time to worry about fashion. Left without much of a choice, I wore them. I was grateful to him and told him that when he handed me a blanket to wrap my children and dog with.
“Umma.” The childlike voice of my son called to me suddenly. He was clutching onto the fabric of my pajama shirt with his head resting on my chest.
“Yes?”
“Where are we going to sleep now?”
I didn’t know just yet. All I knew was that I had to keep my children by my side no matter what.
“We’ll find a place. Don’t worry about it okay?” I said in a placating tone, tucking his small head under my chin. I wished I could drive away to my mother’s house, but my car keys were burning in the apartment.
“Hye? Are you alright?” I asked my daughter, frowning at her as she watched the fire. Her eyes were as wide as the man who had jilted me and broken my heart. Her expression made an unsettling shrill trickle down my spine. Her expression was the spitting image of her father’s—distant, yet still one with the earth. She sat motionlessly on my lap, watching the fire blankly as if possessed by it.
As I carried my beloved twins in my arms, I felt an odd sense of pain just from looking at them. Their father’s genes had strongly been passed down onto them.
It had been four and a half years since I had last seen him.
I didn’t know why I was thinking about him at such a critical time. It’s not like my thoughts would summon him back into my life. It’s not like I wanted him back into my life anyway. That didn’t stop the thoughts from relentlessly attacking me. He lived inside my head, almost like he had never left to begin with.
This is strange, but often times than not, I felt he lived inside my children. It must have been because they looked so much like him and also had some of his mannerisms.
“Umma? Your eyes look funny. The way Hye’s look when she’s about to cry,” My son suddenly observed. I blinked back into focus and tore my eyes away from the writhing fire engulfing everything that I’d worked hard to start over with when I’d moved to Seoul, noticing that I really was about to cry. I tried to stave off the tears because I wanted to be strong for my children. But for some reason I couldn’t. For some reason I found myself asking where that damned man was. What he was doing. And with whom.
“Umma don’t cry,” Jin further pleaded, his full bottom lip quivering and his large eyes turning glassy.
“I’m not,” I whispered as a tear slid down my cheek and I pecked him on the forehead as if to assure him somehow. I did the same for Hye, who still stared at the fire.
I couldn’t believe where the path of life had brought me.
I was now a nobody.
I had nothing to my name.
My only happiness was derived from my children.
My name is Mariam Louis.
And I was living my worst nightmare.
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AHHH THANKS SO MUCH EVERYONE! i wish i could give individual thanks...i'll do that when i get back but now i'm in such a hurry. please excuse all the errors and mistakes.
thanks again!