The Unkindest Cut of All (Completed)

by Pseudonym

Chapter 25

Ohhh iHeartYourHeartbeat thank you! the girl fits Mariam perfectly! thank you sooo much!

Chapter 25

Mariam

Slowly but surely.

That’s the only way I could describe the rest of the DBSK members’ reactions to the kids. To be quite honest if they’d started jumping for joy upon the news I would’ve been highly suspicious.

Even though it was a painful thing to watch, it was also beautiful.

This trip was what showed me why DBSK were the successful men that they were.

It had nothing to do with their talents. It had nothing to do with their looks.

Their hearts, I’m sure, are what got them sitting on top of the world.

That’s a pretty clichéd thought, but if anyone was standing in my shoes, seeing what I was seeing, they would feel the exact same way.

The men handled this situation with a grace that galled me. I expected to be cursed out and thrown out of the cabin. But in no time the three of them all talked to me with respect despite what they had just found out. They were also very nice to the children, and it wasn’t long before the kids fell madly in love with them. I still couldn’t explain Hye’s instant connection to Changmin. Jin’s open friendliness didn’t come as a surprise though. I couldn’t say the feeling was mutual, but I could tell that the guys couldn’t deny those children. They were slowly but surely warming up to them.

All six of us elders stayed up talking. The three who didn’t know me that much asked about my life. It was so weird, being interviewed by guys who were often interviewed. A part of me wanted to feel special, but I knew the drill and I didn’t mind.

They were really looking out for Jaejoong as opposed to finding out about my life.

They just had to make sure that he wasn’t linked to a troublemaker. I didn’t blame them. They didn’t question me with disrespect either. There was a certain personal interest and intrigue that I could feel from them. I guess they were somehow amazed, but still a bit put off by the fact that one of their members had managed to have a life outside of the only life that they knew.

The next morning was ten times better than last night. They wanted to have breakfast at one of the restaurants, but I was apprehensive. Firstly because I didn’t think I’d be able to afford such high class places. Secondly because I feared we would be seen and if pictures leaked all sorts of rumors would fly, eventually leading to distraction.

It was when Yunho was giving me a tour of the large, whose most special feature was the built in hot spring and marvelous view from the balcony, that he told me to quit qorrying. He told me that if I talked about paying for anything in this trip then he would steal Jaejoong away from me. Then he told me that the resort was an exclusive area for politicians, affluent businessmen, and celebrities—basically public figures that wanted to get away. Well paid security guards made sure no one of suspicion came in.

Even though I tried to act prideful, I couldn’t deny that I wanted to see how the rich wined and dined. I was searching for the kids, but couldn’t find them.

“Don’t tell me they’re playing hide and seek now,” I murmured in distraught, plopping on a kitchen chair and resting my head on my folded arms that lay on the table.

“What happened?” the question made me jerk my head up to find that Yoochun was already in the kitchen. I was so nervous and on edge around these guys, I was acting like a little girl with a crush. Why was I behaving like this? They weren’t special. They were human just like me.

Okay, who was I kidding? Not special my ass.

“Oh, um, the kids. Whenever they know they’re about to get dressed, they hide,” I explained, surprised when he sat across from me on the table, drinking from a red cup of coffee.

“Why do they do that?” he asked, revealing a smile that facsimiled one of the handsomest cheekbones I’d ever seen. He and Yunho had smiles to die for.

“Cause they hate wearing winter clothing,” I explained and when he gave me an odd look, I continued, “I know, it’s weird. But it’s also complicated.”

Yoochun chuckled and nodded, asking no more questions. All I knew about Yoochun was from his biography from the snooping I used to do online, reading up on how he had once lived in America. We both weren’t fond of the place because of our experiences, but I imagined his must have been harder being a young foreigner. Hell, I was Korean and it wasn’t easy for me when I’d first moved here.

“They look so much like Jaejoong,” Yoochun said observantly. “I hadn’t noticed it last night cause I didn’t get a good look at them, but they do look a lot like him.”

“They do. There’s really no mistaking it.”

“Their eyes are really light brown though and their hair.”

“They have my father’s eyes. He’s French, African, and Afghanistan. He’s everything under the sun actually. There’s a lot more stuff but I can’t remember.” I waved my hand offhandedly and he laughed.

“Oh. So I assume that your mother is Korean?”

I nodded. “Mhmm. Korean and Japanese.”

