| Fan Fiction |
by Pseudonym
SORRY FOR ADDING TOO QUICKLY. I just had to get this out before I knew I wouldn’t be able to write for a long time.
K so I wrote the next two backwards first starting with chapter 15 first (yeah I’m weird) but this is the last for another week or so. I feel as if I lost readers lol but that’s fine I will still write this story but not for another couple of days cause I have a lot of things lined up in my life. THANK YOU ALL FOR READING
Chapter 14
Mariam
“You’re a very pretty girl.” Lee Soon Yong said as I set a steaming cup of tea on a saucer front of him on the dinner table along with some biscuits. I thanked him uneasily before sitting directly across from him—the farthest position on the table.
I couldn’t look him in the eye. But I could feel him intensely assessing, scrutinizing, examining me. I knew what he was doing. He was sizing up what Jaejoong had been involved with, probably trying to decide whether I was worthy or not.
I hated to be so rude to the man when I didn’t know him. So far he had been cordial and benevolent. My mother had always taught me to respect my elders, which is exactly what I did. We’d talked about a wide range of things from the weather to the latest happenings in politics. We’d even branched off to the topic of my children. I’d kept my answers vague and to a minimum. Speaking of my children, to lessen intrusions, I’d made sure that Jin was on punishment for answering the door to yet another stranger by making him and his sister go to bed unnaturally early.
I also sent them away because I didn't like the judgmental way Soon watched them.
Needless to say, I still star struck. Lee Soon Yong was a very highly respected figure in not only South Korea but respectively most of Asia. He had made us proud to have musical artists that we could call our own. People that we could relate to instead of Westerners all the time. Even though the music had a lot of western influence, it was nice to have people singing those songs in a language we could strongly identify with. Although I had grown up speaking English, I had learned my mother’s tongue which was Korean with the help of Jaejoong and a few classes on my own. I was able to speak it fluently now.
I could tell that Soon was surprised by this and I didn't know why.
Even though Soon was widely admired, he was just as widely criticized. Every week another rumor and a new accusation were hauled his way.
Rumors circulated that he abused his artists; that he even beat them up. And that his artists weren’t the only ones that suffered the brunt of his abuse. There were accusations of drug trafficking and even bribery. I didn’t know what to believe—especially about the really grimy activity in relation to drugs and bribery.
I didn’t know what to believe either about his treatment of his artists. Whereas I believed that he partially abused them with the type of subservient work he scheduled for them—making them itinerant machines with no breaks—I wasn’t so sure I believed the physical abuse. I never saw any warning signs like blemishes or wounds on Jaejoong. Then again when we had been together, I used to see him at irregular intervals. How was I to know what happened during his four to six month absences?
“Thank you for the tea.” He said after taking a small sip of it.
“You’re welcome.” I said reservedly, neatly clasping my hands over my lap, which I kept my eyes on. My hands clung damply. I was nervous. This visit was too spontaneous. Too out of the blue. Something wasn’t right.
“So, what do you do these days?”
My eyes flew up to him, “These days?”
“I heard what happened to your company. It’s a very unfortunate thing.”
My heart began to rattle in trepidation. He continued unabated, uncaring of my shock.
“Your corporation was a very successful one that was built on fraud, which had nothing to do with you of course. But I understand you had to pay for other people’s wrong doings.”
Soon’s words assailed me strongly. So much that I couldn’t say anything to them. There was some sort of derisive tone to his voice. Like he truly didn’t believe that I had absolutely nothing to do with the fraud of the company that I had once worked for.
That was the very reason why I no longer lived in the U.S. anymore. I had worked hard and gone to college like every normal citizen in hopes of a bright future. The company that I worked for was one I got an internship with while in school, so it hadn’t been hard to get a job. My future had looked promising. I worked for one of the top companies in America as a financial adviser. As soon as I saw that our finances looked off in a marginally disastrous way I’d taken it to the boss, who then revealed to me that wrongs were going on.
That’s when the downward spiral in my life had begun. At that time, I hadn’t been able to foresee the tragic events that would follow. I’d found myself in the middle of a scam, cited as one of the major suspects. It was a chapter in my life that I was not proud of and was what made me very distrustful of people.
I had come to South Korea to start a new life. I hadn’t told anyone about this portion of my life. Not even Dae. I was an only child and my parents were the only ones who knew. The only other people who knew were the people I’d left in America and records. Police records.
“What are you implying Mr. Lee?” I asked him as politely as I could.
“I’m not implying anything. I just find it hard to believe that you knew absolutely nothing about the company’s finances, being their financial adviser and all.”
