| Fan Fiction |
by Pseudonym
here is the next installment.
Chapter 17
Jaejoong
“I told you. I don’t know anything about it.”
We were all seated in my living room. Out of my inbred well manners I’d offered them drinks which they’d luckily declined. That gave me the impression that they wouldn’t be here for long. But the duration that they were here was uncomfortable. I wanted to stick to the truth, but I didn’t know how smart that was. Detective Kim had a skeptical eye on me, as I’m sure my visible distress would have anyone looking at me oddly.
But after what I’d endured today, what did anyone expect?
Now I was being interrogated like a suspect.
How in the world had I become one? I was meant to strictly entertain, damn it.
“Are you sure?”
I forced myself not to roll my eyes, get up, and walk off so that I could finish my own business. Sighing heavily, my arms outstretched on the back of the couch.
“Yeah I’m sure,” I miraculously managed to say with calm, “I don’t know anything about the beating.”
“Where were you?” the detective asked for the trillionth time. The man he’d come with didn’t say much, but he had the eyes of an eagle and I’m sure he was listening to every single word spoken.
My head lolled backwards in vexation and exhaustion, as if the question he asked me weighed a ton in my mind. But it did. He’d asked it so many times I began to feel a disturbing itch when he asked it now.
I stared at the unreachable ceiling, wondering when this would be over. I knew myself. And getting aggravated so easily was not like me. But I’d suffered enough shocks that day to put me in a mood worthy enough of a bad attitude. First, I’d found out that the possible love of my life had kept me in the dark about being the father to her children for four years. I’d found out that I was a father. Then after I’d found out, my family had walked out on me. And now I was being questioned like some psychopath criminal for a crime I had nothing to do with.
A crime I had nothing to do with, but knew about. I never knew that beating would come back to bite me in the ass.
Could it get any better than this?
After that incident at the nightclub, I’d vowed to close that chapter in my life and never look back like Soon had told me to do. It was too shaming, too appalling, to unbelievable for me to accept. As far as I was concerned DBSK was a righteous group that had gotten to the top the right, clean way. As far as I was concerned I hadn’t seen any evil, I hadn’t heard any evil, and I wasn’t going to speak any evil either.
It wasn’t a decision that I was proud of, but it seemed the only workable solution in order to keep my sanity intact.
Now it had crept out of my closet with its skeletal legs and bit me with its sharp vengeful fangs for trying to act like it hadn’t happened. Like a scorned lover detesting having being forgotten.
“I told you,” I grated as my head fell forward again, my arms leaving the back of the couch with my elbows now on my knees and my hands making assertive gesticulations, “I stopped by the club to see some old friends. Then I went straight home.” my eyes flickered to the detective once again, “And anyway, why am I the only one being questioned about this?”
The unbothered detective smiled softly at me. It was a shrewd smile that aggravated my insides. While I was here sweating buckets from panic trying to give off faux nonchalance, he was all calm. All one and complacent with this earth as it was. I hated him at that moment because I wanted those days back. I wanted the days when my biggest worry was getting a new dance step right or hitting the note that would bring me fortune and fame, not worrying whether a misspeaking of words would land a lot of people in trouble or not.
But those days were long gone. And from the looks of it, they weren’t coming back. Not any time soon at least.
“Because we heard that you were there. We also heard Soon was seen there.”
When I simply stared at him, he continued, “Lee Soon Yong. He’s your manager, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, there are allegations that he’s engaged in bribery to give his artists time slots on TV shows. Not only that, a number of other accusations that I won’t mention right now because you claimed you’re in a hurry. Do you know whether he had anything to do with that beating?”
“He didn’t.” I answered automatically, lying through my teeth. What was becoming of me?
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive.” I was not. Three weeks ago, yeah, I might have been. But now I wasn’t. The emotional toll this whole thing was taking on me was strong. I still felt indebted to Soon. I hated to admit it but it was true. I saw him like a father figure; an uncle. Sometimes when family does wrong, you still have their backs, don’t you? I was just a confused wreck, but I knew that even doing the right thing wasn’t the right time right now. If I sold him out at this moment, I’d be digging my own grave along with so many others. If I had to sell him out, I’d have to play my cards right. I’d have to amass the entire situation and understand it fully before I tried to act like a hero which I really wasn’t.