His brows shot up. “Wow. So you’re everything huh?”

“I guess you could say that—“

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop. You’re going to hurt yourself running fast like that,” what sounded like Junsu’s voice rang into the kitchen. Both Yoochun and I turned to find him chasing Jin. Who, to my dismay, didn’t have his pants or underwear on. I gasped so sharply I nearly punctured a lung.

“Oh my—Jin!” I shrieked as the boy giggled and hid behind one of the kitchen chairs. Junsu held a much brighter countenance that morning than he did the previous night, thus acquainting me with the Junsu I usually saw on TV. He had a bright smile with bright eyes and the most adorable laughing lines on his cheek that I’d ever seen.

He was so out of breath with laughter that he was bent over, leaning against the cream counter.

I, on the other hand, was beyond embarrassed.

“Jin Francis! What in the—what are you doing?”

Yoochun was stunned too, but chortling about the entire scenario. I was up, making my way to my son, who thought it best to play tag at that moment.

“Where are your pants?!” I demanded crossly, face getting beet red as it heated.

“I don’t know,” he sassed. That’s when a headache attacked me.

“If you don’t put some clothes on—oh my goodness.” I sighed, rubbing my forehead in distress. “This can’t be happening. I’m so sorry guys.” as if these children couldn’t embarrass me more.

When Junsu finally began talking when he’d caught respite, he explained that he found Jin running around. He thought it wasn’t safe what he was doing

“Jin please come back,” I begged my son tiresomely.

“No!” Jin aimed out of the kitchen only to run into a pair of legs that made him fall hard on his butt. The long legs belonged to Jaejoong, who had come downstairs with Yunho.

“Hey buddy. Where did your clothes go?” Jaejoong asked as he helped Jin up, not at all surprised that his son was half naked. I supposed this had happened to him before.

“I don’t know. Hi Appa! Hi Yunho hyung!”

“Hey. Where are your clothes?” Yunho asked wearing a questioning smile as he advanced into the kitchen.

“I don’t feel like wearing them,” Jin announced proudly and I sighed. Where did I go wrong?

“Come on. Let’s go get you changed,” Jaejoong offered and when Jin readily agreed, I wanted to pull my hair out in frustration.

“That’s funny. Mariam has been trying to get him to change but as soon as Jaejoong said ‘let’s go’ he was all about it,” Junsu said and everyone in the kitchen except for me laughed faintly.

“That’s cause we understand each other okay,” Jaejoong said as he hefted his son into his arms and looked at him with pride. “We both like to sleep naked. Don’t we son? Naked power!” Jaejoong said with a fist in the air like this was some motivational speech.

“Yes! Naked power!” Jin imitated with a fist quarter the size of Jaejoong’s.

As they exited the kitchen, Jaejoong continued misguiding his son into the ‘naked power’ chant that made my face burn with shame.

While everyone laughed I shook my head dismally, unable to decide whether Jaejoong was a good or bad influence in their lives. Then I felt the tightness within me loosen a bit, making me join in on the laughter, but only mildly because the tension was still pervasive.

We later found out that both the kids hid in Changmin’s closet. I also noticed how much Hye followed Changmin around the cabin when he woke up. I’d had to hold her at bay when he was going to the bathroom.

Once we’d gotten them dressed and taken care of ourselves, we headed out.

Like expected, the restaurant was top notch. Its décor was very inviting and homey, but with a touch of elite that made me a tad bit intimidated. The maitre d led us to an exclusive sitting area where we could be to shield us from preying eyes. Even though Yunho had promised that the environment was safe from intruders, that didn’t mean that even the high class heads there weren’t star struck by DBSK. There were questioning glances as Junsu held Jin, both of them chattering up a storm of how they were going to make water balloons. Jin also took a liking to Yoochun, letting him in detail what fun their day would entail. Changmin had no choice because Hye wouldn’t give him one. She demanded his attention and she got it. In due time he warmed up to her, treating her with a great kindness that moved my heart.

We had such a nice time. I was a little bit worried with how attached the kids were behaving. Even though the guys were still kind to them and to me, the undertone of stress was very much alive. I would sometimes catch one of them lost in deep thought, probably worrying how this would affect them.

If it weren’t for the kids being present, I honestly don’t believe they would have talked to me.

“So my Mimi what are you getting?” Jaejoong sat heavily on the seat beside me, bumping into me, thus shoving me out of my thoughts.