Again, I was struck. How he knew this about me was beyond me. Certainly, Jaejoong hadn’t told him that much about me.
“You’ve been to prison, have you not?”
The question made me turn away from him to hide the stigma spreading on my face. By then I was beyond trying to figure out how he knew.
“I’m not going to discuss my personal business with you Mr. Lee.” I told him tightly.
“You were found guilty of fraud and sentenced to one year. But were pardoned because you were pregnant the same time you were convicted. So they gave you five months in jail. And when you were released, they’d placed you on probation for the next five years, which would have made it hard for you to find work. So you came back to start a new life. Is this information right.”
“I wont discuss my personal life with you!” I snapped.
“And I respect that. I’m all about respecting boundaries. But you, Mariam Louis, have crossed the line. You've trespassed into my turf. Do you know how relentless DBSK fans are? Do you know how easy it was for me to dig up this information?”
“I think you should leave.” I said while standing up.
“If you really think about it. I’m trying to help you. As aggressive as they are, they wont have any problem finding out that Jaejoong was affiliated with a convicted woman who tried to end his career by having children-"
"What? Don't you dare accuse me of-"
"They will tear you down as long as you’re not someone they’re familiar with. This is why it would make more sense for him to be with someone with the same social status, ranking, and even profession. Why do you think celebrities get with other celebrities? Not only is it good for press and business, but they need someone who understands their type of life. I don't believe you understand the life of a superstar, do you Miss Louis?"
"If people like you are created from it then I have no desire to be that way."
"Ah, but that is a lie. Everyone wants to become a star. Everyone wants glory and praise. Why do you think people admire celebrities so much? Why do you think they celebrate their lives so much? Because it is the life that they want."
"I've never had any desire to be famous."
He smiled condescendingly, "Now, now Miss Louis, there's no need to lie to me. We're laying all our cards on the table here. There are no reason for lies. And lies are things that fans don't tolerate. How do you think his fans will react to him having an affair with an American? Besides that. More importantly, how will they react to Jaejoong having children?"
All of his demeaning words didn't matter when he asked me that question. I didn't know if he was implying that the kids were Jaejoong's or if he knew. He knew every other part of my life. My kids being the most important, I wouldn't be surprised if he knew they were his too.
"They are Jaejoong’s aren’t they?” he asked.
When I didn’t respond, he continued.
“I thought so.” He muttered with thoroughly disgruntled look on his face.
“Tell me, how do you think his fans will react to him having kids that look European?” he asked. It was one thing to talk about me but it was another thing to talk about my children.
“Excuse me? European? My children are Asian. That's what I consider them. That's what I consider myself because it is the culture I'm more in tune with.”
“Your mother is Korean and Japanese right?" he asked casually as he sat back. All I did was glare at him.
"What does this matter?"
"And your father is a number of things, which make your kids look different. Their faces look Korean but their eyes and their hair throw people off.”
“Well you have your artists dye their hair blond. And surgically add double eyelids to have a more westernized look. How do you explain that?” I couldn't believe that we were having this conversation. It was ridiculous!
“That’s different. These are your kids. Fans will not take a liking to this.”
“True fans will accept anything about DBSK just as they are. And just because I’m part something else doesn’t make me any less of a person. I’m a proud Korean thank you very much.”
“Only a quarter of you is.”
“I’m not going to have you disrespect me like that in my own home.” I hissed automatically without thinking.
“This isn’t your home. Your apartment burned down.”
“How do you know everything about me?” I finally gave up and asked in bafflement.
“Everything?" he shook his head, "No. I don’t know everything. I didn’t know that you’d trapped Jaejoong with two children until I showed up here.”
“Trapped?!" I surged to my feet, "Mr. Lee I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“Now Miss Louis don’t get so riled up. We need to handle this business like adults.”
“I don’t believe I have any business with you.”
“I think you do. And because of that, I have a proposal for you. Please sit down and hear it.”
I usually never let anyone tell me what to do, but the deep timbre in Soon’s voice had me sitting on that chair like it was a life saver. There was something really scary about this man. Something dangerous in the commanding way that he spoke. I began to believe those rumors about him being bellicose and oppressive.
Soon reached into the inside of his jacket only to uproot a thick, white envelope. Setting it on the table, he slid it in my direction.
“Here. Twenty thousand US dollars for you to leave Kim Jae Joong alone. Forever.”
I stared at the envelope for an eternity unable to believe my eyes.
“What?” I asked, understanding but refusing myself to. He couldn’t really be doing and saying what I thought he was doing and saying. No. My mind was playing tricks on me. The doctor’s medication had made me go crazy.