To be honest I didn’t want to get involved with this at all. That’s when I decided I wasn’t going to get involved. What Soon did behind closed doors had nothing to do with me.
“I find your positivity alarming.” Detective Kim said, reposing into the chair while folding his arms.
“Why?”
“Because I understand Lee Soong Yong is like a father figure to you. I’m beginning to be a bit iffy about your certainty to Soon. How do I know that you’re not trying to protect him?”
My blood suddenly ran cold. Almost immediately, I broke out into a cold sweat. I wasn’t a liar. But I wasn’t stupid. When I did lie, I picked my lies carefully.
“It’s not Soon that I’m trying to protect. It’s the integrity of this business that you guys keep trying to slander.” The words drifted out after I thought long and hard.
Detective Kim’s brows rose, which was an expressive inquiry for me to explain further. Which I did.
“I can tell you first hand that we’re not guilty of any of these allegations. But the reason why this is really aggravating me is because you all put out articles smearing our name, which messes up the credibility of our businesses. Fans pay attention to these kinds of things and start to doubt the people that they invest so much on. I don’t think it’s fair on them for you all to lie on us.”
“Are we lying or simply bringing the truth to light?” Detective Kim argued calmly. I had the grace to smirk.
“The Korean Fair Trade COmission has been trying to bring down our industry because it is steadily growing at a rapid pace that you can’t keep up with. I’m very much aware of that. Your commission is partially owned by the US, and the US wants to have a strong hold on all major corporations in South Korea to cement their world power status. The music industry is one of the few things we can call our own. It has grown to be a million dollar business, and we’ve slowly started kicking out foreign businesses to successfully establish our own because we realized, we don’t need anyone else to be the best that we can be. And don’t get me wrong, most of these foreign establishments have helped our economy expand and opened our eyes to new things, but we need to embrace our own.
“For years cases have been brought up against the heads of LN Entertainment, which is the most thriving entertainment company right now. There are a lot of people that see us as a threat. Because of this, they’ve tried to frame us for things we’ve had nothing to do with because our ferocious success has breathed fear into other establishments. And please, don’t think I’m trying to toot my own horn, I’m just telling it like it is.
“I’m a man of morals and goodwill. Had I known someone was getting abused in any type of way, I wouldn’t stand around and watch. I’ve known my manager for thirteen years and not once have I ever seen him do something that made me question his character. I know a lot of people talk badly about Soon, but that’s just jealousy at its full form. Everything that he has, he has worked for—righteously. And it’s a shame that envious people are trying to taint his name because they don’t have the skill that he has to succeed. Yes, I had been there at the club, but neither had I seen nor heard of any assault until most of everyone else did, which is the next day on the news.”
I could see that he was surprised. Most people would get surprised by the fact that I knew all of this information. It’s only when Mariam chastised me for being ignorant when we were together that I started to pay a little bit more attention. To do a little more research on my own.
Even though I knew that I was lying on Soon’s behalf, I placated myself with the thought that it wasn’t a complete lie. But there was a lie interwoven into my speech which made me more ashamed than I had ever been in my life.
“I find your words very ironic,” He leaned forward, looking me squarely in the eye, “Hasn’t the Korean industry seen a steady slump over the past few years record sales wise? Isn’t that why you guys are always in Japan? Isn’t that why you guys tour like crazy because money has to be made somehow since it’s not being made due to piracy and the lack of albums being sold?”
If his plan was to intimidate it was working. I nearly broke the gaze but that would mean admitting to guilt.
“Right. But the numbers are slowly increasing. And we are making it happen.”
“What about the alleged abuse that occurs in LN Entertainment?”
“What?” my heart began to thud loudly against my chest again. I tried my darnedest to keep my expression neutral though.
“There are many allegations about exploitation of artists by production companies.”
“Those are all false.”
Detective Kim and I faced off for several moments before he sighed heavily and sat forward.
“You don’t have to be a silent victim anymore. If you want to Jaejoong, talk to someone. This is really serious. Some people’s lives are on the line.”
The abuse and exploitation that went on in production companies was something that I didn’t like talking about. It was just as I felt my insides break further down when a shrill voice interrupted us.
