| Fan Fiction |
by Pseudonym
I loooove DBSK’s new song, Why DID I Fall In Love With You. I recommend it while reading this chapter lol
Chapter 22
Jaejoong
“Wow, your eyes. They sparkle.” Mariam told Yunho in a woolgathering tone that had me greening with envy. She was seated beside him on the couch. Mama was seated on his other side. I was standing against the wall with my hand against the wall watching their first time meeting unravel.
They were more than star-struck by his presence. They were hypnotized.
Since he arrived when the kids were taking their afternoon nap, he only got to see them from a distance as they slept.
“Please smile again. Please. Just once. I just want to see those perfect teeth, those high cheekbones,” Mama cooed.
I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself at how flustered Yunho was with all the attention. It didn’t matter how much praise we got on a regular basis. It still felt weird to have another human being praise you for simply being you.
“Hey guys uh,” I called out from the shadows and waved. “I’m standing right here,”
“Do you hear anything Mama?” Mariam asked her mom confusion. Mama shook her head, sighing dreamily as she stared at Yunho.
“I’m sorry but Yunho’s gorgeousness has shut down all my five senses. Why are you so gorgeous?” Mama asked.
“I hear he’s smart too,” Mariam supplied.
“Oh wow. I’m sure you’d make the perfect husband.” Mama smiled cunningly and Yunho’s eyes widened. I stifled the need to laugh.
“Do you have a girlfriend?” Mariam asked.
“Whoa, okay okay. That’s enough.” I said as I grabbed Mariam’s hand and pulled her to stand in front of me, wrapping my arm around her waist. My actions caught me off guard as they did everyone else, but I couldn’t help it.
We were all in high spirits though, so we all treated it as a laughing matter.
“Hey!” Mariam swatted the arm that barred her, “Stop that.”
“I know he’s gorgeous but you guys are making me feel bad.”
“Oh shut it. You’re just not used to someone else being the center of attention,” Mama chastised and we all laughed.
“Yeah, let someone else bask in the glory for once,” Yunho joked, a sign that he was coming around.
“Well I’m going to get started on dinner. Make yourself at home Yunho.” Mariam said with a sweet smile.
“Thank you,” he said with a nod.
“Wow. Do I wish I’d gotten such a welcome when I showed up,” I murmured while following Mariam into the kitchen. A pot of soup was already simmering on the stove. I went to check up on it. Mariam went to check the rice cooker.
Already, tension made the air in the kitchen stuffy. We hadn’t really talked since last night. When I’d pulled her away from Yunho that was the first interaction we’d had all day.
I had been avoiding her but she hadn’t seemed bothered by it. I, on the other hand, was still immensely disturbed by last night.
I was startled when a pair of arms snaked their way around my waist. Heat rushed through me when I felt something warm iron my back.
“I like the way your heart beats,” Mariam’s voice floated from behind me. “It makes a nice tune.”
I didn’t really know what to say. Was this the same woman who couldn’t stand my touch days ago?
When she shifted, I knew her chin was pressed against the dent of my back because I could feel the warm tunnel of breathing against that portion of my back. She pressed her lips against the base of my nape, sending shivers through me before asking me a question that she had never asked me in all my years of knowing her.
“Are you still mad at me?”
My stirring of the soup came to an abrupt halt. She’d never asked that. She’d never had a reason to.
It was always me because I was always gone. Sometimes without telling her first.
Turning my head slightly over my shoulder, I glanced at her from the corner of my eye as best as I could. “Huh?”
Mariam snuggled her head against my back while tightening her hold around me, her voice muffled when she spoke. “I’m so sorry Jae. It’ll never happen again.”
My heart began to race. All of this felt so familiar.
Those words.
They were words that I once always used to tell her.
Words that made her say she hated me.
“It’s okay,” I said instead, not really knowing what else to say. I wasn’t used to sulking with Mariam. I was used to things being the other way around.
This was new to me.
“No. I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”
It was like déjà vu. Twisting the knob to turn the stove off, I turned around and looked down at her to see if she meant it. She looked like she did. My hands were still to my sides as hers were wrapped around my waist with her chin now resting on my chest.
“Was it Seung that you went to see?” I asked warily. Mariam stared at me a long time before shaking her head slowly.
For the first time in my life I didn’t know whether to trust Mariam or not. Then I did something stupid. Considering all that I had put her through, I decided not to give her a hard time. I’d given her enough hard times.
“I trust you Mimi, you know that right?”
She smiled, but there was a distant pain in her eyes that I passed off. Since that look had always been there since the time we’d met again, I didn’t really do much about it.
“Thank you,” she said with a big smile that I hadn’t seen in a while.
“But you’re confusing me,” I said. Her smile dropped and she looked at me questionably so I continued.
“One night you’re asking me not to make you fall in love with me, the next day you’re all over me.” I scratched my temple while wincing a little bit. “I’m just getting confused.”
Her soft features began to twist in offense as she pulled away from me. “If you don’t want me to touch you—“
“No!” I said haltingly, wrapping my arms around her shoulders to keep her close, “Let’s just look past this. But please, don’t do this again. You had us all worried.”