“Did you just call me your Mimi?” I asked, trying to ignore the vast beating of my heart.

Instead of answering me, Jaejoong stared at my hair and abruptly said, “I like your hair the way it used to be.”

“What do you mean?” I asked him, suddenly feeling self-cautious. Oh goodness, what was happening to me? How could my surroundings make me even more self-cautious around Jaejoong?

“I liked the old natural color,” he said while serving himself. I found out later that the guys had called in earlier to have a table set already by the time we got here

“I dyed my hair black to make it look more natural.” I remembered at work how a lady who didn’t like me and her friends were saying I dyed my hair blonde to look more westernized when in truth I just had my father’s dirty blonde hair.

“Not anymore.” He perused my hair. “Your roots are starting to grow and the blond is showing.”

My face scalded and it took all of me not to cautiously pat my hair as if that would help. He was too honest sometimes.

“Way to go Jae. Telling me that I look a mess right after I leave the house.”

“You don’t look a mess. You look great. But I just had to let you know I like you the way you are,” he said nonchalantly as he ate his food. His words made my gut flutter. What the hell was going on? At my age I couldn’t have butterflies. I used to think the whole concept of butterflies and having a crush died down once you got to know someone.

“I like you the way you are too,” I said as I roved over his dark, burgundy dyed hair and when he looked up at me, I added, “with blond hair.”

I laughed at Jaejoong’s playfully offended expression. As I made to focus on eating I caught Yunho staring at us from the other side of the table. I couldn’t read his expression, but it wasn’t exactly a happy one. My best guess was that it was an expression somewhere between wistfulness and envy.

When he caught me staring he smiled and I obligatorily smiled back.

Even though breakfast was superb, I couldn’t enjoy it. Since yesterday, I still felt nauseas. Jaejoong noticed this and when he asked why I hadn’t touched my plate I said my stomach was feeling upset.

“You do look tired and your skin kind of looks pale. I hope you’re not getting another fever.” His own face was paling with worry.

“I’m fine. I think I’m just a bit tired from all the traveling,” I said.

“Why don’t you just take the day off and relax? Do you think you can go skiing?” he asked. We were supposed to go try out the different activities in the resort.

“I don’t want to seem rude by not going.”

“It’s okay. You can join us later when you feel better. There’s some saloons here you can go to if you want to do all that girly stuff. You can also try the hot spring at the house. It’s really great.”

I smiled at him and agreed.

After breakfast we did a little touring to see what the place had to offer. Turns out it offered so much. There was so much to do. We had walked a short distance to a museum that showed the history of how the cabin came to be. Everyone was dispersed in their own sections at the museum. At one point I caught Junsu crouched beside Jin. They were all into whatever they were talking about, but it looked like Junsu was telling Jin a master plan that made him look too excited. I didn’t even want to know what those two were up to. The other three were standing by a large statue of the man who created the place. As expected, Jaejoong was the life of the party. While talking, his animated hands proved that he was back to his old ways, giving others his twisted perspective. That odd emotion overcame me and I turned away from him when it got too overbearing.

How could another human being make you feel so strongly? Even when they’d hurt and disowned you, why was it that at the end of the day your feelings for them still stood?

I knew my behavior was weird. Forgiving him so quickly. Reciprocating his affection. But I was so confused. I was on a limit. I only had him for a while before he was taken away from me again. Why I’d allowed myself to so quickly let him back, whether it was because I missed him or because I feared and knew that I would never feel this way with anyone, was still foolish because the result would be the same.

I would get hurt in the end.

Sighing heavily, I folded my arms and watched the distant violet mountains beneath a clear sky and a proud sun. The rays from the beaming sun touched the snow, making it sparkle like the ring on the necklace tucked inside my sweater. My heart vaulted at the remembrance of his offshore proposal.

Maybe it was the scenery that was making me jittery. Sometimes an atmosphere can trick someone into feeling differently right? But no, this behavior had began long since we’d come here.

“It must be nice, huh?”

The question made me turn to find Yunho standing to my left with his hands in his pockets.

“Huh?”

He turned away from the picturesque scene to me with a sad smile on his face before looking out again. He puffed out a big breath before he spoke.

“To be able to have a close relationship with someone,” he said. There was a longing in his eyes that tagged at my heart.