“What’s going on in here?” Soon’s irate voice rang throughout the room. We all turned to see him approaching, his countenance proving that he really was really upset. I didn’t know whether to feel relieved or dreadful that he was here.
“Mr. Lee. Its nice to meet you. Again.” Detective Kim said to him as he eyed him levelly and rose to his feet. In that short span of time I instantly picked up on the hatred between the two. It seemed as if they’d run into each other before already.
This was all too much. I needed a freaking break.
“What do you want now, Kim Yoo Jin?” Soon asked irritably.
“To know why you’d had Park beaten.” Detective Kim went right in for the kill.
“I hadn’t. Did you question Kim Jae Joong? Because if you did, then you will regret it. Don’t try to bring him into your issues with me.”
Detective Kim raised his chin, “Is that what you did to park before you nearly left him for dead? Did you threaten him?”
Soon narrowed his eyes to hot slits at Detective Kim before turning to me,“Jaejoong, are you okay.”
“Yeah.” I answered, keeping my gaze straight ahead.
From the corner of my eyes I saw Soon turning to Detective Kim again, even stepping up to him.
“Now you listen to me. Questioning my client without him having an attorney present is going to cost you. I demand you leave right now.”
“He won't need an attorney. He's not a suspect. You, Soon, might need one though. And we were leaving anyway,” he turned to me, “Thanks for your cooperation Kim Jaejoong.” He turned to Soon once again, “This won’t be the last that you see of us.”
With that said, the detective and his partner left.
“The guard called me and told me what was going on. I came back as soon as possible. What did they ask you?” there was a nervous edge to Soon’s voice as he sat down on the couch beside me. He sounded laughable. Now he wanted to act all scared. Why didn’t he get scared before he had those men beat down his foe? Why didn’t he let his fear stop him then?
I didn’t even bother to look at him when I answered.
“Don’t worry. I never sold you out, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
I felt his relief when he sighed. Closing my eyes, I wished I could open my eyes to find that I was somewhere else other than where I was right now.
When I opened my eyes, I realized that I was pushing my luck. All of a sudden the big house, the expensive furniture, the foreign artwork all made me feel sick to my stomach. I needed to get away from this. From everything. from everyone.
“Jaejoong, maybe you don’t understand it now, but some day you’ll understand. Even though there are some good sides to this business, there are a lot of bad. A lot of which I have tried to protect you from, but I realize that I can’t protect you forever. Just know that whatever I do though, I do it for you. You all are like my sons. I hate that Kim Yoo Jin put you through that. I will make sure it never happens again.”
Still, I didn’t say anything.
“Are you okay?”
At the audacity of his question, my chest rumbled with deep throaty chuckles. He had a lot of nerve asking me that.
Without answering him, I stood up and left the room.
[center]~0~0~0~[/center]
“What was it that you wanted to talk to me about? You know I can’t talk for long. Rehearsals start in an hour.”
I was seated in the dining area of the hotel that Yunho and the rest of the guys were staying at along with the crew.
I tore my eyes from the window, where snow drifted beautifully outside and glanced at my bestfriend. He looked exhausted. While I was busy running around trying to adjust to being a father, my band mates were busy rehearsing and doing shows and filling in the void that I had left.
I realized a part of me keeping my contact with them to a minimum while I’d been seeing Mariam and the kids was because I really missed being around them, not just because I was ashamed for what I had done.
I missed fooling around during rehearsal. I missed laughing at the silliest junk all because I was around these guys. I missed being happy. And I began to wonder if this was why I had chosen my career over Mariam. Did it make me happier than she did?
“Are you okay?” he asked after staring at me searchingly for a while. Of course I wasn't okay. Not only did I feel bad about lying to a detective about what my eyes had truly seen, but I worried constantly about Mariam and the kids. With the distraction of the detective showing up to my house, I was forced to think logically as I lay in my empty king sized bed, staring at the fan whirring on the ceiling. I had to say something to the guys before upping and leaving. I wouldn't feel right just going without a word.
With Yunho seated across from me, I wanted to tell him about my brief interrogation session, but refrained. The guys were already being overworked during holiday season when I remembered vividly that we'd been promised a few weeks off during this time of year. Not only that, how would he feel performing after I told him what I'd really seen Soon doing that night at the club?
