| Fan Fiction |
by Pseudonym
But anywho THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR READING. I’ve got a busy day ahead of me and can’t respond personally to comments but thanks a bunch guys.
here's two chapters in a row!
Chapter 18
Mariam
“Jin, please. Stop it.” I begged my son weakly. He was petulantly jumping on the king sized bed of my mother’s guest room. My patience was wearing thin with him.
It hadn’t even been a full day and he was purposefully acting up.
“I want Jaejoong hyung. I want Jaejoong hyung. I want Jaejoong hyung.” That was his chanted demand and had been for the past ten minutes. Five minutes ago he was banging my mother’s pots and pans together with the same demands. Hye was just more quiet than usual, which was surprisingly possible.
My mother had currently gone to the nearby store to purchase some goods. Although she had been happy to see me once she’d opened the door, her smile had dropped when I broke down in front of her. She was the only person I could allow myself full vulnerability with. After making sure the kids were safe and sound inside the home I collapsed in her arms without even bothering to get my luggage from the car. Later that night when the kids were fast asleep after torturously making me pay for not allowing Jaejoong to come with us, my mother had allowed me to rest my head on her lap and cry.
She listened as I recounted what had occurred the past few days and told me it was apparent I was behaving like this because I still loved him. But I told her that not even for love would I make my kids suffer.
She had let me cry myself to sleep, and I’d ended up waking up on the very couch I’d slept on but with a warm quilt over me.
My mother always being an early bird was up preparing breakfast and I assisted her after fulfilling my personal morning duties. But that morning peace was cut short when Hye woke up complaining of her stomach hurting. After I’d tried to figure out how to treat her she’d finally told me the only way she’d be healed was if Jaejoong rubbed her stomach. Jin soon woke up demanding that I take him outside to build a snowman, but I was tired. And since my mother lived in the mountains temperatures were much cooler than what my children were used to and I didn’t want them to get sick.
“Jin, get off that bed right now.” This time I didn’t hide the displeasure in my tone.
“Why did you chase Jaejoong hyung away? Why did you chase Seung hyung away?”
“I didn’t chase them away. We just had to leave.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m the mother and I said so.”
“Mothers are mean.”
“Yes well we also love our children dearly. Now please come here so that I can give you your afternoon bath.”
“Why?”
Oh my god! I really hated that question now.
“Because you’re dirty and you need to be clean.”I explained with a sigh, catching Joongie when he leaped onto my lap and sat there complacently.
“I don’t want to take a bath.” Jin reasoned, making me rub my throbbing temple.
“Jin…”
“I want Jaejoong hyung to tell me ghost stories.”
“He’s not here.”
“Well bring him here.”
“I can’t.”
“But you’re a mother. And mothers are supposed to do everything.”
I nearly snapped and screamed at my son but caught myself. Swallowing at the bitterness in my throat, I petted Joongie whilst thinking about the mess I had gotten myself into. The only good news thus far was that insurance would help deal with the suspicious fire that had claimed my apartments.
Starting over was hard though. I had to use the bits that I had in my savings to buy Hye and Jin a few clothes. It also helped that while I stayed with Dae, she, Jaejoong, and Seung would bring them something too.
After lord knows how long Jin finally agreed to getting a shower with Hye. They both punished me by refusing to remain still until I was left without a choice but to spank them for their misbehavior. Dinner was served earlier for them than anyone else and they rebelled by not eating. They also went as far as vowing that they weren’t going to celebrate Christmas, which was only a day away.
My mother somehow talked some sense into them for they calmly went to the guestroom where they played amongst themselves.
I collapsed on the couch, wondering how long I would have to deal with this. Then came the scary thought that maybe this was how they’d behave if Jaejoong were on the road. I wouldn’t let it happen.
Soon, my mother sat beside me on the couch telling me about the bed and breakfast business that she had recently started. After I’d graduated my mother had returned to her homeland, which she loved terribly. My mother had had a successful career in America as an attorney but was simply tired of that life. She’d had a beautiful house built where she grew up and decided she was going to spend the rest of her days here. Most people thought she was insane, leaving a successful life in America but she simply preferred the simple life.