“I’ve been watching you and Jaejoong this entire trip. I never had the chance to because, well, Jin and Hye aren’t the sharing type.”

I laughed, shaking my head to myself before looking back out. “Yes, those kids are something else.”

We stood quietly for a long while.

“I hate to admit this,” Yunho said suddenly.

“What?”

He looked at me sideways. “It sounds kind of dumb, but there’s a certain way that he looks at you that I’ve never seen him do with anyone else.”

Something tingled within me. It made me feel strange. And warm. And good.

“Oh hush Yunho. Jaejoong looks at everyone strangely,” I said with a nervous laugh.

“Seeing you two interact, and knowing your story, makes me wonder if the true love concept really exists. Looking at the two of you makes me believe that maybe it does,” his eyes darkened with sorrow. “But I think it’s only for a select few.”

“I believe that you have someone out there too,” I said, surprised that he was telling me all of this.

“I believe that too, but not now. I’m not as daring as Jaejoong. There is someone. I love her but, I’m afraid I’m too selfish. This is all that I have. And even if I love her, I love what I do more. I guess it’s just not my time. True love is only for the strong, because only the strong are able to let go of the world just for that one person. I guess I’m still a coward.”

His comment made me wonder. Jaejoong’s love for his career is what made him leave me before. Was I just a leftover he came to when his career was on hiatus? And even if he did come back, wouldn’t it be just for the kids and not for me? Even though I was accepting him with open arms, my mind didn’t let me rest. It continuously assailed me, telling me that I was making a mistake. That I was being stupid. But…

“I guess when I see the two of you together, it’s also a harsh reminder that nothing stays the same. DBSK won’t always be together. Someday we’re all going to have to choose our own path. That kind of makes me angry but it also makes me remember that there’s more to life than just a career,” he paused for a while. “I don’t know you that well, or what you’re intentions are. I’m not sure whether to trust you yet, and I think all the guys feel the same. But we just want Jaejoong to be happy. And I guess, when he’s with you, no matter how many problems the two of you have, you make him happy. So please, continue to make him happy.”

Yunho’s words made me snap my head to him in shock. He continuously stared outside. I knew then that this was more than just DBSK vying for their careers. This was about them letting go of a family member. Maybe they felt that he wouldn’t be the same Jaejoong if he was with me.

And as far as Yunho went, that was the moment that I truly understood the bond between the two men. They were really like brothers and probably shared a deeper closeness that nobody else would ever understand. Yunho wanted what was best for Jaejoong, as did the rest of them.

My thoughts were rattled when a heavy arm fell over my shoulder. My view was obstructed by Jaejoong’s side profile.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” he averted his goofy smile to both Yunho and I. “Still raving about my good looks huh? Ah, you guys have to let the topic of me rest sometimes! It’s flattering but it’s exhausting being complimented all the time.”

Both Yunho and I shared a tiresome look.

“What makes you think that we were talking about your good looks Mr. Kim?” I asked Jaejoong.

“Well, my grandmother always told me that whenever someone is talking about you, your ear rings. My ear started ringing and I saw you guys talking. What else could you possibly be talking about other than my good looks?” he smirked and winked at me. “Isn’t that all I have to offer?”

Yunho and I shared another look as he peeled Jaejoong’s arm off of his shoulder. I did the same.

“And please also make him smarter,” Yunho said. Trying my damndest not to laugh, I followed through on our impromptu joking and started to walk off with Yunho, leaving Jaejoong forgotten.

“Trust me, I’ve tried. He’s a lost cause.” Both Yunho and I shared a laugh.

“Yah! You can’t walk away from greatness,” Jaejoong called out to us as we walked off. “Come back here! I’m too amazing to be walked out on! How can you turn away from such a godly face?”

No longer able to keep a straight face, I burst out laughing and so did Yunho. When he turned around I followed his actions to find Jaejoong still playfully throwing a fit about being ignored.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. You better recognize these angelic features,” he said with a smirk that made me laugh some more.

“I’ll try my best,” I suddenly blurted to Yunho what was on the back burner of my mind. Thankfully Jaejoong was still not at a good hearing distance, still rambling about how grateful earthlings should be because of his existence.

When I felt Yunho’s gaze on me, I smiled while still looking at Jaejoong as I spoke, “I’ll try my best to make him happy.”

But since my efforts hadn’t kept him last time, I didn’t make any promises.

I kept those thoughts to myself.