“See Miss Louis, I have nothing against you. I’m sure that you’re a great woman. But you’re not right for Jaejoong. Jaejoong first of all does not need to have kids latched onto his untainted name. Especially if fans learn that he has kept this from them for four years, that will be the downfall of his career. I don’t think you understand the power, the money machines that DBSK are. They’ve built an empire. They’re legends. There are people who live by these men. What will happen to their name if the fans catch wind of this? Economically, it’s not going to be good. Business wise, definitely not good. And for their fans, it will be the worst of all. Kim Jae Joong loves his fans with all his heart. Think about him. What will happen if he loses them?”
“I can’t believe—the nerve of you…” my hand was over my chest where my heart beat wildly as I tried to fathom the gall of this guy.
“Okay," he removed another envelope, this time opening it to pull out a wad of bills from the onslaught, "Fifty thousand US dollars. I’m not going higher than that.”
“Are you seriously bribing me?!”
Soon sighed as he sat back in his chair, “I would like to think of it more as a favor. You’re helping me. I’m helping you.”
It was all I could do not to kill this son of a gun at that moment.
“I don’t want your money.” by then I had began to shake with fury.
“You need it. You don’t have a place to go right now. Everything that you own is gone.”
For some reason his words benumbed me.
“Take it if you know what’s best for you Mariam.”I could clearly see his patience wearing thin.
“I do not need your charity, or your bribes. So no thank you.”
Even though I couldn’t see his eyes through his glasses I could tell that he wasn’t giving me a pleased look. The thin grim line of his mouth already proved that. His jaw clenched before he sighed and said in a low, admonishing tone, “I would take it if I were you.”
I ignored the fear that ran rampant within me.
“That’s the irony of this situation. I’m not you. Some people in this world still have dignity and morals.”
“And those are the people who finish last.” he stood up, returning the envelopes where they had been. Then he started to walk off, leaving words that left me worrisome in his wake, “Suit yourself. But I’d advise you to keep an eye out.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked in apprehension as I watched his departing figure come to a stop. He sighed heavily before turning to face me.
“Miss Louis, do you know what it's like to come from nothing?" he asked but I remained unresponsive.
"When you grow up with nothing," he continued, "You have to work for everything that you have. I’ve worked too damn hard and have invested too damn much into these boys to let some tramp take it away from me. I don’t know what it is about you that keeps him coming back, but you had better make it stop before I do.”
“Is that a threat?”
“Take it how you want it. Just don’t say that I didn’t warn you.”
Then he fully turned around and had the nerve to give me a syrupy sweet smile, “I really hate to do this Mariam. Please believe me when I say it really isn’t you as a person that I detest. It’s just the unfortunate way things have turned out. It's just the way of the world. Let’s hope that when we do meet again in the future, it’s under less strenuous circumstances.”
He began to leave but stopped at the door, “Oh, one more thing. Jaejoong had better not hear about this visit. Take this to your grave at all costs. If I learn he’s heard about this, you’ll regret it. And trust me, I will know if he hears of this.”
0~0~0~0~0
“…Mariam? What are you doing?”
The sound of Dae’s voice made me turn from the suitcase where I was packing my belongings along with Jin’s and Hye’s.
“Dae!” I cried, rushing to my only bestfriend to give her a strong hug. She must've returned from work. After Soon had left I'd called her a million times and even left her messages telling her that I needed her as a friend so that she could help me decide what to do. She hadn't answered or called back, so I had started to make decisions on my own.
When I pulled back I started to ramble, reciting what had happened with Soon and all. I was so engrossed in my own woes that I hadn’t noticed how nervous and disturbed Dae looked at first. When I finally did I stopped abruptly.
“Dae it’s okay,” I turned around to pick up where I left off with packing, “I’m just going to stay with my mother for a bit before I go to France to stay with my dad. I haven't talked to him yet but he told me that if I wanted to work as his secretary at his firm then I could. I don’t feel safe being here anymore—“
“Oh my god…”
Dae’s voice made me drop the towel that I’d folded in the suitcase before turning to find her sitting stiffly in the chair by the computer and desk.She looked dazed. And pale.
“Dae please don’t worry. I’m so sorry. I knew coming to stay with you was a bad idea. I just never thought he’d find me. I didn’t think he would say something so malicious!” I closed the distance between Dae and I with large steps, kneeling before her and clasping her hands in mine, “Please forgive me. I never meant to bring you any problems. I know he’s your boss and that you want to look good in front of him. I just never thought he would find me. I still can’t figure out how—“
“It was me.”