One of her many dreams was to build her own bed and breakfast company where travelers would have a place to stop by and rest. I had seen the resort my mother had had built and it was nothing short of amazing.
I was all excited for her having this business until she’d started dropping hints that she wanted me to help her run it. Right now I was practically jobless, having hightailed from Seoul, my banker job included. So right now I had no choice but to consider her offers for helping her run it. After all, beggars couldn’t be couldn’t be choosers.
I was busy trying not to fall asleep or think about how Jaejoong had gotten on his knees with the swear that he’d quit his job while my mother talked about upcoming plans. I still couldn’t believe he had said that. He was probably just bluffing, just grappling at straws so that I couldn’t leave. He had a lot of nerve lying like that. How is it that me, the woman he claimed to love, hadn’t been enough to make him change his mind? Why all of a sudden had he turned a new leaf? Well, I had to consider the fact that he never truly loved me. The kids, I’m sure he felt a natural connection to, so it was different.
I felt a bit bad but ignored it.
There was a sudden knock on the door that extracted me out of my thoughts.
“Go and get it.” my mother urged even though she was seated closer to the door. Parents, they could be so irritating. Then again, I was passed the age limit for living with my parents so I couldn’t complain. Grudgingly, I rose to my feet and walked up to the door. Unfortunately my mother didn’t have a peephole or any way that I could check who it was before opening. The small village she lived in was so homely and everyone basically knew everyone that no one could really be seen as a stranger. The crime rate here was also very low so no one really worried about opening their doors to trouble.
When I did open the door my heart rocketed to my throat and I nearly run out of my skin. I felt like I’d been struck by a bolt of lightning.
There he was, all huddled up in tons of winter wear. The black scarf coiled around his neck up to his nose. The matching brimless hat went even lower than the eyebrows that he loved to show off so much. His skin was inhumanely pale.
But those eyes, they never changed. They had that same spirit that had grasped me from the very moment I had met him.
Snapping out of my trance, I looked over at my mother who wasn’t at all surprised by his presence.
“Kim Jaejoong, how are you?” she greeted him.
“Cold.” Jaejoong said with a shaky laugh, his eyes dancing the way he did whenever he smiled, “How are you Miss Lee?”
“Oh I’m just fine. How was your trip?”
“It was okay. The driver was really nice to drive me all this way even with this weather. I’m really grateful.”
“I’m glad you made it here okay,” my mother said, “Come on in.”
Jaejoong couldn’t come in because I was standing in his way. I didn’t want to let him in. First because of guilt and then because of these weird emotions going through me.
“What are you doing here?” I asked him tautly.
“Doing what I’m supposed to be doing,” he said, rubbing his gloved hands together, “Coming to spend time with my wife and kids.”
“Your wife?! I am not your wife!”
“Not yet. But they’re my children.”
I couldn’t dispute that. And I avidly ignored his ‘not yet’ comment.
“How did you know where to find me?” I asked even though it should have been common sense. Before our last departure I’d told him that he knew where to find me. The only plausible place would be at my mother’s house. I don’t know why I had said that when in reality I hadn’t wanted him to find me.
“I told him.” The sound of my mother’s voice behind me made the hairs on the back of my neck spike up before I whipped around to her.
“What?” I asked her in surprise as she complacently came to stand beside me.
“When you were in the hospital Jaejoong was the one who’d called me to let me know you were unwell. He then left me with his number saying that if I ever needed anything I should call him. I thought he needed to be here with his children, especially on Christmas”
“Mama why would you do that?” I asked, feeling hurt and betrayed even though I knew I didn’t need to be.
She pointed down the hallway, “Those kids need a father figure around them. It’s been long overdue Mariam.”
“What about what he did to me—“
“Hush. This isn’t about you. It’s about the children. Both of you need to solve whatever happened between you so that you can deal with the kids. They should be your main priorities now. Not your hatred towards each other”
She was right and I detested her for being right. It was at that moment that the children probably heard the ruckus, busting out of the bedroom and running down the corridor with excited squeals at the site of Jaejoong.
“Jaejoong hyunng!!” Jin chirped before wrapping his arms around Jaejoong’s legs, nearly knocking him over. Hye did the same, only she wanted to be carried by him and kept tiptoeing, her small hands reaching up to him. Jaejoong all the while managed to keep himself standing, laughing while he looked down at his children. He looked so moved; his smile was so bright that my heart ached.
