| Fan Fiction |
by Pseudonym
When we finally got to Dae’s house, Seung helped me bring the kids and dog in. He’d been gentleman enough to give me a winter jacket he’d left in the car to drape over Hye while Jin still had the blanket to keep him warm. Of course Seung chastised me for walking barefoot on the snowy path but I told him to please let me be because I wasn’t in the mood for his lectures. I felt a strong headache coming on and the last thing I needed was someone with a deep voice babying me.
As we stood on the porch waiting for Dae to answer the door with me coddling a drowsy Hye in my arms, I felt Seung boring holes on the side of my face.
“Is something wrong?” I asked self cautiously, surprised by how parched my voice sounded. My throat felt like a cat was raking its sharp claws along it. I was starting to feel really strange.
“You look pale.” He remarked, his eyes scouring my face with worry.
“Pale?” that was absurd. Me being a very deep tan, the word pale was foreign whenever in description of me. Now Jaejoong’s milky white skin…
“I’m not pale.” I said a bit harshly, feeling flustered all of a sudden because of who reigned my thoughts supremely. I’d caught myself off guard remembering touching Jaejoong’s skin. I started to feel that peculiar anxiety I always felt whenever I thought about him, like his ghost was constantly looming over me.
When Dae came to the door I was grateful for the awkward tension to be broken. At first she was a bit taken aback because Seung accompanied me. I should’ve told her that he was the one bringing me because I knew she had a small budding crush on him but I hadn’t wanted to make it a big deal. Eventually she got over her initial shock and accepted us with open arms, Jin the most excited of all to see her.
I explained to her what had happened. She was mortified and felt terrible for not coming for me sooner. I had told her that it was okay and all that mattered was that the kids were fine. Once we were all settled we shacked both Jin and Hye’s clothing because of the strong stench of smoke and the cold from melted snow. While Dae helped me shower them she was all laughs and giggles about Seung being at her place. I listened politely no matter how excruciating my merciless headache was.
Dae was then kind enough to give Jin and Hye t-shirts that made them look like ghosts in Halloween attire because they were so long. My heart swelled with devotion at how endearing they looked, walking around with oversized clothing. It reminded me of Jaejoong’s silly antics, wearing random clothing and doing random things. We sat them in front of the TV with cups of warm milk that I hoped would drift them into an easy sleep after the traumatic experience.
Fortunately they did end up going to sleep and Seung helped me carry them into Dae’s guest room. Just as he told them goodnight, Jin suddenly stirred in his sleep, “Seung Hyung?”
“Yes?” Seung responded, halting himself from getting up to leave the room.
“I wish you were my Appa…” Jin said drowsily, his orbs fluttering shut.
I felt Seung’s shock emanating from him in waves as I was certain he could feel mine. When I felt Seung’s eyes on me, I returned his gaze with an uncomfortably one. Just as I was about to apologize for what Jin had said, he spoke up first.
“I wish I was too. Maybe someday…” his words tapered off before a faint smile quirked the corner of his lips. Flushed, I turned away from him while nervously tucking some hair behind my ear. To my fortune, Seung didn’t take issue with my unresponsiveness, leaving me in piece with my two children. Gnawing at my lip in consternation as bitterness crawled up my throat; I brushed my son and daughter’s hair away from their angelic faces, which were bathed in the moon light. It was so unnerving how much they looked like Jaejoong—unnerving and daunting. I couldn’t believe Jin had said that. I shouldn’t have been though.
This was common from him. Jin was a very sensitive, loving boy who grew attached very easily. In more ways than one, his personality reminded me of his father. And everytime I thought of his father, or any time Jin would mention how badly he wanted one and hated being ridiculed at school because he looked different and didn’t have a father, I’d become angry. Angry, restless, and hurt, because there wasn’t a damn thing that I could do about it.