We were so weird. How could we hold each other like this after discussing seeing other people only a night ago?
“I told my mom that I was just going to take care of some business. I’m still trying to adjust to moving back here. I’m looking for schools for the kids so that they’ll be ready to attend by the time school starts. I’m also trying to get myself situated at Mama’s resort. I have such little time.”
“Why didn’t you just say all of this when I asked?” I asked, my mouth pulling into a frown. She acknowledged my lips before curling her lips into a soft, admiring smile.
“I don’t want you to feel obligated.”
“But I am obligated.”
“To the kids.”
“And you too.”
“No…” she shook her head slowly and when I looked down at the ring that dangled from her necklace Mariam sighed.
“I haven’t said yes yet.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t let me help. Come and stay with me.”
Her brow rose. “Are you insane? I heard you bought a big old mansion. The kids would get lost in it…”
“Mariam, I’m being serious…”
"Okay, okay. But I still don't want to."
“Why not?”
“I don’t know,” Mariam suddenly weaseled out of my arms and walked to the rice cooker. “Ask your manager.”
My body stiffened, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
The question was never answered. Running my tongue over my teeth bitterly, I went to wash the dishes.
“Well even if you don’t want stay with me, you should at least let me help you. I wont take no for an answer.”
Mariam sighed sharply but when I took issue with that she finally agreed. She then moved to my opposite side where the dish rack was and began drying the dishes I had placed there. I was caught off guard when she spoke again.
“You know, come to think of it, I wouldn’t even be mad if you and Yunho were seriously a couple. Hell, if I were a man I’d go gay for him.”
I reacted like I’d been pricked with a thousand needles and jerked away from her side.
“What?!” I damn near shrieked.
Staring out the window while wiping some of the dishes I’d began washing, Mariam said, dreamily, “He’s so…manly.”
My skin crawled.
“What has that got to do with me?!”
Mariam looked at me askance, “I don’t know Jae. I’ve heard some things…”
“Whatever you’ve heard, don’t believe unless it’s coming from me.”
“Mhmm. What do they call you guys, JaeHo or something?”
“Yah! Stop that.”
“What’s wrong Jaejoong?” she asked with feigned innocence. “Why are you getting so worked up?” she narrowed her eyes and winked while grinning devilishly “Is there something you’re hiding?”
“Mimi shut up. That whole couple thing is just something the fans want. It’s not real.”
Moving towards me as stealthily as a snake, Mariam snuggled up against my arm, “Well I’m a fan. And I’d like to see the two of you in action.”
“Eh?!”
She smiled cheekily with her hands curled beneath her chin, talking excitedly, “Mmm boy love! It’s so hot! I never used to like it but now seeing Yunho in the flesh, hmm I wouldn’t mind seeing you guys together…”
I jumped away from Mariam once again only for her to burst out laughing so heartily that she was crouched over the counter, one hand holding her stomach. The laughter seemed efficacious enough to call Yunho into the kitchen. Walking in with a casual air, he inhaled deeply.
“That smells good, what is it?” he turned to Mariam who was still dying from laughter while I stood before her feeling awkward. “What’s going on? What’s so funny?”
“Nothing,” I murmured, scared to return to washing the dishes because Mariam was still there.
“Why is your face so red?” he asked me and my palms went to my blazing cheeks.
“It is?!” I asked self cautiously, feeling my face burn more.
“Awww Yunho oppa, don’t mind him. He’s just blushing because his loverboy is here,” Mariam teased and I cut my wide eyes at her.
“Yah! What the?”
Catching on quick, Yunho joined in on the bullying. Looking playfully amused, Yunho turned to me, “Really? You’re blushing because of me?” a hand of his went over his chest, “Aw man, that warms my heart.”
“You guys need to stop this,” I warned only for Mariam to laugh some more.
“Aww Yunho oppa look how you have him so nervous. Joongie is your heart racing?” she asked with a fake pout.
“Woman, if you don’t stop—“ I cut myself off when Yunho stepped up to me.
“Jaejoong, don’t deny our love. It’s okay,” he said and by then Mariam was having to keep herself standing by leaning over the counter, spent from laughter. This time I dashed away from Yunho and looked at him like he was crazy, only for him to start laughing too before ruffling my hair.
“You guys are fools. Fools I tell you.” I tried to remain mad but found myself chuckling alongside them. It warmed my heart to have most of the people I cared about looking and sounding happy.
And as I looked at the bright smile on Mariam's face, with the pain behind her eyes, I felt an odd pain inside of me.
Her smile wavered as she too looked right back at me, I knew that from the look in her eyes, that she was thinking the same thing.
'I love you' I mouthed to her despite all we’d been through thus far and she froze. Then she blushed. She didn't say the words back, but I knew that she felt the same from the look in her eyes because the pain that always resided there deepened.
It was a pain that derived from loving someone so much that it hurt.
It was like love cutting you with a knife to remind you how real and strong it was.
For a split second I wondered if such cuts ever healed.
From the look in Mariam’s eyes I knew they didn’t.