Oh god. She was blaming herself now. I shook my head vehemently to assert that it wasn't her at all.
“No. It wasn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself. It was mine. I should’ve never allowed Jaejoong to come to your house. I should’ve never started talking to him again—“
“It’s my fault Mariam. I told him where you were.”
The revelation happened so quickly, at lightning speed that for several moments I thought maybe I'd heard the wrong thing.
“What?” I finally said, slowly breaking the dome my hands had created on top of hers, “But…I-I don’t understand.”
“I told him where you were. And I told him everything about you. But I swear to god I never thought he would use the information threaten you like this.” Dae said, her eyes brimming with tears.
Stupefied, I sat on my shins, not looking at my friend but through her. I was too shocked to feel anything. The tears that had been falling suddenly stopped as if my well of tears had gone dry.
Dae stood up and walked somewhere in the room, I didn’t know where because my gaze didn’t follow her. I continuously stared sightlessly ahead of me.
“The morning that I went to get Jaejoong because you were in the hospital, I had mentioned your name when telling him that you were bedridden in the hospital. I hadn’t known that Soon had been standing there watching. A few days after we finally left the hospital and I was back at work, he’d called to my office and asked if I knew you,” she sighed shakily, “I didn’t really know why he was asking, but I knew it had something to do with Jaejoong. At first he said that he was just curious who Jaejoong was with because he said Jaejoong never talked about you, but I found it all very strange and said as little as possible.
“Soon began to get more aggressive because I wasn’t giving him any information. Any useful information at least. Then a couple of days later he asked me if you had children. That’s when I knew things were too fishy. I’m so sorry Mariam but I had said no. I should have said yes and ended it there, but Soon told me that he didn’t like liars and would be ashamed if he had hired one. It's crazy how he's not even the president of LN yet he acts like he is. And he does it well, so I began to get nervous when he started badgering me for being a liar and all that showed him is that I would do nothing but lie for the rest of my career.
“He began to reveal to me how he had found out that you have children on his own. When he’d suspended Jaejoong, Jaejoong had told me that Soon had threatened to hire a personal assistant to watch him at all times if he even tried to see you. Jaejoong then said Soon was just trying to scare him when he told him that and hadn't really hired a personal assistant. Well, turns out that Jaejoong really did get a personal assistant as promised, only he didn’t know about it. Soon had hired a personal detective to check up on Jaejoong’s whereabouts.
“The detective is the driver he had hired for Jaejoong, since Jaejoong can't drive on his own."
"Oh my god..." I whispered in horror.
"Yes. I know. It's terrible. Soon demanded to know whose kids those were, but everytime I said that I didn't know who the father was, he’d threaten to fire me. He’d found out, I don’t know how, probably from the detective because I didn’t say anything, that the kids were four years old. He did the math and said he knew that was around the time Jaejoong had stopped talking to you. So he wanted to know if this was true. If Jaejoong was their father. He kept saying that Jaejoong wouldn’t do something so stupid as to jeopardize his career by fathering children. So he demanded to know where you were. I tried not to tell him. I swear I did Mariam. But he kept threatening me. I’d worked so hard to get to this point in my career. You don’t know how much I’ve sacrificed. He even gave me an offer that I couldn’t refuse. One that could change my life.”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I waited dreadfully for her to finish what she had to say.
“I’m so ashamed, but I accepted his offer to invest in me to make an album and become a national superstar despite my age. I couldn’t pass up that opportunity. I’m sorry.”
Several minutes ticked by as I stared blankly ahead.
Eventually, I quietly rose to my feet and walked to the suitcase. I wordlessly packed the remainder of the little belongings we had.
“Mariam say something. Please.” Dae begged, rushing to my side.
“I have nothing to say.”
“I’m sorry! You have to understand my side.”
“I don’t care Dae. I’m leaving. I’m just going to go ahead and go to France.” I purposely lied to her in monotone. I was really going to my mother’s place first, which I had already told her before I knew of her betrayal. I had to swindle her into thinking I was going to one place instead of the other. I just couldn’t trust her anymore. She didn’t know where my father lived. She didn’t know the exact place my mother lived, but she knew the area. It was rural, out in the country, made up of a small community and it wouldn’t be hard for her…or even worse, Lee Soon Yong to find me if he desired.
Dae gasped sharply when I said where I was headed, “Surely Mariam. You don’t have to go so far. Soon is all talk. He won’t really do anything. You're taking this too far.”
I cackled humorlessly.