Don’t get me wrong. I did try to do something about it. I’d tried to contact Jaejoong on the night of their birth, but had no luck in that area. When he’d said he wanted nothing to do with me he had meant it. His phone number was no longer in service. The e-mail address that he gave me didn’t seem to be in use because I could see that the emails I’d sent to him weren’t read. I was on my own, and their birth had occurred during the worst months of my life. The legal woes that I faced due to my company’s misdeeds ruined my business reputation in the United States forever. Because I couldn’t find work there in my field as a part of a famous blacklist, I’d moved to Korea, Seoul per my mother’s request. At least when I had arrived there I learned that Jaejoong had been good for something—teaching me the language and pushing me to teach myself until I was fluent in it.
Even though it made things a bit easier, I still got some indifference from people the first time they met me. Even though I had Korean features due to my mother’s background, my skin was much deeper bronze than everyone else’s due to my father’s. My hair, a natural light brown had been dyed a jet black but I couldn’t do the same for my children.
They both had light brown hair, Hye’s lighter than Jin’s. Though they had inherited my father’s whisky shaded eyes, the shape and wideness of them were an impeccable replica of their father’s.
Jin basically looked like a miniature version of Jaejoong when he’d once rocked the dirty blonde hair. Since Jaejoong had effeminate features to begin with, if he put on a dirty blonde wig he’d look like Hye’s mother. It was a bit scary how much they’d inherited from him.
After giving Jin a goodnight kiss on the forehead, I moved on to my daughter only to come up short. There saw a forlorn look on her face that shouldn’t be on a four year old’s face as she slept. I couldn’t understand why, but she’d always been this way for the most part of her life. I’d spent profusions of money taking her to specialists who said that this was just her character and that there wasn’t anything wrong with her or anything that could be done about it. The only time she really smiled was when she was with her Jin and occasionally around me but in general just wasn’t a happy child. At preschool I was told she kept to herself a lot and didn’t like playing with the other kids.
I felt like I had failed somewhere along bringing her up. I wanted her to be a free spirited child but something was obviously dragging her in the dirt. Sighing loathsomely to myself, I pressed my lips against her smooth forehead before making sure they both slept serenely and finally left for the living room. All the while I worried about what to do next. Upon going through the hallway I felt like someone had just placed heavy lead in my head, making me stumble to one side of the wall to keep myself balanced. Something was really not right with me. I felt feverishly cold and hot all at once with my head pounding like someone hammered away at iron in there. Regardless, I took it with a grain of salt and went about my way to the kitchen where Dae’s phone was and called my mother to let her know what happened and that I’d be fine. When we hang up I made my way to the living room Seung and Dae were seated on separate couches in front of the TV, both deep in conversation.
“Hey there’s some snacks on the—“ Dae stopped short, her brow creasing with concern, “Are you alright?”
I managed a shaky smile as I walked on wobbly legs to seat beside Dae.
“I’m fine. My goodness,” I shivered, chaffing my hands along my arms, “it’s so cold though.”
Both Dae and Seung eyed me like I had an extra head latched onto my neck.
“Cold?” Dae scrunched her face up, “I have the heater on full blast with the fire going. Seung is here complaining about sweating. Are you sure you’re fine? Your face looks a bright red too.” When she reached up to feel my forehead I good naturedly swatted her hand away.
“I said the same thing. I think you should go lay down Mariam.” Seung suggested and I smiled weakly at both of them.
“Really guys I’m fine,” I tried to divert their attention from me, “What are you guys up to?”
“Nothing. Dae was just telling me her good news.” Seung said, aiming a smirk at Dae as he reached for the remote on the coffee table before settling himself comfortably into the couch. He then began flipping through channels as my own attention was channeled to Dae.
“I remember that,” I cleared my scratchy throat, “What is it that you wanted to tell me?”
Dae chewed on her lip hesitantly.
“Come on. I want to hear it.” I cajoled.
“Well, you know how I’ve always wanted to join LN Entertainment?”
Since her words correlated to Jaejoong in some form my heart vaulted before settling in my gut. She was the only person aside from my mother who knew the real father of my children. Of course she hadn’t believed me when I’d told her, as I wouldn’t believe myself since the men of DBSK were intangible now. It was almost like they had omnipotent power, like they were really gods of the eastern hemisphere of the world, worshipped by all of Asia and parts of Europe.