I turned away from him feeling guilty that I hadn’t made more of an effort to put him in the kid’s lives.
“Well, where are you going to stay?”
“What do you mean? He can stay here. If he doesn’t mind sleeping on the couch.” My mother said. Wasn’t this the woman that disliked Jaejoong with a passion because of what he’d put me through?
“I don’t mind at all.” Jaejoong pitched in.
“He can’t stay here!” I whispered harshly to my mother but everyone else seemed to hear.
“Why not?” all four of them asked me in unison.
“Oh, so now you’re all going to gang up on me like that?”
“I don’t think umma likes Jaejoong hyung…” Hye observed.
“Why don’t you umma?” Jin asked.
“Because all he seems to do is ruin my life.” I said unmannerly, pivoted on my heels and stalked out of the living room to my bedroom.
Sitting on the vanity bench, I stared at myself in the mirror and cringed. I felt so silly. My hair was tousled and my cheeks were flushed. Picking up a brush, I began to run it down the length of my jet black hair.
“You’re being very childish you know?” I heard my mother ask after she slipped into the bedroom.
“I don’t care.”
“Mariam Louis?” she put some steel back into her voice at the attitude I gave her and I murmured an apology while setting the brush back on the vanity table.
“You need to make the time that he’s here worth it.”
“You know what’s so unfair? How my feelings don’t even matter. He just waltzes back like nothing happened. Do you know why I’m so apprehensive Mama? He had once told me all of the sweet lies that made me believe that we were going to be together. What hurts so much more is that I fully believed him,” I turned away from my mother’s reflection on the beveled mirror and looked solely at her, “What’s making me so afraid is that the only reason why he’s so open to being here is because his fans and bandmates aren’t distracting him. But I know him Mama, he loves that lifestyle too much to let it go. Once these two months are up he’s going to be out of sight, but not out of those kid’s minds. And I’ll be the one left to deal with it. Left to try and explain why he’s not there. No one was there to explain to me either.”
My mother listened patiently. When I was done ranting she sat quietly and nodded.
“Can I ask you something?” she finally said.
“Sure.”
“Have you ever put yourself in Jaejoong’s shoes?”
Her question was unexpected. She had never tried to understand Jaejoong’s side.
“Why do you ask?” I hedged instead of answering the question.
“From what I know, the boy came from nothing and worked everyday of his life to get everything he has. He probably missed doing things regular children do. Mariam if you had the choose between keeping something you’ve worked blood, sweat, and tears for and something precious that suddenly dropped from the sky, which would you choose?”
“So are you saying that what Jaejoong did was right? That it can be justified.”
“No. first, I’m saying that his position is not an easy one. I may have always been indifferent to Jaejoong, but he is honestly a nice young man who is trying to set his priorities right. He’s trying to get a second chance from you. He expressed that to me when we talked on the phone. He’s trying to right his wrongs and you’re not making it easy for him.
“Second, I’m saying that if you don’t care about him as much as you claim, then you need to let go of the past.”
I let my mother’s words sink in and frowned deeply, looking down at my sweater. My mother had always been a sweet soft spoken lady. She had always cared about matters of the heart and told me she hadn’t always been that way. She said my father is the one who helped her open up. It’s a shame that their love hadn’t lasted and only resulted in a painful divorce. I knew they still loved each other, and up to this day I couldn’t fathom why it hadn’t worked.
“I’m trying Mama. It’s the past that won’t let me go.” I said as I remembered that night down by the river when all that was left of my hopes and dreams went down the drain.
“How can I easily forgive someone that hurt me so much?”
“By finding it in your heart. You still love him, it shouldn’t be so hard.”
“I don’t love him.” I defied.
“Then why do you go out of your way to try and show him that you don’t? if you truly didn’t love him you wouldn’t be so bothered by his presence.”
“I hate him. That’s why I’m bothered.”
“Yes, I agree, you hate him alright.”
“Thank you.”
“And you hate him because you still love him so much.”
My mother’s words struck me hard, but I denied them. And I would keep denying them even if it killed me to do so.