I decided to keep that portion to myself for now. They didn't need the excess baggage just yet. Maybe when things had simmered down and the short tour was over.
I laughed gently, wrapping my arms around the hot chocolate and bringing it up to my mouth, “Of course I’m okay. I’m better than okay. You can’t call someone as handsome as me okay.”
Yunho simply smirked faintly with a shake of his head as he looked out the window, “You’re a bad liar.”
“I know,” I said after swallowing a meager sip, watching the whip cream on the top of the cup as I spoke, “I’ve been trying to shape up on my lies as of late and I don’t think it’s working.”
“Because lying isn’t a part of who you are.”
Yunho’s words made me cut my eyes at him.
“Stop trying to be something that you’re not Jaejoong. All the excessive drinking, keeping yourself aloof from others, I know it’s not you.”
My eyes slowly lowered in dejection, “Everyone lies at some point.”
Thinking about how Mariam had lied to me for those couple of days made me shake my head in disappointment.
“It never ends.”
“What doesn’t?”
“This thing. This love thing. I’m so sick of it. It just never f****ing ends.” Blasphemy wasn’t my style, because getting frustrated wasn’t my style. But my style had been butchered lately. I just didn’t say the same things that I used to.
“It’s about Mariam?” Yunho asked, smiling kindly when the pretty waitress brought him a second cup of coffee. I watched the glint in his eye as he sauntered away and smirked.
“Maybe you should ask her out.”
“Maybe you should drop dead,” he said and we laughed, “I can’t ask her out.”
“Why not?”
“She already gave me her number.”
I set the cup down that I was about to sip from as bursts of laughter broke through me.
“These girls,” he said with a shake of his head while eying his coffee, “They won’t stop at anything.”
“Tell me about it.” I murmured, slouching in my chair with my fingers knitted over my stomach.
“Yeah, it’s about Mariam.” I paused for a while, waging a war within myself of whether telling him was wise or not.
“What about her?” he brought the cup to his mouth.
“Those kids that I told you she had, you remember them?”
“I remember you mentioning she has two of them.”
The nervousness that I thought I’d left outside returned full throttle. I swallowed hard. My heart rattled. My palms got so sweaty I had to chafe them against my jeans.
“They’re mine.” I finally disclosed.
Yunho blinked at me blankly before chuckling softly to himself.
“Jaejoong. Being drunk doesn’t last for two weeks,” his features dropped, “Did you drink before coming here?”
“No. I’m telling the truth. I’m a father. I have two four year olds. They’re twins.”
“Jaejoong, what are you saying?”
“That I’ve been a father for the past four years. I only found out yesterday though. Mariam didn’t tell me…”
Yunho stared at me inscrutably before folding his arms atop the table and leaning forward.
“Okay. So you’re telling me, that you, Hero Jaejoong of DBSK, is a father.”
I nodded.
“You have two kids.”
I nodded.
“They’re twins.”
I nodded.
“And they’re four years old.”
I nodded once again.
Yunho blinked at me for a while and I stared right back. Then his eyes went wide as he sat back, staring in awe.
“You’re kidding me…” he murmured.
“I kid you not,” I sighed and stressfully rubbed my eyes, “They went away yesterday. I have to find them. I don’t know how I’m going to.”
When nothing was said I raised my head to find Yunho staring at a spot on the table. He was paled by shock.
“Are you okay?”
“What are your fans going to think?” Yunho finally asked, making me jerk my head back in astonishment.
“What?”
“Do you ever think about anyone but yourself? What will this do to the group? This isn’t America where celebrities having kids are celebrated. You know how things are here. You know how the media is. What will they do when they find out? Especially with them being four years old, the public is immediately going to think you kept this from them. Cassiopeia will be furious. What will be the future of DBSK now?”
Although I had thought about all these things in my sleepless night, I never expected to hear Yunho out of all people voicing them.
“Is that all you can think about? I just told you that I have kids, offspring, people that came from me, and that’s all you can say?” I shook my head dismally, “I would’ve expected this from anyone else, but not from you.”
Dragging my chair back I shot up to my feet and stormed out of the restaurant area. I wasn’t going to let anyone make me feel guilty for having those kids. Yes, I felt bad just as everyone did for not knowing because I didn’t know myself. But I’d never apologize for my children. Even though they weren’t planned, they were not a mistake.