Sad to say, but it almost sickened me but ironically made me proud all in the same breath.
Eventually Dae believed me because even she couldn’t deny it when she looked at my twins. I would’ve thought that knowing I’d been intimate with Jaejoong at some point in my life was the only reason she was my friend if I hadn’t been friends with her two years before I disclosed this information to her.
Shortly after I moved to Seoul, I’d met Dae at the bank where I worked. Unlike most of the workers she’d been receptive to me from day one and was truly my only real friend ever since I’d been living here.
It was only after I had revealed that Jaejoong was the father of my kids that Dae revealed to me her hidden past and aspirations. She had tried out for LN Entertainment at a younger age—which in Seoul was common since LN Entertainment was practically a monopoly. If a person wanted to enter the entertainment business, the most logical thing to do would be to approach the most lucrative record label, which happened to be LN Entertainment. So it wasn’t uncommon to find out that she had tried out—though it did come as a shock to me since I had vowed never to get tied to anyone who’d ever been involved with that industry.
My reasons were obvious and though they were a bit unfair I’d wanted to stick to them. But by then Dae and I were such good friends I was willing to overlook that and hear her entire story.
Dae had defied her parent’s wishes of her to focus solely on her education. Like many hopefuls she hadn’t made it because they claimed her stage presence wasn’t up to par when in truth her weight was what had been the real issue. She slipped into a deep depression because of this, going on every diet known to mankind before giving up when she realized she couldn’t garner up the money to have gastric bypass done. She resorted to a ‘normal’ life consisting of university, which landed her a job as an accountant at the bank where I had met her. Whenever Dae spoke about wanting to be with that business no matter how wrong they had done her, I would see a fire burning in her eyes. This was something she really wanted. As a friend, I encouraged her to go for what she wanted but to be smarter about her choices now. Upon my advice she’d relentlessly gone to LN Entertainment until they offered her work as an intern with absolutely no pay. Despite how risky and almost foolish this was, Dae took the job.
Her ambitions worried me a bit, but I guess in the day and age we live in, being affiliated with the entertainment industry is something of an obsession.
She had felt it was too late though to actually become an artist because most music industries only want young recruiters. Which, sadly, makes sense. Regardless, Dae stressed that her undying love for music could not be expunged and opted to utilize her song-writing and producing skills. Through hard work, she had gained their interest but had to work harder in order for them to consider paying her anything for her services. She had penned for some up and coming artists, but nobody of high ranking like DBSK, or famed female artist Boa yet, who were basically the household names of LN Entertainment.
It was a tough journey and as she sat before me with wide twinkling eyes I found my heart pounding in nervous anticipation.
“Yes. I know you’ve always wanted to work there.” I said to her, smiling thinly in hopes that she wouldn’t bring Jaejoong up. Sometimes I thought telling her about us had been a big mistake because she could run off at the mouth about him for days on end.
“Well, guess what?” her cheeks were puffed up from her wide smile.
“What?”
“They finally offered me a job!”
“Huh?!”
“I work there now. They finally took that one song I showed you, Above and Beyond for a huge salary. Not only that, but O Chae-pon offered me the job of an A&R when I was there one day at an audition session and helped them pick the best candidate.”
“A&R?”
She nodded eagerly, her auburn bangs bouncing along with her movements, “Yes. We scout new talent, hot producers and the most sought after song writers to keep bringing into the company. Can you believe it? My dream has finally come true!”
For several moments I just stared at my best friend. I couldn’t remember the last time id’ seen her this happy—well, when LN Entertainment had accepted her as an intern. I guess with music inborn within her soul, this was a great feat for her. But there was a niche. I had heard her occasionally complain about how LN Entertainment treated its artists. But even she had said that those were just rumors. Despite how exhausted and ill I was feeling, I managed to mirror her excitement, holding my suspicions to myself.
“Dae that’s great!” when I swooped her up in a hug, I didn’t know how taxing that would be to my energy. The wind was nearly knocked out of me by the time I pulled back from her, leaving me wondering what was really going on with me.