“I suppose those rumors of him really being the heartless tyrant that he is are fraudulent too right?” I asked dryly, walking by her to get more of my things from the bathroom.
“They’re not true. Mariam please don’t leave—“
“You have a lot of nerve!” I finally snapped, “After all the things I’ve done for you Dae, you sell me out like this?! Forget about my life, my children’s lives are now endangered. I’ve heard some rumors about Lee Soon Yong that make my blood run cold. Beatings. Hell, even murders. How do I know that his threats are empty? If he went as far to threaten you to lose your job, if he went as far as to hire a private detective on someone who he claims to love as a son, doesn’t that let you know that he wont stop at anything? He obviously sees me as a threat to one of his…assets…and told me nothing will stand in the way of him succeeding. He went as far as to say my son’s mixed heritage despite me being part Asian will ruin Jaejoong’s image and that he wouldn’t let that happen. What makes you think I’m going to risk whatever his evil mind has in store for me? For my children?” I roughly brushed passed her and went to zip up the luggage after throwing our toiletries in there, “I’m sorry but I’m not taking any risks. That man means business."
I paused, turning my head till my chin was over my shoulder, "And it’s a shame that you sold your soul to him just so you could advance your career.”
The room had gotten quiet and I didn’t care if Dae had walked off because of what I’d said. I’d said what I had to say. What needed to be said.
And now that I thought about it, I wasn't even surprised she'd done this. Being accepted by LN Entertainment was her lively goal. What was the loss of a friend to her? Nothing if it stood in the way of her musical success.
“You know what baffles me about you Mariam? That you have everything yet you’re still such an ungrateful b****.” Dae’s slur caught me off guard. She forged on, “You think you’re better than anyone because you grew up in America with well to do parents. Do you know where I came from? I came from nothing. I didn’t even have a father!”
I fully turned around and glared at Dae, “What are you talking about? I clearly recall you telling me both of your parents disapproved you trying to become a singer—“
She snickered haughtily as she folded her arms,“Wrong. I lied about that. What makes you think I want to look inferior to someone who grew up in a happy healthy home? I couldn’t admit that I’ve never met my father. You want to know the truth? I’m a runaway. I had to fend for myself, unlike you who’s had everything given to you. You can’t even appreciate a good thing when it’s standing right in front of you. You’re with a man who every woman in this world would kill to be with and you wont even give him a second chance because of your selfishness—“
“First of all, I don’t care if everyone wants Jaejoong. What he did to me was foul and I'm not stupid enough to forget what he did and get back with him just because he's famous and widely desired. And when I was in love with him, I was with him because I loved the person he was, not because of the person that the world sees.”
Dae laughed as if I'd made a sick joke, “You’re such a liar," she then began to speak mockingly, "'Oh I love him for his heart. Not for his money or fame'." Her eyes turned hard once again, all traces of laughter erased, "Come off it Mariam. You sound like a bad love song. You know you were with him because his name carries prestige and because every woman wants him. And when you got him, you know you felt like you were better than others because of who he is. I know it. I see it in the way you carry yourself. Isn’t that why you keep denying Seung? Because he doesn’t meet your standards? You think Seung didn’t tell me what he saw about the two of you together? And I don’t even know why Seung wants you too. I don’t know why all these guys want you. It’s probably because of what you look like. But for me, no matter how hard I try, how many surgeries I go through, no one ever wants me! My parents didn’t even want me. And now that I had an opportunity to better myself, you think I was doing it to hurt you.
“This wasn’t about you! This was about me! Now that you’re finally going through hardships in your life you can’t take it. Now that someone else is going to have the perfect life that you’ve lost, you can’t deal with it. Well I’m not going to apologize for advancing forward. I’m never going to apologize to anyone for finally making my dreams come true. Go to France, America, wherever I don’t care anymore," her eyes narrowed, "I’m leaving and when I come back I want you out! I want all of you out!”
With those earth-stopping words Dae stormed out of the room and I heard her slam the front door of her home, making all the walls shake.
Standing in the room, I was left with nothing but shock and tears in my eyes. Feeling as if the things that harnessed me had been clipped I fell to my knees and cried into my palms. I wasn't so sure how long I'd been crying. I was crying because a friendship I had so strongly believed in turned out to be untrue.
And it hurt.
It hurt like the cut like a knife.
“Umma?” the quiet calling of my name made me peer up from my hands to find both Hye and Jin at the doorway.
“Oh my babies, com here.” I outstretched my arms, which they run into.
I held them close to my body as I cried, swearing on my life that I would never let harm come their way.
No matter what.