I grated my teeth as I remembered that I couldn’t go through the front and made for the side exit, hoping not to meet any fans on the way. Whenever we resided at the hotel, security was tight. It had tightened insanely over the years because fans constantly thought of new ways to break in.
“Yah! I know you hear me calling you! Won’t you just chill?” Yunho grabbed my arm to make me stop, soon stepping in front of me to block me from leaving.
“Why can’t you see try to understand other people’s feelings?” Yunho asked.
“I am! If I didn’t care I wouldn’t have bothered telling you. Why can’t you try to understand my feelings either?” I looked around me when I realized what I was about to say and was glad to find no one there, “I just found out something that has literally changed my life only a day ago. How about what I feel? Four years I didn’t know this. Four years I was busy partying cause life was so great not knowing that I had…” I refrained from saying it because I didn’t want to take chances. I loved my fans and all but they could be a bit much and could be stalking at the very moment, “you know why I told you, Yunho? Because you’re one of the only people I can trust right now. I’m not asking you to tell me what I want to hear but I just want someone to see where the hell I’m coming from. But I guess I shouldn’t expect anything from anyone right? Kim Jae Joong is the big bad wolf who deserves everything that’s coming to him. So never mind that I said anything.”
After that I brushed passed him and started to walk off again.
“Wait. Look, I’m sorry. I’m just so surprised. This is something you read in a tabloid newspaper. It’s not something you hear so suddenly from your best friend. I’m shocked. Wouldn’t you be?”
I turned around to face him, “I am. I still can’t believe it,” I scratched the side of my head while wincing, “Argh! I’m still trying to figure out if this is all a dream.”
“Are you sure they’re yours?” he looked around him and lowered his voice, “Have you had a test done?”
I shook my head, sighing while shoving my hands back to my pockets, “Not yet. But if you really looked at them, you’d know.”
I hadn’t known though but its because I’d blocked the possibility out of my mind.
Yunho furled his lips as he looked away. Something was definitely bothering him.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“No. Seriously. What is it?”
“Well, I don’t mean any disrespect to Mariam. But how do you know she’s not lying to you?”
“Because she wasn’t going to tell me anyway. I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t found out from Manager.”
Yunho’s eyes nearly popped out, “What?!”
I nodded, “Yeah. It’s a long story. Come to think of it, I don’t even know how he found out…”
I guess I had more bones to pick with Soon but I really didn’t want to talk to him right now.
“Manager knows? And you’re still alive?”
I chortled, “Surprisingly. I know he might tell you guys. But I just wanted you to hear this from me, first.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“To go to them of course. I hope you all understand if I’m not around us much during this suspension. It doesn’t mean that I’m not supportive. I just have things to take care of and I know once work starts again, I may not get this time to spend with them again.”
“I understand.”
“I’m really sorry Yunho. I’m not apologizing for having those kids, but for how it may affect the group. But I promise I’ll make it work.”
“It’s okay.” I could see in his eyes that it wasn’t, and I understood his side. This was a lot to take. Others looking in may have asked why we were acting like this was the end of the world, but with the way our industry was constructed, it might as well have been.
But I didn’t want to think about how this would be dealt with right now. I wanted to spend time with the kids first. And Mariam too.
“Please, don’t tell the others for now.”
“I won’t.” Yunho promised, “Take care okay?”
“You too. You guys do your best out there. I’ll be watching you.”
We shared an uneasy smile before I turned to leave once again, my heart feeling heavy. It was one thing to disappoint my band mates but it was a whole other thing to disappoint Yunho. Even though I was older than him I felt like I’d let down my big brother or father or something.
“Yah!”
I stopped and turned around to his sudden calling.
“Stop by tomorrow. Christmas is the day after tomorrow. I might want to get them something.”
I felt my first sense of warmth with my first genuine smile of the day, “Really?”
Yunho nodded with a smile, “Goodluck. I’d like to see them some time. We might have three days off after the New Year. I might come then.”
“Thanks Yunho. Just in case I don’t say it enough.”
The fact that he managed to smile despite me telling him something that could change our lives forever proved to me that this guy would always have my back no matter what. His words were testimony to that.
“Hey, that’s what friends are for, right?”