“Thank you so much for always being there. You’re really t he only person who believed that I could do it.” she said once we had pulled back.
“Speaking of the devil. There’s one of your co-workers now.”
Seung’s voice snapped us out of our euphoric state, making us turn to the TV screen only to find breaking news taking place as part of a regular news session that was going on.
My heart rocketed to my throat the moment I saw a picture of Jae joong on the far right corner of the television screen.
“It seems like trouble follows LN Entertainment everywhere it goes. Just last month an investigation had ensued with claims that illegal activity was taking place in the business. Now one of its most prominent stars solely faces problems with the law. Mega-superstar Kim Jaejoong, famously known as Hero Jaejoong’s lead singer for nation-wide pop band DBSK, was caught driving under the influence today at 11:45 PM. His blood alcohol concentration was at 0.83%, a number definitely higher than the average.” the screen flickered to a candid video of Jaejoong being taken in with his head held low, his wrists shackled as a police officer roughly dragged him in by the arm. In the raucous night cameras from media, who had somehow found out about this, flashed Jaejoong in his haggard state. The video eventually flicked back to the news reporter, “Although no substantial damage was done, policemen took him in where he was charged for breaking The Road Traffic Law. He was held in custody for merely an hour before being bailed out by his manager Xiah Min. Speculators find it odd that bail was placed so quickly, but it was paid and now Jaejoong, who has recently been rumored to be dating famed label mate Boa, is free until his first court hearing, which we are not knowledgeable of its set date. Predictors say that his license will probably get evoked for a substantial number of days.
“In related news, only three weeks ago Jaejoong and his group were heartily thanked by a younger brother for helping his eldest sister, Kyung Rim, who had lost her memory, gain it back. She had suffered a grotesque head injury, with which she suffered memory loss. The family had tried everything in their power to help Rim regain her memory. When all hope was lost, her younger brother who knew she was a big fan of the group played her their music. They claim that that is when her memory rushed back to her and they expressed their deep thanks to the boys. As this story is still unfolding, we will keep you posted on the turnout of events.”
The news then carried on to another issue about kkangpae’s, but my mind still lingered over what had been shown. I barely heard Seung as my thoughts swirled.
“Look at him,” he chuckled, “This guy has everything a person could wish for and he’s ruining it all. And the fans, they worship these people like they’re gods. But now they see that they’re just regular, if not, worse human beings—“
“Mariam, are you okay?” Dae cut Seung off and asked me but I didn’t answer right away. What the hell was he doing? I tried my best not to pay attention to rumors but the latest always had something to do with Jaejoong acting up. The other situations weren’t as serious as this, if this was as serious as the media was painting it to be. Regardless, seeing him, and feeling as ailed as I’d been feeling, didn’t sit well with me. My heart was racing a hundred miles a minute. I felt as though a drill was incising my head. I knew that I was sweating because I could feel the beads of sweat trickling down my brow. I felt like I was seated in the arctic—so damn cold.
I felt flushed and I was sure I looked it too.
“I’m fine. It’s just. It’s so cold. I think I’m going to go to bed.” With that lackluster excuse I shot up to my feet only to rock slightly at the wave that crashed through my mind. I stumbled before catching myself on the adjacent wall.
“Mariam—“
“I’m fine.” I snapped, gently moving Dae’s concerned hand away from me as I garnered withering strength and headed for the hallway.
I managed to walk normally on the outside despite my insides feeling like they were being torn apart. My throat burned fierce like a furnace. My body shivered from a cold I couldn’t understand. My head screamed from the pain rampant within it. and my heart ached from what I had just seen and heard—and most of all this unshakable worry wondering whether Jaejoong was okay or not.
Before I knew it, as I walked down the short hallway, my vision blurred as the corners of my eyes saw a darkness closing in. My mind fell subject to a dizziness that made me sway unsteadily. My damnable knees gave in.
And everything went black before I hit the floor.
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thanks everyone for reading! you don't know how much i appreciate it lol. sorry these chaps are pretty slow but ti's going to pick up...